Erratic behavior and suspected drug use in BF?

[Cwillpie]

Hello,

 

I went on line today looking for signs of cocaine/pot addiction because I have been seeing a good man who has progressively gotten more unpredictable with me.

 

We have only known each other since August, and he wonderful to me at first. After a few months, the strange behavior began. When we were together we would always drink wine and eat chocolate and have sex. It was sort of our thing (and I don't mean more than 2 glasses). Then one day he brought out the pot, which did not freak me out too much because I had experimented in college.

 

He admitted to being a pothead and then laughed so I thought he was kidding. But this is what made me start to wonder. He knew that I was married to an alcoholic before, and everytime we saw each other after being apart he would say that he had not had anything to drink since the last time we were together. But when we talked on the phone during those times we were apart, he would tell me that he had been out drinking all night-had gotten into fights--and that sort of thing. Had a knife wound, and talked about not being able to stop a bullet.

 

He began to make dates, talk about all of the things we would do together in the future--but would then cancel at the last minute. When we did see it other it was wonderful and he told me over and over that I was the only bright spot in his life. That we were going to have a great future together-that sort of thing. But the next day he would pull away, then I would not hear from him for days.

 

He would make dates a few times a week and then cancel 80% of them--saying he was sick or had to work. Then when we did spend time together he would act like nothing was wrong, and thank me for never giving him a hard time--telling me that everyone else was giving him grief.

 

Becuase I suspected something was wrong, I showed up at his apartment after he had cancelled plans saying that he was sick. He looked terrible, but was sweet to me and I let it go. He has always been very moody, but blamed that on his Italian/Greek heritage.

 

This week though things changed. He asked me out to dinner, called me about six times that day (normally I would not hear from him for days or even a week at a time). On the way to dinner, he took out his "one-hit" pot cigarette and proceeded to take a few hits. Then after a minute or two he grabbed my hand tightly and told me that he had been with another woman during the time that we were together.

 

That she was a cocaine user, and that it was over. Previously he had told me he was not into cocaine, but that night he said the only thing cocaine did for him was make him chew gum. He asked me if I had ever used before and I told him that I was too smart for that and I would leave the room if anyone started using.

 

I was in love with this man, so I told him I needed to think about this and we went in for dinner. During dinner he started talking about our future, marriage, taking me home to meet his mother. Then called me that night, the next morning and every day since.

 

Saying that he was taking care of things, that he knew he had been two men with me and he did not like the other man. He knew that I was good for him and said this other woman was not. Said that she owed him money and I would not believe what he had to do to get it back. Said he did not want any of that to touch me. He asked me several times not to let this "ruin" us.

 

I went out of town for a few days, still getting a lot of attention from him although he seemed down. Then I called him to say that we needed to talk--and he did not want to see me, but when I pressed he said okay. Called me an hour later to delay the time saying that he was finishing something up and wanted to have some wine when I got there (code for sex) and focus on me.

 

When I showed up, he would not look at me and told me that he could not give me what I wanted. We talked for awhile, and he said he thought I should go out with other men-but not tell him about it because it would kill him-and we could get back together in a month or so. It did not matter what I said to him--he was cold and would over-react to any comment I made.

 

He told me that nothing meant anything to him anymore. I have never seen him so depressed. I dropped by the next day to check on him because I was so concerned about the look of despair on his face. He refused to come out and see me-cursed and hung up on me. Called me later, but I would not answer because at this point he has truly scared me.

 

Two more things--First, this man is a competitive raquetball player--won the state doubles tournament for his age group--told me raquetball was the only thing that never let him down--and has adruptly stopped playing (last month). He claims to still be working out, but has lost weight and says that he is having stomach troubles.

 

Second-I had him over to my house for the first time about a month ago. This may sound crazy, but I am wondering if there could be a connection. I recently went to find a diamond ring of mine, and discovered it missing, along with a sapphire ring. I thought nothing of it at first, just figured it was lost, but have looked everwhere.

 

I know it was there last month, because I like to switch rings occassionally. He is the only one that has been to my house as I just moved three months ago. Since I have a security system, I know that no one else has been in.

 

Does this sound likes the signs of an addict? I suspect it is true and that he may have been close to rock bottem when he confessed to me the other night. I don't want to be around him if he is addicted, but also do not want to do nothing.

 

Any advice?