we don't know how to fight the "right way"

[Guest]

So I was at my BF's house tonight, and we were sitting down talking with his parents (we are both in our early 20's). His dad started joking about (well even a little serious) saying to me "honey, why are you still with him? I thought youd be gone by now. you will see once you guys have an argument how bullheaded he is and what an ******* he can be" he's said this a few times in ajokingly manner. Weird, I know....

(we have been together for a few months)

 

And However, this sparked my brain-- I HAVE noticed that when we fight (which has only been a few times so far), yes usually it is over little issues but they are issues to me and my feelings got hurt. So, so far it is things that he has done to upset me. I will bring the issue to his attention and it's weird because I feel like-- he always makes the problem into my fault, like it is my fault for being upset about it because it is "nothing". Well, I am a pretty easy goin girl and do not get easily upset! So it must be something. So I have noticed, yes he can be an *******. WHen fighting, Sometimes I will sit there and cry and he in a way scolds me for it, or will get up and walk away and ignore it. I tried explaining to him in the beginning that when he walks away or yells it only upsets me more and I cry harder. This really bothered me in the beginning, because I was so used to my ex who would comfort me and HATED to see me cry. That's what I need, and I tried telling him that but he doesn't listen. I just get frusterated because I feel like he's immature and wonder if he will always be like this. He never tries to see it froim my point of view, which I think is very selfish. I have no problem admitting when I am wrong or if I were to hurt his feelings I would apologize right away-- I dont care how stupid the issue was, Id feel bad for simply hurting his feelingsand give him the apology!!!! ya know??

 

It is weird though because-- typically the day after a fight he will apologize profusely and say "I hate to see you cry blah blah blah" <-- Is this true? If he hated seing me cry so much why would he be so cold towards me when I do? But sometimes it seems like he is really trying and wants to please me...just not during the fights. I don't know if its because he has to thinks about what we fought about and realizes he was wrong? It just angers me that we do not know how to fight in the heat of the moment!! And that we cannot talk about it rationally until the next day... and 99% of the time when we talk about it rationally he is still bullheaded anyways and I tend to apologize for things that I should not have to.

 

My question is now-- other than this (possibly major) issue of not knowing how to fight, he is perfect for me. Handsome and funny and smart. I truly love him. For the first time in my life I see a future with a man... this man. But I'm wondering if I should take this lack of communication/arguing skills as a red flag? They say the couples that stay together are the ones who know how to fight the right way (ive taken many human relations classes!) and how to find humor in it. Is he just immature right now? Will he always be like this?

 

Should I bring this up to him sometime AFTER our next fight, during it? Or even now...? Or not at all and just wait it out? I do not want to start a fight for no reason but his dad really got me thinking and made me realize the truth about him...and now im worried?

 

THANKS IN ADVANCE!!!!!!!!!

 

ps sorry if parts of this made no sense it's late and I didn't bother to proofread! I think you catch my drift though =)