This_Too_Shall_Pass Posted March 16, 2007 Share Posted March 16, 2007 I was thinking whether to post this since the last hour, and I finally gave in. I'm feeling alone. Sort of. Yes, it's that same feeling of knowing that I'm growing older each day, and my life seems to be going at a snail's pace. More like a snail going around in a big circle. I'm not that young. Some people might think it wouldn't be difficult for me to have a relationship. But it is. The problem is that I can't start a relationship. I know that I want specific qualities in a guy. My life has been very different from the average girl's life. I'm not looking to dump all my past and present issues on the guy, but I am looking for a certain degree of maturity in him, a sense of responsibility, and solicitousness. Otherwise, I wouldn't be able to share what I think and feel with him. I don't think I'm asking for too much. If his core basics are fine, I'm pretty much easy to live with. But I cannot find anyone like that. All the men who I find remotely interesting, are married. And I definitely do NOT believe in playing by the numbers and putting myself "out there", to meet more people. I don't care if that is a self-defeating attitude - it's just not me. On the other hand, I know that I can't sit here and wait for someone to fall out of the sky and into my lap. So what do I do? Why can't I find a guy with the qualities I'm looking for? I believe a lot of factors including a person's upbringing, family and social influences, even nationality perhaps, are important for good synchronization of a couple's beliefs and outlook on life, the conversations that they share, the happiness they derive from each other's company. So, there's this known unknown in my life, and it's making me feel a bit worried, and sort of alone. Actually, I might as well have written this in an email to myself. But what the heck, here it is on a public forum on the internet. Link to post Share on other sites
tragicglands Posted March 16, 2007 Share Posted March 16, 2007 My life has been very different from the average girl's life. Look - anal sex isn't all it's cracked up to be. I don't think you should worry so much about not having sampled its unique pleasures. I'm not looking to dump Honestly, you seem a little obsessed. Just relax. All the men who I find remotely interesting, are married. You could bide your time, and wait for a divorce, I guess. But that's just negative thinking. Actually, I might as well have written this in an email to myself. But what the heck, here it is on a public forum on the internet. You will be looking back on this post and laughing your tits off. The perfect guy for you is, right now, thinking exactly the same thing that you are. Well, except that he probably isn't quite as obsessed about butts. Butt who's to know, really. I think you should concentrate on why you are comparing your life to a snail. Is life really meaningless without a lover? Hmmm. I have to think about that one. How tragic. Link to post Share on other sites
kimberlyk Posted March 16, 2007 Share Posted March 16, 2007 You are not alone! Link to post Share on other sites
tragicglands Posted March 16, 2007 Share Posted March 16, 2007 Wow. Anal sex is more popular than I thought. Link to post Share on other sites
Poboy Posted March 16, 2007 Share Posted March 16, 2007 dont put too much pressure on finding the one ideal man . there are many people in your position . lower your bar of expecations if you are not finding anyone suitable for a long time ... soemthing is wrong with your approach and thinking rather than people around you. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted March 16, 2007 Share Posted March 16, 2007 How about just taking it one step at a time? If you're attracted to him and he seems nice, go out with him. Then go from there and evaluate as you get to know him. If there are sparks between you, you'll be more flexible in your thinking (and definitely more impulsive). Ain't love grand? Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted March 16, 2007 Share Posted March 16, 2007 Wow. Anal sex is more popular than I thought. :lmao: why yes it is my friend. Link to post Share on other sites
Storyrider Posted March 16, 2007 Share Posted March 16, 2007 I agree with Westernxer. Enjoy the process of looking for someone. You can keep your high standards for "the one" while being more open minded window shopping and trying on. You are using your critical, editorial mind too early in the game. Use your imaginative mind for this part. And your gut. And your libido. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted March 16, 2007 Share Posted March 16, 2007 Don't get frustrated by it. Like some of the others have said, try to not think about it or worry about it so much. It will happen when you aren't trying or even thinking about it. You will meet the guy for you sooner then later. Unfortunately, sometimes it may be later for some, but try to not get discouraged by it. Just go about your life how you normally would. Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted March 16, 2007 Share Posted March 16, 2007 Why can't I find a guy with the qualities I'm looking for? Because: I definitely do NOT believe in playing by the numbers and putting myself "out there", to meet more people. If you do what you've always done you'll always get what you always got. Link to post Share on other sites
Author This_Too_Shall_Pass Posted March 17, 2007 Author Share Posted March 17, 2007 How about just taking it one step at a time? If you're attracted to him and he seems nice, go out with him. Then go from there and evaluate as you get to know him. If there are sparks between you, you'll be more flexible in your thinking (and definitely more impulsive). Ain't love grand? The thing is, I don't get attracted to a guy before knowing him first. That's why dating isn't my thing. It almost feels like I'm trying to answer whether it was the chicken that came first or the egg. Link to post Share on other sites
burning 4 revenge Posted March 17, 2007 Share Posted March 17, 2007 You are using your critical, editorial mind too early in the game. Use your imaginative mind for this part. And your gut. And your libido.I sometimes wonder if you wish you were single. Link to post Share on other sites
Author This_Too_Shall_Pass Posted March 17, 2007 Author Share Posted March 17, 2007 Look - anal sex isn't all it's cracked up to be. I don't think you should worry so much about not having sampled its unique pleasures. That's quite an impressive anal-ysis, Your Irrelevancy!! You will be looking back on this post and laughing your tits off. The perfect guy for you is, right now, thinking exactly the same thing that you are. Well, except that he probably isn't quite as obsessed about butts. Butt who's to know, really. Well, hindsight (pun intended) is always 20/20, isn't it. I think you should concentrate on why you are comparing your life to a snail. Is life really meaningless without a lover? No, of course not. In fact, I could say I'm much happier right now than when I was in a relationship. I guess I'm just getting impatient about life in general. But this too shall pass. Link to post Share on other sites
Author This_Too_Shall_Pass Posted March 17, 2007 Author Share Posted March 17, 2007 I agree with Westernxer. Enjoy the process of looking for someone. You can keep your high standards for "the one" while being more open minded window shopping and trying on. You are using your critical, editorial mind too early in the game. Use your imaginative mind for this part. And your gut. And your libido. LOL. That's the first time someone called me "editorial". Perhaps I am. Imaginative...well...I got pretty imaginative once, now I'm looking to be more...uh...editorial. Ha ha. Link to post Share on other sites
Author This_Too_Shall_Pass Posted March 17, 2007 Author Share Posted March 17, 2007 Because: If you do what you've always done you'll always get what you always got. That's so terrifyingly accurate, you're annoying me. Jeeez. Even I couldn't have been as succinct at my most critical best. There is no answer to my dilemma, I know that. I'm the cause-and-effect personified. I'm not looking for a better way to get a date....I wish I can make that more clear here. I'm looking for something that I know I'll like. And I can't find it. Or maybe it's there, but I can't see it. Oh well, I'm not dead yet, so I guess there's always another chance. Link to post Share on other sites
Author This_Too_Shall_Pass Posted March 17, 2007 Author Share Posted March 17, 2007 Don't get frustrated by it. Like some of the others have said, try to not think about it or worry about it so much. It will happen when you aren't trying or even thinking about it. You will meet the guy for you sooner then later. Unfortunately, sometimes it may be later for some, but try to not get discouraged by it. Just go about your life how you normally would.[/QUOTE] That was a simple, sweet answer, Rid That's what I'm going to do, because that's what works. Link to post Share on other sites
Storyrider Posted March 17, 2007 Share Posted March 17, 2007 I sometimes wonder if you wish you were single. Me too... It says that message is too short. So let me just add, I'm a nutcase. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted March 17, 2007 Share Posted March 17, 2007 That was a simple, sweet answer, Rid That's what I'm going to do, because that's what works. Your welcome. Life is too short to worry about things like that all the time. Enjoy yourself and it will hit you when you aren't even thinking about it. I look forward to the day when you post on here about when it happens. Link to post Share on other sites
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