Talking about marraige in 2 weeks!

[Guest]

Summary- M didn't want me... I moved on.... 2000 miles 7 months later still constant contact and a lot of talking.... I met another.... suddenly M wants me again... Damage has been done.... is it salvageable?? I am moving back regardless....

 

I will call him Brad... Brad and I broke up after living together 18 months. we continued to hang out at least 1 time a week and we still had really great sex. I went on dates now and then with other guys also. Brad and I broke up because he was a work a holic, he complained about things me or my son did to his family and friends and not to me, he lied about stupid stuff (where he got his hair cut) cause he felt he was losing his independence, and keeps in contact (through e-mail and phone) with ex girlfriends. I wanted to work towards marraige (obviously we had issues that needed to be addressed first) and he was content how things were...

 

10 months after I moved out and we broke up I really didn't think he would care as much as he did when I moved 2000 miles away. I thought we were just FWB after all. No talk of further commitment. I had already accepted a job so when he showed up with a ring the night before I left all I could say was that we had some talking to do... I had a job commitment 2000 miles away though.

 

This is 7 months later- he returned the ring, he still calls at least every other day, and has had a few dates. He has flown here once back in Sept.(he hates to travel- that was huge for him- oh- and he actually took off work- even more amazing!) and I went there over Christmas.

 

I miss my old job terribly and have seriously considered moving back. Back in December he said when I got back it doesn't mean we would be together. He liked his independence, But then, in Jan. I met a guy that totally knocked my socks off! (I have backed away from him lately) Anyway... the last 3 months This new guy has called about every other day and we have been together only in a group and no sex per his attorney... he's going through a divorce- yeah yeah I know baggage! No worse than mine though- so read on!

 

Since I met this guy and considered staying here for him (leaving anyway - I am too miserable in my job and he's mid divorce... ) Brad freaked! He's coming here in a couple of weeks to talk. I told him he couldn't come to my town cause I didn't want to ruin anything with this new guy even though we are "stagnant" and I am doing nothing wrong. He's coming to a nearby city instead. Brad and I didn't seem to be on the same page in what we want.

 

I wanted commitment- he didn't. NOW, however, he wants to talk marraige and says he was scared and sabatoged things with me out of fear of losing his freedom, and he swears he can and will change and he's matured and I am sure you all know the story. He's ready to go to a chapel and would really like me to quit taking my birth control.... (Don't worry- It won't happen this way!) So here are my questions.

 

This other guy and I are just being friendly and such... that's it. I like him- he likes me... but it's stagnant due to divorce proceedings and I just don't know that I want to be the rebound girl or the band aid. Obviously it's not really strong like it was way back in the initial attraction phase. He can't give me what I want and need emotionally right now and not sure I want to wait... But back to Brad....

 

1. Is it really possible for change like this and could his sabatoge story be valid?

 

2. When I meet him in a couple of weeks what are some issues we need to bring up and discuss to see if we really could be life partners if I buy into the philosophy that people can change? Like ground rules for what I expect from marraige and him too...

 

Oh... I do love him... but doesn't mean I have to marry him... but I would like to get married... I just want it to be long, stable, and healthy... or Maybe I am the commitment phobe! Do I live in fantasy land of "you just know" or are you suppose to think it through like this? I honestly don't know!!!

 

Thanks so much!