Ran into my ex's former best friend the other night.....:)

[Art_Critic]

Honestly all I have to say is that I wish all my exes well. Hmm.

 

Actually.. you seem to be bitter or something.. you have a bone to pick with TP because he is hurting over a relationship..

 

Maybe you just have never been emotionally invested enough in a relationship to be hurt to the point that it takes a good deal of time to recover..

 

I have.. once... It took me over a year to finally move on and no longer carry the pain she caused.. or the relationship/breakup caused..

I wasn't proud over it.. but it did happen..

 

Keep on posting TP..

D-Lish.. Great post..

 

I want to hear BJ's story..

[Storyrider]

You know what it means when a girl picks on you, right TP?

 

TP and Bridget, sittin' in a tree...

[Teacher's Pet]

You know what it means when a girl picks on you, right TP?

 

TP and Bridget, sittin' in a tree...

 

If that's what that means, I'm calling my ex right now and BEG for her to come back.

 

Ya know...Bridget begins with a B....just like a certain ex of mine.....and she praises teachers, and loves to point fingers.....

 

Is that you, ex-fiance of mine? *holding up a Cross*

 

-tp

who actually has moved on

[bridget_jones]

Britney Spears was never looked up to as a role model, from the moment Baby Baby came out. She early on TOLD the press herself not to think of her as a role model.

I don't think ex-bashing is healthy. I could ALMOST understand if you were still going through it, but it is a post that is almost a year after the fact and you are exclaiming how OVER her you are. So unlike Art Critic has said, if you're over her, you're not still hurting over her.

Time to let go of the anger.

I have been very emotionally involved in relationships and they ended for various reasons, but bashing like that serves no purpose. There are special because even though it didn't last, they were special enough and good enough that I was attracted to them enough to be in a serious relationship with them. My last exboyfriend and I were together for 2 years, we had a wonderful relationship. We're still friends.

Try to remember the fond times with your ex, not focus on the bad. And as many say on here, a relationship involves TWO people. It wasn't all her.

You keep stressing and stressing how over you are over her in every post. You don't have to convince me. Who is it you're trying to convince? DLish states that you are taking responsibility for any 'blame' you have in the demise of the relationship? Ummmm...I'm not reading any of that.

[Teacher's Pet]

I always believe one should take responsibility when it's due.

 

With my ex, I take ZERO responsibility for the "quality" of the relationship, except to say that I was foolish not to leave her early on at the first signs of trouble.

 

The grief she caused me later on in the relationship, and than the breakup IS my responsibility NOT because I did anything wrong, but because I ALLOWED myself to get hurt. I take responsibility for the fact that I didn't know better, and allowed myself to get too attached to someone who really didn't want a relationship, or give a crap about me (or really anyone, from the way she treats those around her).

 

I was with someone prior to her for almost 6 years. I took PLENTY of the blame for the failure of that relationship, and I stand by that. I was a *horrible* boyfriend to that girl. I took her for granted, sometimes put her down, basically treated her much worse than she treated me. I take 80% of the responsibility there.

 

With B, however, I can truly say I did nothing but love her and try to please her and make her happy, and she saw this as weakness and took advantage every chance she got. I have myself to blame for ALLOWING this to happen, but at the same time, I did NOTHING wrong, and I completely stand by that.

 

Now with her out of the way, I've refocused myself on making true FRIENDS (if you did bother reading any of the posts I linked, you'd see exactly what I've done), and re-defining myself as I'd like to be seen as a FRIEND and potential PARTNER.

 

What has come of my "healing" process? I've made some AMAZING friends (including some right on here), I have a great new social circle, and now I have 2 (count 'em!) very lovely young ladies (both in their 20's, I'm in my 30's) courting for my attention, something I'd NEVER have been able to accomplish without the help of the people of LoveShack, and my incredible friends.

 

I am 10x the man I was 9 months ago. I truly understand the value of friendship, and equally importantly, I've learned to stop taking sh*t from women.

 

Now they come to me, the way it should have always been. I'm educated, hard working, loyal, and giving, and I'm not wasting that on any more manic-depressive control freaks.

 

And no, I'm not apologizing to any of the manic-depressive control freaks that might be on here, because if they ARE here, it's because they are TRYING to better themselves, unlike my ex, who will go through life hurting people (and herself), without knowing better.

 

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a sports bar to operate.

 

-tp

Big Poppa.

[Ssheena]

I guess Ms. Jones, you would have to know TP's history. He's been on here for ages and he has really come a long way in the 9 months.

 

So what if he's still angry or still in love with/idealalises (spelled wrong, sorry) his x? He did say it was the other guy who used the word c****.

 

It is the "coping" forum and this is how he copes and frankly, it's ok with me. I also support fjk82 who has been posting now for since September 2006 and before but her thread has over 297 replies and 11,000 views. We all cope and go through things differently.

 

I wish most of my ex's well... my ex husband is about the only one I don't wish well.

 

Anyway, I welcome TP's venting and don't care if he posts away. I think you will find that most of us oldtimers are ok with it. I would be there for you if you needed it too.

 

Bests to you both.

Sheen

[dropdeadlegs]

tp,

 

I have seen tremendous growth in you in my 5 months on LS.

 

As for dissing/criticizing an ex, I have been separated from him for over 5 years. I have been divorced from him for nearly four and a half years. Hell, he's been DEAD for nearly four years, but I still have terrible feelings about that man. You would think that death would be punishment enough for the hell he put my family through, but noooo. Not even burning in Hell (if there is a hell) is bad enough for that worthless former consumer of perfectly good oxygen who is now taking up a piece of perfectly good land. How's that for "wishing my ex well?"

 

On the plus side, now that my nightmare is over, I am a much different, much better person for my experiences. I don't trust as much, but I was entirely too trusting to begin with. I am less forgiving, but I was TOO forgiving and some actions don't deserve my forgiveness. I can see red flags now and take them for what they are - WARNING SIGNS! Do Not Enter! Danger Ahead! So I gained something useful and learned a lot about myself that wasn't appealing to realize. Does that compensate for my continued hatred towards a dead man I once believed was worthy of my love?

 

Some people we never get over and that's because we SHOULDN'T "get over it." Getting over it would be a huge step backwards.

[shockandawed]

It is amazing the different interpretations people can make by reading the same thread.

 

I read this and think, wow, what a feel good story. TP is able to clear the air about a situation in which he was in a no win spot. In addition to this, he is also validated with more confirmation of why his ex is whacked. This is very important for the healing because it allows TP to realize she has issues within and this is not a reflection of something he did. BJ, if you had been around here longer than a week and actually read backgrounds instead of just firing off nearly 300 opinions in one week, you would know that his ex is in fact a c*&t!

 

I have been following TPs story for a few months now. I am in a similar position and his postings have inspired me several times. As others have pointed out, there is a great progress going on. It's a long road BJ, and this is a coping forum. Where people COPE with moving on after a breakup.

 

BJ, I tried to go back and read your posts hoping to find what brought you here. All I could find was a bunch of posts bickering with other posters in the last week.

 

As has been already asked, what brings you here? Without a story, your opinions are virtually worthless.

[bridget_jones]

He did quote the word c**t but then he said it and agreed with it, same thing.

Being in the teaching profession myself, I just feel he's picking on on these things, being on antidepressants, give me a break. He's clearly very angry that she has completely moved on and he's still spending hours thinking of things that are supposedly wrong with her.

You guys have it wrong, healing may be about realizing that you weren't compatible with that person, but completely trashing them a year after the fact isn't healthy. Unlike Dropdeadlegs, it's not like he was married to this person, they were seeing each other, like what, a year?

At this point I am respecting his ex more than I do him because she's moved on. In this case, because he is so insistent on going to the lowest level of namecalling and belitting, I would have to say there is no "bad guy" here, he was dumped, he's resentful. Also, what do they have in common? She's a teacher, what is TP's profession? I get the feeling they didn't have a lot in common anyway and this is for the best. He should just see it as a chapter in his life that is over, and now he can find the right person to be with, and she is free to be happy, too, because she clearly wasn't with him. Her behavior I don't think was of her low character, she was clearly not happy in the relationship and that isn't her fault, that's just the way it happened. So she got out. And is living her life. Do you think she is sitting around obsessing over all of TP's faults and things that annoyed her about HIM? No, she's not giving it the time of day. Teachers are busy people!

[Storyrider]

Clearly after reading one thread, you know him best b_J.

 

The rest of us who have been following his threads for months and know his story must be brainwashed.

 

Do you get that there is a humorous tone to tp's writing? Or are we all just smoking different stuff than you?

[Art_Critic]

bridget_jones.. I think you are missing the most important fundamental here.. and that is the forum he is posting in isn't any other than the coping forum..

He isn't in the breaking up forum.. or the second chances forum.. he is in the coping forum..

 

All he is doing is coping..

 

God forbid anything bad happens to you in your life and your support system just up and tells you to get over it..

What if you had something life changing happen to you ?.. lets say cancer or your Mom died.. What if everyone said move on and get over it...

How would you feel ?.. How would you treat the people that gave you that advice ?

 

I do know that TP is a standup comic.. does that help ??

 

If nothing more how about showing him some compassion and stop beating him up... if you read his threads you will see that he got some of that from his ex..

 

Again.. Tell us your story ... We all really would like to help..

[bridget_jones]

I'm just like anyone else, I don't go blaming other people for my own issues. I just don't feel this woman deserves all this bashing! Especially almost a year after the fact.

My mom did have cancer and die 13 years ago. I have been through very serious relationships than TP, to the point where we were engaged. I know that having anger a year later and calling my exes a "dick" a year later and rehashing unpleasant incidents (although there weren't that many because I tend to realize when we're not compatible early on and leave it), solves nothing and only makes the issues fester in my head and I think it's crucial to have POSITIVE thoughts. Having all these negative thoughts and rehashing them over and over is not coping, it's obsessing.

 

Doesn't sound like his was a real functional relationship and he should move on instead of dwell. She's just a person, and as he said she has some healing issues she's actually addressing to the point she's taking antidepressants, and that's where he lost my respect. Newsflash - I am on Wellbutrin! After many other options, this is one of the things which works for me to help heal me. TP, go ahead and BASH away! she at least is doing something to help herself and she can't be a completely bad person if she's successfully making a living as a high school teacher! m I totally respect that. That's what I don't like about his post, it's all about bashing her and making her a Bad Person. She's a human being, contributing to society in a positive way. Let's respect that.

[Teacher's Pet]

tp,

 

I have seen tremendous growth in you in my 5 months on LS.

 

Of course, my leggy friend, you are responsible for much of my growth.

 

 

-tp

GIGGITY!

[Teacher's Pet]

As has been already asked, what brings you here? Without a story, your opinions are virtually worthless.

 

Now, that's not fair to say.

 

Without her opinions, I would have been playing Warcraft all night last night instead of "playing" on here.

 

I really am totally addicted to that game.

 

-tp

aka Kelvin, Level 39 Human Mage, and OhJay, Level 24 Night Elven Rogue

[CrossRhodes]

I've got to say that I too found TP's initial post quite jarring. It flies in the face of everything I have learned about myself in years of therapy and relationship. I hear what you guys are saying about "coping", but this thread doesn't seem to depict someone who is coping in a healthy way. Where is the compassion? Where is the empathic introspection?

 

What's just as sad is that the regulars seem to be clapping and cheering like the bystanders in the fairytale "The Emperor Has No Clothes". Bridget_jones was just pointing out the obvious and got shouted down in no uncertain terms.

 

I'm happy for TP that he seems to have made significant changes in his life. It sounds like he feels like a much stronger person. My concern is that he may have replaced nice-guyism with misogyny. That wouldn't bode well for the girls in his life, or him ultimately.

[Teacher's Pet]

He did quote the word c**t but then he said it and agreed with it, same thing.

Being in the teaching profession myself, I just feel he's picking on on these things, being on antidepressants, give me a break. He's clearly very angry that she has completely moved on and he's still spending hours thinking of things that are supposedly wrong with her.

You guys have it wrong, healing may be about realizing that you weren't compatible with that person, but completely trashing them a year after the fact isn't healthy. Unlike Dropdeadlegs, it's not like he was married to this person, they were seeing each other, like what, a year?

At this point I am respecting his ex more than I do him because she's moved on. In this case, because he is so insistent on going to the lowest level of namecalling and belitting, I would have to say there is no "bad guy" here, he was dumped, he's resentful. Also, what do they have in common? She's a teacher, what is TP's profession? I get the feeling they didn't have a lot in common anyway and this is for the best. He should just see it as a chapter in his life that is over, and now he can find the right person to be with, and she is free to be happy, too, because she clearly wasn't with him. Her behavior I don't think was of her low character, she was clearly not happy in the relationship and that isn't her fault, that's just the way it happened. So she got out. And is living her life. Do you think she is sitting around obsessing over all of TP's faults and things that annoyed her about HIM? No, she's not giving it the time of day. Teachers are busy people!

 

(too lazy to quote point by point)

 

1. I spend hours? Perhaps a few hours in the last 9 months, but it's been fleeting seconds as of late.

 

2. As far as my profession, I don't think that makes a difference. But since it does to you, I am a business professional, making quite a bit more than she does, though honestly, finances are never a factor in who I date, because money comes and goes, true love is forever.

 

3. As far as her behavior not being of "low character", constantly getting drunk while apparently on anti-depressants, using people for sex and/or emotional fulfillment (I know another ex of hers who she basically treated the same way she did me), abandoning her childhood best friend in his time of need, and abandoning her friend's family she promised to help watch over while the husband was serving in Iraq (they haven't heard from her in months now, even after she promised to help with the kids, including tutoring, etc.) That's the woman you are so fond of. At least I got sex out of the deal.

 

4. As far as her being a "busy person", I know a LOT of teachers, and she is, by far, the laziest teacher I've ever met. She literally wrote her assignments in bed the morning they were supposed to be turned in for her supervisor's approval, she re-used tests over and over again just to avoid the "bother" of making new ones, she avoided Parent/Teacher nights like the plague, and basically did the minimum to keep her job (nice union, the NEA). She has no tenure, and spent half of our relationship crying over how she may never get it, but wasn't willing to put in the extra work to earn it, cried over money because she's a low-ranking faculty member in one of the lowest-paying districts in the state of NJ. Towns BORDERING on her's pay a LOT more, but her weak track record of accomplishment kept her in a second-rate school, earning less than even RECENT college grads. She just wanted the paycheck, not the responsibility that comes with teaching. Daddy can pick up the slack for her if needed.

 

So, yes, that's my ex.

 

And since you are so fond of her, Bridget, you can have her. And just in case you ask, the bite marks you might find... all me.

 

-tp

been there, done her.

[Teacher's Pet]

My concern is that he may have replaced nice-guyism with misogyny. That wouldn't bode well for the girls in his life, or him ultimately.

 

 

My misogyny is limited to women who earn it.

 

My definition of "earned misogyny" is a woman who uses her sexuality (yes, men are weak) to get what they want from a man, basically squeezing the life out of him, and then throwing him away when the new "flavor of the week" comes out.

 

That's a woman that deserves harsh treatment.

 

A woman who promises the world to her friends (forget boyfriends, just regular friends), and then dissapears from sight when she's REALLY needed.

 

That's a woman worthy of being berated.

 

Except for people who know me from aspects of my "professional life", where misogyny is an accepted part of the work I do (ask someone else, I'm not going into my complicated "what does he do for a living" spiel), I am the last person that would ever be hurtful or cruel to a woman, in any way, shape, or form. If anything, I'm too nice to women, which is part of the reason that most of my best friends are women, 3 of them are active posters on this very site, and yes, all 3 of them know me personally, not just on the computer screen. Trust me, these women would kick my ass if I was anything less than a decent guy.

 

So, yes, while an "evil woman" (for lack of a better term), is quite deserving of my fury and verbal mistreatment on a website such as this, it is not indicitive of my personality or attitude towards women as a whole.

 

-tp

if ya don't believe me, ask any of my bitches.

[CrossRhodes]

My misogyny is limited to women who earn it.

 

No-one deserves misogyny. Not even your ex.

 

 

I am the last person that would ever be hurtful or cruel to a woman, in any way, shape, or form

 

 

Don't kid yourself - you are angry at women in general.

 

 

If anything, I'm too nice to women, which is part of the reason that most of my best friends are women

 

 

That's not why your best friends are women. You would probably get a lot out of reading No More Mr Nice Guy (by Robert Glover). It is a brilliant book, one that really helped me enormously. If you've already read it, you need to re-read it

[D-Lish]

I dunno,

 

I just think people do what they need to do to cope.

this forum is pretty anonymous... so is the bashing of whomever, it's not a direct attack on anybody.

No names being mentioned- just venting...all apart of the healing process.

 

Anger plays an integral role in getting over a break up. It's a phase... granted, one you don't one to get stuck in for fear of dying lonley and miserable.

 

TP, ya never really got closure....

I understand how that plays havoc on one's emotions....

 

It's been over six months since I broke up with my ex, and I've stopped grieving and started to feel the anger. It's helping. It's also not an obsessive anger.

 

Do what you need to do to get over it.

It's way more healthy to vent anonymously than to lash out at a real person.

[Art_Critic]

One of the good things that these last few days have done is at least he finally got to the anger stage..

 

It is funny.. Anger is one of the stages of death and dying and when someone FINALLY reaches it they get called on it...

 

I would think that if these people where truly following TP's posts and had his best interests at heart they would see that he is in the anger stage... nothing more..

Now if he is still beating down his ex showing anger down the road then I might think differently but to the best of my recollection this is basically the first time he has said pretty bad things about his ex..

 

He used to put her on a pedestal and talk nothing but good things about her..

 

Even the posters that are having trouble with his posts go thru it..

[bridget_jones]

You're only proving my point at how obsessed you are here, TP, and how NOT over the relationship you are.

Please don't write anymore bashing of her. She's not here to defend every little action, and your opinion of her job, which I'm pretty sure you are making a lot of assumptions, you don't know too much about how teachers are paid and such and what it is all based on, etc. I'm sure when you were with her you were very proud to be dating a teacher, from your past posts you always mention over and over how she is a teacher, your screenname etc....so frankly I'm not buying all the bashing. And what her salary or yours is has nothing to do with her profession, I still respect her profession and what she does. I had a feeling you'd come up with a way to bash that aspect of her, also, I could sense that from a mile away.

 

I have a feeling a lot of this is exaggeration just to make her look like the devil and you're not. Then you add your little sexual innuendos, you are really proud that you had sex, and always have to get those in, really classy. Just showing how low you go and think you're making a point. If you have to rely on that level of crudeness in your stand-up, it's a good thing you have a day job.

Thanks for helping me understand a complete picture of what's going on here. don't want or need a response, it won't make a difference.

 

 

 

 

My misogyny is limited to women who earn it.

 

My definition of "earned misogyny" is a woman who uses her sexuality (yes, men are weak) to get what they want from a man, basically squeezing the life out of him, and then throwing him away when the new "flavor of the week" comes out.

 

That's a woman that deserves harsh treatment.

 

A woman who promises the world to her friends (forget boyfriends, just regular friends), and then dissapears from sight when she's REALLY needed.

 

That's a woman worthy of being berated.

 

Except for people who know me from aspects of my "professional life", where misogyny is an accepted part of the work I do (ask someone else, I'm not going into my complicated "what does he do for a living" spiel), I am the last person that would ever be hurtful or cruel to a woman, in any way, shape, or form. If anything, I'm too nice to women, which is part of the reason that most of my best friends are women, 3 of them are active posters on this very site, and yes, all 3 of them know me personally, not just on the computer screen. Trust me, these women would kick my ass if I was anything less than a decent guy.

 

So, yes, while an "evil woman" (for lack of a better term), is quite deserving of my fury and verbal mistreatment on a website such as this, it is not indicitive of my personality or attitude towards women as a whole.

 

-tp

if ya don't believe me, ask any of my bitches.

[Art_Critic]

Please don't write anymore bashing of her. She's not here to defend every little action, and your opinion of her job,

 

She seems to have you doing her bidding

 

Honestly.. this is his thread.. you can't censor what he is to write.. he is writing his words.. not yours..

 

If you don't like what he has to say then don't read his threads.. use the ignore button.

 

You have turned to bashing TP for some reason instead of giving him constructive advice...you seem to also be doing to him what you are accusing him of doing to his ex.

[burning 4 revenge]

Hey BJ he's upset, because he was rejected. I was upset (still am) about that too. That I was rejected, not him I mean. I'll never forgive that c*nt for abandoning me. It's not so easy to forgive and forget.

 

What don't understand about that?

[bridget_jones]

No, I'm not stooping to his level of crude bashing.

My advice is to start thinking positively and stop rehashing the past, after a while of rehashing and rehashing how "awful" she was in your head the events do become exaggerated and embelished and a lot of it is for the entertainment of us all to sit here and agree and egg him on some more.

 

Ok here is some solid advice. Read The Secret. Watch The Secret. It's all about positive thinking.

 

She seems to have you doing her bidding

 

Honestly.. this is his thread.. you can't censor what he is to write.. he is writing his words.. not yours..

 

If you don't like what he has to say then don't read his threads.. use the ignore button.

 

You have turned to bashing TP for some reason instead of giving him constructive advice...you seem to also be doing to him what you are accusing him of doing to his ex.

[CrossRhodes]

I would think that if these people where truly following TP's posts and had his best interests at heart they would see that he is in the anger stage... nothing more..

 

 

I hear you. I am saying that his anger is misogynistic. You seem to be saying that "it's OK, he's just angry at his ex". I am saying "no, he's angry at all women". It's a big red flag and I am pointing at it for TP's benefit.