signs of drug use

[Cwillpie]

I do not know if my boyfriend is addicted or not. My gut tells me yes and that he may be close to rock bottom.

 

Clues-last month cancelled 70% of our plans after making them. Always sick or some other excuse. One night I showed up at his apartment after on of the cancellations and he looked lie he was in a daze. I brought him medicine, but he said he did not have any ot those systems.

 

He uses pot--jokingly called himself a pothead- but has only taken a little around me.

 

Because of all of the cancelled dates, I have been suspicious and have puilled back from him. Every time I do see him he tells me that I am the only bright spot in his life--that everyone else gives him a hard time. He always pulls me close when we are together, but sort of disappears when we are apart-emailing and calling sporatically.

 

Last week, there was a big change. He started calling me every day, and I like the attention, but here is what blew my mind. He asked me out to dinner and that day he had to have called me six times-very, very unusual for him. Altered plans a few times, but I still hung in there. The evening started off with him bringing alcohol in the car to drink and during the drive, he took a hit. A few moments later, he told me that he had been with one other woman during the time that we were together Told me that she did coke and was a mess. Told me she owed him money and I would not beliieve the things he had to do to get it back. TBefore when I expressed concerns about the pot, he said that he never did other drugs, but this night he tells me that all coke does for him is make him chew gum. He tells me that he knows that he has been two men with me and that he hates the man he was when he was with her. Said he knew I was good for him and there was no comparison between the two of us. Told me it was over, he was coming clean with me so we could expand our relationship. Because I was in love with him, I listened and said I needed time to think and maybe I could get over it.

 

Over dinner he talked about bringing me with him to NY to meet his mother, Talked about marriage, buying a house together (he recently found out I have some money--don't know where this fits), talked about spending his life with a woman who would be faithful to him. Of course at this point in the evening my head is spinning.

 

He called me that night to make sure that I was okay asking me not to let this ruin us. He then called me day and night to check in. I went out of town for a few days (but we kept toucjh by phone). When I returned I decided we needed to talk, and called him. He was very nice until I said I needed to see him. He acted irritated, but then reluctantly agreed, He called me later to delay for a few hours saying that he wanted to get some wine and be able to focus on me when I got there (wine was sort of our code for sex).

 

Anyway, I get there and he is Mr. Cold. He won't look me in the eye and now says that he can only bring me heartache and cannot give me want I want. When I try to talk, he shuts down-but says this--he wants me to see other men for the next month (does not want to know about them because it would kill him) and then maybe we can see each other again.

During all of this I can see that he is very depressed--even telling me that nothing matters anymore. That he has already lost everything he cares about (had a major fall out with his daughter-who let another man walk her down the aisle). I end up leaving because he won't talk.

 

The next day I am worried about him because this is the day of his daughter's wedding. I come over to see him and he answers the phone says he is okay, but when he realizes I am outside he curses at me and hangs up. (He has never done this before--EVER). I told him that I wanted to tell him that he matters to me--that he should not be so down, but he won't let me see him. Frustrated I told him that I was walking away from our relationship...but feel heartsick,

 

Two other clues--one month ago is when all of the weird stuff started happening. He is a world class raquetball player (I mean it was his life) and he stopped plaing adruptly. Used to go to the gym regularly and has stopped.

 

Second and most depressing clue. He is the only man I have had house alone and I noticed two valuable rings missing sometime after he was here. I hate to think he would steal from me, but I am positive that the rings were in my jewelry case before.

 

Am I crazy!

[kypepeo]

I'm not sure about whether he's taking drugs or not but clearly this is a man with a lot of issues. I can understand that you want to be there for him and all but that's a slippery slope. He's messed up and he needs to sort himself out otherwise he'll mess you up as well. Be careful. The fact that you love him means that you give him more leeway than you should. Try to make him understand that he needs to make some changes in his life otherwise he's the only one who'll be responsible for losing all that he cares about (you and his daughter). If you decide that you'll see him through this (assuming that he'll want to turn things around) then get a support system around you who'll pull you out if you get in over your head. He has to want to change though otherwise everything else becomes pointless

[Ladywithafan]

....Can't tell if it's drugs but missing jewelry and him knowing that you're coming into $ is not good.

 

Telling you to date other men? Suspicious to me...messed up? Don't know your dating timeline here but .... during the time my bf got really messed up on crack, I didn't always notice the jewelry missing 'cause I was in on the fun as well and not always paying attention and trusting tooo much....

 

Inventory time for you, any $ you come into put into a CD that can't be touched & get all your important papers into a safety deposit box. Protect yourself first...a word from the stupid smart one here, ok?