Crazy4K Posted March 17, 2007 Share Posted March 17, 2007 I am having a very difficult time even looking at a friend (and coworker) because I have developed feelings for him. This isn't something that happened within a year or two of meeting him. No, it took me many years to see that he is what I wanted. I'm the kind of person who is scared to death of rejection and won't tell anyone how I feel--not even my best friend. I feel like a teenager and I'm over 40. All that has happened is that we are drifting apart. I used to buy him gag gifts for his birthday, and he loved it. He still brings that up to other people. I stopped because I was afraid that he would know how I feel about him and it would make him feel uncomfortable. People often say things to me about how the two of us should be a couple. I just laugh it off. I don't know if they tell him that or not. Lately, I think about him all the time. He's not Ken, but he's looking for Barbie--and I am far from being Barbie. I am almost 100% sure that he would never want a romantic relationship with me. (Yes, I have a self-esteem problem, but I'm getting better.) How do I get over this? Or should I actually pursue a closer relationship with him? Should I confide in my best friend? She is closer to him than I am, and I'm afraid she would spill the beans and make things really awkward. Why do I feel like an awkward teenager? Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted March 18, 2007 Share Posted March 18, 2007 I don't understand why you are backing off - why can't you let your feelings be known? You don't have to come out and tell him, or have some kind of serious conversation. Just flirt with him, look into his eyes a lot and smile, have playful conversations, pick up an extra latte for him when you get yours, compliment him - every man likes to be admired and likes attention. He'll start spending more time with you - because he likes being flirted with and admired - and soon enough will ask you out. If he doesn't, all you've done is flirt, so it's not like anything has to be awkward. Link to post Share on other sites
Porn_Guy Posted March 18, 2007 Share Posted March 18, 2007 I would suggest you get another job C4K...this is unhealthy for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Crazy4K Posted March 18, 2007 Author Share Posted March 18, 2007 Getting another job is out of the question--I love my job. We really don't see each other at work that much anymore. He is actually in a different building most of the time, and we don't have lunch at the same time. It's just awkward when we do see each other. Sometimes he's playful and flirty, but sometimes I feel like he's ignoring me. That's probably because he thinks I'm ignoring him, and I am to a certain extent to keep from making a complete fool of myself. I need to start being myself around him again. His birthday is coming up. Maybe I should surprise him again. When we worked more closely together, we did flirt more. I just didn't feel this way about him then, so it was easier. I wasn't afraid of him rejecting me. He is such a sweet guy, and I know he wouldn't be mean about letting me know he wasn't interested. I've dealt with unrequited love before; I can handle it. I'd eventually get over my feelings for him. We're both insecure when it comes to relationships. His relationships have been short term because I think it scares him to get too serious, while I haven't had much luck with relationships at all. Gee, I wonder why? Link to post Share on other sites
Sand&Water Posted March 18, 2007 Share Posted March 18, 2007 RE: Your head -and the situation -will swell if you choose to neglect him. By displaying awkwardness, you are showing him -and others -that you have something to hide, or are uncomfortable being his friend. This just creates more confusion and awkwardness. Continue to be his friend, go with the flow -but, realistically speaking, it depends how intensely you feel about him and the circumstances. You might blow it up in his face the wrong way if you repress your feelings for too long, then later on decide to spill. So, make the first move -if you think he is not going to do anything. This is the time to face your fear of rejection, and actually get some real answers. I don't know for how long you are willing to keep this a secret, but it sounds like it's a heavy load to carry around. Sounding out your thoughts and interest to him will enable you to move forward. This isn't child play anymore. You are a grown woman. Sand&Water Link to post Share on other sites
Author Crazy4K Posted March 19, 2007 Author Share Posted March 19, 2007 I am notorious for holding things in and then blowing up. That's why I posted this. It has helped just getting it out of my system this much. I really feel much better about the situation. I just get in these crazy funks every now and then--probably hormones. After reading some of the other posts of people in similar situations, I feel that this is something that is more common than I thought. I have a lot to think about, but at least my head is much clearer. I actually feel like a grown woman now. Let's just see if it stays that way when I see him (and I will look at him) at work tomorrow. I have definitely handled this situation the wrong way. Maybe I can get things back on track this week. We used to have a lot of fun. Maybe we can get that back. I may find that it's all I need. I've haven't participated in forums like this before. This is great! It's like a journal that talks back. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts