What's up with this man???

[Eva]

I could write a novel about this, but I'll try to shorten it. I am just curious what others think about this bozo that I wasted 2 years on.

 

I have been in an on/off relationship for 2 years that I am trying to end now and cannot seem to get my point across. I am 24 years old and Jim is 36. He is the single father of a 4 year old son. I still cannot get a straight answer as to what happen to this child's mother. I have gotten 2 stories from Jim's friends. One is that the woman was already pregnant with this child(Jim supposedly is not the biological father) when she married Jim. She did not want to be tied down with a child so she just left the child with him. The other story I was told was that Jim was so mean to her that she left. Anyway, she hasn't had any contact with this child. No letters, phone calls, visits, nothing. I am not allowed to discipline or teach this child any manners and he is very bratty and horrible.

 

Jim is a binge drinker. He starts on Friday nights and it continues up until Monday morning. He has people running in and out of his house all weekend. They fight, tear the house apart, the neighbors get tired of it and call the police on the average of 10 times a night. Since Jim is a binge drinker, he cannot hold a job. He cannot get up on Mondays. The town he lives in is very small and he has quite a reputation and no company will hire him. So he lives on welfare that he collects for this child. He is a strong, healthy man.

 

When Jim drinks, he gets it in his mind that I am his ex-wife and has tried to attack me on numerous occassions. I've had to sleep under the bed, in closets and a locked car to keep him from attacking me.

 

I am 5'5" and weigh about 120lbs and he calls me fat and teases me and constantly harasses me about losing weight. He and his 20 year old nephew ride around town all day and check out the teen-age girls. Something is wrong here! This is a 36 year old man lusting after 16 and 17 year old girls!! Everytime we go somewhere together he is always staring and making comments about woman and how much they "want" him. This man gets erections by staring at women's legs when they wear shorts and skirts.

 

This man has been rude, inconsiderate, hostile and just a plain loser. One day out of the blue he told me that he wanted me to get out because he needed his space and freedom. So I left and went home. I get a letter from him 3 months later saying that he loves me and wants me to come back. So I gave him a chance.

 

Things did not get any better. We were together for 4 months and he wanted me to leave again. I went back home again got a wonderful job, a new car and I am really enjoying life. I did not hear from Jim for 6 months. Guess what?? I got a letter from him a couple of days ago and he wants me back, he loves me, he bought me a ring (with what??) blah,blah,blah.

 

This man makes me sick. It just makes me sick to think that I wasted all this time on a loser!!! I am finished with him and I need advice. Would it be better to call him or write him a Dear John letter??? I don't understand why this man wants me back when he treats me so bad. I even hear from one of his relatives that he really did not want me in the first place. That he was hoping that I would meet another man at one of his all-night parties and move in with him. So why does he want me???

 

I need advice on how to tell him to get lost. I am not really good with words sometimes. But I want him to know that I mean what I say and that I am finished and he is no good trash.

[midori]

I don't mean to belittle your post, if it's genuine, but it sounds like Jerry Springer material. Two recommendations:

 

1. don't write or call. Who cares? He doesn't, clearly. And hopefully by now neither do you. Don't think for a minute that a "Dear John" farewell will snap this man out of the rut he's in. It won't be an impetus for change for him. He's going to have to hit rock bottom and then MAYBE he'll try to clean himself up. Losing you won't be rock bottom for him, he sounds like he's determined to burn right through to the bedrock before his hole is deep enough.

 

2. Call the child welfare authorities. This sounds like an incredibly unsuitable home for a small child. And if this guy isn't even the kid's real father then there's no way he should have custody. You want to know why the kid is horrible and bratty? He's living in a chaotic hell, surrounded by people who probably don't really care for him beyond the welfare money he brings in.

 

3. sorry, there's one more recommendation: figure out why ON EARTH you stayed in such a relationship for even a day. You may very well need to talk to an experienced counselor to figure this out.

[Amneris]

Call the police or social programs (I don't know what they are called) and report this man so his child goes to a better home

[HokeyReligions]

Don't do anything. You do not need to respond to him in any way. Eventually he will get tired of harassing you. If you get another letter from him, throw it out - unopened. Don't give him ANY indication of interest or disinterest. Any contact made by you can be seen by him as you still being interested.

 

I'm sorry for the child, but you have to ask yourself if he is dangerous and may come after you if the child is removed. You can report him anonymously but be careful that you don't reveal something in the complain that only you know about. He can pinpoint you that way. It doesn't matter if he's a drinker - if there is no sign of abuse or neglect the child won't be taken away. Most agencies don't have the manpower to help those children who are emotionally abused because they don't always consider them in life-threatening situations. We know it's bad for the kid, but it depends on the law in your area and just how affected the child is by the drinking.

 

I know it sounds cruel and I have myself gone outside the law to rescue someone, but you have to look at the big picture.

 

Good luck - it's hard to let go - especially when there is a child involved.

[Debster]

Don't bother writing, or calling.

Take that letter, rip it into tiny shreds and throw it out.

 

As for calling social services, I'd do it, but make sure that it doesn't drag you into it. If you could make an annonymous call, that's better.