Guys: 'i knew you would get mad' excuse.

[Woggle]

Maybe a more diplomatic way to put it is that women behave based more on emotion; men - through a combination of genetics and social reinforcement - are engineered to be somewhat detached and objective. That is not to say that women can't be detached and objective; that is not to say that men can't be at times emotional or illogical; but it does typify, say, 60 percent of our thought processes. Is it something I can prove? Sorry, I don't have any research handy; I just know it from my own experiences, both in relationships in and in other facets of my life.

 

I am not a diplomatic man. I tell it like it is.

[Jersey Shortie]

General question: When guys use the excuse 'I didn't tell you because I knew you would get mad/act irrational/blow things out of proportion' excuse, should women consider that valid?

 

Sometimes people can blow things out of proportion. But if your spouse is with-holding information from you because *they* don't want to deal with the reaction, that is a major cop out. They are basically taking away your choices and opinions on a matter that they know you might take issue with. And I agree with the poster that said that it is a manipulative action used to control someone else. Too bad if you don't think you are going to liek the person's reaction. You did something you know would bother your spouse. Own up to it, deal with it, and let the card lay where they will.

 

Rudolf Steiner said that free men don't lie. What he meant was that there is no reason to lie unless there is an external impulse do so. If women really could handle the truth, men would not feel need to lie. In other words, it take two to lie: one to ask for the lie and one to serve it.

 

That is the biggest load of doody I ever heard. A real man/woman would own his own actions, and telling someone it's partially their fault because of the reaction you think they might have towards the information is something 2 graders pull. Not grown adult men/women. When you have grown out of your Spider man underwear come back and talk about men and women relationships. Blaming someone else for the reason you are lying is as pathetic as it gets.

 

 

 

 

So there is a very easy way to be honest with your wife, pretend you are a free man, that your wife matters not one whit to you: say it like it is, and if that does not please her, consider yourself perfectly entitled to say "Shut the **** up b*tch", and tell her to remover herself from your presence. It is easy, because for some unfathomable reason, that kind of behaviour pleases women. You don't like to hear it girls, but it's the truth.

 

 

[FONT=Arial][sIZE=2]Do you date women shelter vitcims? Women like men that are leaders and honest! They don't like men that tell them to shut the *** up.

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What gives anyone the right to decide whether she can handle the truth or not?

 

Exactly!

 

Men lie to women to protect themselves from what they perceive as the consequences, whether it's an angry girlfriend or mother punishing them.

 

Very true, People in general do this. This is about what the easier course of action for the liar, and getting the best benefits for the liar. Which reeks of manipulation and selfishness. I don't need a man or person like that in my life. Most people don't.

[Rhyla]

Problem is, you can't research that as there's no meaningful, operational definition of 'logical' and 'emotional', it's all psycho-babble.

 

And I WAS being more diplomatic about it.

 

Explain all the research that involves both terms and has operationally defined them then?

[Rhyla]

What Erik says is true about many women. Many women are like children in the fact that they throw emotional tantrums, are impulsive and when they do something wrong it is their husband's fault. Many of them never take any responsibility for their actions and it is impossible to deal with them on a rational and logical basis. This is not true of all women but it is of many. I don't think that women are like this by nature but they know they can get away with it because men let them. We feed into their childlike impulses.

 

**** man, alot of that sounds like a lot of men if you want to generalize? Are men not impulsive, selfish and do not take responsibility for their actions? Impossible to deal with logically? Care about nothing but their sexual gratification? And no, I do not believe this is true of all men, Im just saying if we're going to generalize, lets do it for both sides.

[Erik]

Explain all the research that involves both terms and has operationally defined them then?

 

Without knowing what research you are talking about, I can safely say it is psycho-babble. No operational definitions involved at all.

 

Or maybe YOU would care to answer amerikajin's question?

[Erik]

Blaming someone else for the reason you are lying is as pathetic as it gets.

 

Another illiterate idiot. Read my posts or f*ck off!

[bridget_jones]

Ha ha, here we go again....me stalking YOUR posts? lol

A couple posters, including Tanbark and Elinor, who gave me some very interesting insight about you recently. Check out his history.

All I did was disagree about forwarding an email you receive from your ex, I stated that it was too extreme IMO, that in a healthy relationship you shouldn't have to do all those preventative measures. Then YOU took the shot at me with the Erik thing. You just don't like it when someone disagrees with you then you throw in the potshots.

 

 

Okay, I've been very patient with you up until now. It's like having a chihuahua barking at you constantly. You want to give it a boot but you know that animal rights activists would be down your throat if you did.

 

Here's something upfront and personal. Get a grip, get a life and stop stalking me from thread to thread with your tiny e-penis in hand.

 

Now I know what it feels like to be a man and have a nattering, hysterical wife. Please go fixate on someone else...

[Erik]

I suggest people that have a hard time believing that the honesty-approach works, should read this thread.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t114862/

[Trialbyfire]

Ha ha, here we go again....me stalking YOUR posts? lol

A couple posters, including Tanbark and Elinor, who gave me some very interesting insight about you recently. Check out his history.

All I did was disagree about forwarding an email you receive from your ex, I stated that it was too extreme IMO, that in a healthy relationship you shouldn't have to do all those preventative measures. Then YOU took the shot at me with the Erik thing. You just don't like it when someone disagrees with you then you throw in the potshots.

bj, seriously...for your own good get some counselling...you fixate and obsess. Let things go, for your own mental health.

[bridget_jones]

bj, seriously...for your own good get some counselling...you fixate and obsess. Let things go, for your own mental health.

 

Oooooh, let's just keep it going. Can't let it go, can you Trialbyfire? Have to get the last word in, do 'ya? Whose fixating and obsessing? If you're going to insult me, then I'm not going to let it just sit there. Just like you won't.

[Trialbyfire]

Oooooh, let's just keep it going. Can't let it go, can you Trialbyfire? Have to get the last word in, do 'ya? Whose fixating and obsessing? If you're going to insult me, then I'm not going to let it just sit there. Just like you won't.

Well, I ignored you for quite awhile during your stalking but decided I had enough of it and addressed it.

 

Btw, pick your alliances wisely, no one likes to be used...

[bridget_jones]

Disagreeing with a post is not stalking.

[Trialbyfire]

It is if it's taken from thread to thread. That is what stalking is about.

 

Btw, say Hi to ellie for me. Tell her I miss her enlightening OW posts and her belief that if she wants someone else's man, she will take him.

[bridget_jones]

no, I don't go to post to post following your post. a lot of the regulars answer a lot of the same threads.

What Elie says about taking other men, that is her opinion, she has a right to it. Now myself I am not in a relationship now (no below the belt shots about that please) but if I am I am not threatened by those types of women.

[Erik]

If a relationship "works," why end it? I mean, wouldn't you only have one relationship that "worked" and no more? Excluding, of course, a commitment-phobe who couldn't be monogomous if his/her life depended on it.

 

Where I'm from, things work differently. Serial monogamy is a religion here, Danes tend to end their relationships when they don't feel they have anything more to give to each other. After seven years, you tend to say the same things. One of my relationships ended badly, yes, but the other two left no hard feelings what so ever. Not a bad track record, IMO.

 

If someone has to lie to someone else in a relationship, then why stay together?

I M H O

 

If you'd read my posts, you'd have noticed, that my position is that one should NEVER lie to a woman. This is not always entirely possible, but there you have it.

[Trialbyfire]

no, I don't go to post to post following your post. a lot of the regulars answer a lot of the same threads.

What Elie says about taking other men, that is her opinion, she has a right to it. Now myself I am not in a relationship now (no below the belt shots about that please) but if I am I am not threatened by those types of women.

 

You may want to read her posts. You associate with an interesting individual. As for Tanbark, he hasn't hit my radar. I have no idea what his petty grievance is.

 

Speaking of petty grievances, I'm sick and tired of yours. I seriously believe you need help. Go get some help or you will find yourself fixating over and over again about strange things. For example, the ex that asked about what you were doing for your birthday. That's a very common question because if people have big plans, they like to talk about them. You started a thread about that on LS because you found it an intrusive question and was looking for all kinds of reasons why he would want to know. This is not normal behaviour.

[bridget_jones]

No, I was just wondering if he was fishing to see if I was dating someone. It was a valid question, I just asked. I didn't want to lead him on into thinking I was interested into getting back together. I even said that in the post that I realized it wasn't one of those crucial life questions, I was just wondering. People then had questions and wanted to delve further into the situation so I gave them answers. Tons of people post on here with questions on insights into their exes' behavior. I was wondering if I should be in contact and AM said I probably shouldnt have contact with my ex anyway....so I did get some insight from the question. and you actually have it wrong, he wrote "It's your birthday soon. Any big plans?" That's all it said. You read WAY too much into the post and my intentions.

 

big whoop, doesn't mean I need therapy. not everyone agreed with your assessment, you do not have all the correct answers.

 

I am not associating with Elie, it's just that both Tanbark and Elie agreed with an assessment I had of your posts.

 

You are the one who is angry and has issues if you are going to judge me for posting that question.

[Trialbyfire]

No, I was just wondering if he was fishing to see if I was dating someone. It was a valid question, I just asked. I didn't want to lead him on into thinking I was interested into getting back together. I even said that in the post that I realized it wasn't one of those crucial life questions, I was just wondering. People then had questions and wanted to delve further into the situation so I gave them answers. Tons of people post on here with questions on insights into their exes' behavior. I was wondering if I should be in contact and AM said I probably shouldnt have contact with my ex anyway....so I did get some insight from the question. and you actually have it wrong, he wrote "It's your birthday soon. Any big plans?" That's all it said. You read WAY too much into the post and my intentions.

 

big whoop, doesn't mean I need therapy. not everyone agreed with your assessment, you do not have all the correct answers.

 

I am not associating with Elie, it's just that both Tanbark and Elie agreed with an assessment I had of your posts.

 

You are the one who is angry and has issues if you are going to judge me for posting that question.

Do yourself a favour. Get some help. You will be a happier person for when you can let things go, instead of fixating and obsessing. It can't be good to nurse petty grievances because it erodes on you as a person.

[bridget_jones]

Thanks for your assessment, Dr. Trialbyfire. LOL You're making me laugh. Seriously. I wasn't obsessing over the birthday question. You are the one making all these implications and reading a lot of things which aren't true over a simple question I posted last night. There is nothing wrong with posting a simple question, doesn't mean I'm obsessing.

 

If you could let go yourself, you wouldn't be continuing to post on this topic and hijacking this thread further. You're the one who needs therapy because if you come to the conclusion someone needs therapy over posts on a messageboard, you have serious issues.

 

 

 

Do yourself a favour. Get some help. You will be a happier person for when you can let things go, instead of fixating and obsessing. It can't be good to nurse petty grievances because it erodes on you as a person.

[Trialbyfire]

Thanks for your assessment, Dr. Trialbyfire. LOL You're making me laugh. Seriously. I wasn't obsessing over the birthday question. You are the one making all these implications and reading a lot of things which aren't true over a simple question I posted last night. There is nothing wrong with posting a simple question, doesn't mean I'm obsessing.

 

If you could let go yourself, you wouldn't be continuing to post on this topic and hijacking this thread further. You're the one who needs therapy because if you come to the conclusion someone needs therapy over posts on a messageboard, you have serious issues.

No one can help you until you're willing to help yourself. Point blank, you're unstable and unwilling to admit this. With this in mind, I'm over and out. If you continue to stalk me, it's now in writing and duly noted by all. I honestly wish you could learn to let go. If I can forgive a serial cheater, you can stop fixating.

[bridget_jones]

This is SO pot calling kettle. If you weren't fixating, you would have ended by now. I could so dig up some posts of yours and totally comment on those, but I am not stooping that low and going to the effort you have to assess me. Apparently you really care what I think that you go to this effort to run me down.

Not saying you need help, because I'm sane enough unlike yourself to know it's ridiculous to make that diagnosis from posts on a messageboard, but you are a b**ch. Get over yourself. And I don't think you're over your trust issues from your cheating Ex. Your posts reveal you still have a lot of pent-up anger over this. why else would you be visiting the OW boards? Because you have pent-up anger and need to take out that anger and pain on others. I feel sorry for you, hon.

[Trialbyfire]

This is SO pot calling kettle. If you weren't fixating, you would have ended by now. I could so dig up some posts of yours and totally comment on those, but I am not stooping that low and going to the effort you have to assess me. Apparently you really care what I think that you go to this effort to run me down.

Not saying you need help, because I'm sane enough unlike yourself to know it's ridiculous to make that diagnosis from posts on a messageboard, but you are a b**ch. Get over yourself. And I don't think you're over your trust issues from your cheating Ex. Your posts reveal you still have a lot of pent-up anger over this. why else would you be visiting the OW boards? Because you have pent-up anger and need to take out that anger and pain on others. I feel sorry for you, hon.

I'm quoting this so you can't change it.

[bridget_jones]

Ummm, OK, go ahead and report the thread. You started with the hijacking the thread then proceded to cut me down.

[Trialbyfire]

Eh, amerikajan's girlfriend clearly overreacted, though, Trialbyfire. She wouldn't even let him explain. She just sounds like a b**ch who has to get upset over something stupid. So he has a point, sometimes pure honestly isn't always the best policy.

 

That would be ridiculous and extreme. Personally an ex sending him an email doesn't put the guy at any obligation to do anything. I personally couldn't handle being in a relationship with a guy who would fly off the handle just because I emailed or received emails from an exboyfriend. What's wrong with a friendly email once in a while? In americajan's case, he is not at fault for ANYTHING and doesn't owe her an apology or an explanation just because his exgirlfriend wrote him one freaking email. His current girlfriend is the one with the problem because she lets herself get upset and interrogates her boyfriend for something stupid. But I have noticed a lot of your advice, Trialbyfire, focuses on blaming the guy no matter what.

The easiest way to get dumped by a guy is to fly off the handle and be needy and jealous and insecure like americajan's girlfriend over an email. That is definitely her problem, not his.

 

Trialbyfire, would you like to respond to Amerikajin now? Was it his fault in the way he approached the situation or was his exgirlfriend a bit irrational? And I caught the Erik joke. Whenever someone outreasons you, you take a potshot at them.

Quoted to ensure for that no changes are made. This should be duly noted that in this thread, I ignored her throughout the thread up to this point and never addressed her.

[bridget_jones]

Quoted to ensure for that no changes are made. This should be duly noted that in this thread, I ignored her throughout the thread up to this point and never addressed her.

 

Yes, I notice a lot of posters just jumping to your defense here.