Ran into my ex's former best friend the other night.....:)

[whichwayisup]

BJ, why are you taking what tp says so personally? Seriously, what is going on inside your head?

 

LS is like a friend, and the stuff that people talk about - Good or bad - is allowed. I don't understand why you want to censor his thoughts, his feelings. He is venting and you're totally making it seem it's NOT okay for him to share this thoughts/feelings. He's coping as well as he can, and maybe right now is having a rough go of it. Support him, but don't bash the guy. If you disagree with the way he is handling "his own life" then don't read his threads.

[Art_Critic]

I hear you. I am saying that his anger is misogynistic. You seem to be saying that "it's OK, he's just angry at his ex". I am saying "no, he's angry at all women". It's a big red flag and I am pointing at it for TP's benefit.

 

I hear what you are saying.. and I agree that if his anger has gone south and is no longer focused on healing that he needs to have it pointed out..

 

But what things has he said about other women that make you think he is angry at women in general and has tipped the scale ?

 

I think that we all have been anti female or anti male at some point of a bad breakup.. normally that is.. I also think that is a protective mechanism to keep us from risking getting hurt again and we grow out of it.. even if from the loneliness of being alone.

[bridget_jones]

I am being very constructive in saying he needs to stop the bashing and rehashing events over and over. It's almost a year later and he is triumphing over "validation" that she was a bad person of bad character from a former best friend of hers, who she hasn't even had contact with since before the breakup.

It's time to stop pointing out how awful she is, and look toward the future. If she does have all these issues, then they have no idea if she has worked them out or not, why don't they just hope she has instead of assuming she's just this miserable, using person who will be like this the rest of her life? It's just not emotionally healthy. I wouldn't want to date TP right now because almost a year later, he hasn't let go and accepted that it's over.

[Art_Critic]

It's time to stop pointing out how awful she is, and look toward the future.

 

See.. that is the thing.. he used to do nothing but talk about how great she was.. how great the sex was with her.. how much he missed her..how much he wanted her back..

 

It isn't like he has been on LS the whole time angry at her..

 

His anger is new.... let him have it..

 

By the way I do agree that he isn't ready for a relationship right now either.. but I think he will tell you the same thing as well..

He is self aware..or he is working on improving his self awareness.. what more can one ask of themselves ?

[Teacher's Pet]

You're only proving my point at how obsessed you are here, TP, and how NOT over the relationship you are.

Please don't write anymore bashing of her. She's not here to defend every little action, and your opinion of her job, which I'm pretty sure you are making a lot of assumptions, you don't know too much about how teachers are paid and such and what it is all based on, etc. I'm sure when you were with her you were very proud to be dating a teacher, from your past posts you always mention over and over how she is a teacher, your screenname etc....so frankly I'm not buying all the bashing. And what her salary or yours is has nothing to do with her profession, I still respect her profession and what she does. I had a feeling you'd come up with a way to bash that aspect of her, also, I could sense that from a mile away.

 

I have a feeling a lot of this is exaggeration just to make her look like the devil and you're not. Then you add your little sexual innuendos, you are really proud that you had sex, and always have to get those in, really classy. Just showing how low you go and think you're making a point. If you have to rely on that level of crudeness in your stand-up, it's a good thing you have a day job.

Thanks for helping me understand a complete picture of what's going on here. don't want or need a response, it won't make a difference.

 

Again, too lazy to make individual quotes:

 

1. Yes, I know plenty about what teacher's make. In NJ they publish a salary guide for state employees. I've read it.

 

2. Yes, I know she's not here to defend herself. Love Shack is not a place for ex's to square off against each other. It's a place to complain about them. If you don't like it, I'm sure Jerry Springer, or some other similar venue where ex's fight each other directly is more your speed.

 

3. My name here, Teacher's Pet, is based on the idea that I am here BECAUSE I was dating a teacher, who basically treated me as such. When I was "good", I got a cookie. When I was bad, she scolded me, and pushed my nose in my proverbial feces.

 

4. And yes, that level of crudeness is in my standup (thanks for actually figuring out some of who I really am), and yes, my crudeness has done me very well, including getting me on national television (both a late night talk show and a semi-recurring (though pretty minor) role on a WELL-KNOWN drama series - no I will NOT mention it here, a few people here know, but my professional life is not for "public consumption" on a self-help forum) So, yes, I can spout 4-letter words with the best of them, and do quite well, thank you very much! If crudeness really irks you, I could get you tickets to CarrotTop, I'm sure I could hook you up.

 

I'm just happy you have such a complete picture. If you'd like, you can hang it on your fridge, next to your autographed picture of Rosie O'Donnell, and your latest Oprah book-list, because that's where much of your "gifted" insight seems to come from.

 

-tp

misogyny? Now you see why!

[Teacher's Pet]

I wouldn't want to date TP right now

 

Not to sound cocky (ok, I'm sounding cocky), but...

 

.....you wouldn't have a chance.

 

You know why?

 

Because you wouldn't be able to control me. I've read many of your past posts (other than this thread), and you sound like you have a lot of opinions which you enjoy forcing on other people.

 

I don't have the time nor the energy for another control freak in my life.

 

Besides, out of everything of yours I've read, NOT ONE THING even came CLOSE to putting a smile on my face.

 

That's the key to my heart. Make me smile.

 

Ask Ariawoman. She knows I'm not a smiler. *chuckles*

 

I'm a comedian. I need to be with someone warm, fun, witty, and cheerful.

 

If I want a battleaxe, I'll play more WarCraft.

 

So sorry, but I need to turn you down, BJ.

 

And until just now, I've never turned a BJ down.

 

-tp

i did not, and will not, have sex with that woman.

[Teacher's Pet]

His anger is new.... let him have it..

 

Trust me, I'm not angry.

 

My anger is only with having an opinionated woman who hasn't a clue as to my situation telling me what I'm doing wrong.

 

As for my ex, yes, there was plenty of anger. Plenty of despair. You all read my posts.

 

Now, she's a sh*t-stain in my memoires.

 

As someone once said "No matter how great a woman seems, somewhere, there's a guy who's sick of her sh*t".

 

That guy is me. I just feel bad for the 3-4 other schmucks that have had to put up with her since me.

 

-tp

so profound.

[Teacher's Pet]

Just thought of something.

 

She says I'm "obsessed" with my ex.

 

If we didn't post about our ex's, LoveShack would probably cease to exist.

 

So, while BJ's bitterness is keeping The View on the air, I'm doing my part for the people of LoveShack.

 

-tp

doing his part, or at least until someone comes along to do his part for him

[CrossRhodes]

But what things has he said about other women that make you think he is angry at women in general and has tipped the scale ?

 

 

I admit I don't know his history and the context for his anger. Without pouring over the whole thread and quoting verbatim, it was comments of the ilk of "at least I f**ked her" and "I learned to stop taking **** from women". His projected anger at BJ was another clue. Oh, and "my misogyny is limited to women who earn it" kind of sealed the deal

 

I knew where this was going even before he said something like "my best friends are women". It's sounds awful much like Nice Guy Syndrome.

 

Look, I could be wrong. My philosophy is that everyone who offers us advice is sort of holding up a mirror to us. And if their experience is dissimilar to ours, we won't recognise ourselves in the reflection. But if that person has been down the same road, we'll see ourselves staring back. And maybe, just maybe, we won't like what we see. That's when can decide to change.

[Art_Critic]

My philosophy is that everyone who offers us advice is sort of holding up a mirror to us. And if their experience is dissimilar to ours, we won't recognise ourselves in the reflection. But if that person has been down the same road, we'll see ourselves staring back. And maybe, just maybe, we won't like what we see. That's when can decide to change.

 

Great words..thanks for posting that..

That is how I try to reach other Alcoholics..

 

Cheers...

[alphamale]

no comment...

[Storyrider]

I admit I don't know his history and the context for his anger. Without pouring over the whole thread and quoting verbatim, it was comments of the ilk of "at least I f**ked her" and "I learned to stop taking **** from women". His projected anger at BJ was another clue. Oh, and "my misogyny is limited to women who earn it" kind of sealed the deal

 

I knew where this was going even before he said something like "my best friends are women". It's sounds awful much like Nice Guy Syndrome.

 

Look, I could be wrong. My philosophy is that everyone who offers us advice is sort of holding up a mirror to us. And if their experience is dissimilar to ours, we won't recognise ourselves in the reflection. But if that person has been down the same road, we'll see ourselves staring back. And maybe, just maybe, we won't like what we see. That's when can decide to change.

 

What you're missing without having followed his other threads is not only the content, but the style and tone of tp's writing voice. He tends to use exaggeration and self deprecating humor to get his points across. You are taking all the things you quoted waaaay too literally. He was being sincere when he said his best friends are women, and he was also poking fun at that old cliche (some of my best friends are Jewish, Black etc.) You guys are reading what he writes as if it is humorless. And it is making you seem humorless.

 

There are other posters on here who don't say directly what they mean. And some of them are much more oblique than tp. You are going to get yourselves into a heap of misunderstandings if you don't learn to read between the lines a tad, not be so literal, and not take topics that have a history completely out of context.

 

Lonelybird's big theme lately is humility, and in this case I think I'm going to join her. It is kind of conceited to come onto a board and after a short time think you know exactly where another poster is coming from without getting the big picture. Have some humility.

[CrossRhodes]

What you're missing without having followed his other threads is not only the content, but the style and tone of tp's writing voice. He tends to use exaggeration and self deprecating humor to get his points across. You are taking all the things you quoted waaaay too literally. He was being sincere when he said his best friends are women, and he was also poking fun at that old cliche (some of my best friends are Jewish, Black etc.) You guys are reading what he writes as if it is humorless. And it is making you seem humorless.

 

There are other posters on here who don't say directly what they mean. And some of them are much more oblique than tp. You are going to get yourselves into a heap of misunderstandings if you don't learn to read between the lines a tad, not be so literal, and not take topics that have a history completely out of context.

 

Lonelybird's big theme lately is humility, and in this case I think I'm going to join her. It is kind of conceited to come onto a board and after a short time think you know exactly where another poster is coming from without getting the big picture. Have some humility.

 

 

I think it's the height of conceit to suggest that I need to get my post-count up to hold an opinion. I stand by what I said, just as I stand by "look I could be wrong" (normally recognised as a mark of humility).

 

What I wrote may be useful to TP, or it might be a steaming pile. What I wrote may possibly be useful to someone else here. Regardless, what I write is always useful to me in my personal growth.

 

And that is why I post.

[dropdeadlegs]

Maybe it's just me, but hearing negativity from someone with many posts within the last three weeks, and another with just over 30 posts in a year, I don't think you have a great understanding of tp.

 

Geez, I almost never get defensive for anyone else, much less myself, and I'm not enjoying it at all.

 

tp, I know your story because I have read almost all of your threads. I agree with Art Critic that anger is a step in grieving, yet I didn't read your post as particularly angry. Maybe that is because I feel like I know you, to a degree. I also agree with WWIU in that it is better to vent here on LS than in your real world. Isn't that what LS is for? Your ex was less than "stellar" and we both agree that she had/has issues. On LS we don't get both sides, that's a given. There are always two sides to every story. But being able to share one side has so much therapeutic value to the person posting, so keep on, keeping on. For all I know I'm empathizing with your ex on another thread. That's the beauty of anonymity.

 

I completely disagree with any misogynistic qualities within you. Despite anything you might say in your routine, I think you adore and cherish women. If I were to guess, I would say that your self esteem isn't as high as it should be. I totally understand that many things you say are in jest. Comedians tend to do that. People, in general, need to lighten up. Life has a lot of comedy to it if you look for laughter. I think you are very funny in many ways because I can appreciate humor and not take it as something other than what it is.

 

ddl

I got your back!

[Storyrider]

I think it's the height of conceit to suggest that I need to get my post-count up to hold an opinion.

 

It has nothing to do with post count. It only has to do with getting some history and context to help you form an accurate opinion.

 

I stand by what I said, just as I stand by "look I could be wrong" (normally recognised as a mark of humility).

 

Fair enough. I could be wrong too and so could all the other posters who know tp.

 

What I wrote may be useful to TP, or it might be a steaming pile. What I wrote may possibly be useful to someone else here. Regardless, what I write is always useful to me in my personal growth.

 

OK. I think you are right that everyone can benefit from a fresh perspective. And as this is a public forum, I am exercising my right to disagree with your perspective.

 

I wish you the best and I hope you do stay to get to know people better. Carry on.

[whichwayisup]

People, in general, need to lighten up. Life has a lot of comedy to it if you look for laughter.

 

AMEN to that! (That's funny coming from me seeing as I'm not religious at all!)

[bridget_jones]

Teacher salary is based on years of service and education level. It's not about this position over at this school pays more, etc. like you have said. Certain districts may pay more than others. As a disciplinary measure, and I mean if a teacher has serious performance problems and this has all been completely documented, as a disciplinary measure to get you to get your act together, they can freeze you from a raise the next year. But this is rare and if you didn't improve the following year you'd be terminated. So teacher pay is pretty much, like I said, based on years of service and if you are at masters level, masters plus 30, etc.

I checked some NJ school sites and they pay pretty darned well in comparison to lots of states, I have to say.

 

I am warm, funny, cheerful, and attractive to boot. Would we meet in person, you'd be drueling. Unfortunately for you, I'd have to turn you down though.

[Teacher's Pet]

Teacher salary is based on years of service and education level. It's not about this position over at this school pays more, etc. like you have said. Certain districts may pay more than others. As a disciplinary measure, and I mean if a teacher has serious performance problems and this has all been completely documented, as a disciplinary measure to get you to get your act together, they can freeze you from a raise the next year. But this is rare and if you didn't improve the following year you'd be terminated. So teacher pay is pretty much, like I said, based on years of service and if you are at masters level, masters plus 30, etc.

I checked some NJ school sites and they pay pretty darned well in comparison to lots of states, I have to say.

 

I am warm, funny, cheerful, and attractive to boot. Would we meet in person, you'd be drueling. Unfortunately for you, I'd have to turn you down though.

 

 

I don't know if I'd "druel" over someone who can't spell drool.

 

For a supposed expert on education.........

 

But to your point about NJ salaries, of course you make more in NJ than most states. We pay the highest property taxes and car insurance, so yes, in comparison to other states, NJ teachers make more, but strictly AS an NJ teacher, she makes well below-average. She could move 1 town over and make $10K more than she is, but she doesn't have the education (no Master's Degree) to win the job over someone who does.

 

Nevertheless, if she makes $30K or $300K, she was a sh***y girlfriend, her only positive qualities being revealed in a horizontal position.

 

There's some more of that crudeness you love.

 

-tp

come to papa

[dropdeadlegs]

Would we meet in person, you'd be drueling. Unfortunately for you, I'd have to turn you down though.

 

Wouldn't that be "drooling?"

 

I have so much respect for teachers, but spelling is a pet peeve of mine. Many teachers appear uneducated, and I have a real problem with that. Proofreading does not take much time.

[CrossRhodes]

OK. I think you are right that everyone can benefit from a fresh perspective. And as this is a public forum, I am exercising my right to disagree with your perspective.

 

I wish you the best and I hope you do stay to get to know people better. Carry on.

 

 

I've been on LS for a year now, and I've read a lot of your stories. I'm familiar enough with the writing styles of various regulars (e.g. Gunny, Rio, CaliGuy to name a few). Still, I don't pretend to have intimate knowledge of every person's circumstances.

 

You all agree that TP is a nice guy. I think he is too, it's just that those words ("nice guy") have special significance in therapeutic terms and there are themes in his writing that are consistent with that.

 

I make no apologies for pointing that out or being direct about it. I am not trying to rip him down or be negative - quite the opposite actually.

 

See you elsewhere on the boards.

[Storyrider]

Wouldn't that be "drooling?"

 

I have so much respect for teachers, but spelling is a pet peeve of mine. Many teachers appear uneducated, and I have a real problem with that. Proofreading does not take much time.

 

Or maybe she meant duelling.

 

BJ, are you Paris with a new user Id?

[dropdeadlegs]

I her only positive qualities being revealed in a horizontal position.

I honestly wish some of my exes had redeeming qualities in a horizontal position. Maybe one did....but it wasn't the norm. They were pretty selfish there, as well.

[Teacher's Pet]

Wouldn't that be "drooling?"

 

I have so much respect for teachers, but spelling is a pet peeve of mine. Many teachers appear uneducated, and I have a real problem with that. Proofreading does not take much time.

 

Wait, this could be fun... and I'm not making this stuff up:

 

"Stuff My Ex Claims Is Fact"

 

1. There are 51 States. YES, she actually said it, assuming Puerto Rico was a state. She went so far as to "confirm" it with a Social Studies teacher, and was almost laughed out of the room.

 

2. President Roosevelt had a "Back Door Policy". This started as a sexual innuendo between us, and then she recalled studying about FDR's Back Door Policy of the 40's, though she didn't know what it meant. I told her that he had to stop pushing his new policy because his wheelchair would get in the way.

 

3. Diet Soda contains sugar. When I was talking to her about a diet I had once gone on, I told her the first thing I did was switch to Diet soda. Her reply was "You shouldn't drink diet soda. Look at all that excess sugar!"

 

Our society is doomed. No wonder the Japanese are so ahead of us. It's not the kids, it's the correspondence-school-degreed teachers.

 

No, my ex went to a credible school, she's just an idiot.

 

-tp

thank God she teaches math and not chemistry. can you say "mushroom cloud"?

[Teacher's Pet]

I honestly wish some of my exes had redeeming qualities in a horizontal position. Maybe one did....but it wasn't the norm. They were pretty selfish there, as well.

 

Well, maybe you need some tp in yer life, or thereabouts.

 

-tp

ready to come out of sexual retirement

[bridget_jones]

Misspelling one word, big deal. Many of my students have learning disabilities so I have enough insight to know that a misspelled word here or there on a messageboard is not indicative of intelligence. It's not like I'm writing a Ph.D. thesis, currently I have a headache, so I don't really give a rat's what you think about it, Dropdead. I have seen a lot worse spellers on here.

When you work in a school district it's not like you're always looking over at another district for a pay raise and such. It's not like the world of business at all.

Do you have a masters degree, TP?

Her income as a teacher isn't based on her performance, as you have just admitted. Lots of teachers don't yet have their masters, she can always strive to work for that. For all you know, she is.