caramba Posted March 18, 2007 Share Posted March 18, 2007 Me and my husband were engaged for 8 months. He never gave me a ring. At the time we were dealing with all sorts of things, like finding a house, etc. He makes very good money and I am still in college. None of us wanted the big wedding, in fact we elooped. Anyways, I never got a ring. And it's been hard, people have been asking and commenting on my lack of ring. I feel like theres always something more important to spend money on, like stuff for the house, etc. I'm still in college and my husband is the one paying the mortgage and the bills and my car. So I dont feel right wanting a ring at this point. I'm torn on this issue. I'm not a materialistic woman. I just don't know why he never gave me a ring when we were engaged. I've asked but he doesnt really give me an answer. Should I forget the ring and just be happy? We have a great happy marriage. My husband tells me not to care about what other people think and that we dont have to be like everyone else. He is not cheap, in fact, he is extremely generous. I just think he feels like theres no need for a diamond ring. I think he feels like its a waste of money. And maybe it is. But I do miss having a symbol of our love. It doesnt even have to be a diamond. It could be some other center stone. I just think that the ring represents something, and it would have been fun to find something nice. What do u ladies think? Is the ring important? Or would u be happy without? Link to post Share on other sites
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted March 18, 2007 Share Posted March 18, 2007 How did he propose without a ring? Just curious. Have you discussed the wedding bands yet? You could maybe pick out a set that includes a solitaire, or whatever it is your dream ring would be like, or maybe even make the wedding bands extra special to make up for no engagement ring, like something custom made. Is the wedding in the near future? If not, then rather than wondering why he hasn't given you one, maybe ask him if you two can go find something to wear as a sign of your engagement. Link to post Share on other sites
catrocks Posted March 18, 2007 Share Posted March 18, 2007 I don't think it's being materialistic to want an engagement ring. You obviously realise that the commitment is the most important thing, but it is nice to have a ring to symbolise the fact that you were engaged and now married. It's not like you're saying "I want a huge diamond". How have you brought the subject up with your husband? Perhaps you could go shopping with him and take him to a jewelers window or something and show him the ones you like - he will see that they're not necessarily huge expensive diamonds and that you just want a nice ring with a centre stone to go with your wedding ring. But no, I don't think you're being materialistic at all - most people get a ring when they get engaged and it's a nice symbol of that time in your relationship, and while you shouldn't care what other people think it's not really about that, it's about missing out on something that a lot of people get when they're engaged Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 It can be done. My wife didn't want an engagement ring and wears only her wedding band on her left hand. I've purchasd her other rings and jewelry in the 10 years we've been married but an engagement ring was not important to her and our commmitment was, and remains, just as binding without it. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 If it's meaningful enough for you, continue stressing this to him. If not, let it go. It's not up to him to decide your needs although he does hold the purse strings. In another thread, nj suggested to another member to bring out the wedding magazines for the guy who wouldn't define marriage. Perhaps it's time to bring out the jewelry store flyers and leave them laying open to engagement rings oh so casually on the coffee table...daily... Link to post Share on other sites
Grinning Maniac Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 But no, I don't think you're being materialistic at all - most people get a ring when they get engaged and it's a nice symbol of that time in your relationship, and while you shouldn't care what other people think it's not really about that, it's about missing out on something that a lot of people get when they're engaged People only see it as a "symbol of love" due to decades of advertising by a corrupt diamond cartel who had that very purpose in mind. The diamond trend, diamonds as an engagement obligation, that "two months salary" line, all of it...it's all made up. STOP BEING GULLABLE. DIAMONDS ARE NOT RARE "FOREVER" GEMS. They are ridiculously common and worth nowhere near the amount people pay for them. If you start believing that someone doesn't love you just because they won't buy you a big shiny rock...you really are a sucker. Get a grip. Reading these posts, all I see is: "Well, yeah I know I'm a sucker, but being a sucker is ok, because the TV told me as a little girl that I should be a sucker, and also my friends are suckers and they say I should be a sucker too, so I want to be a sucker. If my man doesn't buy into the scam, he doesn't love me and I need to date stupider people who will go along with one of the biggest rip-offs in human history." Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 Diamonds are nice. She's entitled to like whatever she likes. If she doesn't need a diamond, how about a sapphire or a ruby? Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 I love jewelry. I love "bling". So I made sure I got the ring I could wear for a long time - that I liked. Yes loaded. But I don't think the diamond or size of said diamond is indicative of the commitment - I mean look at the stones celebrities get married with and then divorced just a short time later. The stones can be any you'd prefer. Not just diamonds. The band, however, was a "have to have". I guess some would say I bought into some fantasy as a child - but to me wedding bands are symbolic of the commitment. There'd be hell to pay if husband was caught without his on his hand. I believe it represents our vows and everything I said to him the day I put it on his hand. I couldn't do without a band. It is the only jewelry I wear on a day to day basis. Link to post Share on other sites
catrocks Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 People only see it as a "symbol of love" due to decades of advertising by a corrupt diamond cartel who had that very purpose in mind. The diamond trend, diamonds as an engagement obligation, that "two months salary" line, all of it...it's all made up. STOP BEING GULLABLE. DIAMONDS ARE NOT RARE "FOREVER" GEMS. They are ridiculously common and worth nowhere near the amount people pay for them. If you start believing that someone doesn't love you just because they won't buy you a big shiny rock...you really are a sucker. Get a grip. Reading these posts, all I see is: "Well, yeah I know I'm a sucker, but being a sucker is ok, because the TV told me as a little girl that I should be a sucker, and also my friends are suckers and they say I should be a sucker too, so I want to be a sucker. If my man doesn't buy into the scam, he doesn't love me and I need to date stupider people who will go along with one of the biggest rip-offs in human history." Ok, sure. Diamonds are not forever. I told my fiancé to get me a cubic zirconia engagement ring but he chose a diamond because it's "normal" OK, so NORMAL is not actually a thing. But we have been brought up thinking that if you get engaged, you get a ring. It doesn't always have to be like that and not having a ring doesn't make the couple love each other any less, sure. But sometimes it's nice to have things because "normal" people have them. No one can ever say that they are totally unaffected by popular culture which demands that we have engagement rings or are a size zero or whatever. But who is perfect? If she feels that she would like a ring who are you to say that she is materialistic, or that any of us are? Different people, different opinions I guess. But wanting an engagement ring doesn't make anyone a "sucker" as you so nicely put. Oh and another thing, the original poster was clear that the ring was not about whether or not her husband loves her. I don't need a ring to know that my fiancé loves me, but SOMETIMES GIRLS LIKE SHINY THINGS. And we shouldn't be judged for that. Link to post Share on other sites
serial muse Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 Hm...I personally would be okay without the diamond I think, seeing as you're already married. One thing that I'm wondering though, is whether you actually have a wedding band?? Technically and much more traditionally, the band is the symbol of your union, not the engagement ring. Although I don't agree with maniac's "sucker" bit, it is quite true that the idea of a diamond (or similar "forever" stone) engagement ring is a fairly recent invention. And now that you're already married, I'm not sure what the point would be, aside from having something pretty and flashing on your finger to catch the light. It doesn't seem, symbolically, like it would change anything. That's not to say you absolutely shouldn't have an engagement ring if it's really, really important to you, but it sounds more like you're wondering what others think about its relative importance. So I'd say no, I don't think it's that important. JMO. Link to post Share on other sites
yhan_627 Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 Why do you need the engagement ring for? You're already married right? So if you are then maybe you already have the wedding band. Which is way important than the engagement because the engagement is like a phase before the wedding. and besides it doesn't mean that if you have an engagement ring your relationship will last or something. I am going to get married this year. We didn't have an engagement ring cause he can't afford it yet cause he is buying me a wedding ring. He never proposed formally. All I know is that we will be getting married few months from now. Girl be happy that you are together. and like you said your marriage is great so don't think about the engagement ring anymore. Think about how you can keep your marriage life burning and new everyday. Link to post Share on other sites
chryssy83 Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 Maybe you just tell him it's important to you and you'd like a ring for a birthday, valentine's, or anniversary. Anniversary would be good, since it's a day about your marriage. I would look at the root of your desire. Is it about something you want or something you think others expect? If you want it and the two of you can afford it, there is no reason why you shouldn't have a pretty ring to wear with your wedding band. If you have such a great marriage, surely he'll listen if you tell him it's important to you. Link to post Share on other sites
rainfall Posted March 23, 2007 Share Posted March 23, 2007 For me a ring wouldn't really be important. I don't really care for jewelry or anything like that in the first place. I also know that my boyfriend and I have alot better things to spend money on then a diamond that I would probably lose somehow or that my cats would decide to try to see how it tasted. Link to post Share on other sites
Author caramba Posted March 24, 2007 Author Share Posted March 24, 2007 Thank for the responses everybody! I guess the ring is not that important. I never cared when we were engaged because we had so much other things to enjoy and spend money on - and I was just happy that we were together! The lack of ring didnt get appearant to me until later when people started asking were it was. We do have weddingbands, simple ones we picked out together, that we never will take off. I've just been looking at other womens left hands more now and I realize that most women have a diamond. I never really paid attention to it before, silly me!!! My husband wants to 'make it right' now since I asked him why he never gave me a ring and since people like his sister has said that its "awful" that he never gave me one. So maybe I just want one because everyone else has one? And thats probably a pretty stupid and immature reason. Thanx all!!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
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