Yamaha Posted March 20, 2007 Share Posted March 20, 2007 He said he's about to call her and apologize for the scene today He shouldn't apologize for telling her of his feelings. He picked the wrong time to tell her ( with the ex and the other guy ) but the outcome would have been the same regardless. Now he knows and he will have to deal with it. She has no reason of cutting off your friendship. If she ends it with you you probably weren't that good of a friend to her anyway. I would try to be supportive to him but don't baby him. He needs to learn to stand up and take responsibility for things in his life. Losing a friend happens sometimes and he didn't want a just friend relationship with her. Just tell him she was not the one for him and sometime they might be able to be friends again, after the hurt and betrayal. Link to post Share on other sites
Author McFadden Posted March 20, 2007 Author Share Posted March 20, 2007 Well he was apologizing for putting her in an awkward situation but he agreed that he can't be friends with her, and he pretty much told her goodbye and have a nice life. And he seems pretty ok about it. And she was not and sent me a scathing email about how everything is my fault. But whatever, he may not have made a move if I hadn't talked to him about it, but why would she want him being miserable and in secret? Link to post Share on other sites
sunshinegirl Posted March 20, 2007 Share Posted March 20, 2007 Yuck, tough position to be in. If at all possible, you should probably try to extricate yourself from all the fallout and finger-pointing, giving absolutely no more advice to either of them, conveying absolutely no more information about one to the other. As you've learned, it's just a no-win situation for you. And/or just develop a tougher skin around it. It's easy for them to blame you - that way, they don't have to face their own role or responsibility in the matter. (I guess that applies more for the guy than the girl in your situation, though I wonder if over her 2 year friendship with the guy she picked up any signs that he was into her? and subtly encouraged him because, I don't know, she liked the attention?) If you can remember that none of this is really about you, maybe you can let more of it bounce off instead of upsetting you so much? You're particularly easy to blame since you are so new to the friendship with both of them - they can easily think "gee, everything was fine up until McFadden arrived on the scene!" Link to post Share on other sites
Yamaha Posted March 20, 2007 Share Posted March 20, 2007 Because she sees you as pushing him to do this thing and you spoiled her fun. She enjoyed his attention and figured he'd never have the guts to ask her so she could just soak up his adoration. She knew he liked her but was content on keeping him in the place she wished (friends). Now she doesn't have someone who thinks she's all that and she's mad ( at you ). Link to post Share on other sites
Author McFadden Posted March 20, 2007 Author Share Posted March 20, 2007 Yep, whether or not she knew, it was going the way she wanted it before I came on the scene. So I'd expect fingers to get pointed at me. However this was boiling up to the surface anyways and I unknowingly came in at the wrong time. I am a little bugged because we all clicked and were having a lot of good times, and it seems like every time that happens, some force has to dismantle it shortly after me coming on the scene. I always mean well but I'm just socially cursed I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
Erik Posted March 21, 2007 Share Posted March 21, 2007 I always mean well but I'm just socially cursed I guess. No you are not. You should congratulate yourself. You have acted like a man and this has been a great success. Doing the right thing, does not always equal being friends with everyone. It may not feel like success at the moment, but this could have turned out MUCH worse. Link to post Share on other sites
Author McFadden Posted March 21, 2007 Author Share Posted March 21, 2007 Yes, yes I guess it has. Thanks to the people who gave me advice about the Just Friend, its what needed to be said. He isn't happy about it but at least it was all over quickly, and there are no severed balls or bodies floating face down in a lake, and hookers didn't need to come into the picture..or wait is that a good thing... Link to post Share on other sites
Author McFadden Posted March 25, 2007 Author Share Posted March 25, 2007 She begged/guilted him into being friends again. She said that she loves him like a brother and can't stand it that he abandoned her and ect. So he agreed to be friends because he said he doesn't want to hurt her. On top of it she has got back together with her ex. My friend told me he is going to wait in the wings while she's dating this guy and try to move in again if they break up. What the hell has happened to this guy's common sense? Doesn't he remember the agony of getting slapped down last time he made a move on her? I blame her at this point. She knows its better for him to have space, everything was going better for him when they stopped talking but she would not leave it alone. She already has her boyfriend, I don't know why this is a big deal to her. I have it in my mind to say a few words to her even. But well I haven't said anything about it to either of them, even though I'm hanging out with both of them again. Should I do something or am I just meddling in their business? Link to post Share on other sites
Yamaha Posted March 26, 2007 Share Posted March 26, 2007 She begged/guilted him into being friends again. She said that she loves him like a brother and can't stand it that he abandoned her and etc. So he agreed to be friends because he said he doesn't want to hurt her. On top of it she has got back together with her ex. My friend told me he is going to wait in the wings while she's dating this guy and try to move in again if they break up. What the hell has happened to this guy's common sense? Doesn't he remember the agony of getting slapped down last time he made a move on her? I blame her at this point. She knows its better for him to have space, everything was going better for him when they stopped talking but she would not leave it alone. She already has her boyfriend, I don't know why this is a big deal to her. I have it in my mind to say a few words to her even. But well I haven't said anything about it to either of them, even though I'm hanging out with both of them again. Should I do something or am I just meddling in their business? There is no way she has any type of love for him, brother or not. She is just very selfish and thinks only of herself. He is the fool in this and there is only so much you can do or say. I would leave him to his fate as he knows the score. It's to bad he has no respect for himself because she certainly has none for him. You tried and I would just let it be. Link to post Share on other sites
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