How do you remember you closest relatives who've passed on?

[alphamale]

How do you remember or commemorate the people in your life who passed on? Fathers, mothers, siblings, friends, coworkers.....anyone who touched you in a major way? Do you keep stuff that was their's? Do you visit their grave? Do you think of them at certain times?

[Citizen Erased]

The only person close to me who has died is my brother. I have one of his toys and when I visit his grave I like to put it next to his grave stone whilst I spend my time there. It's the only thing I have to remember him by so I take it everywhere, but I can only look at it when I go to his grave.

[2sunny]

I think of them often and in a very fond way.

 

I miss my wonderful Dad so much and it's been eleven years - yes - visit his grave often.

 

The tough one was when my brother lost his newborn baby last year... so unexpected and SO SAD! We were all looking forward to a new addition to our very big family... it was almost harder than losing someone older - because it seems like a new life is just stolen away without warning.

[Woggle]

I lost my best friend and I keep a few pictures of him in my basement because I know he would be happy for me and if he was here we would be enjoying life together. I also have a few things that his mother gave to me that I will always treasure. I wish he was still here.

[alphamale]

I miss my mom a lot. On my fridge I have a receipt from KMart dated Aug 9, 1976 that she filled out for photo processing. It has her name and our address and phone # filled out. Every time I look at it I think of her. Its weird to think that 30 yrs later that receipt still exists but she doesn't...

[Art_Critic]

Both my Father and My Step Mother touched me..

 

I drive by their grave site twice each day on my way to and from work but only stop in on occasion..

 

I didn't have a great relationship with my Dad but I know he loved me and I loved him and I'm grateful for all he has given me thru either his genes or his raising me as well as the company I have built and own.

 

My Step Mom was an Angel and loved me like her own.. I miss her every day..

 

My Dad passed away about 20 years ago and My Step Mom just over 4 years ago.

 

I don't go visit my Dad but because he is in the same grave plot as my Step Mom when I go see her I make sure to tell him that I'm not there to see him and I'm there to talk to her..

[Storyrider]

I was very close to my grandfather who died when I was 14. I'm lucky enough to have lots of photos of him, especially with me when I was little. He gave me so much unconditional love and happiness, and I owe much of my feelings of self worth and confidence to him. I could never forget that.

[Art_Critic]

I miss my mom a lot. On my fridge I have a receipt from KMart dated Aug 9, 1976 that she filled out for photo processing. It has her name and our address and phone # filled out. Every time I look at it I think of her. Its weird to think that 30 yrs later that receipt still exists but she doesn't...

 

 

That is way cool...

 

My company started as his so he is all over my workplace.. We built this building together as well.. So I see his writing still on things and even have his paintings hanging on the walls here through out the whole building.. even in a lot of the employees offices. ( he was an artist )

 

My brother and I kept the name of the company the same when he died as a memorial to him..

The name of the incorporated company is his full legal name but we use a DBA which is a shortened version so our customers have it easier.

[blind_otter]

I have an ancestors altar on my mantel in my living room. I have a picture of my Dad up from when he was young in the Navy, and I try to put fresh flowers by the picture every once in a while. Or at least one flower. I haven't put fresh flowers by his picture recently, I'm glad I saw this thread as a reminder.

 

I can't visit his gravesite very often because it's up in KY and I life in FL.

 

My boyfriend has a picture of his grandfather up on my altar now, too. I also keep the Jizo statue that I bought up there, to remember the babies I lost.

[whichwayisup]

How do you remember or commemorate the people in your life who passed on? Fathers, mothers, siblings, friends, coworkers.....anyone who touched you in a major way? Do you keep stuff that was their's? Do you visit their grave? Do you think of them at certain times?

 

Every birthday of mine, I think of my dad - His bday was afew days after mine so we'd celebrate it together. For afew years after he died, I got upset around my bday, now I smile and remember......

 

I'm not a big cemetary person, I went afew times, now over the years I don't feel it's a big deal to go. I have a star I talk to when I'm up north at the Cottage...Sounds silly, but I like to think he's there looking down at me, the twinkle is him winking at me.

 

I also have afew things of his...His favourite robe, a blanket he used when napping on the couch when he was still at home with cancer, plus like alpha, I have little notes and cards from him - Those are put away in a drawer. I do have a picture of him in a frame in the livingroom. I miss him alot.

[jerbear]

My grandpa recently just past away; he and I just never saw eye to eye.

 

It was after his death that I understood he cared about all his grandkids. If it wasn't for him, grandma, mom and dad; I might not have a BS let alone a MS degree. I would probably be stock boy at a grocery store and flipping burgers.

 

Before he pasted away I took the poseable smiling sunflower that I gave him when he was in the hospital. So that is what I have from him and memories.

[climbergirl]

Sounds stupid, but I have a piece of bubble gum my grandfather gave me and a container of coffee candy & tang. The last two I was going to sneak to him the day he died.

 

I have lots of stuff that remind me of him, but the above are the epitome to me, of him. Kid at heart.

 

 

My grandparents don't have a grave or urn. They wanted their ashes combined at the base of a newly planted tree.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

All over my house are things that belonged to my family. My mother I miss most of all even though it has been seven years. I wear her anniversary band as a rememberance and I have a cashmere coat that she received on her sixteenth birthday and always cherrished. Several of my ansestors were artist and their art covers the walls of our home, the kids know that if there is ever a fire grab a painting and get out!

 

I also have my mother's dining room set as it was the first room that she and my father furnished when they were married. It's hiddeous! I'm thinking about letting go of the memories associated with it and getting a new one! My sister's don't want it either!!

 

My family usually call each other on the birthdates of deceased loved ones. On the first anniversary of my mom's death a group of her friends asked me to lunch then all went to the cemetary, drank wine (which my mother hated but they love) and had a little ceremony, it was very sweet!

[coco_milkshake]

My grandad passed away 3 weeks before my 16th birthday and that left me devastated. I have kept a dictionary that belonged to him which has both the Punjabi and English translations which is cool. I looked at his medals which he got during World War Two and I spent a few minutes alone with them and that reduced me to tears. It was 3 days ago that marked the 6th anniversary of his death. Miss him loads.

[quankanne]

I've got some stuff that belongs to my mom – books, crocheted things, photos, cards and letters – as well as a couple of favorite photos that no one else has of her. I also have the marriage certificate given to my folks by the priest that married them, matted and framed on my bedroom wall, along with a print of Our Lady of the Streets that I've always associated with her. And for when things really, really, really get bad, I have a tape with a phone message recorded by her from my old answering machine.

 

I don't have anything from my brother who passed away, but I try to keep in semi-regular contact with his two boys, grown up and living in different states from me.

 

at some point, I will need to set up an altarcito with photos and mementos of my deceased loved ones, that's a big Mexican tradition that is very comforting.

[alphamale]

wow excellent and sentiment stuff people....keep it coming

[Jinxx]

There is not a day that goes by I miss my mom. It has been almost seven years. I keep a box full of post cards with her writing and a jacket she used to wear in my closet. It still has the smell of her perfume. I now collect turtles -- something she was fond of. She had "magic" turtles for all of her grandchildren. Silly, I know but it keeps me close to her. I see turtles and I think of my mom.

[polywog]

Wow, this is a great thread, and I'm so very moved by the posts....great idea, alpha, and the reciept that you kept from your mother brought tears to my eyes.

 

My dad died in a car crash when I was 5. Even tho I was just a little kid, it was as if the color went out of my life, and I remember the last time I saw him kissing my mom goodbye and saying he'd see her later as I stood by. I also remember the police coming to the door to tell my mom that he'd been in an accident. And all the aftermath. (he lived for two weeks after this, but that's another story).

 

Anyhow, I don't have any things of his right now, but as a child for years I'd pull out from the attic a box with his pipes. He was a prof., and he used to smoke his pipe in his study and the smell if the pipes just took me back to him. Over the years, of course, the smell faded, but still. I actually remember the smell of his hair, all these years later.

 

Also I had a best friend who died of AIDS. I was with him throughout the dying process and at the moment of his death. I cut off a lock of his hair and have kept it in a ziplock bag tucked in a bible we had around during his death (ironic, as we had all abandonned conventional religion). I also have some of his ashes and there are some big chunks in there that his boyfriend who is a doctor told me are probably teeth. He had beautiful teeth, and I put them in a tiny clamshell I found on the beach where we live, where he lived and died. I open the shell and hold these ash/teeth from time to time.

[riobikini]

re:

 

Alphamale: " How do you remember you closest relatives who've passed on?

 

How do you remember or commemorate the people in your life who passed on? Fathers, mothers, siblings, friends, coworkers.....anyone who touched you in a major way? Do you keep stuff that was their's? Do you visit their grave? Do you think of them at certain times?"

 

 

Alpha, there are so many who've passed on who were either family, or very close to me in some way that made them feel like "family".

 

And now that you've mentioned it the sheer number is surprising.

 

Of those who touched my life the most -and the deepest- there was my younger sister, my dad, my grandmother (MJ), & my grandmother, Mattie, my second hubby, -and the list goes on.

 

There have been so many.

 

I keep pictures, objects, small items of clothing, things written in their handwriting, and a couple of home movies made a long time ago.

 

There is this birthday card my sister gave me that has the whole inside written in her handwriting telling me how much she appreciated me over the years -and that she loves me more than I'll ever know.

 

But now, I do know -in a very real sense- that same sentiment because I think of her in the same terms of appreciation and love years after her passing, still.

 

I have this old tattered billfold-size black and white photo of my dad when he was about 17 that just makes me grin; he was so arrogant looking -and so handsome, and I'm sure, judging from the look on his face, thought he had the world by the tail.

 

(Smile)

 

I have quilts, crochet items and a handmade apron from MJ, whom I still picture -just as she was often found- sitting in her chair sewing or crocheting something in her lap while supper cooked on the stove.

 

I remember my father's mother, Mattie, in a different way; I treasure the stories she told me while growing up. It was very important to her that all her grandchildren knew their Cherokee heritage and as much about her side of the family as possible.

 

And she spent her life teaching, and telling those stories over and over again, to make certain, at least, *one* of us wouldn't forget.

 

(Smile)

 

I didn't forget.

 

Alpha, I think that -aside from the material things left behind by those who have passed- the most important things they leave behind are the indelible markings they have written into the hearts of those left to mourn them -and remember them- and carry on past their physical contact with us.

 

As strange as it may sound to those who might read what I am about to say in regards to human beings -I truly believe that it is *impossible* for any energy created to become non-existant, simply due to the death of a few cells.

 

In my own personal opinion -cell tissue does not constitue the total *being* of a person -but, instead, only the "housing" for the being to abide for a limited time.

 

If I did not have this belief -I do not think I could bear the idea of anyone's passing whom I truly loved.

 

Where that energy (call it whatever you will: soul, spirit, etc.) actually goes is a mystery that -in it's most obvious purpose- spurs us to levels and dimensions of personal and spiritual growth, and sets in motion the pursuit of physical well-being, and, of course, the pursuit of our own individual ideal of human happiness.

 

It's like we're confined to a cellular world, and a crude and wonderful environment to learn, and hone, and get a vague glimpse now and then, of what we are intended to become when we're released to the universe.

 

And perhaps it's much larger than we know.

 

(Smile)

 

All this, probably, wasn't what you expected to hear when you began your post.

 

And then -again- maybe it was exactly what you hoped you'd hear: a sort of validation or community in belief that no one -nothing -just dies and becomes nothing.

 

Because -I believe- we were always meant to be *something* more.

 

BTW -thanks for posting this topic.

 

Take care.

 

-Rio

[polywog]

Robo, I believe as you do. When my friend died I witnessed his soul leave his body. Not with my eyes, but I witnessed it. The three of us with him, and his beloved cat, all experienced this. I know his cat did because at the moment he left, she let out the funny kind of sound that cats make when they see a bird they can't get, and she looked in the same direction, out over the trees, to the east out the window that we humans did. It was profound and healed me from my father's death that I never got to witness as a kid.

[Trialbyfire]

I have a tiny change purse from my grandmother. Although I don't use it daily, I pull it out once in awhile. Her perfume still lingers on it. I miss her so much.

[riobikini]

re:

 

TBYF: " Her perfume still lingers on it. I miss her so much."

 

 

The chemical smells have phenomenal ability to pull up a memory.

 

It can be overwhelming, TBF.

 

-Rio

[alphamale]

The chemical smells have phenomenal ability to pull up a memory. It can be overwhelming, TBF.

 

-Rio

yea in my dad's bdrm my ma's vanity is still the same as when she died almost 10 yrs ago. All her perfumes and other cosmetics and hairbrushes. Sometime I smell her perfume, one in specific....and it remind me of her.

[konfuzd]

My aunt just passed away today. I have an appointment to get a tattoo at the end of the month (planned before now), but I'm going to work a pink ribbon into the design to symbolise her strength through her battle with breast cancer, so I'll always have it on my body as a reminder.

[Trialbyfire]

re:

 

 

 

 

The chemical smells have phenomenal ability to pull up a memory.

 

It can be overwhelming, TBF.

 

-Rio

Yes it can be. I have a little cry every time I pull it out. She was a wonderful person, very loving, giving and gentle. I wouldn't trade those memories for the world.