I just needed to share this

[katiebour]

The heart I gave, with love and trust

you threw at my feet.

It shattered there into thousands of pieces,

lay bleeding and broken while I sobbed.

You walked away, relieved, so glad to be rid

of a burden heavy and unwanted.

Breaking my heart

was never

your concern.

 

I picked up the bleeding, jagged pieces

cradled them in my hands and cried.

I took them with me, out of your life

and tried, with time, to glue them back together.

But the glue could not hold.

The broken thing could not be mended.

 

So I took the pieces far away

from all reminders of you.

Not that I really needed reminders, anyway.

 

With time, a few of the pieces held together,

forming sort of a demi-heart

half able to love.

 

I found a man

far more worthy than you

and tried to give him my heart.

But since I could not give him a whole,

I gave him, piece by piece, what I could give.

And now, after years gone by, I have run out of pieces.

 

Mr. Fix-it has put the pieces back together, with

kindness

affection

sweetness

communication

silliness

has managed to reform the broken bits.

 

But they do not form a whole- I think

I must have lost a few shards

when it broke at your feet.

 

 

 

I thought that hearts would regenerate with time

that the missing bits would come back

and my heart’s ache would cease.

 

Today I dreamed of you

And your new wife-to-be

We talked, albeit awkwardly

ignoring past crimes.

 

But when I woke up, my heart ached

and I declared it quickly

“a bad dream.”

I wish I would stop having bad dreams

of you.

 

Perhaps, to mend, a heart requires more than

the attention of Mr. Fix-it.

Perhaps it requires an exchange of like kind.

I have no heart to hold- but when I look,

I can see that he has, cradled in his hands

A wounded heart

Held together with Scotch tape and nails

That he holds protectively

afraid to give again.

 

I gave you promises

and certainly I kept them

I promised to take care of your heart

and by the way you walked away from me

full of unconcern and relief

I know that I gave it back unscathed.

 

But I cannot make those promises again

with a broken, half-healed heart

And if I did, they would fall on deaf ears.

He doesn’t want to hear those kinds of promises again.

 

He wonders why, after a year and a half, that those words

“I love you”

are so important to me.

He will not say them

afraid that they are the curse

afraid that they will end what we have.

 

He does not trust me with his heart

and mine heals, slowly.

 

 

 

 

Does anyone have any advice on getting over "bad breakups?" Most of the time I feel ok with it, but every now and then something reminds me of it and I feel sad again. And don't say counseling because, being the sole breadwinner in my house with a $600/mo income, I can't afford it.

[jmargel]

Don't romanticize the past. When you find yourself doing this, force yourself to think of those memories where he has hurt you and made you feel sad. Learn from the experience and to never put your own self-worth into any relationship, including marriage.

 

Not to regret over the lost time, since life does not come with an instruction booklet, we don't know what's on the next page or what we should do. Each relationship and situation is unique and to know even if we made bad choices in a relationship we are not bad as a person.

 

To start setting small, short-term goals for yourself, whatever they may be. To start making yourself happy and to do soul-searching on what you did wrong in the past relationship and to learn from this so you don't do it again in your next. That everyone has a soul-mate and the relationship that was just ended was not yours. Then to finally close this chapter on your life so that you may move forward to your next.

[Greggie]

Best way to put it jmargel. Katie, I appreciate your comments in my string about obligatory sex. I didn't realize you were having a tough time too, but with a different problem. I'm a little jaded by virtue of my age and experience in life but my only comment is, you can actually gain and not really lose from a broken relationship. I do not believe that you lost a piece there. What you can do is to insert diamond in that little whole where a part is missing. Then, it is prettier.

 

Time to move on now. Your ex has done that and so has everyone else. You are the only one languishing. Take care

[Kwo-ne'-she]

Katie...first of all, if this is yours.....

 

"The heart I gave, with love and trust

you threw at my feet.

It shattered there into thousands of pieces,

lay bleeding and broken while I sobbed.

You walked away, relieved, so glad to be rid

of a burden heavy and unwanted.

Breaking my heart

was never

your concern.

 

I picked up the bleeding, jagged pieces

cradled them in my hands and cried.

I took them with me, out of your life

and tried, with time, to glue them back together.

But the glue could not hold.

The broken thing could not be mended.

 

So I took the pieces far away

from all reminders of you.

Not that I really needed reminders, anyway.

 

With time, a few of the pieces held together,

forming sort of a demi-heart

half able to love.

 

I found a man

far more worthy than you

and tried to give him my heart.

But since I could not give him a whole,

I gave him, piece by piece, what I could give.

And now, after years gone by, I have run out of pieces.

 

Mr. Fix-it has put the pieces back together, with

kindness

affection

sweetness

communication

silliness

has managed to reform the broken bits.

 

But they do not form a whole- I think

I must have lost a few shards

when it broke at your feet."

 

I was completely blown away. The words mirrored feelings I have had, and it was beautifully written.

 

 

As for getting over someone, the only thing that truly helps is time. It would be so nice if there was a magic wand to wave, that made us forget the pain of heartbreak so that we could move on more quickly. Sadly, all we can do is let the days pass, the memories fade some, and the wounds heal.

 

Try to stay busy. Try not to dwell on the past, or play games of "what if". Keep reminding yourself that this will get better, one day at a time.

[katiebour]

jmargel, thanks for your input- most of the time I am happy with where I am at, and who I am with- I have no issues with my most dear and current beloved.

 

Sometimes I'm just reminded of the person that I lost, and yes, I do play that "what if" game- what if I had done things differently, made different choices, known what I know now.

 

I will keep trying to forgive, let go, and forget- it's easier now than 2 years ago, although I do still have those unpleasant reminders pop up.

 

Time to move on now. Your ex has done that and so has everyone else. You are the only one languishing.

 

Thanks greggie- I do try, and most of the time I succeed. I was able to stop being angry at him (for the most part) about a month back. That was a huge step for me.

 

And yes, thank you Kwo-ne'-she, it is mine, writing it out helps to dispel most of the bad feelings after dreams like that.

 

As for staying busy, I can hardly help doing that, working 6 days a week and doing home repair with my Mr. Fix-It

 

Thank you all for your input; I appreciate the support. I've come a long way from those first few broken posts after things ended a few years ago.

[Kwo-ne'-she]

 

And yes, thank you Kwo-ne'-she, it is mine, writing it out helps to dispel most of the bad feelings after dreams like that.

 

As for staying busy, I can hardly help doing that, working 6 days a week and doing home repair with my Mr. Fix-It

 

Thank you all for your input; I appreciate the support. I've come a long way from those first few broken posts after things ended a few years ago.

You write very well, dear. I write a lot also, and it does help to get the feelings out.

 

I am two years out of a R with my ex, and still have moments where it hurts a lot. I'm with someone new now, but as your writing alluded to, I think bits of my heart are missing. I can relate to what you are feeling, and hope things contnue to get better for you.

[silktricks]

You write very well indeed.

 

As for what you can do. Remember that everthing we do in our life, everything that happens to us and around us become a part of who we are. We can use the painful things to grow strong and become wiser. We can remember our own pain so that we don't hurt others. We can know how it felt to be used so that we don't use others.

 

Look for the good that has come of the bad experiences of the past. That old saying that every cloud has a silver lining is really true. There is no bad thing that has ever happened to me (and I've had a full measure of bad things happen) that I can't see good that I've gleaned as well. Focus on the good.

 

Don't look back and think of how wonderful Mr X was. He wasn't, or he wouldn't have done what he did. If, however, that experience helped you write as you've written here, the good it has done you and possibly the world has been immeasurable.

[katiebour]

Thank you