Emotional Incest - Momma's boy

[JCD]

Can anyone say Psycho?

[AHIWON]

I keep coming back to this thread to read more even tho this condition gives me the creeps. It's kinda like seeing a bad car wreck and people are hurt/dead but you just can't look away.

 

I mentioned this to a few friends and they feel the same way about it as I do.

[Tezza115]

Apparently this condition is becoming more common as there is an increase in single parent families.

[RecordProducer]

I keep coming back to this thread to read more even tho this condition gives me the creeps. It's kinda like seeing a bad car wreck and people are hurt/dead but you just can't look away.

 

I mentioned this to a few friends and they feel the same way about it as I do.

Everybody feels the same unless you're the "boy." I explained to my husband this morning that I realize I have to accept that he will always feel this way and be devoted to his brother more than to me, and that I know that he would rather lose me and the kids but live next to his twin than move a couple hours away from his brother and communicate with him like every normal brother. But he said I was talking shyt. Of course, me being completely alone and only surrounded with online friends and phone parents doesn't help the situation.

 

Apparently this condition is becoming more common as there is an increase in single parent families.

Tezza, why do you think that this condition is becoming more common? It's very possible that it hasn't changed and it's always been like that. My dad is a mamma's boy and his marriage with my mom basically fell apart because of that. The single-parent families are pretty recent (the last 20-30 years) while we see codependent men who are much older than that (my dad is 62).

 

The question is: are there women who are mamma's "boys"?

 

I think women instinctively tend to focus on their partners and immediate families, because for millions of years it has been the man who fed her little ones, not her mother or sister or father, and especially not her brother. I think statistically the least close relationship is between a brother and sister, because their interests in reproduction are not only opposite (he protects and she wants to be protected), but each creates their own family. Men on the other hand are naturally more self-centered and I am not talking about selfishness; I am talking about their biological role - to hunt alone (provide), to be brave (protect), and strong.

 

The man had to be in control of his feelings (fear, nervousness, and any type of weakness) to survive and provide food. The more cold-blooded and strong the more food he'd bring to the cave. With women it's the opposite: the more emotional and loving she was the more chance her babies had to survive, because she would love them enough to take good care of them. If she puts herself before her kids, they die.

 

Knowing that a man and woman have lived as a couple in a community for the past few million years, I think it's obvious that the man would enjoy a woman who is willing to give him affection (just like animals are affectionate toward each other and enjoy it). So, again, if the woman was loving (she didn't have enough brains to be a gold digger), she would keep her male close and thus have enough food for her and her children. Historically, she had no use whatsoever to be be protected by her parents.

 

So the species survived if the woman was warm and loving. I shouldn't actually say "man" and "woman", because these genes and habits started way before humanoids developed into humans.

 

So the man has to be the hero in the family. But that's exhausting. Just like motherhood is exhausting and that's why nature gave the ability to some animals and humanoids to share the responsibility of child-raising with others (mostly the fathers or other women). But the man needed this relief also and NEVER got it. Sharing food within the community didn't make his hunting role easier. So when a man can get relief from his expected mission - be protected by his mother instead of protect his wife - he tends to go for it. This is opposite to his biological role, but since he is a little child, he lets his mother's love overpower his instincts and he develops into a hybrid of his biological reflection and an eternal mamma's baby. Historically, the man had no use to be protected by his mother either, but since historically he felt he HAD TO BE the protector, once he feels the taste of being over-protected, he can't go back to his natural setup. Just like once we experienced a shower and a toothbrush, we can't go back to being dirty - it just feels better to be clean and smell good.

 

This is my theory of how this condition develops from anthropological point of view. To explain my husband's case (emotional dependence on his brother), I will use the theory of transference.

 

changingminds.org/disciplines/psychoanalysis/concepts/transference.htm

 

According to this theory, people project the desire to be protected on others (e.g. a teacher can be seen as a father, etc.). If children have grown up without seeing their parents much, they can focus emotionally on their siblings. My husband's mother has worked a lot and pursued her PhD and their father is a cold man, so the two boys were left to each other - to develop a close relationship that will satisfy their emotional needs. His brother is his "protective mamma" in every sense, except that he didn't give him birth.

 

Next time, girls, marry someone whose mother is dead!

[MoonGirl]

My husband is in such a relationship with his twin brother. For me it feels like another woman. But instead of sex it's the friendship, closeness, and trust that they share. He seems to prefer his brother's company to mine.

 

I feel like I am involved in bigamy, like my husband needs two people to be married to. The only difference is that it's not two women, but me and another man.

 

The worst part is: he lives next door. Thet call each other like 20 times a a day. They spend a lot of time together.

 

 

Ew! There's something nice about sibling love, but this is a bit much! If I didn't have 2 kids with my husband, I would no longer give him the time of day. I love my family and would do just about anything for them, but this kind of emotional incest closeness IS creepy.

[MoonGirl]

 

Next time, girls, marry someone whose mother is dead!

 

This could only be funny to someone dealing with emotional incest! But, of course, I have considered this already! Lol.