Guest Posted March 15, 2007 Share Posted March 15, 2007 My friend is engaged and has been for sometime now. I have known her for sometime and have been around her when her fiance left for iraq. in being around so much she told me things about her and her fiance that many people dont know. She told me how he left her two years ago for another girl and how he recently started to talk to that girl again. he says however that he stopped talking to her. She also told me how he called on day and talked baout having kids. he wants kids and she doesnt. well in response to her saying she really doesnt want kids. he said "well then i should start looking for someone who will." he later said he was sorry but i feel the damage was already done. Another thing she told me was that when he is around he they always go visit his friends and rarely hers. and she gets mad about this but never says anything to him. recently when he returned he started to read her text messages. particulaly the ones i send. i told her that i think thats wrong. i feel that she is making a mistake by marrying him. i just dont know how to tell her with out breaking up our friendship. i feel that she will be mad at me if they break up. but the toher part of me thinks i am not being a friend if i dont tell her how i feel. Link to post Share on other sites
CaterpillarGirl Posted March 17, 2007 Share Posted March 17, 2007 This is an unfortunate position to be in. I would say don't tell her how you feel. She will be angry at you for not being supportive and end up resenting you. A better course of action would be to encourage her to reflect on her relationship with him. Use lots of questions like: How is your relationship with <insert fiance's name> going? Have you revisited the children issue? Are you happy right now? Have you ever thought about postponing (or calling off) your wedding? In this way you'll be able to lead her to a conclusion about her relationship and marriage without offending her. Reassure her that you will support her whatever she chooses to do. If she insists everything is fine, then back off. Some people just need to learn things the hard way. Link to post Share on other sites
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