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I can't stop getting jealous.


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I really need some help. I am a sophomore in college and have been dating my boyfriend for over a year and a half now. We are totally faithful to each other and have a very mature approach to our relationship. My problem is is that I get very jealous easily. He has a really good friend, with whom he hangs out with a lot. I dont have too much of a problem with them hanging out, but whenever I try to call him while he is there, he doesn't pick up the phone. Also, the friends room mate is still in high school, and has quite a few high school parties every week. My boyfriend and I have gone to a couple of these parties together, and my boyfriend always complains that he does not want to be there because he does not like the crowd and can't handle it. Well, this past week, I have been living at home over spring break, as the dorms are closed. Therefore, I can not go out late and party (parents are strict). He has gone over to his friends house for a couple of parties this week. He says that he just goes over to hang out with his friend and get drunk, and he doesn't socialize with the party. But he still does not pick up the phone when I call. I've told him how I feel, and he says I should be more mature and not need to talk to him every second. It's not about that, its just the fact that he doesn't pick up, I feel shoved aside. That and I am bored out of my mind locked up here at home. I dont have a lot of freinds that I can call and hang out with on a regular basis, let alone party with, so of course I am jealous that he can go out and party when he wants. I just wish he wouldn't do it so much without me, and not complain when I do go. I just don;t know what to do. I've never felt this jealous before. HELP!

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Island Girl
He has a really good friend, with whom he hangs out with a lot. I dont have too much of a problem with them hanging out, but whenever I try to call him while he is there, he doesn't pick up the phone.

 

Did he ever answer the phone - tell you he was busy and you freaked out?

 

Because if you had a pattern of this - he is just avoiding that behavior.

 

If not, sadly this doesn't speak well to your relationship or that you do have the level of maturity in the relationship that you seem to think you do.

 

But he still does not pick up the phone when I call. I've told him how I feel, and he says I should be more mature and not need to talk to him every second.

 

Again - read the above.

 

And it sounds like you are calling and calling and calling...

 

 

It's not about that, its just the fact that he doesn't pick up, I feel shoved aside.

 

Have you told him this?

 

That and I am bored out of my mind locked up here at home. I dont have a lot of freinds that I can call and hang out with on a regular basis, let alone party with, so of course I am jealous that he can go out and party when he wants.

 

This type of jealousy shows immaturity. It is envious jealousy that he is doing something you wish you were doing.

 

There is plenty you can do to keep yourself busy that will make you feel good about yourself. Give yourself a pedicure - watch chick flicks and get weepy. Find SOMETHING to occupy yourself.

 

And don't call and call - in fact if you know he is going out to a party like this - don't call. Usually that gets more of a response because you give him a chance to miss you or want to talk to you.

 

I just wish he wouldn't do it so much without me, and not complain when I do go. I just don;t know what to do. I've never felt this jealous before. HELP!

 

It is temporary right? So just realize there will be an end to you being couped up so much.

 

But you say here - he complains when you go out? If he is complaining about the very thing that you are complaining about - yet does it anyway that IS a problem.

 

That speaks again to immaturity and double standards in the relationship which is not healthy in the least.

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Its like your either reading my mind or your my long lost sister. My boyfriend is the same way (well not the whole doesnt pick up his phone but everything else). I dont have many friends either so when my boyfriend goes out i'm stuck at home doing nothing while he's out having fun. Its not like i want him to stay home with me.

 

I've never met his friends because he says that his friends are his and he doesnt like to mix the two. However on many occasions he will hang out with his friend Alex and his gf. That makes me feel as though i'm not good enough to hang out with them. Ive mentioned it to him plenty of times and he would just get mad and say i'm overreacting.

 

Its a tough situtation to be in. For me the jealousy comes from being cheated on twice. I wish i could help ya but unfortuately i am also in need of the help.

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Swingwithyou71
If you love someone, set them free. To force yourself upon him by calling constantly will end up driving him away in the long run.

 

 

I agree 1DW, smothering never works!!!

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LittleWoman12
If you love someone, set them free. To force yourself upon him by calling constantly will end up driving him away in the long run.

 

I agree 1DW, smothering never works!!!
I second that, but I just don't know about you 1dw. Are you 1divorcedwoman? How can you give advice when your man divorced you or did you divorce him?
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Swingwithyou71
I second that, but I just don't know about you 1dw. Are you 1divorcedwoman? How can you give advice when your man divorced you or did you divorce him?

 

 

Why do you always assume our men left us?

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I keep reading you dont have friends..if they dont pick up your miserable..you dont go out..

 

WHY?

 

Thats the problem. Because your living your life revolving it around him that when hes not around you have no clue what to do so you sit ther and obsess about what hes doing!

 

Under the circumstances I think that if he has not cheated nor given you a reason to worry you shouldnt. If he says he is just hanging out then believe him. I have seen a lot of friends lose great bfs because of this insecurity.

 

Does he call you before and after the party? Or do you call him like every 5 mins and thats why he doesnt pick up?

If you were at a party would you pick up every single time he called? Knowing he ws only calling to see what you were doing? It gets annoying.

 

Just trust and find some things to do besides worrying about him. Its not healthy and IMO it will drive him away/

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BeachBlonde
I've never met his friends because he says that his friends are his and he doesnt like to mix the two. However on many occasions he will hang out with his friend Alex and his gf. That makes me feel as though i'm not good enough to hang out with them. Ive mentioned it to him plenty of times and he would just get mad and say i'm overreacting.

 

That sounds a little weird to me. :o Especially since he hangs out with his friend and his friend's gf, and still doesn't invite you. You've never met any of his friends? How long have you been together?

 

And to the OP, are there any old friends from high school you have that you can get together with? I know it's probably hard when you come home from college, because most of your friends are probably there. I can't really add any more to what the others said, but I agree that you definitely shouldn't keep calling him non-stop while he's out! I'd be very annoyed if someone did that to me and I'd think they didn't trust me.

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Island Girl
I've never met his friends because he says that his friends are his and he doesnt like to mix the two. However on many occasions he will hang out with his friend Alex and his gf. That makes me feel as though i'm not good enough to hang out with them. Ive mentioned it to him plenty of times and he would just get mad and say i'm overreacting.

 

Something is not right here.

 

 

Red flags all over the place. There IS a reason for him not taking you along - and it is NOT that "he doesn't like to mix the two..."

 

This would be enough for me to dump him.

 

Either I am a part of your life and you WANT me to be a part of your life, or you don't. And if you don't, then what am I doing being romantically involved with you?

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Trialbyfire

To the OP,

Can't you go to the parties and leave early, if this is so important to you? Also, why would anyone go to parties to hang out with people who you don't like, just to get trashed with underage drinkers? There are issues on both sides.

 

While trust is important in a relationship, blind trust isn't the brightest way to live your life.

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aww I know the feeling its sad. I started going to the parties with my boyfriend to get to know the crowd, them know me, and for me to drink some cause I didn't before. He has his party crowd and other friends, so yea, Its good to know all. If he doesnt talk about you to certain friends or show u to them, its possible he has another relationship on the side...but I wouldn't jump to that conclusion.

 

I don't know your situation fully and I wouldnt want you worrying anymore if u dont have to. Yea when they dont pick up it is annoying, my boyfriend does that too...jealousy is really common for girls...just a part of us, it suckssss...can't seem to get rid of it myself, just find ways to find comfort, get to know his friends better, what they do when they hang out, see if he acts the same, if he talks about you...confidence will help with the jealousy going away -Darla

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