Dazed&Confuzed Posted December 1, 2002 Share Posted December 1, 2002 I dated a girl about 8 years ago! I thought she was a great girl friend but we went are seperate ways because we were in college and it was a long didtance relationship. Six years ago we happen to run into each other. All the chemistry was still there with each other and we started dating again. When it was time to go back to college we decided we probably couldn't handle the long distance thing again and regretfully split up. Well about 2 weeks ago I looked her up again and we came in contact with each other. First it started with emails, then phone calls, then we meet each other. When we meet again for the first time in 6 years ALL the chemisrty was there!! We ended up spending the whole day together and became intimate with each other! The problem that I have is that I have had a girlfriend for 4 years and she is engaged with another guy. I have never cheated on a girlfriend before but I know I would break up in a second to be with my ex. I let her know how I felt and told her I believe she is the one for me. To me everything happens for a reason and it seems that both of are lives have crossed to many times to not mean anything . I feel that she is THE ONE and have told her this. She says she wants to be with me too but is overwhelm by what happened. She says she feels really distant from her finance and has been unfurfilled in the relationship for awhile. After I put all by cards on the table she said she needed to think about the situation. Is this a good thing??? I think it is because if she knew how I felt she could have said no.? I dont know? I know she is right for me and she told me she feels the same. WHat should I do?? I dont want to pressure her into a decision. I want her to do what ever makes her the happiest but in the meantime I feel uneasy not knowing what going on. ANy suggestion of what to do? Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted December 1, 2002 Share Posted December 1, 2002 First, the fact that you want to be with someone else indicated that you should break up with the lady you're with immediately. There is no good reason to be with someone you are not passionate about spending your life with. Let her go to find someone who will be fully devoted to her. Also, this may show your new interest that you are sincere. As far as your interaction with this lady from the past, back off and give her no pressure whatsoever. Be a good friend. She knows of your interest and the ball is in her court. If she is not interested in the guy she's engaged to, I would question her sanity in staying engaged. However, a lot of people just settle for what's out there...and, I promise, being single is preferable to that strategy. If you lay off and pressure her in no way whatsoever, she will probably come around if it's really you she wants. The question is, do you want a lady who has morals that enable her to have sex with another man while she's engaged to be married. I hope this all works out for you. Let time to the work. You just relax. And be sure this is what you want. It's obvious that you're not crazy about the lady you're seeing. Life is way too short to settle for anything short of what will make you totally happy. Link to post Share on other sites
midori Posted December 1, 2002 Share Posted December 1, 2002 Tony gives good advice. Especially about breaking up with your current gf. You should do so right away, regardless of your chances with this ex. Your gf deserves better. I hope that things work out for you & your ex, and like Tony said, that's only going to be possible if you take things slowly. Very slowly. If this ex of yours is ready to jump her fiance's ship and swim on over to yours immediately, you might want to question whether it's YOU she wants to be with or if she's just looking for an excuse to wriggle out of her current relationship. Some people can't extricate themselves from one until they're sure they've got another lined up. But if you give her space, and she seems to be doing this thoughtfully and not impulsively, well why not? Seriously though, you should anticipate that the next month or so is not going to be the most pleasant for you. First there's breaking up with your gf, which is a necessity no matter how painful. And you should be honest with her, even though you don't know how things are going to turn out with your ex. Don't leave her bewildered or not aware of the fact that you're after another woman: she deserves to have the whole story so that it will be easier for her to put you behind her. Next there's the waiting that you'll have to endure while your ex decides what she's going to do. But if you're willing and able to suffer through some painful moments and uncertainty, that's probably a sign that your feelings, at least, are genuine. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dazed&Confuzed Posted December 3, 2002 Author Share Posted December 3, 2002 Sounds like good advised and have since told my current girlfriend about it and we split up. The ex however I know is confused about the whole thing. She tells me she wants to be with me but is scared. She wants to meet with me again but I am not sure if I should. I really would like her to decide what she wants to do then see me. She says she wants to get to know me again. I dont know kinda looks like Im gonna get played around with? she says she not "playing around" with me and wants to be with me but needs time....which I have no problems letting her have...? Link to post Share on other sites
midori Posted December 3, 2002 Share Posted December 3, 2002 Good for you for being honest with your girlfriend. I'm sure it wasn't easy. You're just going to have to be patient & trust your instincts on this one. If your ex is playing games, it will become clear soon enough. This is an enormous thing that would derail the plans she made for her life, you can't just expect her to make the decision immediately. Sure, that would be romantic in a way -- "we knew the minute we saw each other that we were meant to be together..." but I'd be more comfortable with someone who was taking it seriously by giving it serious thought. Accommodate her as much as you can without feeling like you're compromising yourself. Bear in mind that while encountering the ex you've always loved was the impetus for breaking up with your current gf, that's not in the end why you broke up with her. You might well come out of this with no gf at all, but breaking up with your current gf was still the right thing to do, since your feelings for her weren't enough to want to stay with her. You're hoping for a certain outcome, but it's not the only possibility, and it won't be the end of the world if it doesn't come to pass. If you keep that in mind, maybe it will be a little easier to be patient with your ex while she sorts out her feelings. But if you tell yourself "I've given up everything for her, why is she taking so long?" you'll make this much harder on yourself, and on her. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts