Erik Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 C'mon, Bridget, give the boy a chance. I learned the hard way that everybody is not like me, can't you give this guy the benefit of the doubt? And that goddamn book you always refer to... If it held all the answers, we'd all be happily married, no need for LS. It's not like she's risking her life taking a chance with him, and he seems like a nice guy to me. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 C'mon, Bridget, give the boy a chance. I learned the hard way that everybody is not like me, can't you give this guy the benefit of the doubt? And that goddamn book you always refer to... If it held all the answers, we'd all be happily married, no need for LS. It's not like she's risking her life taking a chance with him, and he seems like a nice guy to me. Exactly. What's the big f*cking deal? What's the worst that can happen if she ask how he feels about her and it turns out he's "just not that into her"? At least she then knows and can stop pining away for him. And he might be into her. Isn't that worth taking the risk of finding out? Link to post Share on other sites
polywog Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 And that goddamn book you always refer to... If it held all the answers, we'd all be happily married, no need for LS. So true, of so many self-help books! One can mine some gems from them, but ultimately real life is such a mud-puddle compared to those books that we just need to muddle through and experience the risks ourselves! Plus that book doesn't do real justice to women Or men... It's not like she's risking her life taking a chance with him, and he seems like a nice guy to me. I agree, he sounds nice to me, too. She's not risking her life, but she's risking her short term happiness... and that's one of life's scary moments! Link to post Share on other sites
Erik Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 Exactly. What's the big f*cking deal? What's the worst that can happen if she ask how he feels about her and it turns out he's "just not that into her"? At least she then knows and can stop pining away for him. And he might be into her. Isn't that worth taking the risk of finding out? Thanks, Norajane. One thing, though. If she asks him how he feels, he will never admit, thinking it a trap or a test. Better she tells HIM how SHE feels, even though I'd recommend a sneakier approach. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 She's not risking her life, but she's risking her short term happiness... and that's one of life's scary moments! She doesn't sound very happy to me now. She sounds anxious, tense, upset, jealous, and anguished. They've been friends for 10 years. She's not going to lose his friendship if he's not interested. It may make things awkward for a short while, but how is awkward worse than what she's feeling now? Link to post Share on other sites
Erik Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 She's not risking her life, but she's risking her short term happiness... and that's one of life's scary moments! Yes, she is risking something. But I very much doubt he will slap her or run away screaming if we're wrong. I bet he will be flattered, anywhichhow. The biggest risk would be that he is an ***hole and he will use it to play her. But as we agree he is a nice guy, this risk seems rather small to me. Link to post Share on other sites
bridget_jones Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 Even without reading that book, her post is screaming he is just not that into her. And I don't see him as that great of a guy. He asked her if she had sex after a date. She said "no." So then he was extra sweet to her? Yet he never made a move. He's stringing her a long. He knows she's in love with him. It's very convenient to have a friend to help out with rent and household chores. also it is absolutely true that if you have to make excuses for a man's lack of romantic advances, it's just not there. He simply would have made a genuine move now and heaven and earth would not have stopped him from pursuing if he was interested in her romantically. I can say with all certainty he is not. Please stop giving Lovelace hope. Link to post Share on other sites
polywog Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 She doesn't sound very happy to me now. She sounds anxious, tense, upset, jealous, and anguished. They've been friends for 10 years. She's not going to lose his friendship if he's not interested. It may make things awkward for a short while, but how is awkward worse than what she's feeling now? Yes, she is risking something. But I very much doubt he will slap her or run away screaming if we're wrong. I bet he will be flattered, anywhichhow. The biggest risk would be that he is an ***hole and he will use it to play her. But as we agree he is a nice guy, this risk seems rather small to me. Well, because I am myself a bit of a scaredy-cat, or at least sympathize with her dilema, I could understand why she hasn't jumped him yet. You guys are right, I guess.... could just end up being another page in the book of their long journey as friends. I am rooting for a luv-match, tho resulting from her bone-jumping! Link to post Share on other sites
bridget_jones Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 Honestly, after reading this guy's past, I feel Lovelace is selling herself short and she can do a lot better. This dude kinda sounds like a loser to me. I mean she's working toward her nursing degree. What's he doing with his life? She can do better. Lovelace, can you look for guys who are students on campus? Time to get out there and find someone better. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoveLace Posted March 19, 2007 Author Share Posted March 19, 2007 Lovelace...please stop making excuses for this man. He is just not that into you to put it bluntly. Have you read the book He's Just Not That Into You? If you have to make that many excuses as to why he's not acting on his romantic feelings to you, he just doesn't have any. It is so sad today how women will make excuse after excuse after excuse after excuse for men who just are not in love with them. "He doesn't want to ruin the friendship" "We're roommates" "His exfiancee years ago cheated on him." "He is bitter because of past experiences" "He is afraid to make a move because he thinks I am not interested in him" "He's Just Not Ready for Emotional Intimacy Right Now" "He has a Fear of Being Rejected" yada yada yada yada...I'm sorry but the reason he wants you to keep living with him is because he can continue to rent a better place with you helping out with rent! Sure,he likes you. but he's not interested in a romantic relationship. You might even be able to get him to bed...but...he's just not that into you. There is NO sign from any of your posts that he wants you in a romantic way, there just isn't. Guys go for what they want...He hasn't gone for you. Remember....if you have to make excuses for his behavior, and that is pretty much what you have been doing this entire thread, he's just not that into you. Bj...I never said his past or his bitterness or his being cheated on has anything to do with me. I was only responding to someone else who mentioned it. It's HIS excuse for not trusting women, according to HIM. I never assumed he was directing this towards me at all. I"ve never thought of it as a reason why he might not pursue me in particularly. And I'm sorry, but being roommates is a pretty good excuse not to pursue someone if you ask me! Because HELLO if you LIVE with the person you would be afraid to create awkwardness. It's MY excuse for not trying harder...so who's to say if thats not his excuse too? I dont' think either of us are "afraid of losing the friendship" at all; therefore I don't use that as an excuse for him, either. Just because the other people here say it, doesn't mean i agree with that. I could pour my heart out to him and he would be nothing but understanding. Even knowing that, though, it makes me nervous to think about. I do believe he's possibly afraid of rejection (anyone human is) and I believe he has a lot of respect for me. He always has. But in the past I was horrible about letting him know I respected him return, that I thought he was great, etc, but I'm a different person now so I'm a lot better about doing that for him, and he responds to it in small but many ways. I have heard all about the book you speak of, and I agree that women should not pursue men who aren't pursuing them back on the same level. But you see, my roommate and I are on the exact same level. I am just as affectionate towards him as he is towards me,etc. We treat each other exactly the same. I don't try to upstage him in the game, I just keep playing. And it appears that the more I do this the more interested he becomes in me as a woman and as a person he likes to be around. If a romantic thing develops between us, it's going to have to take time, cuz we are in a delicate situation. There are very few men out there who will just come out and go "I want you so much!"...its against their rules! They see that as being a "wuss". I don't require that guys shower me with flowers and mushy stuff. I expect to be treated with respect though, and my roommate does this well. He's starting to wait on me for chris sakes, offering to get me water, etc, out of the blue after living together 6 mos. He's starting to enjoy doing things for me...I couldn't have said that about him when we 1st moved in. I am just questioning his change in behavior towards me here. I'm stuck in a lease, it isn't like I can get up and move out on him at anytime. And we already said we like living together, so why would he have to suddenly start doing things to convince me he's a good roommate? Link to post Share on other sites
polywog Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 Even without reading that book, her post is screaming he is just not that into her. And I don't see him as that great of a guy. He asked her if she had sex after a date. She said "no." So then he was extra sweet to her? Yet he never made a move. He's stringing her a long. He knows she's in love with him. It's very convenient to have a friend to help out with rent and household chores. also it is absolutely true that if you have to make excuses for a man's lack of romantic advances, it's just not there. He simply would have made a genuine move now and heaven and earth would not have stopped him from pursuing if he was interested in her romantically. I can say with all certainty he is not. Please stop giving Lovelace hope. I don't mean to give her false hope, but I think that the stereotype of men being always the one to make the first advance doesn't do justice to men or women. There are plenty of men, if you search the threads on LS, who are afraid to make the first move... and plenty of women who do. I just hate these books that paint the sexes with these dumb broad brushes. It's simplistic, and makes people look at a person just as their gender, and not as a human. Just sayin'. Link to post Share on other sites
bridget_jones Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 Sorry you need to get a grip on reality. He has shown that he is capable of a romantic relationship with someone else, even living with them and being engaged to them. He would show that interest in you if he was interested. The only thing he has been interested in you for is casual sex for his own comfort. You're making it complicated and it's really not. Plus I just think you are too good for him, in all ways. He's a user. It's a very convenient situation for him to have a roommate paying rent and household duties. So he leads you on throwing you bones so you'll stick around. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 Okay, okay, okay, here's a suggestion that sits in the middle because it's not much risk: Call him at work and ask him if he's interested in a dinner by candlelight of [insert food here], if you make it. He will either agree or he will snuff out your candle. Not much risk, no direct contact, the ability to see if he's interested in any way, shape or form. No risk, no return. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoveLace Posted March 19, 2007 Author Share Posted March 19, 2007 You just seem to think you know everything. Excuse me, but you just called someone who I consider family and love dearly, a Loser. You have no right to judge him that way, you don't even know him. Also, he does more chores around the house I even do, becuase he knows I have little time with being a full time employee and a student. Do you think I would live with anyone who didn't have a job or the ability to pull their weight? You seem to think I'm f****g stupid. He is a restaurant manager, and he works like 60 hours a week. He doesn't even drink alcohol. He's about as responsible as a person can be. He is also a single father of 3 teenagers. He puts all the time he possibly can into them. None of that spells LOSER if you ask me. You should do a little less reading and dont rely on books to tell you what is right and what is wrong. That book is like a reformed Feminist cult. Also, for the LAST time, WE DONT HAVE SEX!! In reference to Nora Jane and Erik, I am an anxious person....but I AM happy where I am...that's the problem!! My roommate seems to know how to make me happy (at least in the roommate/friend way) and I am happy to be a part of his life with his kids. I am happy to go home to them. I want to keep it and I have butterflies in my stomach when I think of how cool it would be to stay the way we are, only better. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoveLace Posted March 19, 2007 Author Share Posted March 19, 2007 I will bow out of this thread now, its getting hairy, but I appreciate everyone's opinion weather I agree or not. Its all helpful in some way no matter what. So I'll just be back when something else develops. Link to post Share on other sites
bridget_jones Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 Uh, I'm not getting this out of a book. It's common sense he's not into you. Alphamale says the same thing. You're helping him out with rent and household chores, of course he wants you to stick around. the reason I call him a loser is not because of his background of making a living and such, it's that he has been stringing you along all this time because he knows you're in love with him and he continues to throw you hope knowing he has no intention of following through with any of it, such as when he pretends to be jealous, etc. FAct is he knows he could easily have you, you've provided comfort sex for him before. Fact is, he hasn't shown any interest. You asked for advice, so you're getting some. Link to post Share on other sites
Erik Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 Bridget, back down, please. Your opinion has been duly noted. Can't you read? If you can't see that this guy is no creep, maybe you need glasses or something. Link to post Share on other sites
Erik Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 Ooohh, so now Alphamale is your new guru! Link to post Share on other sites
bridget_jones Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 He's a creep for leading her on. He asks her if she has sex on her date, then acts super sweet for 2 months. He knows exactly what he's doing, throwing her a bone to keep her hanging on (paying rent.) Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 He's a creep for leading her on. He asks her if she has sex on her date, then acts super sweet for 2 months. He knows exactly what he's doing, throwing her a bone to keep her hanging on (paying rent.) You are not immune to hanging onto bones - you have a whole thread around a two line email your ex sent you asking if you have "any big plans" for your upcoming birthday, and now you're wondering whether he wants to get back together just because of that little throwaway line in an email. Pot/kettle. Link to post Share on other sites
blue16 Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 So I'll just be back when something else develops. Sounds like you're just going to 'wait for something to happen.' At that rate you'll be here 3 months from now discussing the same problem... Either make a move or move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Erik Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 You are not immune to hanging onto bones - you have a whole thread around a two line email your ex sent you asking if you have "any big plans" for your upcoming birthday, and now you're wondering whether he wants to get back together just because of that little throwaway line in an email. Pot/kettle. Not to mention the, let's face it, UTTERLY ridiculous thread about a phone call where your BF asked about your father. Link to post Share on other sites
Erik Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 Speaking of, are your BF in rehab yet? Link to post Share on other sites
polywog Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 I will bow out of this thread now, its getting hairy, but I appreciate everyone's opinion weather I agree or not. Its all helpful in some way no matter what. So I'll just be back when something else develops. Yeah, I just logged back on and there's some kind of battle going on here, but me, I'll be eager to hear what's up with you. I wish you the best! Answers! One way or another! You both sound like very nice people. Link to post Share on other sites
bridget_jones Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 You are not immune to hanging onto bones - you have a whole thread around a two line email your ex sent you asking if you have "any big plans" for your upcoming birthday, and now you're wondering whether he wants to get back together just because of that little throwaway line in an email. Pot/kettle. Eh, I don't want to get back together with him. One HUGE differece...I had an actual romantic relationship with him. I was hoping for only insight into male behavior, just curious. If he does want to, I don't want to. I don't want to lead him on if he does want to reconcile, so I'm wondering if he's looking for 'bones' from me. I even stated that in the thread. Are you having reading comprehension problems, Nora, because that is what I teach to learning disabled teenagers. Let me know if you need any tips. Not even, Nora. LOL Link to post Share on other sites
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