How Often Do You Meet Someone Really Worth Being With?

[Touche]

Let's see...I started caring when I was 19 so that's 26 years ago. In that time, I'd say only two. One was my ex-husband. But we were very incompatible. I guess I thought he was worth my time though since I was with him for nine years. Second one is my husband and we've been together since 1994.

 

Yes, finding the right one is like finding a needle in a haystack. It's hit or miss and luck does play a part in it.

[Storyrider]

I've been thinking about the way you worded the question and wondering how much stock I should put into the choice of the word "worth".

 

Did you mean you are assessing them based on an objective list of qualities and most people fall short? Or did you mean that on a gut level, you could simply tell you would or wouldn't want to be with them? Or both?

 

It has always been much more a matter of whether I can "get" and appreciate a person, and whether they can do the same for me; whether I like who I become when we're together; and whether the person feeds me or drains me. And I think the ideal mate would be someone who turns me on emotionally, intellectually, and sexually. But is someone who lacks all those qualities still worth being with? I would have to say yes, probably.

 

On the other hand, I if I had found someone who filled all the criteria in the above paragraph, there could still be some obstacle that prevented me from being with that person.

[Sand&Water]

RE:

 

How many people have you met who were really worth being with for the long term in all the time since you were old enough to care?

 

Question: Logically, or emotionally speaking?

 

I can only speak for myself and in my case there was always something, an obstacle or self-built-barrier, disallowing me or the other from getting together. I am certain there was a reason for this -destined route waiting to unravel. If it was meant to be, then things would've fallen perfectly into place, hence I wouldn't be the way I am today.

 

Sand&Water

[What?]

If you're talking strictly in terms of meeting random people, most of them do not qualify. However, in terms of dating people, I can say ALL OF THEM. I have always thought in terms of seeing someone for the long term and the qualities they possess before I agree to go out with them or ask them out. It's usually a sure bet they will say yes when I ask them out as I have already known them a while.

 

I have had 2 LTRs of more than 4 years and been alone the most part the last 5 years. That is because I haven't met anyone that "fits the profile" in terms of long term material in that time. I will hold out for as long as I need to, even until the end, but will never comprimise my standards in desparation. I have only dated 5 people seriously, and all 5 of them were ones I would have stayed with if it were meant to be. Though I am pessimistic for the most part, I am optomistic that I will find the right person before I die.

[serial muse]

Well, it's an interesting question, but I think it's a moving target, in the sense that at the time I might have thought someone was "worth it," but looking back now I'm glad we aren't together anymore. That's the beauty of hindsight - I can tell the story to myself however I want to.

 

But to give a more direct answer...in perhaps 18 years of looking, I've found 3 people that I thought were worth it at the time, and could see having something long-term with.

 

But I'm a lot more cautious now than I used to be. So if I were to go back and reassess, I'd say I don't know if I've really found one good match yet - someone I could actually stand to be with forever and ever.

 

Maybe the current BF...but as I say, I'm highly cautious these days...don't want to get too much ahead of myself. I guess it's fair to say, though, that I haven't decided he isn't worth it...

[Trialbyfire]

It's really interesting to see how everyone has interpreted the questions. My interpretation of johan's questions were people who you thought would be ideal for you versus people who ended up to be ideal for you.

 

If it's the latter, I'm currently at 0. Haven't met the right one yet and if I have, haven't hooked up with the right one yet.

[polywog]

It's really interesting to see how everyone has interpreted the questions. My interpretation of johan's questions were people who you thought would be ideal for you versus people who ended up to be ideal for you.

 

If it's the latter, I'm currently at 0. Haven't met the right one yet and if I have, haven't hooked up with the right one yet.

 

Yeah, me too. I'm beginning to suspect that a lot of it's me... I seem to have chosen men so far that in one way or another provide a barrier to true emotional intimacy. Now when I recover from this last one, and I plan to take my time, I plan to go for it. I've had some great sex with these guys over the years, tho.

[Trialbyfire]

Yeah, me too. I'm beginning to suspect that a lot of it's me... I seem to have chosen men so far that in one way or another provide a barrier to true emotional intimacy. Now when I recover from this last one, and I plan to take my time, I plan to go for it. I've had some great sex with these guys over the years, tho.

You appear to be someone who can handle and enjoys emotional intimacy. Is it possible this is what these men are attracted to versus you choosing the wrong guys?

[Kamille]

I have to agree that the question is highly amenable to personal interpretation.

 

I guess my own trajectory hasn't made it possible for me to find that one person that I could envision having kids and growing old with.

 

Yet there has been a four men, in 15 years of dating, that I thought at the time could qualify... Now, through the lens of hindsight, two still stand and one is a mystery. The last one I thank my stars I did not go through with his proposed plan to elope, as he has proven himself to be quite unreliable in all aspects of his life since then.

[polywog]

You appear to be someone who can handle and enjoys emotional intimacy. Is it possible this is what these men are attracted to versus you choosing the wrong guys?

 

Yes indeedy, I'm sure that in the case of the last LTR (9 years!) this was the case. But they could be attracted to that, and unable to handle it. And my part would be to subconciously know this and stay with the guy for too long, who never is able to rise to my level... thus deftly avoiding intimacy myself! Plus I could conveniently blame him for being the emotionally unavailable one, if I were less self-aware.

 

I was dumped by the last guy recently, but had felt unhappy myself for about 2 years or so because of a lack of respect/intimacy on his part.

 

Unfortunately, I am very independent and self-sufficient, even a bit aloof in relationships, and tolerant of a lover's eccentricities to a wacky degree which may sound sort of good, but these traits are a crutch in a lousy relationship.

 

The truth is, I have been a scaredy-cat.

[Trialbyfire]

Yes indeedy, I'm sure that in the case of the last LTR (9 years!) this was the case. But they could be attracted to that, and unable to handle it. And my part would be to subconciously know this and stay with the guy for too long, who never is able to rise to my level... thus deftly avoiding intimacy myself! Plus I could conveniently blame him for being the emotionally unavailable one, if I were less self-aware.

 

I was dumped by the last guy recently, but had felt unhappy myself for about 2 years or so because of a lack of respect/intimacy on his part.

 

Unfortunately, I am very independent and self-sufficient, even a bit aloof in relationships, and tolerant of a lover's eccentricities to a wacky degree which may sound sort of good, but these traits are a crutch in a lousy relationship.

 

The truth is, I have been a scaredy-cat.

Hey, hey, hey, there's reality and there's beating up on yourself. Here's a hug from me, now give yourself a hug too. I would recommend you do this privately though. You know there are people who will wonder....

[polywog]

Hey, hey, hey, there's reality and there's beating up on yourself. Here's a hug from me, now give yourself a hug too. I would recommend you do this privately though. You know there are people who will wonder....

 

In the town I live in there are people who would be overjoyed .

 

Anyhow, I'm not beating myself up too badly (they'd be overjoyed by that, too) I'm just being realistic. Well, maybe I'm beating myself up a little, but it feels kind of good, actually. Hmmm.

 

Anywho, Thanx for the Hug, TBF... and feel free to give me a slap.

[sb129]

In all honesty I have probably fantasised about every guy I have dated being "the one for me" at some point (usually in the honeymoon phase), but it took varying lengths of time to realise they weren't and crash back down to earth..

 

Looking back now, there was one guy who I broke up with because I wasn't ready to settle down, and I always feel a bit of regret, because he was a wonderful guy who I think I would appreciate totally now.

 

And my current BF is doing pretty good so far.

I am getting better at picking the good guys. Took long enough.

 

So. Two. I hope it stays at that number, cos am pretty happy right now.

 

Thats not to say a couple of my exes wouldn't make some lady very happy- I am sure they would/are, i just wasn't the right lady for them.

[Storyrider]

Thats not to say a couple of my exes wouldn't make some lady very happy- I am sure they would/are, i just wasn't the right lady for them.

 

I feel that way about all my serious exes too. All of them had great qualities. It just wasn't a good fit.

 

I only seriously dated (read slept with) one person that I could never picture myself with long term, and it was because I was on the rebound and hoping to make my then-ex jealous. He was a pretty boy who almost never spoke. And when he did speak, I usually wished he hadn't.