Of all days, why today?

[konfuzd]

My aunt passed away this morning. She's been battling cancer, and we all knew it was coming, but today is her husband's birthday.

 

They were going to have a celebration in her hospital room, but instead they are mourning. Talk about insult to injury.

 

I can't keep it together right now. I'm not a person of particular faith, always been more agnostic. If there is a god out there somewhere, he is so cruel.

 

She had such a positive attitude, and was really looking forward to today, to be able to spend her husband's birthday with him, which she knew would be the last.

 

I'm falling apart, having trouble breathing. I'm going out with some friends later to try to get my mind off things, but I honestly don't know how to deal with this.

[amaysngrace]

Sometimes when people die they really want to hold on for one reason or another, and so they do.

 

I think with your aunts case is she hung on so her husband wouldn't have to have his birthday without her. I think she hung on as long as she possibly could. I think it was her present to him.

 

Today may be the passing of her death but it is also his birthday. He got to see her alive on this day and he is also surrounded by loved ones who are comforting him and are by his side.

 

In time her passing will lose significance and his birthday will seem more special.

 

I'm sorry for your loss.

[guin_girl]

I think with your aunts case is she hung on so her husband wouldn't have to have his birthday without her. I think she hung on as long as she possibly could. I think it was her present to him.

 

I agree... it's amazing what the heart can do when they love someone. He wasn't alone on his birthday, he was so blessed to spend her last day with her on his birthday. It brings tears to my eyes to see a love so strong in action.

 

I'm sorry for your loss, but to know that she's no longer experiencing the pain that she had I hope is of some comfort.

[konfuzd]

It happened early this morning. I don't know if he did see her or not, but if he did, it was in great suffering, and not for long. I know you are trying to put a positive spin on this, but I really don't see it that way. Maybe it is just the grief talking.

 

I thank you for the kind thoughts.

[amaysngrace]

I know you're sad and angry but here's the thing...

 

what would your aunt like for you to think? Would she want you to look at her death as a negative or look to her life as a positive?

 

She fought cancer. She had strength. She did not want to abandon your uncle before his birthday so she hung in for him. She was an amazingly strong and loving woman.

 

With all due respect I think you owe it to her to find the positive twist right now.

 

And that would include the celebration of her life.

[westernxer]

Ain't life grand?

 

And God had nothing to do with her death. Cancer did.

[konfuzd]

Thanks Westernexer. You are absolutely right.

 

In most cases, I dismiss religion in that I like to think that we are in control of our own destiny and we are not puppets to "god's will". In times of grief though, and things that are simply beyond our control it is far too easy to search for someone to blame, and hold responsible for our pain.

 

After having several hours to process this, and think about it more rationally, I know that the cancer was just far too overpowering, and it was too much strain on her poor body, and it was just time to end the battle.

[RichC]

It has never been being puppets to God's will. There is always a choice to be made and you have free will to do it. I know where you are coming from having lost my mother to cancer in 1996. I did not even get to see her. You uncle did receive one last gift. As much as she was suffering he got to see her one last time. You are going through the classic stage of grieving. I hope he is sustained by the warm memories of her. I wish you strength and endurance and hope.