JackJack Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 People, it was me who asked for separation and/or divorce after his tryst. But he was gonna kill himself instead of being separated. He even bought additional insurance and stopped taking his medications to commit aggravated suicide until I foiled it. He swore that was the first and last time that he went astray. And he had been changing himself according to what we discussed to be his pathological attributes (including being selfish, emotionally abusive and lazy at home). I wanted a separation so bad and I still doo, believe it or not, but I could not do it for fear he might kill himself. So then I become the author of his death and I live with it. But let's focus on the intimacy issue. Is it just me or is it common that women become tired of sex if they fnd themselves asking "What's in it for me" before and after? Or, how many women out there ask themselves this question of What's in it for me? I doubt he will go through with killing himself, alothough I could be wrong. But it sounds like a ploy a guilty one at that, to keep you in his life and take pity on him. He would rather have someone than have no one period kind of deal. Even if he were to go through with this, that is on him not you. You are NOT responsible for his actions no matter what he does or says. People stay in unhealthy for relationships for various reasons, which is worse to you, to stay because you feel bad for him or try to move on with your life and risk him possibly killing himself? Don't you see, this is his way of hanging on to you? And if he does commit suicide, it has absolutly NOTHING to do with YOU. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 Also, please tell his family and friends that he's threatened to do so. Perhaps they can provide him with the support that he needs. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Greggie Posted March 19, 2007 Author Share Posted March 19, 2007 I have told my folks and a few of his relatives as I thought he was really serious. I had to nurse him back to health after his sugar level went really high for an attempt at aggravated suicide. Do you see now why I am asking the question about intimacy? I really have a lot in my hands. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 Wow, some kind of guilt trip he's laid on you. Seriously, his instability is not your responsibility. He needs professional help. You're pushing him away on purpose with the hopes that he will walk away by himself. Link to post Share on other sites
lovelorcet Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 Do you see now why I am asking the question about intimacy? I really have a lot in my hands. Actually no... You are not looking for any real help here. All you wan to do is bash your husband and hope a few people agree with you. I feel sorry for the poor guy having to live with someone with your kind of attitude. You take absolutely no responsibility for yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
JackJack Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 Do you see now why I am asking the question about intimacy? I really have a lot in my hands. Well, since your main question was about intimacy, I would say alot of people, men and women can get tired of sex if they feel there is nothing in it for them. I would think that's in any relationship that is going through problems at one time or another. Bottom line is, people have to make a choice and do what they feel works best for them and their situation. People either stay and learn to deal with whatever is going on, or they leave and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
enoughisenough Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 Coz he's not capable of giving good sex. He had to go to Washington DC to get the same observation for his perverted ex-girlfriend who left him to bang a married man. His other girlfriend left him to be with a lesbian Doesn't sound like a good history there. lol. About the suicide thing.. he really needs help. Maybe even psychiatric help.. I see how you couldn't live with yourself if it happened whether your fault or not. I really don't have much advice there, but I can see how it could weigh you down. If he's really trying and you still don't like where the relationship is going, maybe you should slowly start distancing yourself until he can become accustomed to taking care of himself and being on his own. He's too dependent on you. Or you can make him want to leave you. You should make him see a psychiatrist first though. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Greggie Posted March 19, 2007 Author Share Posted March 19, 2007 lovlorcet, you have to look into your own self and see how issues relate to you. Check your first thread in this forum to see what brought you here. You like to mess up conversations by looking at things from the purview of your own life frustrations. Link to post Share on other sites
lovelorcet Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 lovlorcet, you have to look into your own self and see how issues relate to you. Check your first thread in this forum to see what brought you here. You like to mess up conversations by looking at things from the purview of your own life frustrations. I don't see your point. You present yourself here as a mean spirited, cold and bitter woman. I can only imagine what your husband has to deal with in real life. But sure... Push any blame from yourself and onto my interpretation. Because none of this is any of your doing. I mean it is completely normal to marry a man you resent sleeping with from day one. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Greggie Posted March 19, 2007 Author Share Posted March 19, 2007 You can only commiserate with a woman who accepts being victimized. Anybody who kicks back and does not accept b.s. from men, for you, is mean-spirited. A woman is not born cold and bitter. If in the course of the relationship, I have become one, go ahead and feast about the idea that I don't believe I brought any of these onto myself. because I didn't. Don't get married, Lovelorcet, if you do not know how to please a woman sexually, or you do not know how to cook, do the laundry or can't help your kids with homework at night. Coz all of these end up with the female spouse. And if your wife makes more money than you do and you are not gonna do anything about it because you would rather sleep regularly at 10 p.m., after watching your favourite tv shows, you are no good for anybody. Yes, you wouldn't be able to get my point. Most men don't. It's a Freudian defense mechanism, as I always want to put it. It is castrating for you to look at issues from the woman's perspective. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 Yes, you wouldn't be able to get my point. Most men don't. It's a Freudian defense mechanism, as I always want to put it. It is castrating for you to look at issues from the woman's perspective. Greggie: What do you need LoveShack for? Sounds like you've got it all figured out. Just out of curiousity, what medical school is your degree in Psychology from? Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted March 20, 2007 Share Posted March 20, 2007 You can only commiserate with a woman who accepts being victimized. Anybody who kicks back and does not accept b.s. from men, for you, is mean-spirited. A woman is not born cold and bitter. If in the course of the relationship, I have become one, go ahead and feast about the idea that I don't believe I brought any of these onto myself. because I didn't. Don't get married, Lovelorcet, if you do not know how to please a woman sexually, or you do not know how to cook, do the laundry or can't help your kids with homework at night. Coz all of these end up with the female spouse. And if your wife makes more money than you do and you are not gonna do anything about it because you would rather sleep regularly at 10 p.m., after watching your favourite tv shows, you are no good for anybody. Yes, you wouldn't be able to get my point. Most men don't. It's a Freudian defense mechanism, as I always want to put it. It is castrating for you to look at issues from the woman's perspective. After reading this feminist diatribe I don't see why doesn't just divorce you. Why would any want to live with a woman like this? I would tell you to leave and throw a party the day after the divorce. You have contempt for him and any other man so nothing any man does can ever be right in your book. I don't know why men even try with women like this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Greggie Posted March 20, 2007 Author Share Posted March 20, 2007 Mr. Lucky, You don't need to go to a medical school for a degree in psychology. I never expected to be met with chauvinists, masquerading as compassionate, educated men who see women issues not from their own male purview only. Some of you sat down and targeted me from the beginning for not expressing the sentiment of a stereotypical woman- victim. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted March 20, 2007 Share Posted March 20, 2007 Mr. Lucky, You don't need to go to a medical school for a degree in psychology. I never expected to be met with chauvinists, masquerading as compassionate, educated men who see women issues not from their own male purview only. Some of you sat down and targeted me from the beginning for not expressing the sentiment of a stereotypical woman- victim. A4A is a woman and I think a few others that disagreed with you are women as well. The only thing your husband is doing wrong is not letting you go. Link to post Share on other sites
justpassingthrough Posted March 20, 2007 Share Posted March 20, 2007 The only thing your husband is doing wrong is not letting you go. Yeah, what Woggle says. And I'm a woman - to the core. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Greggie Posted March 20, 2007 Author Share Posted March 20, 2007 Woggle, this was you a while back: My wife is a female misogynist and that is why we get along so well. Last night she was going off about feminism and how it is nothing more than a hate movement. If you ask me this is a good test to see if a woman is not some manhating feminist. Do you understand what you said? You are saying you love your wife because she hates women. I don't hate men, Woggle. And men do not hate me. My husband loves me and that is why he realized how wrong he was when he strayed for one day. The door is open and I do not put shackles on him. He can leave anytime he wants. But he doesn't. Doesn't that tell you anything? It doesn't mean that being a feminist makes a woman insensitive. it is intimidating, alright, especially for the uninformed and the narrow-minded. But there is something special about having common knowledge that we cannot screw with each other's intellect. In short, he knows his ability to deliver b.s. to me is extremely limited, and vice versa. there seems to be a high proportion of participants in this forum who believe that the only way that a man and a woman could stay together is if a woman gives a blowjob on demand. My husband's ex-girlfriend gave my husband a blowjob during that one day that they were together. He said it was good but when I asked him if he would like to leave our home where there is absolutely no blowjob offers and be treated to a blowjob buffet by the blowjob expert ex-girlfriend of his for the rest of his life, he said in so many ways that he would rather die. There is more to a relationship than sex and that is the bottomline. In fact, sex could be an impediment, sometimes. I'm dying to see how our relationship would be like when his libido finally succumbs to diabetes. So, woggie, justpassingthrough and lovelorcet and anybody else who think of feminist-leaning women like me should be avoided like plague, get out there and learn some more. A woman is a man's equal. We treat men that way, even if we are beter off than them in many ways. So why can't men do the same? Yes, I'm getting out of this forum soon... Thanks, I had fun (making fun of some of you chauvinists and 'female misogynists') Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted March 20, 2007 Share Posted March 20, 2007 I have grown quite a bit since I first joined this forum and that quote was a from a while back. My wife does not hate women and I am starting to hate women less and less but she does think that certain women make her gender look bad and she can actually see things from a male point of view and empathize with men which is more than I can say for most women. I am trying not to generalize all woman because I hate it when men get stereotypes as childish neanderthals but it is hard not to. I do treat women as equals and that means I don't coddle them when they act in ways that would never be accepted from a man. I can just sense that contempt and lack of respect for your husband and men in general coming from you and I am sure he senses it as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted March 20, 2007 Share Posted March 20, 2007 Sometimes people come across as stronger or harsher than they intend, particularly when they're in pain. To reit her circumstances: a) Husband does has never met her sexual needs. b) Husband cheated. c) She wants a divorce. d) He threatens to commit suicide and attempts it. e) She reconsiders due to not wanting to be the driving force behind another suicide attempt, successful or otherwise. f) She's not getting any help from anyone. Lighten up with the feminist crap. She's got enough on her hands. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Greggie Posted March 20, 2007 Author Share Posted March 20, 2007 Still the blowjob factory is beckoning, if that is all that matters to men. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted March 20, 2007 Share Posted March 20, 2007 Chill Greggie. Why keep egging these guys on? You're angry and lashing out right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted March 20, 2007 Share Posted March 20, 2007 Are you like me, someone who doesn't like to show signs of weakness? Sure we can handle the world...but can we really? You've had to be strong through this now keep being strong. Okay? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Greggie Posted March 20, 2007 Author Share Posted March 20, 2007 I will, trialbyfire. If I disappear from this forum, you know that I am fine. I learned a few things from the guys: that my husband, for all his faults, is a much informed man who is respectful of women who respect themselves. That gives me another perspective in answering the nagging question of why he chose me over the blowjob factory. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted March 20, 2007 Share Posted March 20, 2007 Cool Greggie. Stay and learn more until you feel otherwise. I stayed even though it was intensely painful sometimes. Overall, it has helped me to understand things about my ex and about myself. Link to post Share on other sites
lovelorcet Posted March 20, 2007 Share Posted March 20, 2007 Do you even understand with what kind of tone you are writing in here? Go back and reread your posts. I am sorry but there are always 2 people in a relationship and there is responsibility for both to share. Why didn't you show your husband how to meet your needs? It is not fair to expect him to just know everything. Why did you take over all the house work?? Why didn't you make sure that the responsibilities where shared? If you want to take pot shots at me because I refuse to accept your point of view then go ahead. I have no problems with the type of man who I have become. Because I don't agree with you I am disrespectful to women...please... :rolleyes: Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted March 20, 2007 Share Posted March 20, 2007 Do you even understand with what kind of tone you are writing in here? Go back and reread your posts. I am sorry but there are always 2 people in a relationship and there is responsibility for both to share. Why didn't you show your husband how to meet your needs? It is not fair to expect him to just know everything. Why did you take over all the house work?? Why didn't you make sure that the responsibilities where shared? If you want to take pot shots at me because I refuse to accept your point of view then go ahead. I have no problems with the type of man who I have become. Because I don't agree with you I am disrespectful to women...please... :rolleyes: I think you were cheated on, weren't you? If I'm wrong, please correct me. If so, how did you feel at the beginning of it? Link to post Share on other sites
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