dealing with illness

[Guest]

Hi, I'm new to LS so I hope this is the right forum -

 

I have been with my partner for 20 years, we are both 45+. Just before Christmas 2006 he became ill. The doctors thought it would pass and sent him away with a few antibiotics and some painkillers.

 

Anyway it has not passed and he has had stronger and stronger pain killers, CT scan, consultant appointments but no-one can work out what's wrong with him, and he's not getting any better. He has been away from work for over three months now and it's really getting him down.

 

I am doing my best to look after him, but I am finding it increasingly difficult to talk to him without upsetting him. Typical conversations go along the lines of:

 

HIM - I feel bad today

 

ME - I'm sorry, is there anything I can get you?

 

HIM - No

 

ME - (trying to be sympathetic) I wish the doctors would find out what's wrong so they can sort you out. It's been far too long now.

 

HIM - (ANGRY) Don't you think I know that. Do you think I WANT to be like this ? Don't you think I want them to sort it out.

 

Silence

 

You get the gist.......

 

There is also the problem that neither of us has a will. If I bring that up he assumes it is because I think he is going to die, so you can imagine how that turns out.

 

He hates being fussed over, but I can't just ignore the fact he's ill, also I have to go to work every day, do the shopping, etc and when I do that he feels neglected.

 

Any advice on how to deal with this situation please ? I don't want to make him feel worse than he already does but I never seem to get it right.

 

Thanks

[whichwayisup]

Get your family and his family involved in helping out. This way he's not alone all the time....Being alone gives him too much time to think - And right now thinking is bad...

 

Keep going with the Dr's and more tests! Hopefully soon they'll figure out what is going on with him.

 

Another thing, Be positive around him...He needs that strength, and lots of humour too.

 

And you take care of yourself too. Vent away your fears/concerns here anytime.

[stillafool]

What are his symptons?

[Guest]

What are his symptons?

 

Hi

 

Sorry couldn't work out how to reply - hence the delay.

 

He has really bad headaches - not migranes - but a headaches that is always there at some level or another. He has had it since mid December. Some days he can cope OK (even manage a few hours answering his work emails, but on others he sleeps constantly) The headache can't be controlled by pain killers and the docs don't know what it is. He is booked in for a MRI scan in 8 weeks.

 

 

Whichwayisup - Thanks for you reply. Unfortunately my mum lives miles away and he has told his mum and dad that he doesn't want them fussing around him. So they don't visit. ( I take him to their house for a few hours each weekend). I'll just have to grit my teeth and get on with it.