Guest Posted March 16, 2007 Share Posted March 16, 2007 I met this guy online and we simply hit it off. I've met him a couple of times and there was great chemistry, at least he didn't seem to complain when we made out. But the thing is, he said he just wants to be friends, and recently he's been real distant, not replying to my emails, or even calling me. I want to call him so badly just to find out what happened, because I can't seem to stop blaming or criticizing myself for my faults for his behavior. But I don't want to seem desperate. And the worse part is, I think I fell for him HARD, since I can't seem to get him out of my head. What should i DO?!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
kimberlyk Posted March 16, 2007 Share Posted March 16, 2007 ...he said he just wants to be friends... You have the answer....there is nothing you can do, let him go...try your best to just forget about him, it may not be easy but you cannot force him into something he does not want and if you can convince him to stay around and be more than friends, you may be setting yourself up for more future disappointment! Link to post Share on other sites
guin_girl Posted March 16, 2007 Share Posted March 16, 2007 Unfortunately, there are a lot of us in the same boat as you. At least he let you know that he was backing off with the friends comment. As much as it hurts, you have your answer. Many of us don't even get that, they just completely disappear without anything. The only way to get him out of your head is to fill it with busy activities. Go out with friends, pick up a hobby, exercise, anything that helps to think of anything other than him. It's hard, I know. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 16, 2007 Share Posted March 16, 2007 I met this guy online and we simply hit it off. I've met him a couple of times and there was great chemistry, at least he didn't seem to complain when we made out. But the thing is, he said he just wants to be friends, and recently he's been real distant, not replying to my emails, or even calling me. I want to call him so badly just to find out what happened, because I can't seem to stop blaming or criticizing myself for my faults for his behavior. But I don't want to seem desperate. And the worse part is, I think I fell for him HARD, since I can't seem to get him out of my head. What should i DO?!!!! Do nothing. And, why are you blaming yourself for his behaviour? Don't do this to yourself! You're stronger than that...NEVER let ANYONE make you feel that way. Who knows what is going on in his life. You said you met him online, then met him face to face? Maybe he has a girlfriend, maybe he's married. Maybe he changed his mind, realized that it wasn't going to work out...Just don't blame yourself because he decided he just wants friendship. Back off abit, stop emailing him...Let him contact you and go from there. Don't ask him any questions, or ask what's wrong...His non-actions right now are enough to let you know he isn't into you the way you are into him. Sorry, to say that, but you gotta 'hear' it and let that sink in. You need to emotionally detach yourself from, so keep busy! Hang with friends, family and GO out, get out of your house. Don't wait to see if he's emailing you. Link to post Share on other sites
GoldPenny Posted March 17, 2007 Share Posted March 17, 2007 While I agree that you cannot control his feelings or actions, I would be curious as to why a guy made out with me and all and then grew distant w/ "let's just be friends", assuming he wasn't stoned or drunk at the time we made out or anything or it wasn't just to make another girl jealous. So, I'd try to find out why w/o pushing or coming on to him. Just casually and politely ask what was up between the intial sparks and the growing apart. I can't say if it is your doing or his (breath? check, pimple-free? check, kissing style? check cheating on girlfriend? maybe) that caused this distancing as I am not you or him and wasn't there to witness, but it may be you or him or both. Also, don't bombard him with e-mails and phone calls if he doesn't reply as that is pretty rude and a huge turn off in this case; I'd say spare them and leave a couple days between them and then eventually stop altogether if it doesn't work. If it's bad news whether he says he doesn't want a relationship of romance or doesn't reply well or at all; then you've got to leave it and replace the gap and empty feelings with hobbies, friends, other swoon-worthy guys. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 17, 2007 Share Posted March 17, 2007 Well thank you for all your advice, but I've tried for the last two weeks to forget about him. But the thing was he made me felt so down about myself, I've entered a period of depressive mood lately, but I've been meaning to snap myself out of this funk by doing what I love to do, like shopping, or reading. Yet everything eventually leads me back to thinking about him. (We did share some intimate times together). And lately, I haven't been sleeping very well, I've been getting insomnia, and when I do fall asleep, I wake up almost in a panic. And often I find myself tearing up. I feel like he's broken me completely. Link to post Share on other sites
Not_That_Innocent Posted March 17, 2007 Share Posted March 17, 2007 I wish you luck with this. I am going through a similar situation and understand all too well how you feel. I bought the book "Why Men Love Bitches" and one of the points the author makes is that men often respond to no contact. Some men love the fact of a woman pining after them and when that stops it confuses them. I stopped calling the guy I've been pining over and I got a call from him today where the first thing he said was "You haven't called me." So to some degree, I think it works. Do whatever you have to do to stay out of contact with him. Delete his email address and if you know it by heart try to forget it. Maybe it will work and maybe it won't, but the bottom line is you show him that you have a life of your own and don't need him. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted March 17, 2007 Share Posted March 17, 2007 Do nothing. And, why are you blaming yourself for his behaviour? Don't do this to yourself! You're stronger than that...NEVER let ANYONE make you feel that way. Who knows what is going on in his life. You said you met him online, then met him face to face? Maybe he has a girlfriend, maybe he's married. Maybe he changed his mind, realized that it wasn't going to work out...Just don't blame yourself because he decided he just wants friendship. Back off abit, stop emailing him...Let him contact you and go from there. Don't ask him any questions, or ask what's wrong...His non-actions right now are enough to let you know he isn't into you the way you are into him. Sorry, to say that, but you gotta 'hear' it and let that sink in. You need to emotionally detach yourself from, so keep busy! Hang with friends, family and GO out, get out of your house. Don't wait to see if he's emailing you. WWIU is right. It is his loss - move on to find someone who is into you. This guy isn't. Get yourself busy with other things you enjoy and get out there to meet someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
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