Turning the table

[Ruby Tuesday]

You know, people who were married may always have those feelings for each other, as much as divorced people also have very strong feelings, (like unfinished feelings) and I would think that a BS who just had the door slammed on them (past present and future) would have a lot of unfinished business with her ex. When you come between two people that just leaves more unanswered questions and feelings they never knew they even had before. It's a crossroads with the man you spent so many years with. It's something just between them.

 

And then there is the personal effect from when this OW had involved herself so personally into her life (sending presents to her kids) and the OW crossed the line right there, and the affair went too far.

 

If you think this OW cried her eyes out when she harassed this woman on the phone you would be wrong. This was this womans whole life. I would look at it as some other woman is going to walk in my home and replace me and take away everything I ever had from me, that would not be so easy for me to just forgive and forget about that.

 

You know, I would look at it as though I have the same equpiment she has. It would also be my instinct to rip this person to shreds and bathe in chocolate pudding and high heels afterwards with her so called husband. I would know (inside knowledge) everything that turns him on. It would not be a fair fight.

 

Some people say, it just happened, like it was innocent, they could not reasonably have prevented it from happening, but what if the xBW wanted it to happen. The opportunity presented itself and she took it. Maybe she just wanted a part of her life back. Maybe she still loves him and hasn't been able to shut that part off after the divorce. I'm talking about that intimacy, that closeness that you only get with how many years spent together, especially when you are only familiar with that one person after all that time. I'm not suprised, nor shocked that it happened.

[Confused27]

no matter how you look at it, still being involved makes you the fool.. The OW will find out that he is still a cheater, and when she does, she will react according to her own history with him...but you have no delusions about this man. You know full well who he is....

i really think if the OW knew, she woldn't find it as being revenge...she would paint you as being weak and needy. You really have nothing to gain. The silver lining in finding out that your husband was a cheater is that it opened you up to finding someone who isn't...but he is still in your life. i just dont get it

 

what would really be revenge is not letting him do this to someone else, even if you hate them.

[lindya]

I like our relationship as it is. We have know each other for 20 years. I like the time me and her now husband spend together. I laugh to myself everytime I see her come with him to drop off the kids and she has to get out of the car and hug my children and then swat him on the behind in front of me while staring at me over her shoulder. She actually thinks he is faithful to her. I love it. I am having alot of fun right now. I am doing great at work and I am also dating another man whom is not married. I don't want to get married again and I am enjoying my freedom. Who knew being the OW to my ex, who married the his ex-OW whom ruined our marriage, would be fun.

 

This has the ring of a revenge fantasy rather than actual reality. Too many details sound inauthentic, and details involving the children are skimmed over as if they're just one-dimensional cardboard cut out actors in this whole scenario as opposed to....children. There's just no sense of you being remotely concerned about the impact/fall-out that this situation would have on your children, so I really hope it is just some revenge fantasy.

 

Anyway, whether it's true or not...what were you looking/hoping for from readers when you posted this message?

[whichwayisup]

This has the ring of a revenge fantasy rather than actual reality. Too many details sound inauthentic, and details involving the children are skimmed over as if they're just one-dimensional cardboard cut out actors in this whole scenario as opposed to....children

.

 

That's the thing, neither of them ARE thinking of the children.

[enoughisenough]

Sounds like forbidden hot naughty sex to me. I would probably have a hard time giving that up too. And it doesn't sound like the OP wants to give it up or feels any guilt in the matter. I probably wouldn't have any guilt either if the wife (ex-ow) tore my relationship apart either.

 

It's quite astonishing how men like him have the need to remarry over and over again. I don't get them at all.

[Trialbyfire]

Sounds like forbidden hot naughty sex to me. I would probably have a hard time giving that up too. And it doesn't sound like the OP wants to give it up or feels any guilt in the matter. I probably wouldn't have any guilt either if the wife (ex-ow) tore my relationship apart either.

 

It's quite astonishing how men like him have the need to remarry over and over again. I don't get them at all.

If it's need, it's probably the need to legitimize the children...

[enoughisenough]

If it's need, it's probably the need to legitimize the children...

 

And then when a divorce occurs, there is pretty much the same outcome: a broken home. People have no sense. There was no good reason this man should have remarried in the first place.

[Trialbyfire]

And then when a divorce occurs, there is pretty much the same outcome: a broken home. People have no sense. There was no good reason this man should have remarried in the first place.

Or married in the first place either. Some commitment issues here for certain.

[GuessI'mHere]

Does having another woman's inner juices on your MM's scholong make it more appealing or something?

 

Because I'm still not getting why anyone would become an OW.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

Not even for that kind of twisted revenge would I sleep with my H if I divorced him BUT I love the story!

[pricillia]

To.. OP

 

You may not love him but you still have a strong emotional attachment to him, and that is why you can't let go... or unless you are very cady.

 

Also has anyone mentioned the fact that OP is seeing another man, how does he feel about this whole thing, does he know that you are still sleeping with your ex?

 

I guess I just don't see the reasoning behind this whole thing, well maybe I think that when he was cheating on you, you felt powerless and now you feel like you have taken some power back, but don't let this go so far as to bite you in the butt.

[puddleofmud]

I suppose this may feel "good" for you right now but I would be aware of what the other posters have stated and also that it most likely will end as another tangled, hurtful mess.

Do you plan to free yourself from this at some point?

Perhaps you have yet to emotionally internalize that your EX and now current lover is not exactly "loving" material for ANY woman...although sexual material is a factor; do you feel that you have actually gained any real emotional ground for yourself other than to stay sexually engaged?

The scenario is interesting but one can't help but surmise that the situation is gleefully vengeful.

Seems at some point one would carry this further by letting the new spouse know what is going on--or at least allowing or even arranging yourself to be "accidentally caught"?

Otherwise the power you feel you may have gained is not "complete" because it would seem the enjoyment you derive is not about HIM at all but more about HER.

How long will you remain satisfied about bedding HIM without her knowing?

Just a curious thought....

[NoIDidn't]

This story is funny. I know, I know, I should say "what about the children", but what some of you don't realize is that many a child would love to see that there is a chance for THEIR own parents to get back together. They won't care about the original homewrecker until they have families of their own.

 

This game will have to end eventually, though. Your ex doesn't realize that he is in the middle of a primal female tug-of-war. Or he does but he is loving having sex with 2 (or more) women.

 

He only married the OW because she was convenient and wanted him. Sorry, ladies. And she only married him to make all of her harrassment of your family "worth it".

 

But, darnit if this isn't funny. I have to say, I wouldn't do it nor do I condone it, but its the best story on LS today that's not by some starry eyed OW who thinks the rest of us is out to "get" her.

[FeelingLost]

But' date=' darnit if this isn't funny. I have to say, I wouldn't do it nor do I condone it, but its the best story on LS today that's not by some starry eyed OW who thinks the rest of us is out to "get" her.[/quote']

 

Well you are aren't you? I see in another thread you got burned by an OW... At least be honest about your bitterness

[NoIDidn't]

Well you are aren't you? I see in another thread you got burned by an OW... At least be honest about your bitterness

 

I feel sorry for anyone who thinks that they can hurt me with my past.

[Ladyjane14]

Not even for that kind of twisted revenge would I sleep with my H if I divorced him....

 

I would. I'd do it in a minute even if I had to hold my nose.

There's NO WAY an OW would ever enjoy the kind of emotional security she had denied to me. She'd ALWAYS be insecure if I had my way.... or at least until I got tired of pissing with her.

 

That sounds mean, but... the MM and OW kind of 'create their own monster', don't you think? Why should a betrayed wife respect the marriage vows of two people who had deliberately disrespected hers?

 

Instead of becoming the hardened, "bitter", stereotypical ex-wife, the OP has made LEMONADE out of the lemons she was handed. She's building self-esteem off the very people who tried to take it from her. Actually, that sounds healthier than alot of other ways I've noticed people doing it.

 

I'm always amazed at how often OW and OM disregard the animosity of the betrayed spouse. More often than not, they've created a life-long enemy in having disrupted another person's home-life. How can it be surprising that there will be occasional evidence of those hard feelings?

 

Eventually, the OP will get bored with her former tormentors and move on with her life. But she'll do it on her timetable and not on theirs, and because she's got it out of her system... she'll feel alot more empowered. As long as she practices safe sex and doesn't allow her ex-husband to give her a social disease, this is a less destructive way to release her animosity than many I can think of.

 

 

 

As far as the kids go... Hey, it's not like the OP is tying them into a chair and making them watch.

And even if they do find out, it's better than if Mom was bringing home random men.

 

Fact is, my own divorced parents snuck around quite a bit whenever they weren't fighting. My siblings and I weren't "scarred" by the experience. Eventually, kids grow up and realize what they saw. And from an adult perspective, it's kind of funny how they'd get preoccupied and let us get away with all sorts of mischief. It's very humanizing.

 

I don't know how the OW's child will do. That's not within the realm of my experience. But... at the end of the day, the man's a cheater. I think it's unlikely that ANY of his children will never know him for who he is at his core. If he wasn't sneaking off with his ex-wife, it'd more than likely just be with somebody else.

 

Unfortunately, we can't always 'write off' the old cliches. In this case, it would appear that in marrying her affair partner, the OW has created a job-opening for a mistress.

[GreenEyedLady]

It's interesting how alot of people who are not DIVORCED say they would sleep with their EX if they were divorced...

 

As a divorced woman, I WOULD NEVER GIVE MY EXH THAT PLEASURE AGAIN...

[NoIDidn't]

It's interesting how alot of people who are not DIVORCED say they would sleep with their EX if they were divorced...

 

As a divorced woman, I WOULD NEVER GIVE MY EXH THAT PLEASURE AGAIN...

 

You know, GEL. It really depends on the circumstances. Not going into too much detail, but in your case I can understand the never doing it again. I know I wouldn't do it if those were my circumstances.

 

But we are talking about a woman that already knows how the man is in bed. How many of us have kept sleeping with an xBF until another man came along? I just imagine M creating a much stronger draw for divorced sex.

 

Which, BTW, is VERY common.

[GreenEyedLady]

You know, GEL. It really depends on the circumstances. Not going into too much detail, but in your case I can understand the never doing it again. I know I wouldn't do it if those were my circumstances.

 

But we are talking about a woman that already knows how the man is in bed. How many of us have kept sleeping with an xBF until another man came along? I just imagine M creating a much stronger draw for divorced sex.

 

Which, BTW, is VERY common.

 

When you go through a divorce, you really SEE who that person is...and your feelings really change...and why have sex with someone who totally crushed all your ideals about marriage and love and happily ever after?

 

I think those who do continue having sex with their X, whether it's common or not, haven't resolved their issues with the M and aren't really sure of who they are as a newly single person...they're still holding on to the past...and fear the future...

[sara500]

To the poster that states that this is unreal, well, put your romance novels down because things like this happen more than you know. For the record, I am not hurting my children. My children doesn't see me getting intimately involved with their father. We are intimate with each other while my children are over at his house and his wife is watching them while he is suppose to be at work. I view her as my free babysitter.

In front of my children, we are civil to each other and we do not let on that we are intimate.

 

Yes. I am having fun with him. When I am done, I will dump him. I don't want to be with him all the time. I had him and I know how he is. No. I will not tell his wife. She'll find out one day as he is the one that want to leave her to come back to me. I don't want to be married or in a long term relationship with him except as co-parents. Sorry if you guys feel that I am wrong for what I am doing but I don't feel that way. Yeah two wrong don't make a right. But it feel good doing the wrong and watching her act like he wouldn't do it to her as he already is. Don't worry, I will make sure he has replacement when I dump him. Don't you think his new wife (old mistress) deserve this. Shouldn't she get the same thing she dished out? Don't his new wife believe that married men should have a sexual relationship with other women after all she was involved with him when we were married. So why should it be any different since she married him.

 

If you mess with a married man then don't get upset when a woman mess with your husband. I have been through the hardship of learning that your husband is cheating. So, I want to see how it is to be the other woman. Just so happen, I am the OW (temporarily) to my former spouse who is cheating on his new wife who was his former mistress that assist my ex -spouse in breaking up our marriage.

[lindya]

To the poster that states that this is unreal, well, put your romance novels down because things like this happen more than you know.

 

 

People sleeping with their ex spouses? I'm sure it does. Sex with an ex is always going to be a big temptation.

 

I doubted your particular story for various reasons. It surprised me that you should set up all these situations where your own children are spending a lot of time alone with another woman who you hate and who you are systematically shafting. Then again, maybe bitterness and rage has just clouded your judgement to the point where you're no longer capable of putting your children's needs before your own.

 

Given that she's spending so much time looking after them, let's hope your ex husband's new wife has a somewhat more mature outlook on life.

 

The overall impression I'm getting from your story - assuming it's true (and I still think it's probably at least 55% power/revenge-fantasy) is that you're trying to regain some sense of power. The idea that when you get "bored" of sleeping with your ex husband you'll set him up with someone else to spite his wife sounds very much like the kind of soap-opera style plotting 14 year old girls dream about when they've fallen out with eachother.

[Ladyjane14]

So, I want to see how it is to be the other woman. Just so happen, I am the OW (temporarily) to my former spouse...

 

I think it's one thing to be the OW in the situation you're in... not the healthiest thing but not the worst case scenario either. Just make sure you never do it to another married woman who's done you no harm. You'd probably end up having a hard time feeling good about yourself.

It's not like you don't understand the pain a betrayed wife feels. You surely don't want to inflict that on some random woman. So go for the SINGLE guys.

 

Hey, and when it's time to dump the ex... You'll probably be tempted to disparage his 'tackle' and whatnot. Give some thought instead to leaving him dangling. It'll drive him NUTS always thinking he might get one more crack at you, and it'll make him easier to deal with on parenting issues to boot.

 

Revenge, after all, is a dish best served COLD.

 

 

 

p.s. to GEL.... Heck yeah I would too. I've been with my guy for over 25 years and we've got a long history of mercy pops before we worked some things out. I think I could manage.

 

My BIG problem would be in how to make sure she found out without getting busted for telling... all the while STILL making sure she received 8x10 colored glossies of the main event. (!!!!)

I'd be qualified for job writing script on Days of Our Lives if I could pull it off.

[GreenEyedLady]

p.s. to GEL.... Heck yeah I would too. I've been with my guy for over 25 years and we've got a long history of mercy pops before we worked some things out. I think I could manage.

 

You prove my point LJ...You are still married and will always be...you can't even imagine NOT having sex with your H...

 

And because of this, you don't know what it's like to go through a divorce...you don't understand what it's like to be continually disappointed by someone even AFTER the D is final...how he doesn't pay support, flakes on visitation, and is generally a BAD role model for your children...when you have one of those men for an XH, you'd rather WALK ON GLASS, then EVER have sex with him again...and there are unfortunately ALOT of those type of men out there...

[GreenEyedLady]

I find it interesting that many of the posts on this thread are really in favor of what the OP is doing...

 

What happened to that fine MORAL COMPASS that is usually applied to such situations?

 

Hmmm...I guess MORALITY really does have to do with one's agenda...and isn't as black and white as some would have us believe...

[Ripples]

It's a really personal thing, isn't it? I guess, like every scenario, it's unique to the individual.

 

I like to think I wouldn't sleep with my ex in a situation like the OP describes (even as an act of revenge), if there were children involved. I want to believe I'd act with complete decorum even if my children were to never know about it. But hey, there's some of my exes I'd never want to see again, never mind sleep with, but there's one I would be tempted by.

 

Either way, looking at what the OP is doing without taking into consideration her children or how she may feel about herself, it's gotta be a good feeling of getting your own back!