does my boss desire me?

[Guest]

Some time last year I got a job in a Fortune 500 company. The boss who hired me was really nice and in his late forties married with children. He behaves very nicely to me. He stares at me all the time. I am decent looking girl in my early thirties and married and have one child. When we are in a meeting he stared at my chest and then he stared at my eye. He did this on purpose.

 

He never responds to my emails, instead he will call me to his discuss the email.

 

He asked me if I was coming to X-mas party with my husband , my husband was not in town, therefore I said I was going to the children’s party instead.

He said he was sick and he was not coming to the X- mas party. He did not look sick at all. He said he was bringing his kids to the children party.

 

I met him at the chidren’s party , I did not see his wife.

 

My husband did not go either. Nothing happened- we talked about work.

 

 

My manager whom I report to directly who is under my boss, has been noticing these lately. She asked me if everthing was allright in my family. She also let me know that my boss was on vacation with his family.

 

She seems to think that I am interested- but the fact is my boss flirts with me and I tend to flirt with him in response.

 

My boss behaves differently when she is around us. He will mention his wife and kids.

 

When the two of us are together he never mentions his wife.

 

When we all were in a meeting , he mentioned that his wife and him used to go home together when they worked together few years ago. My boss knows that my husband picks me up everyday.

 

What do you guys think of situation- is my boss interested in me?

[westernxer]

What do you guys think of situation- is my boss interested in me?

 

Obviously.

 

Are you interested in him?

[LucreziaBorgia]

Is there a policy against fraternization in your company? It should be of great concern to you that your manager had to come to you about this. If your manager has noticed, its likely other people have too. It is not unheard of for employees to file complaints about workplace affairs, and to top it off - start calling in anonymous 'tips' to the potential betrayed spouses. It sounds to me like things are starting to close in both personally and professionally. If I were you, I'd do everything in my power to prevent any further non-professional interaction with your boss before you end up losing your job.

[RecordProducer]

Yes, it's very obvious that he is interested in you and mostly from the fact that he stared at your rack without any shame. While this is quite disturbing (though flattering ) and annoying, if you want to retain your job, your best strategy is to pretend that nothing is weird. He is waiting for signs from you, because he can't just approach you like some other guy can: he is your boss and you're both married.

 

When he sees that he didn't get a green light from you, he will withdraw. How that will affect your job position, I really don't know. But I know that if you flirt back, he will eventually make a move and you will either have to reject him (and punch his ego) or sleep with him.

 

My advice: try to be friendly (not shy) around him, but pretend that you totally don't see him as a man, only as a boss. Don't forget that if you decide to sleep with him, you're putting your marriage at stake.

[Trialbyfire]

Also, he may be accustomed to extra-marital affairs. Remove temptation by distancing yourself by not responding in a light flirtatious manner. I'm going to take a guess that when he flirts, he probably uses double-entendres. Take the face value response, instead of the underlying one and fairly soon you will notice these will stop. Keep in mind that if your comebacks are too harsh and he feels rejected versus feeling no interest, life could become difficult for you. Try to be gentle about it and hopefully, he's capable of taking the hint. If not, find another job because reporting someone else rarely turns out for the good.

[Guest]

My boss makes my day, but I do love my child. I do not want to hurt my husband too. At the same time I do not want to hurt my boss too. He seems like a nice human being . Talks about his children, lets me leave early and work from home when it snows.

 

I do not know if I love him, but I do think about him a lot. He is attractive and sweet. I do not want to wreck his home and ruin his family life, but if he wants to sleep with me , I have no problem with that. I do not want anybody in the workplace to know. I know I sound absurd, but I am just being honest.

[Trialbyfire]

I'm going to suggest that you read the OW/OM forum if you want to understand clearly what you're getting yourself in to. Your situation is even more complex because you're bringing it into your workplace.

 

I'm not certain you are being fully honest with yourself and the ramifications associated to your potential action. Get a grip on reality and if you're still willing to hook up with your boss, then you go ahead and tear both your families apart for a moment of selfish pleasure.

[LucreziaBorgia]

1 if he wants to sleep with me , I have no problem with that.

 

2. I do not want anybody in the workplace to know. I know I sound absurd, but I am just being honest.

 

1. I'm not entirely sure why you don't feel insulted by this. He is letting you know that he sees you as the type of woman who will

 

a. cheat on her husband

b. sleep with another woman's husband behind her back

 

In other words, cheap, disposable and dishonest and sneaky enough to assure that MM gets what he wants and gets away with it. If you are that type of woman, then by all means go for it. It sounds like you already have that in mind. If you aren't that type of woman, and have some respect for yourself then knock it down to a strictly professional interaction, with absolutely no outside of work contact.

 

2. Too late for that. Your manager is already onto you, as are your other coworkers, no doubt.

[RecordProducer]

I do not want to hurt my boss too. He seems like a nice human being . Talks about his children, lets me leave early and work from home when it snows.

Can you possibly be any more naive than you already are? Nice person, my butt! He is faking it just to get in your pants!

 

I do not know if I love him, but I do think about him a lot. He is attractive and sweet. I do not want to wreck his home and ruin his family life, but if he wants to sleep with me , I have no problem with that. I do not want anybody in the workplace to know. I know I sound absurd, but I am just being honest.

Your choice of words to describe your feelings for your boss "I have no problem with that" makes you sound like you would do it for him. Having sex should be much more than "not having a problem" with it. I actually think you DO have a problem with that, but for the sake of keeping the job or some submissive instinct, you think you're at his mercy and no one can save you from the predator.

 

If you want to cheat on your husband, do it with someone else, with someone you can easily get rid of, but not with your boss. You're just about to become another cheap sex toy in the chain of stories about the married boss who f*cked his subordinate. Do you think you will achieve anything by sleeping with him other than ruin your marriage? Do you love your husband? The excitement will turn into pain very soon and all you will have left is a sour taste in your mouth.

She seems to think that I am interested- but the fact is my boss flirts with me and I tend to flirt with him in response.

Chances are you're neither the first or the last and the manager knows this. It seems like he is proficient in the game of seducing his employees and it's your turn now. He didn't just suddenly notice a beautiful woman like you and spontaneously started staring at her boobs. He knows the rules from before, he knows he can get away with it, he can read the signs, because he's seen them before. You think you're special to him, but you're just easy prey for his dick.

[Guest]

all of you guys so bitter, are you all betrayed spouses? I am not trashy or cheap. Neither have i slept with him. He is attracted to me because he sees things that he probably does not see in his wife- could be sex , love and affection. He might bored in his marriage or he probably has a nagging wife who complains about everything.

 

Relax people- it is just a thread .

[Mary3]

So you want to have hot sex with the attractive boss ?

 

Neither one of you sounds like a good person that both of you would cheat on your spouses.

 

Get a divorce and get REAL !

 

Cheaters are disgusting.

 

If you want hot sex with him do the honorable thing and tell your husband was slutty thoughts you are having with your boss. ...

 

I don't get cheaters. They want to play and hurt everyone. If you want in his pants you need to be single. I also don't recommend sleeping with the man who writes your Paycheck.

[Topper]

It is funny how many woman here put all this on the Boss. It has to be the fault of the big bad man. Woman are just innocent victims.

From what I have read he may have been slightly out of line. Then again maybe she is just projecting things. Such as his staring at her rack. Could it be she wants his attention she wants him looking at her. Me do look at woman. Of course they do. He might even be thinking she does have a great set. That could be all there is to it. a look and a thought. Maybe she wants to read friendliness as flirtation. It almost sounds to me like she might have a fixation on her Boss. Maybe her manager has taken notice of this fixation and passed on a gentle warning. Who Knows the Boss might have even ask the manager to pass on a warning. I honestly think this woman wants her sexuality validated by thinking her boss wants her. We are only hearing one side of the story here.

[whichwayisup]

At the same time I do not want to hurt my boss too. He seems like a nice human being .

 

Uhhhhh, you didn't say VOWS to your boss.

 

He's married, you're married, and you have a child!

 

It isn't flattering to have a married man lust after you, play games with you. Imagine if this was going on at your husband's workplace? What if he was lusting after another woman, or better yet, if his boss was a married woman and he was lusting after her, like you are with your married boss. How do you think you'd feel?

 

He never responds to my emails, instead he will call me to his discuss the email.

 

And, what do you say in those emails? Talking about your feelings or something?

He's a smart man - He isn't replying to your emails because he's protecting himself just incase......He can deny it and show ALL your emails, and say he ignored you coming onto him. SO, he calls you on the phone - That's easy to deny on his behalf, his word against yours....

 

You're putting yourself in a stupid situation, getting a reputation at work too. Both you and your boss.

 

What good is going to come of this? Think about that for a little while.

[RecordProducer]

We are only hearing one side of the story here.

And that side of the story is that she admits she can't wait to sleep with her boss.

[Mary3]

It is funny how many woman here put all this on the Boss. It has to be the fault of the big bad man. Woman are just innocent victims.

From what I have read he may have been slightly out of line. Then again maybe she is just projecting things. Such as his staring at her rack. Could it be she wants his attention she wants him looking at her. Me do look at woman. Of course they do. He might even be thinking she does have a great set. That could be all there is to it. a look and a thought. Maybe she wants to read friendliness as flirtation. It almost sounds to me like she might have a fixation on her Boss. Maybe her manager has taken notice of this fixation and passed on a gentle warning. Who Knows the Boss might have even ask the manager to pass on a warning. I honestly think this woman wants her sexuality validated by thinking her boss wants her. We are only hearing one side of the story here.

 

It matters NOT that * he * is the Boss because the situation can reverse itself and the BOSS could be a woman lusting after a hot male employee.

 

So this issue is not BIG BAD MALE BOSS but rather its Big Bad Married People Wanting to Cheat and hurting everyone around them kind of Scenario...

 

Darn right about this boss not emailing her back. He is smart enough to know the emails become the property of the company and any thing else he does on the company computer.....

 

I think we should just simply say that 2 ppl are about to cheat ...Its like wanting Pizza....until you * get it * thats all you think about.

 

OP will hurt her career if she unzips the bosses jeans...for sure...

 

I suspect this is not his first time taking things to the limit. ...

[PracticalShade]

It sounds like your boss is at least interested in getting into your pants yet. But personally I'm not an advocate of cheating... at all. Especially where marriage and kids are involved. Having flings on the side and divorces are so commonplace today that it awful.

 

You married your husband because of love, honestly. Love it's more than just a feeling; it's also a choice. I mean come on! Where would the world be if everyone who is committed to someone sleeps with someone else? :-(

[SadandConfusedWA]

Excuse me, but if a man repeatedly keeps checking you out, staring at your rack, legs, over and over again, day in day out, it is pretty safe to assume that he is attracted to you. Moral obligations etc can stop him for acting on those feelings (depending on a man), but make no mistake, he wants you, even if he never does anything about it.

[whichwayisup]

So this issue is not BIG BAD MALE BOSS but rather its Big Bad Married People Wanting to Cheat and hurting everyone around them kind of Scenario...

 

A boss is in a position of authority and power. Married, not married, a boss who lusts and tries to make moves on one of his/her employees is just wrong. Everybody knows this!

[michelangelo]

She likes the idea that he wants her.

 

I don't think she sees what he is doing as harassment. Why? Because she is one of those women, married or not, who is attracted to men of power.

 

She's willing to toss aside her marriage and hurt her husband and her family for a shot at being with that guy.

 

of course he's done this before and will again after her.

[Mary3]

A boss is in a position of authority and power. Married, not married, a boss who lusts and tries to make moves on one of his/her employees is just wrong. Everybody knows this!

 

I agree with you 100% on this.

But it takes two to cheat. If she does this with him they are both low lifes that don't deserve their spouses.

[RecordProducer]

Excuse me, but if a man repeatedly keeps checking you out, staring at your rack, legs, over and over again, day in day out, it is pretty safe to assume that he is attracted to you. Moral obligations etc can stop him for acting on those feelings (depending on a man), but make no mistake, he wants you, even if he never does anything about it.

Excuse me, but "if a man repeatedly keeps checking you out, staring at your rack, legs, over and over again, day in day out, it is pretty safe to assume" that he DOES intend to do something about it. I have large breasts that some men notice right away, but others (family members, my doctors or husband's friends) seem to NEVER notice. I think it's called self-control vs. self-indilgence. A man who has no intention to act erotically at a work place will turn his head away from a woman's rack, not keep staring purposefully.

 

It also shows how hw views her merely as a sexual object. I've had guys who hit on me and I've never seen them looking at my rack - because they didn't want to make me feel cheap or they had some decency and self-control - cuz ultimately, they are more likely to get lucky if they show respect. The boss's message is: I wanna screw you so give me a sign if you will give it to me.

[Mary3]

I think OP should change the name of her post to : Does my Husband Deserve Me ? ( Not ! )

[Hipnawtic]

Excuse me, but if a man repeatedly keeps checking you out, staring at your rack, legs, over and over again, day in day out, it is pretty safe to assume that he is attracted to you. Moral obligations etc can stop him for acting on those feelings (depending on a man), but make no mistake, he wants you, even if he never does anything about it.

 

 

Well, first of all, why in the hell are you asking if he's attracted to you? Isn't that pretty C L E A R? My question is, what are you doing to have him staring? Are you dressing provacatively etc? Go talk to someone in HR or better yet, go directly to your boss, confront his behavior, and tell him you feel really uncomfortable. Also though, think about your actions, verbal and non, and see if there's something you might be doing to make him react. I'm not blaming you for him being a pig BTW.

[Trialbyfire]

Both want to participate in this. I think it's unfair to point the finger in only one direction. Her boss has the responsibility of not putting his hands in the corporate cookie jar, especially while married and she has the obligation to her family to rebuff his overture.

[Topper]

See everyone is still taking her word for it that the Boss is checking out her body. I check out a lot of woman. Men are visual we like looking at woman. Just becuse we look does not mean we want to slepp with them It just means we find them atractive.

The OP has some clear issues about her boss. Read between the lines she wants this guy. She might even be stalking him. The whole checking her out thing could be her just hoping he is checking here out. If he was learing at her in a meeting I'm sure others would have noticed.