bf can't get over my sexual past

[D.S. - 28 yr old]

I have been in a long distance relationship for a year and a half with a Greek man. My boyfriend (23) is overseas and as a result of this, we have spent a lot of time online & I have told him EVERYTHING about myself...maybe too much. Being totally honest, I answered every question he asked about my sexual past.

 

The facts being: I've never had a serious relationship before this one, I've only had two other sexual partners, one was a one night stand and the other lasted about two weeks. (After seeing college friends heartaches, I never wanted relationships that I knew were futureless...I broke down to my sexual urges twice) He knows that I've used a vibrator in the past and now accuses me of ruining my sexuality and says that he has problems climaxing inside me because of it.

 

I love my boyfriend very much but I can't figure out what his hang ups are. I told him these things because I didn't want to hide any part of my life from him. I never expected him to constantly use these things against me. He says he pictures me doing the things from my past and that it makes him sick. I'm not proud of what I did, but I can't change the past. I also don't deserve to hear about my mistakes for the rest of my life.

 

The things that happened occurred long before we knew each other and I can't understand why he can't let it go. When we are together, things are wonderful. This issue is the only thing we ever argue about and is making me reconsider that this is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. I hate arguing about this and the thought of losing my boyfriend breaks my heart but sometimes I really get tired of it.

 

I have very limited experience with relationships so I can't figure out if what I did was really as terrible as he says, what his issues really are, and whether I can help him come to terms with the facts of my sexual past. Can we work this out or should I let him go?

[Cici]

Ok here's the deal. If he keeps argueing with you about things in the past that you can't change, then the issue is not about your sexual past. It's soemthing else. Why argue about something so pointless? Nothing can be accomplished by talking about past behavior that you don't engage in any more!

 

I make it a point not to mention my sexual past. It complicates things and really, he doesn't need to know every aspect of your life. Relationships aren't about union. They are about two independent people who are compatible who come together with common goals and hopes. Complete union is dangerous, crossing boundaries that don't need to be crossed between two separate individuals.

 

Explain to him your problem: that re-hashing these old occurances accomplishes nothing. It may be culture clash...you never know! If he continues to be unbendable on this issue, re-think your relaitonship.

I have been in a long distance relationship for a year and a half with a Greek man. My boyfriend (23) is overseas and as a result of this, we have spent a lot of time online & I have told him EVERYTHING about myself...maybe too much. Being totally honest, I answered every question he asked about my sexual past. The facts being: I've never had a serious relationship before this one, I've only had two other sexual partners, one was a one night stand and the other lasted about two weeks. (After seeing college friends heartaches, I never wanted relationships that I knew were futureless...I broke down to my sexual urges twice) He knows that I've used a vibrator in the past and now accuses me of ruining my sexuality and says that he has problems climaxing inside me because of it. I love my boyfriend very much but I can't figure out what his hang ups are. I told him these things because I didn't want to hide any part of my life from him. I never expected him to constantly use these things against me. He says he pictures me doing the things from my past and that it makes him sick. I'm not proud of what I did, but I can't change the past. I also don't deserve to hear about my mistakes for the rest of my life. The things that happened occurred long before we knew each other and I can't understand why he can't let it go. When we are together, things are wonderful. This issue is the only thing we ever argue about and is making me reconsider that this is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. I hate arguing about this and the thought of losing my boyfriend breaks my heart but sometimes I really get tired of it. I have very limited experience with relationships so I can't figure out if what I did was really as terrible as he says, what his issues really are, and whether I can help him come to terms with the facts of my sexual past. Can we work this out or should I let him go?