Me

[Guest]

My relationship with the love of my life came to an abrupt end last Sunday. We had a really tough weekend, and an even tougher month of February. Things between us were the definition of a "rocky road" however it always ended with us proclaiming our love for each other, telling each other that we always want to be together. Each one of us have had our small instances where we've sort of dampered in to the waters of possibly seeing someone else however we quickly turned back to each other and worked through the problems.

 

Despite these rocky events, her and I shared some very special moments together. She would frequently stay at my apartment, we would make it a point that each other would be the last person we spoke to before we went to sleep no matter what the case. Unfortunately for my ex-girlfriend she suffers from depression and i feel she is very influenced by the people around her. Her friends constantly changed like the seasons over the course of our relationship.

 

Going back to Sunday though, she told me that she thought we needed a break and that we should try and give it another go in the summer when our college classes are let out and we are able to devote our full attention to each other. I took it pretty hard and did the cliche begging her not to do this. I let the dust settle for a couple days and went to see her on Tuesday.

 

I picked her up and we had a wonderful conversation about starting over and doing a "no pressure" thing. We spoke but she started giving me the cold shoulder. She constantly over the week would assure me that she loves me and that we are going to be together no matter what I was feeling. It felt good to hear her say that.

 

6 Days later she is in a new relationship with a guy who lives right next to her in her dorm. She feels that they really "connected" and that she didnt expect things happen like this. She still told me that she loved me and wanted to be together with me again, but now she has kind of gone back on that. Telling me she doesnt know and this new guy is an important part of her life.

 

We have still been talking and has seemed very unsure when talking to me. I feel like she wants to talk to me but doesnt think its right. Her and I are scheduling to speak to each other this evening and I need some advice. I want this girl back and I've told her that I will fight til the death to get her back. Please Help!!!

[lorr]

I think you should read your post again.

 

The "love of your life" broke up with you, and although you are proclaiming that you will fight till the death to get her back, the fact remains is that it didn't take her long to hook up with another guy.

 

The best thing you should do is back off and give her space to figure out what she really wants.

 

Sorry but if the relationship was "so good" then you'd still be together.

[Erik]

Forget about her. Taking the decision to break up has been hard for her, and if you pursue her, she will resent it. For old times sake, she will refrain from showing you her resentment, but the more you pursue her, the more the resentment will build. You love-addled brain mistakes friendliness for romantic interest. In your pursuit, you will go out of your way to be nice to her, and she will not have the hear to tell you to take a hike. After a few months, all she will feel is pity, she will offer to be your friend, and you will agree in the vain hope, that it is a way back into her heart. You will make advances and be rebuffed. You will learn to act the role of 'just a friend'. She will be happy with this, she will have your affection but no obligation towards you. She will find a new lover. She will confide in her 'just friend'. She will tell you about it when her lover treats her like a doormat, she will cry at your shoulder. Being a 'just friend' is a fate worse than death. You will die lonely and miserable.

[stockmos]

Erik, your posts on here are like a breath of fresh air.

[Kamille]

she is a 'love of your life'. I believe that we can have more then one love in life.

 

Focus on healing, accepting the situation and letting go of her. Being heartbroken will likely involve many transformations for you on how you think about love and life.

 

Four months ago I was telling my ex-boyfriend, who was a love of my life and who thought that i was the only love of his life, that he would one day meet another woman he could love, that this love would be as unique as ours was and that this woman would likely amaze him. He promised me he would make space for this possibility in his life.

 

He informed me this week that he has been seeing a woman for two months now, that she is beautiful and intelligent and amazing.

 

It might make the process of healing a little easier (and it's already a very tough process) if you admit to the possibility that you will have more then one love in life.