Author fancybird Posted December 4, 2002 Author Share Posted December 4, 2002 This point I'm about to make is kinda irrelivant but, I'm gonna share with you gals anyway. My last boyfriend and I did have sex on our 3rd date and we ended up living together for a year and a half. I broke it off, because I didn't want to get married. I'm basically just making excuses for myself, but maybe that's why I let things get so far so soon with D? Because in my past I did the same thing and it went my way. Link to post Share on other sites
lostone Posted December 4, 2002 Share Posted December 4, 2002 Maybe he's just as freaked out. Yes, there are some guys that are not the typical guys! Seems to me that if he didn't want anything to do with you he wouldn't have called you... Maybe he's just as nervous as you are. Nothing wrong with taking the big, adult step and trying to talk to him: I think grovelling has nothing to do with it; it's called common sense... Link to post Share on other sites
KarPar Posted December 4, 2002 Share Posted December 4, 2002 Why didn't you want to get married? Am I allowed to ask these questions? Is this a pattern for you? Link to post Share on other sites
KarPar Posted December 4, 2002 Share Posted December 4, 2002 Lostone- Let me guess. You're a man. You have a totally different perspective on this then I do and I think it's interesting. I'm going to ask a guy friend I have about this. This is really a good thread you've started fancybird. Link to post Share on other sites
Author fancybird Posted December 4, 2002 Author Share Posted December 4, 2002 For Karpar: I'm not ready for marriage and as much as I loved him I realized he wasn't the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Is what a pattern with me? Sleeping with guys within the first 3 dates? I've been thinking about it and I have done it quite a few times, sometimes a relationship came of it, sometimes it didn't. For Lostone: I really appreciate your optimism. I left him a message this morning, and he hasn't returned my call yet. So I'm not going to call again. Also, I think I'd rather discuss this in person rather than on the phone. So I have to wait and see if he wants to see me in person again. Link to post Share on other sites
lostone Posted December 4, 2002 Share Posted December 4, 2002 Karpar: yes dear I happen to be a man. That was just my thoughts from my heart. I am proud to give such an different opinion from the guys perspective because I was blessed not to have "the typical guy" syndrom... Link to post Share on other sites
KarPar Posted December 4, 2002 Share Posted December 4, 2002 lostone- a guys perspective is always welcome and appreciated. fancybird - you sound mixed up right now. How long after you broke it off from your last bf did you start having sex again? Maybe you need to slow down a bit. Link to post Share on other sites
lostone Posted December 4, 2002 Share Posted December 4, 2002 Fancybird: You are welcome. I just tend to believe that honest talk with someone sets a record that you are strong and you know how to get what you want out of life, because life is rather tough; including relationships Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted December 4, 2002 Share Posted December 4, 2002 First off, don't call him again. He's the guy--he needs to call you. Second, if he really likes you, it doesn't matter if what you did. Going to fast too soon is not always a deal breaker. It just depends on how both people feel about each other. If he really likes you, you could've slept with him on date one in a 12 hour love marathon, and he would not have held it against you. However, (as I'm sure you know!) it is generally better to hold off until you are sure how the other person feels, which is why most people do so. But then again, it does take two to tango. Why are YOU the one sitting here feeling bad? Regardless of how you feel, there's nothing you can do about it now. It happend, so end of story. When you do talk to him, don't dwell on it. Heck, don't even bring it up. Later on, if you find yourself in an intimate position with him again and aren't comfortable, just tell him things went a little faster than you are comfortable with, so you'd like to slow down and get to know him a little better before you end up in that position again. Third, I think it's terrible that he is asking you out at the last minute. He called you at 9 at night to get together? What does he think, that you don't have a life? I don't think there's anything wrong with getting together last minute occassionally, but I also don't think it would kill him to give you a day or two notice. Next time he asks you at last minute, just say (very sweetly), "Oh, I'd love to but I already made plans for tonight." He will get the idea very quickly that if he wants your time, he can't ask you at the last minute. If he really wants to see you, this will not deter him at all. (And frankly, I think it's just polite!) Link to post Share on other sites
Author fancybird Posted December 4, 2002 Author Share Posted December 4, 2002 Thank you so much Clia. Link to post Share on other sites
KarPar Posted December 4, 2002 Share Posted December 4, 2002 fancybird: Will you keep us posted on how things work out for you? I really hope things work out for you! Link to post Share on other sites
Author fancybird Posted December 5, 2002 Author Share Posted December 5, 2002 Thanks for you help Karpar. I will definitley keep you posted (fingers crossed) Link to post Share on other sites
KarPar Posted December 5, 2002 Share Posted December 5, 2002 thanks fancy bird: I sent you my very first private email message. I don't even know how to get my own emails. I'll have to do some research on that! has "D" called yet? Link to post Share on other sites
Author fancybird Posted December 5, 2002 Author Share Posted December 5, 2002 KarPar, I haven't recieved a private message from you yet? And no, "D" did not return my call today. I think the time has come for me to admitt that the writing is on the wall. He is obviously not quiet as taken with me as I am with him, so on to better fish in the sea. Thanks to everyone on this board for giving me a forum to vent. Link to post Share on other sites
KarPar Posted December 5, 2002 Share Posted December 5, 2002 fancybird: I agree with you. If you can you should try to forget about him. I think he's not as interested in you as you are in him. That's probably very sad for you but that's reality. How many guys has this happend to you with? Sorry about that. I did send you a private email. I didn't know how to see them either. You have to go to the bottom of your home page and find a button down there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author fancybird Posted December 5, 2002 Author Share Posted December 5, 2002 Actually, I just replied to your private message....I hope you can find it. Link to post Share on other sites
KarPar Posted December 5, 2002 Share Posted December 5, 2002 I did find it! I'm pretty dumb when it comes to computers but I figured it out! I'm really proud of myself! I replied to your message! Link to post Share on other sites
Debster Posted December 5, 2002 Share Posted December 5, 2002 Hi, I have friends who believe in the 'Third Date Rule' meaning it's ok to have sex on the third date. I think that rule started from Cosmo or Glamour. Anyways, just wanted to let you know that I doubt that he'll think your a 'just for now' girl because you had oral sex. As for the last minute thing, it's probably because he enjoys spending time with you but IS A MAN. Men rarely plan ahead. And myself being 30 and also from Toronto, I find it's pretty fricking common for Toronto men to be like this. Men from Mississausage and the suburbs tend to plan. Who knows why, but that's what I've found. Link to post Share on other sites
Debster Posted December 5, 2002 Share Posted December 5, 2002 For some reason, I didn't see the pages of responses you received, with most of them (mind you from one person) basically saying you blew it. I disagree. Maybe where they live, it was a huge faux pas, but hey - I live in the same country and city as you, I'm the same age as you and you know what I've been there, done that. Some have worked into long-term relationships, others haven't. But you know what? I had good sex!!! Link to post Share on other sites
fancy girl Posted December 5, 2002 Share Posted December 5, 2002 Debster, Thanks for the encouragement, but he STILL hasn't returned my call from yesterday. I haven't spoken to him (except for 1 quick email exchange) since date 3 on Sunday....this can't be good? I feel like an idiot. Link to post Share on other sites
KarPar Posted December 5, 2002 Share Posted December 5, 2002 Hi FancyGirl: You're not an idiot! If you were you wouldn't even care about this. I think that Tony guy brings up a valid point. It is dangerous to allow some guy you met in a bar to perform oral on you on the 3rd date. Scary!! Link to post Share on other sites
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