3rd date disaster: please help

[fancybird]

Hi Everyone,

 

I'm new and would really appreciate some sound advice.

 

I met "D" nearly 3 weeks ago at a bar. On our first 2 dates, he didn't lay a finger on me. Our 3rd date took place in his apt. watching movies, well one thing led to another and we went as far as oral sex. I do feel a bit uncomfortable now, like I went too far too soon.

 

I didn't hear from him the next day so 2 days later I emailed him and we had a nice chat. He called that night at 9:00pm to see if I wanted to do something, but I wasn't in.

 

Sorry for rambling, my questions are:

 

1) Do you think he's decided that I'm just a "good for now girl" because of our 3rd date?

 

and

 

2) Is it a bad sign that, with the exception of our first date, he always asks me out last minute?

 

BTW, we are both 30.

[Just A Girl2]

Keep in mind, my response to you is based only on my personal opinion/beliefs, and you're free to disagree or disregard it.

 

I've personally never been one to engage in any kind of sexual/intimate behavior (well, more than major kissing) within the first few dates..in fact, I don't even CONSIDER it until it's apparent (or discussed) that we're in a mutually 'exclusive' relationship. Sure, *most* guys would love it if a woman is willing to get hot and heavy very early on...but IMO, I doubt they have much respect for her......afterall.....if she does with him, she's obviously been that way with others......and has perhaps been 'around the block a few times'?

 

It's entirely possible that this guy is either really shy, and asks you out at the last minute because it takes him some time to work up the nerve (does he seem like the shy type?)........could also be that because you've both gotten intimate (yeah, oral sex counts) SO SOON, he feels a little awkward...or maybe deep down, he just regrets having moved that quickly.........OR, perhaps he suspects that because you two WERE intimate this soon, that now you want to be realllllly serious/have a serious relationship with him......and maybe he a) wanted to just go slowly or b) isn't looking for a relationship/just some "fun."

 

Now this bit about him always asking you out 'at the last minute'.....how many times has he done that? You've had 3 dates with him, and then there was that 4th time where he called but you weren't in. How many of these 4 times did he ask you out at the last minute?

 

What kind of person does he seem to be? Have you had any discussions about what each of you is looking for (in terms of fun/relationship/etc).....or have your dates been pretty much just 'superficial'? (lighthearted chatter about everything BUT relationships/etc)

 

Does he SEEM like he might be the type to be a player?

 

When you met him at the bar.......how did you connect? Was he 'trying really hard to pick you up'? Who pursued who?

[Tony T]

1) Do you think he's decided that I'm just a "good for now girl" because of our 3rd date?

 

No matter what his opinion is, that can be turned around easily with your future behavior. However, not being a mind reader and not knowing his name, location and a whole lot more about him it would be lame for me to speculate on what he's decided.

 

I think you should have known a whole lot more about him before doing the oral sex thing.

 

2) Is it a bad sign that, with the exception of our first date, he always asks me out last minute?

 

It's not necessarily a bad sign, but it's not good practice. You need to let him know you need more advanced notice. When he does this, you have to often let him know you have plans but if he would have asked a few days earlier you might have been available.

 

There are a lot of people who are impulsive and last-minute like this and people let them get away with it. It's not good and you have to let him know and see that last minute crap is not acceptable to you.

 

P.S. I think it is horrendously dangerous to have oral sex with somebody you met in a bar three weeks ago and you only had two previous dates with.