sheppy Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 Last May my husband left me and my 3 children they were 3yrs, 2yrs and 5 months old at the time. I found out when my new born (6 weeks old) was just born that my husband was having an affair with another law student, He was 35yrs old and the OW was 23 years old. Now he goes to a lawyer and they tell him "In the state of New York you have to have "grounds" for a divorce". Well he didn't have "grounds" so his lawyers advised him "do everything you can to make your wife hate you, so that she is the one who petitions for a divorce". So with that said the last 10 months have been an absolute "Hell". He realized that wasn't working so he moved to CT. He lied under oath at a child support hearing and when he found out that I new about the lie he withdrew the CT divorce (the Bar Assoc doesn't like liars) and moved back to NY. I did everything I could to keep this family together (even as far as crying to him) but he has said the most horrific, horrible hurtful things no woman should ever hear especailly when all you were was loving, supporting, putting him through school kind of wife. This leads me to "school"...since I put him through undergraduate school and 2 years of 3 years of law school he wants an immediate divorce because I will get a percentage of his degree and he is losing his mind over it. He HATES ME because I get a peice of the action on top of 29% of his paycheck for child support. I'm blown away how he has changed...school has changed him, he is arragant, looks down at me, and everyone else at that matter. He actually asked me "Do you just want to be a mother for the rest your my life because that won't contribute to this family" . Because you know the OW is a lawyer and they talk "quauntum physics" all freakin day long! Lastley, He will not speak to me, will only speak with my babysitter if he wants a message relayed to me and has never responded to any of my voice mails even when I had to take my daughter the hospital). Does anyone know how long it takes for the idiot to wake up and that this little girl he has shacked up with will never be able to meet him halfway in life. Not to mention once they start garnishing his paycheck she is sooooo out of here!!! There is nobody out there that I have spoken with has heard of a husband not even trying to make it work when there is so much to lose. I never saw it coming. Is there anyone out there that feels as stupid as I do? And is it possible to forgive someone who has actually I believe "snapped" and lost their mind, or am I just making excuses for him? Thank you so much for any posts. Link to post Share on other sites
tikigods Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 why would you want to remain with someone that odviously wants anything but to be with you? You aren't holding onto anything WORTH holding onto, let him go so you can move on Link to post Share on other sites
enoughisenough Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 Well, school is a good thing but reaching your own goals in spite of everyone else can get incredibly selfish. Apparently he feels he is better than you and his new girlfriend is smart and can offer him more in life. You chose a man who had no core values or character that a change in life actually morphed his entire personality. He might even be in a mid-life crisis, but it sounds to me that you had absolutely no idea who you married or got involved with. He seems to hate you and even resents that he has to pay to take care of his family (you and children included). I think you are trying to hold onto this man and for what?? He is an arrogant sob. Start working on yourself and making yourself feel and look good so you can find a better man. How is being a mother not contributing to his family? Wow, what a "man"! I might be a little presumptuous, but did this man even want kids? Some women seem to push the baby thing onto men that really have no aspirations for a family or at least at that point in time. Maybe he felt you paying for his education was like holding it over his head to get what you want. I am really only getting 50% of the story from you, but it sounds like the last thing on his mind was having a family. On top of that, both of you have deviating interests. Link to post Share on other sites
lorr Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 Sorry to say but your husband has not lost his mind, he was fully aware of what he was getting into and I'm afraid that you need to stop making excuses for him. As far as I'm concerned you should give him enough rope to hang himself, because although you know otherwise, that his little bit on the side is just after one thing. It seems that his head is way too far up his a*** It seems like you were playing "rescuer" in the relationship. Because rescuers believe that if they love enough, give enough, and do enough, they are able to save their partners from their problems. Majority of the time once the "rescued" get what they want, they are almost certainly out of there. This is clearly a man who is not into you whatsoever, so the best thing you can do is move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted March 20, 2007 Share Posted March 20, 2007 Does anyone know how long it takes for the idiot to wake up and that this little girl he has shacked up with will never be able to meet him halfway in life. From what I've read, it's usually something like 2-3 years. That's how long it takes for Infatuation to fade in most cases. Those affairs which maintain their secrecy can go a good deal longer, but after REALITY intrudes... they're subject to the same constraints as any other relationship, with love either blooming or withering. I believe if I were you... I'd make sure I had a really fine attorney and get what I could out of him. Your STBXH probably believes he's got it all under wraps, but he's still a STUDENT afterall. An experienced lawyer will make mincemeat out of him. p.s. I think I'd also make sure that little Miss Thing's parents find out who's screwing their daughter. A 35-year old man, who's deserted a wife and three babies, is UNLIKELY to impress them much. Reality is a bitch, you know. Link to post Share on other sites
MrsHellFire Posted March 20, 2007 Share Posted March 20, 2007 What a terrible human being he is. How are you coping with all of this? Being deserted by the love of my life with three kids and bills etc, I'd probably be the one snapping. One thing is for certain, he loves himself much more than you and the kids combined which is a shame. He's not husband or father material! I really don't see any point in trying to get him back. You need to be strong and start planning a life without him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sheppy Posted March 21, 2007 Author Share Posted March 21, 2007 Thank you all for replying. As far as what "enoughisenough" asked "Did he even want children?" That man wanted kids so bad thats why I banged one right out after another. He was loving the kid thing. What he couldn't stand was crying babies that kept him up at night when he had exams the next day or a crying baby in the car because he could not just walk away. Never helped me with feedings or with the kids period. But he claims he loves his kids and he has actually put in his petition of divorce, "custody" of the children. And he wants child support from me. (Big Joke) ...anyway Your all right he is self serving, selfish and probably does love himself more than me and the kids put together. Oh and to answer about if her parents know about the 35 year old boyfriend she has...yes...I sent an email to the father and sent 20 pics of my children and a nice little letter I even asked how he felt about that his beautiful daughter, the little girl he nutured and gave all he could to her but now she is somebody's mistress? Well I know that the father recieved the email because my husband was furious about it and told me so. So thank you again for the advice, God Bless Link to post Share on other sites
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