Is there any hope for us? (LONG)

[El-Producto]

Because of recent events, I'm thinking it gets easier when you have somebody new yourself.

 

Unfortunately it is anything but easier for me.. so it seems. Like I said in an earlier post, I've become attracted to a co-worker, and I believe the feeling is mutual. She sure is flirting with me, IM'ing me, etc. At first I was just flattered, it made me realize that someone of the opposite sex can make me feel great. I've been on cloud 9 for a few weeks now, every time I have an interaction with this woman from work. The problem is, she is in a serious relationship, but complains about her boyfriend who she lives with. He is apparantly an alcoholic, and although she cares for him, it seems to really bother her. She has talked about ending it with him.

 

I don't want to be the OM, and do to another person what my STBXW did to me. I'm struggling with the morals of this, because I am becoming infatuated with this woman. She is gorgeous, and we have a lot in common. She really makes me smile, and feel good about myself, and my sense of humor that I'm known for, has finally returned. I make her laugh, and smile constantly.

 

I'm trying to set boundaries with myself, that I'm not going to get involved with anyone for a few months until I get my own crap settled. And if she is a person I would be involved with, I don't want to do so, while she is committed to another man.

 

This is so hard, because she makes me feel so good. I know she probably isn't the one, and this could just be a rebound thing. But damn it feels good.

 

Why can't life be simple?

 

 

On an interesting note. My STBXW returned from her vacation with the OM, and she came to the house to take the kids to school this morning before I went to work. She came up to me right away, and asked me to hug her. I was very reluctant, and asked her why she wants this. She said that over the weekend, she has learned that what she said about me sexually assaulting her was wrong, and she knows that I never would have hurt her, and I only loved her. She said she doesn't have any blame for me for the problems in our relationship, and she just wants to be friends.

 

Man, that is a hard thing to hear. Even though, it's what I wanted to hear.. I was instantly very guarded about it. I gave her a simple hug, but I'm so upset over the whole thing.

[azianpride143]

I would be cautious of her intentions. Something is not right. I would keep my distance no matter what she does good. You never know the underlying reasons why all of a sudden she woke up. She has treated you like crap the last couple of weeks and something just changed over the course of her trip?

 

You are right with the decision to really think it through with this new woman in your life. Yes it feels so great to have someone. But then she is not really free. You have set standards and you want to abide by it. Do take your time. If it's meant to be it's meant to be.

[wife_left_me]

El, If you still feel there is hope to reconcile with you STBXW then by all means try to remain friends with her so when her relationship fails you can be her fall guy. I think you know this is all BS so don't let her off the hook by accepting her friendship until YOU are ready or you will just be setting yourself up for more heartache, reading into her every move and expecting her to eventually wake up and come back. I know it's been said a million times but you need to move on and totally give up on your marriage, once you do this and it no longer hurts to see her then maybe you can be friends but not now.

[El-Producto]

El, If you still feel there is hope to reconcile with you STBXW then by all means try to remain friends with her so when her relationship fails you can be her fall guy. I think you know this is all BS so don't let her off the hook by accepting her friendship until YOU are ready or you will just be setting yourself up for more heartache, reading into her every move and expecting her to eventually wake up and come back. I know it's been said a million times but you need to move on and totally give up on your marriage, once you do this and it no longer hurts to see her then maybe you can be friends but not now.

 

 

The best part is, is that I know it is over. She is continuing to be with the OM, and has never shown any desire to reconcile. I'm there now, and couldn't be happier, but her behavior confuses me. I am trying to be nice, in order to lessen the chance that she will try and screw me in this divorce. She may anyway, but at least I've taken the high road.

[El-Producto]

I would be cautious of her intentions. Something is not right. I would keep my distance no matter what she does good. You never know the underlying reasons why all of a sudden she woke up. She has treated you like crap the last couple of weeks and something just changed over the course of her trip?

 

You are right with the decision to really think it through with this new woman in your life. Yes it feels so great to have someone. But then she is not really free. You have set standards and you want to abide by it. Do take your time. If it's meant to be it's meant to be.

 

 

I know I need to keep my standards in regards to this woman at work, but it is really hard. We've been to a few outings with people from work lately, and physically and intellectually she's absolutely what I want. I know though that neither of us is in a healthy frame of mind. It's damn hard though, when you meet someone that is so "perfect". I know a lot of that has to do with me seeking female companionship to get me through my troubles. I am considering speaking to her in earnest about her intentions. My counselor suggested that I tell her my honest feelings, and ask her what her intentions are. If she says that she never had those intentions, then I can move on. If she says that she feels the same, I have to stick with my boundary and make it clear to her that I can't be with her, as long as she is with another person, as I would be doing exactly what my STBXW did to me.. no matter how much of a jerk her partner may be.

 

Why are women so frustrating? (Present company excluded of course).

[azianpride143]

Your counselor is right. Be honest. Confront her and be open about what you feel. At least you can have it out and find out early enough where this is going.

 

Your right to feel the way you do when it comes to coming in between someone's relationship. Sometimes no matter how right it feels or how perfect the person may be you never know what's around the corner. Think with your mind and not with your heart. We yearn to be loved after being neglected for so long. But the timing may not be now.

 

Remember this is your chance to do it right. You are now in the driver seat. So go drive.

[Ladyjane14]

Your counselor is right. Be honest. Confront her and be open about what you feel. At least you can have it out and find out early enough where this is going.

 

Your right to feel the way you do when it comes to coming in between someone's relationship. Sometimes no matter how right it feels or how perfect the person may be you never know what's around the corner. Think with your mind and not with your heart. We yearn to be loved after being neglected for so long. But the timing may not be now.

 

Remember this is your chance to do it right. You are now in the driver seat. So go drive.

 

I'm in complete agreement with AP. If you don't know what this woman's intentions are... ASK HER.

 

Look man, you're in no shape to be floating somebody else emotionally. You've got stuff of your own to sort out. When you think about it, it's been in excess of THREE YEARS since you've had any female companionship that you could call meaningful. You're like parched for attention... dessicated even. Like dry, cracked earth during a drought. Just WAITING for water.

 

If this woman is coming to you seeking emotional validation, she needs to go to her boyfriend for it. If she's REALLY interested in you, she needs to dump the boyfriend. Simple as that. Anything less isn't fair to YOU, or the boyfriend either for that matter.

 

Asking for her intentions will clear up any misunderstandings that might be underfoot. It will provide impetus for discussion about 'doing the right thing'.

[El-Producto]

Well, I guess it's time for an update on my situation.

 

Things have settled down somewhat, but my STBXW is still spinning. It's kind of scary to watch, but it sure makes me glad I'm not with her anymore.

 

She has moved into a friends basement, and turned it into an apartment. My 8 year old tells me it's VERY messy. Somehow that doesn't surprise me, now that she's not with me I'm really finding out how much of a slob she is. Her brand new $40k truck is a disaster inside. It's disgusting. She isn't staying at the house anymore, and I've got it fairly clean right now, with the exception of her crap (which she has a ton). I'm working at packing up her stuff, because if I leave it to her it will never get done.

 

The one thing that concerns me, is that she is starting to say how broke she is, etc. But she won't go back to her job, she is continuing to work on her business. She has a terrible financial/business mind, so she spends any money that she makes. This concerns me, because she's starting to talk about child support, etc. My lawyer said not to worry, because she is only going to get what is fair. My wife won't go to court because she can't afford it. I also found out that I can get a second mortgage to cover her share of the house, and the debts. That should help my finances a lot.

 

This past weekend was a long weekend here in Canada. I had to work, and my STBXW took the kids to the OM's remote cabin for the weekend. There were 2 other families there, but it still bothered me. I asked her if she was sleeping with the OM while the kids were there. I have a 6 year old who still wakes often in the night, and climbs into bed with us. That made me really uncomfortable. She assured me that she isn't showing any signs of affection toward the OM, and that to the kids, they are just friends. So far I haven't heard anything contrary to that from the kids, but she is so impulsive, it won't be long. I can't believe the two of them are still together actually, I was sure he'd tire of her spinning.

 

I've taken a step back from the woman at work that I was finding myself attracted to. I fell better about that decision, as my behavior was really testing my moral boundaries. No matter how much of a jerk her boyfriend is, he doesn't deserve to go through what I've gone through. It was also really interesting when my IC pointed out that this woman had many of the personality/behavior traits that my STBXW has. He cautioned me to be aware of the type of women that I am attracted to, because I can easily repeat history.

 

Anyway, I'm doing well and just thought I'd update everyone. Still running, and getting in shape. Looking forward to summer, and am finally teaching myself to play guitar.

[Ladyjane14]

I can't believe the two of them are still together actually....

 

Granted, I've only got your side of the story to base an opinion on... but if I'm reading your STBX right, there will ALWAYS be some guy 'on the string'. She's not done with the OM yet and probably won't be until another prospect comes along.

 

She builds her self-esteem through male attention. And.... she wants that safety net. As she becomes more and more certain that you are SERIOUS about divorce and that you will never accept her back... she'll endeavor to keep the OM firmly hooked. That is, until she finds one she likes better.

 

I think it's disgusting btw, that she's dragged the children into her sordid little affair.

They might not know exactly what's going on... but I'm certain they're observing their mother being too "friendly" with a guy who is NOT Daddy.

 

....my IC pointed out that this woman had many of the personality/behavior traits that my STBXW has. He cautioned me to be aware of the type of women that I am attracted to, because I can easily repeat history.

 

Good advice.

The LAST thing you need in your life is a different flavor of the same old stew.

[Gunny376]

Granted, I've only got your side of the story to base an opinion on... but if I'm reading your STBX right, there will ALWAYS be some guy 'on the string'. She's not done with the OM yet and probably won't be until another prospect comes along.

 

She builds her self-esteem through male attention. And.... she wants that safety net. As she becomes more and more certain that you are SERIOUS about divorce and that you will never accept her back... she'll endeavor to keep the OM firmly hooked. That is, until she finds one she likes better.

 

I think it's disgusting btw, that she's dragged the children into her sordid little affair.

They might not know exactly what's going on... but I'm certain they're observing their mother being too "friendly" with a guy who is NOT Daddy.

 

 

 

Good advice.

The LAST thing you need in your life is a different flavor of the same old stew.

 

Good post LJ, you're better than Mr. R with a Louville Slugger and cup of WTFU in the morning!

[El-Producto]

Well, little update in case anyone was wondering

 

Things are going well for the most part. I'm keeping busy, and it looks like I've got my finances set up for the separation, I shouldn't come out too bad depending on how much child or spousal support she asks for.

 

I had a heart to heart with the woman from work who I felt was interested in me. I told her that I was getting mixed signals from her, and that I was starting to have feelings for her, but I refused to be involved with someone who is in a relationship. She admitted that she was starting to develop feelings for me, but that she really wants to work on things in her relationship. It was a really nice conversation, not awkward at all. We agreed that we are really good friends, and will continue to be so. Wow, this honesty thing actually works sometimes

 

After that, I felt considerable relief, I guess that I wasn't lying to myself, and trying to fill a void. Then another woman from work, who I don't know very well, but have noticed and find very attractive and nice in the few interactions we have had, asks me if I'd like to get coffee some time. I figured there would be no harm in that, so I said yes. Yesterday we went for coffee and a long walk. It was really nice because I felt no pressure to get involved or anything. We ended up talking for a couple of hours, and it was so easy. It's amazing the things we have in common, and I felt really good about it, we agreed to do it again soon.

 

I felt good about it, because this is how I had hoped I would develop relationships with women. Nice and slow, no strings.

 

On the STBXW front, she is still spinning. Turns out she got an STD from the OM, and was mad because he didn't tell her a one night stand he had a while ago. I felt bad for her, but she isn't blaming him, telling me it was an accident. She called me this morning as I was getting the kids ready for school, and started telling me again how she was awake all night, and that she has a job due, and wondered if there was anyway I could help her. She said that everyone who she had lined up to help has backed out, including the OM who she is now living with. She starting telling me how he is pulling a "power trip" thing with her, and isn't helping her. I told her I felt bad that she was busy, but I didn't really want to hear about the OM at all. It was weird too, I saw them together for the first time last week, and it was disturbing. They looked like father and daughter, I almost puked.

 

Anyway, it sounds like all isn't well in her little fairy tale. I just hope we can get the separation settled before he dumps her ass, and she goes nuts trying to take me out in the backlash.

[sumdude]

Good to hear from ya and that you're doing well. Mr. R is definitly showing up at the STBX's door eh? Sounds like the X is now someone you wouldn't take back ... funny how that happens..

 

Take it easy!

[azianpride143]

Hi EP. I'm also glad to hear your doing well. Mr. Reality has a way to wake the STBXW up. Karma here we come! hahaha....

 

Well best of luck to you. I am happy to see that you are dating and meeting new friends. Nothing beats being able to enjoy the company of the opposite sex without having to expect anything in return.

 

I on the other hand haven't been lucky but I am enjoying my time away since this week I'm in training in the "windy city". I finally get to have time to myself and away from problems. I don't think I'm ready for anything right now since I still have a long way to go. You and SD are way ahead of the curve and knowing that there is "hope" will keep me going. Regards.....

[El-Producto]

Thanks guys.

 

I have to watch myself, I'm starting to learn that I'm a "jumper". I like to jump full force into a relationship, and that isn't healthy. Especially when I'm as vulnerable as I am. I know I need to just take things slow, I don't really think I'm ready for a "relationship" per se, but it's really hard when you have such a void to fill.

 

I'm finding it hard not to think of every potential mate, as "the one". It probably signifies that I'm not ready for a relationship, and that's something that I'm working on. Damn though it sure is nice to have someone of the opposite sex be interested in me, and respect me. Just goes to show what I've been missing all these years.

[socialight]

think how cool it will be 20 years from now when you have got a hot new wife who loves you and your kids and your stbxw is a 48 year old fat slob still trying to hustle other men for money and sex.

[El-Producto]

Man, all of this is so confusing.

 

So I've been talking a lot with this woman from work that I went for a coffee and a walk with the other day. She is great, and we have tons in common. But we are starting to talk more and more, and are talking about getting together again, and all of a sudden I am feeling very unsure about things. I guess I'm really not ready to get into anything. I just feel weird about telling this girl that, because we do get along really well, and although I don't know her true intentions, they would seem to be more than friendship.

 

How do I deal with this? I don't want to look like a freak who can't make up his mind, but I also don't want to let this get further than I am prepared. I'm just not ready to be involved with someone, I'm enjoying the "my time", and figuring stuff out.

[Gunny376]

The Three things you need right now are

 

Information

Inspiration

and

 

Motivation

 

Look, you're cutting some new ground in un-chartered territory. You're "gut" is telling you that the last thing you need is another serious relationship!

 

Mostly its just your bruised ego that's wanting you to get involved with someone ~ to validate that your a good man and a good person ~ and that the STBXW was wrong in all of this.

 

You've got some Golden opportunties laid before your very feet, to do and accomplish some things that you couldn't do ~ or do as effeciently or as effectively if you were in a relationship.

 

By making the consciouis decision not to get into another LTR after my last GF and I broke up, I've put myself in the most stable and secure financial position than I have ever been in all of my life. I've spent the last nine years not getting into a LTR, because I told myself, "I can't afford to keep doing this crap!"

 

I came to LS through a Goggle search. And, I've learned a lot and gotten a lot of resources.

 

For the last nine years I've been working on getting my life where I want and need it to be. I've been nothing but identifying my weaknesses and seeking daily self improvement. And, I've done that for me ~ not for someone else, and certainly not for "some" woman.

 

I'm not where I want to be in life ~ nor where I feel that I need to be. But in 10 months ~ aside from a student loan and a mortgage ~ I'll be debt free. Within six years my house will be paid off. I've got money in the bank for anticipated and un-anticipated expenses. I anticipate that within the next six years, my montly living expesnes/obligations will be less than $500 a month.

 

And, no! I don't have everything that I want, but I've got everything I need. And, what I have? Its not the best, the newest, the most expensive ~ but its paid for and mine. My 03 Mazda Tribute has 19,000 miles on it ~ but its paid for and mine. The next car I buy? I'll pay cash for and it'll be a new one. I'm out of the "financing" depreciating asset business ~ and sure as Hell will never get into the (f)lease game!

 

Getting back to your original question?

 

You would be doing her wrong to let this develope into anything more than a platonic friendship ~ not to mention yourself. You're not ready ~ and you know it!

 

Me? I won't even date someone that's not been divorced one year after the ink has been dried on the papers ~ I actually prefer two.

 

This is your time now EP! This is your time raise Hell and scream the Reble Yell and say Hell Yea! This is your time to discover yourself, and who and what you're all about! This is your time to catch the bus to Mexico! This is your time to fully embrace ~ LIFE! To be alive, and feel alive! Don't freaking look back thirty years from now and say, "Damn!"

 

Where and when did you get it in your deluexe brain housing group that you're only entitled to a medicore life? Where and when did you get it in your head that you should settle? How did you get it in your head that the STBXW was what you deserved?

 

What I really want to know is ~ how the STBXW got it in your head that she's got the only vagina and pair of breasts in the world? I mean come on? WTF?

[El-Producto]

Well, it's been a couple of weeks since I last posted, so I guess I'm ready for an update.

 

My STBXW is still insane, and causes me grief on a daily basis. We are finishing up the separation papers, and I think it will make life a lot easier.

 

I met a woman at work, and we've become quite close. We have been "seeing" each other, and things are moving really fast. Faster than I'd like I think. She is an amazing woman, and we have so much in common. She has been through similar situations as me, and we have a lot to share. She is being very understanding as I'm going through my divorce. I guess I'm afraid that it's too soon. IN fact I think I know it's too soon. The problem is, and we've talked about it at length, that neither of us want to get hurt. She wants me to be fully "OK" before we commit to anything. As much as I tell her I am ok, in the back of my mind I don't think I am.

 

She makes me feel so good about myself, and I love spending time with her. The relationship has also recently become physical. The problem is, I am also starting to enjoy just being with myself, and I don't want to get tied down with a relationship. No matter how much you tell yourself it won't happen, I really think it's inevitable.

 

I know that it's not fair to her, if I don't give her everything she deserves, I'm just not sure that I have that to give. I need to give my kids extra attention, and I need to spend energy on getting my life together.

 

I guess my dilemna is, I REALLY have a lot of feelings toward this woman, and I don't want to lose something that could be great.

 

What should I do, so that I don't screw this up? I don't want to hurt her, but I promised myself and her that we would be totally honest with each other.

 

I guess once again, I should have listened to Gunny. I'm ready for the asswhipping, and I need it.

 

Thanks in advance.

[Gunny376]

Belive it or not, you've been given a gift and a blessing. The chance the opportunity to really get your life where you want and need it to be. And the opportunity to spend time with your children ~ before the distractions of life take hold of them ~ and they don't have time for Dad. (The song "Cat's In the Cradle" comes to mind ~ that you need to be mindful of ~ another of life's traps that all to easy to fall into.

 

All things aside ~ and speaking from seventeen years the otherside of where you're at ~ I wouldn't be getting seriously invovlved with anyone. I wished that the guy that I am now had been around seventeen years ago ~ so much wasted time, effort, energy, and money.

 

But, serioiusly ~ don't you think you need to make a clean break from your current relationship with the STBXW ~ and yes, you are still much in a relationship with her, and will be even after the ink is dried on the "D" papers ~ and that will be so until you have achieved complete apathy for her. Until you can look her in the eye, and say "Frankly my Dear? I don't give a damn!"

 

You're only lying to yourself ~ if you think for one minute that your brain housing group isn't still trying to find a "fix" for the STBXW. If not this woman ~ then the next will come along ~ and she too will be almost perfect, as will the next, and the next. And that's the way it will be, until you've overcome your addiction.

[dgiirl]

If you think you could have possible genuine feelings for this new girl, and she's simply not a band aid to cover up the loneliness, then why not enjoy it for however long it will last? If you dont want things to go so fast, then dont let them go so fast. You are in total control over your situation. And if you want time to yourself, you simply make time for yourself. If you want time with your kids, you simply make time for your kids. If you only want to see this new girl once a week or once a month, then put that on the table. Decide how you want your relationship to be for the moment, and stop worrying about what if. Life's too short to worry about all the possible outcomes. Just dont rush into anything too serious.

 

Although a lot of people recommend staying single and finding yourself after a breakup, I also think you can learn a lot about yourself from relationships too, even the "rebounds". As long as you are honest with yourself, and with the people involved, then you are doing the best you can do. Nothing more can be asked of you. Life's an adventure, so enjoy where it brings you!

[azianpride143]

Well as long as your perfectly honest with her and she understands. It does make a difference. But if it's getting too serious like mine was I had to break it off. She wanted more than I can give and I can't lie to myself. I like the attention but don't want the commitment of a relationship. I'm just not ready.

 

I'm still so messed up inside. There's still a lot of issues that need to be fixed on both the inside and outside. We crave attention so much that we act in desperation. Go evaluate your situation and see if you can take it further than what it is with this woman. Can you find the balance with what you want to do with your life right now and being able to find time for her?

 

As always Gunny is right on the money as far as good direction. We are given that golden oportunity to change our lives for good. I'm starting to see his point. I had to break someone's heart to realize this rings true. I hate myself for being in that situation. But honesty is what matters the most.

[Gunny376]

What you should do is dump this little gal, shave your head, eat nothing but rotting fuit and vegetables out of dumpsters, walk around in robes, self-flaggulating yourself with a cat of nine tails, ridding yourself of the impurties of your soul that women have wrought upon you ~ until your have cleansed yourself of said impurties

 

Seriously though ~ in my own case ~ when I got with my last LTR GF after my divorce I had been "over-there" across the pond during the first Gulf War. Only to come back and have my azz handed to me in the form of divorce papers, (and no there were no freaking yellow ribbions tied around any old oak tree! )

 

So, I collected up the pieces of my azz, head, and soul and in a stunned and dumbed fashion found my way to North Carolina to finish up my twenty in the Corps.

 

Having become more than accustomed to the Spartian life of a Marine ~ I moved into the SNCO (Staff NCO) barracks. It was nothing more than a room with a bathroom on the side, pretty much like your typical motel room, but with an entertainment center type thing, a double bed, and a recliner. One man per room.

 

Now to your average civilan type going from a home with a wife and children ~ this is the "pits" ~ but to a carrer Marine its "good living" all things considered, (Hey! When I first went in, I lived in a barracks with forty other guys, no AC, "gang" showers, and toliets, where you could turn your head and look the other guy in the eye as you did your business. When the guys in the "head" (Marine-Nautical term from toliet facalties) would get ready to flush they would yell "Fire In The Hole!" so that the guys in the shower could step back. If they didn't, they would suddenly get scolded with nothing but hot water! If they didn't yell this courtesy ~ everyone got a good laugh at watching you do tha' "dance" in the shower.

 

The good thing about living in the SNCO barracks is that its "free" The only thing I had to pay for was my phone bill and cable tv (both optional).

 

I could eat in the mess hall ~ three meals a day ~ for less than $5 a day. I know military mess halls get a bad rap via the media ~ etc. But in 20 years in the Marines I've never had a bad meal. Maybe my taste buds died back in boot camp ~ I don't know?

 

Bottom line my out of pocket living expenses would have been less than $100 a month, where are you going to find a deal like that? I mean most of you would have been depressed and horrified living like that ~ but to a Marine that's damn good living. And there's lots of things to do on base ~ golf, horseback riding, state of the art gym ~ all free, (Side-bar, let me clear something up about all this ~ the taxpayers don't pay for all this stuff ~ Marines do. When a Marine gets in trouble and gets his 2/3'd of his pay anywhere from a week to six months ~ etc, it goes to the MWR fund ~ (MWR meaning Moral, Welfare, Recreation Fund)

 

So realistically ~ I could have been banking most of my pay for four years.

 

I was stationed 13 hours from my children ~ and what I should have been doing was moved my azz into the SNCO barracks, gone to work, and learned how to adapt and overcome 12 years of being married, having a wife and a home.

 

But No! I had to have me a girlfriend. And, so I went out and found myself one ~ and wham, bam, Thank you Ma'am ~ before you knew it and with little or no effort I had one. Then Bam! Before you know it we're shacking up.

 

Ahhhhhhh relationships? So damned EASY to get into, but they can be hard to maintain and even harder to get out of.

 

I figure that my need to have a GF cost me about $120,000 over the course of about four years, even more if you factor in that it lasted six and half years. I would have a tighter relationship with my children if I had moved my azz into the SNCO barrakcs and just concentrated on getting my head and azz wired back together.

 

Well? She's long gone now, and all I've got left are some memories of some seriously HOT monkey-type sex!

 

Hindsight being 20/20 ~ the way I describe her in my mind now is "Almost the right woman, in the wrong place, at the wrong time in my life!

 

I'm telling you EP, (Smack, smack, smack ~ upside your head!!) :mad:

 

 

You've been giving a blessing HERE! Don't blow it! You've been given a second chance! A new lease on life!

 

One thing for damn sure and certain! You just can't go wrong by yourself!

 

Yes it takes some doing to learn how to live by yourself and with yourself. Its hard ~ all day hard. Bite the bullet hard! Chew through leather hard! But you get through the otherside of it ~ its every bit worth it!

 

FREEDOM!!!! Free from want, freedom from need, freedom from desire! Freedom from worry!

 

Its out there, its attainable, ~ but you've got to want it! You've got to work for it! You've got to suffer through it.

 

I'd rather be just another single guy ~ than another miserable married man!

 

I'm not opposed to marriage, but I'm not looking for it, marraige is going to have to find me, not me find it!

 

Be married just to be married? Be in a relationship ~ just to be in a relationship rather than be alone? I don't think so!

[notspiritual]

El_Producto, being single again, you can discover your full potential, be the man you always wanted to be. Rethink your goals in life and start working on them. It’s very difficult to do that when you are in a relationship.

 

I have achieved more in the last month than I could have done in one year. I have dicovered new places, new hobbies. I made new friends. I have found the time to read a lot (like one book a week). I am building a network of friends and business contacts. I go to interesting conferences. I am redefining my career goals: I will be out of my student debt in 6 months and then start stacking the paper at a strong pace. With the right investment and right career moves, I should be able to retire at 45 with more than 1 million dollars. All these things I could not plan or do while in relationship because of the time constraints and the energy drain.

 

Be the man you can be first, you have an amazing opportunity to re-create yourself. When you have found yourself, you discover that to have a woman is not a problem. You can always find a woman. But to find yourself, takes a lot of time, so the sooner the better. Think how long it takes to create a good character in a RPG, or how long it takes to rank up the ladder in a RTS, as a video game player I am sure your understand what I mean. And If you played FPS, shame on you!

[Ladyjane14]

Don't forget that YOU are the guy who sets the parameters for what's acceptable to you and what isn't. Set your boundaries in accordance with what you're comfortable with and then stick to them.

 

It's not necessary to over-think and analyze every nuance, but what IS necessary is that you be in the driver's seat of YOUR life and that you keep heading in the direction you most want to go. Eye on the prize. Moving ever toward your truest goals whatever they are.

[sumdude]

The only advice I have EP .. is listen to your gut. From what you posted your gut is saying >>> WHOA! Down boy!

For me right now it's like having two minds .. or the two guys on my shoulder.

 

"Sure would be nice to get have someone around, get those good feelings and get laid. Dang she's hot and nice.. hmmm. "

 

vs.

 

" I am still dealing with the divorce emotionally, financially and legally. How the hell can I give much of myself to anyone. I'm still having those occasional spells of greif so there's no way I'm over this yet."

 

as well as

 

" Who the hell am I anyway?"

 

It's your gig ... play it straight.

 

For myself I'm taking the tack of having freindships with women right now. Seems like if I get the idea to make 'a move' I stop myself anyway. Later on ... we'll see what happens.