Does anybody else get tired of being in a relationship?

[amaysngrace]

I think maybe there is something fundamentally wrong with me.

 

I love my BF, I love having him in my life.

 

But it's a whole lot of work to be in a relationship. I want to be by myself sometimes but he gets all weirded out when I want 'me' time. For instance, I spent the night with him on Saturday, even slept at his place. He wanted to see me last night but I fell asleep around 7:30 and didn't wake up until after 1 am.

 

Today he calls me and wants to hang out tonight. The truth is I've been on LS since one o'clock this morning and my house is messy and I just feel like taking an easy day today.

 

I know it'll make him mad if I tell him I can't see him tonight. Not mad really, just weirded out like I said. He'll think I don't care. He's tried that before.

 

But the truth is I don't care to spend every night with him. Sometimes I just like to chill and be alone.

 

Anyone else ever feel like this? Does anyone else think relationships are a whole lot of work?

[Pyro]

I think maybe there is something fundamentally wrong with me.

 

I love my BF, I love having him in my life.

 

But it's a whole lot of work to be in a relationship. I want to be by myself sometimes but he gets all weirded out when I want me time. For instance, I spent the night with him on Saturday, even slept at his place. He wanted to see me last night but I fell asleep around 7:30 and didn't wake up until after 1 am.

 

Today he calls me and wants to hang out tonight. The truth is I've been on LS since one o'clock this morning and my house is messy and I just feel like taking an easy day today.

 

I know it'll make him mad if I tell him I can't see him tonight. Not mad really, just weirded out like I said. He'll think I don't care. He's tried that before.

 

But the truth is I don't care to spend every night with him. Sometimes I just like to chill and be alone.

 

Anyone else ever feel like this? Does anyone else think relationships are a whole lot of work?

 

Sure they are a lot of work, but I don't regret it.

 

Communication is the key my dear.

 

It is important to have time apart so you don't drive each other crazy. You have to let him know, but put it in words that are not so harsh but like you said, he may take it the wrong way whatever way that you say it.

[alphamale]

Anyone else ever feel like this? Does anyone else think relationships are a whole lot of work?

oh God, i HATE being in relationships. The best scenario for me is when I'm in a casual relationship that includes sex. The amount of effort is not worth it to be in a serious relationship. I'm a pretty private person and love my own company. I'm a big control freak and when I'm by myself I can control EVERYTHING aha hhah ahahahah ha haha ha

[amaysngrace]

 

You have to let him know, but put it in words that are not so harsh but like you said, he may take it the wrong way whatever way that you say it.

 

Okay so do you have any suggestions then? He tends to take things personally. He sometimes seems to think it's about him when really it's just about me.

 

He seems to think that me taking a night to myself somehow equals our relationship is in trouble, I'm not into him like before even though that's not true.

[Pyro]

Okay so do you have any suggestions then? He tends to take things personally. He sometimes seems to think it's about him when really it's just about me.

 

He seems to think that me taking a night to myself somehow equals our relationship is in trouble, I'm not into him like before even though that's not true.

 

Unfortunately no matter what you say to him, he may get defensive. That is not your fault. That is his fault. You know him better than us, so you should have a better idea of what to say.

 

Let him know that you love him and you enjoy being with him, but for a healthy relationship to work, you need some time apart. He has the assurance that you love him and that you are happy with him, so he shouldn't give you sh*t for it. if he does, then that is a whole other issue to deal with.

[amaysngrace]

if he does, then that is a whole other issue to deal with.

 

See what I'm saying?? A whole lot of work.

[VirtualInsanity]

Communicate with him. Explain to him that you need time for yourself and that the relationship is not in trouble.

 

If that was me I would tell him to ease up or else it will be in trouble. Not suggesting you said that but I sure would.

[Pyro]

See what I'm saying?? A whole lot of work.

 

Love isn't always easy. You should know that. If you want to be with him, then the work should be worth it.

[a4a]

I don't know sounds like maybe you are not so into him at this point.

 

Nothing wrong with that, but maybe he picks up on it more than you think?

 

 

If you tell him you need space don't be shocked if he actually shuts up and gives it to you. His way of handling the rejection may be to run the other way.

 

Maybe you need to spice things up a bit?

Get the whipped cream and cucumbers out... parachuting maybe?

[amaysngrace]

If that was me I would tell him to ease up or else it will be in trouble. Not suggesting you said that but I sure would.

 

This made me laugh. Thanks for that.

 

It's like half of me wants my independence from him but the other half doesn't want to say good-bye because we have a pretty good thing going.

 

This is pretty screwed up thinking, wouldn't you say?

[Pyro]

I don't know sounds like maybe you are not so into him at this point.

 

Nothing wrong with that, but maybe he picks up on it more than you think?

 

 

If you tell him you need space don't be shocked if he actually shuts up and gives it to you. His way of handling the rejection may be to run the other way.

 

Maybe you need to spice things up a bit?

Get the whipped cream and cucumbers out... parachuting maybe?

 

I am curious to know what you do when you need to kick up the spice a notch in your relationship.

[a4a]

I am curious to know what you do when you need to kick up the spice a notch in your relationship.

 

I start a new business! :lmao:

 

Grace....... sound like you have one foot out the door..... and indeed he is feeling it.

 

Don't dangle him along....... not fair to do so.

 

Everyone deserves someone that actually wants them in their life..... not just kinda sorta.

[amaysngrace]

I am curious to know what you do when you need to kick up the spice a notch in your relationship.

 

Yeah me too. And what exactly is parachuting?

[Pyro]

I start a new business! :lmao:

 

I was expecting to hear some story involving a grapefruit, whipped cream and a whip, but its never good to assume.

[VirtualInsanity]

This made me laugh. Thanks for that.

 

It's like half of me wants my independence from him but the other half doesn't want to say good-bye because we have a pretty good thing going.

 

This is pretty screwed up thinking, wouldn't you say?

 

For me I can't stand being smoothered. I need space and I don't like other's taking that away from me.

 

No I don't think it's screwed up, but I think I would turn my phone off.

[amaysngrace]

 

Everyone deserves someone that actually wants them in their life..... not just kinda sorta.

 

I love him in my life. He's one of my very best friends. It's just sometimes he gets weirdo on me. Like the other night we were dancing in his living room together and stuff and he starts talking about when my kids are grown and sounds as if he knows we'll be together and then it makes me want to run in the other direction.

 

But I do love him. And I love having him in my life. He's a great guy.

 

So really I should make an effort to get myself and my house together so we can spend time together tonight, is that what you're saying?

 

So that I can reaffirm his decision to commit to me even though that thought is partially repulsive to me?

 

And let me make it clear...he doesn't repulse me even a little. It's just the thought of being with someone for years that makes me semi-ill.

[a4a]

I was expecting to hear some story involving a grapefruit, whipped cream and a whip, but its never good to assume.

 

Who is to say that may or may not be my new business!

 

"You like it when I squeeze your grapefruit don't you. I am going to squeeze it real tight."

[Pyro]

Who is to say that may or may not be my new business!

 

"You like it when I squeeze your grapefruit don't you. I am going to squeeze it real tight."

 

:lmao:

[a4a]

I love him in my life. He's one of my very best friends. It's just sometimes he gets weirdo on me. Like the other night we were dancing in his living room together and stuff and he starts talking about when my kids are grown and sounds as if he knows we'll be together and then it makes me want to run in the other direction.

 

But I do love him. And I love having him in my life. He's a great guy.

 

So really I should make an effort to get myself and my house together so we can spend time together tonight, is that what you're saying?

 

So that I can reaffirm his decision to commit to me even though that thought is partially repulsive to me?

 

And let me make it clear...he doesn't repulse me even a little. It's just the thought of being with someone for years that makes me semi-ill.

 

oh boy....... you have commitment issues?

 

Yeah shave the pubes, dust off a few things, and see how things go tonight.........

 

But I think you are indeed just not into him.

[Pyro]

Maybe you aren't as committed and devoted to the relationship as you thought, but I do think that the two of you still need to have time apart.

[amaysngrace]

Maybe you aren't as committed and devoted to the relationship as you thought, but I do think that the two of you still need to have time apart.

 

This is my major problem. I don't like relationships. Usually by now I am way sick of the guy. I've never hung in this long with anyone where I actually still liked the person.

 

My marriage included. I got sick of him within 3 months of marrying him.

 

This guy claims to be the same way as me. Maybe he's just saying that though, I don't know.

 

But you'd think if he were the same as me he'd give me some space and be okay with it, right?

[Pyro]

This is my major problem. I don't like relationships. Usually by now I am way sick of the guy. I've never hung in this long with anyone where I actually still liked the person.

 

My marriage included. I got sick of him within 3 months of marrying him.

 

This guy claims to be the same way as me. Maybe he's just saying that though, I don't know.

 

But you'd think if he were the same as me he'd give me some space and be okay with it, right?

 

He does sound a little on the clingy side to be honest.

 

If you are getting sick of him then I agree with a4a that you shouldn't pretend with him that everything is ok.

 

How long have you been feeling this way? Perhaps you need some time to sit down and think about all of this. Weigh out the options if you will.

[amaysngrace]

How long have you been feeling this way? Perhaps you need some time to sit down and think about all of this. Weigh out the options if you will.

 

You know what? Tomorrow I see my counselor and I can ask her to explore this with me.

 

She's awesome. And she's been helping me along quite a lot. It probably has something to do with my past and my ability to detach or something.

 

But I think I'll dust and shave like a4a suggested and not try to screw this one up tonight.

 

Thanks you guys. XO

[Pyro]

You know what? Tomorrow I see my counselor and I can ask her to explore this with me.

 

She's awesome. And she's been helping me along quite a lot. It probably has something to do with my past and my ability to detach or something.

 

But I think I'll dust and shave like a4a suggested and not try to screw this one up tonight.

 

Thanks you guys. XO

 

I didn't even know that you see a counselor. She would probably know better than us.

 

Good luck.

[amaysngrace]

I didn't even know that you see a counselor.

 

Yeah I just started a few weeks ago...sorry you didn't get the memo