Guest Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 So 2 years ago i was dating this guy Brandon, we seemed perfect together. We liked the same things and just got along. Eventhough we were only dating for a week it felt like i knew him for a long time. That all changed until one night we were hanging out watchin a movie until i had to leave because i had work early the next morning. I find out the next day that when i left my "friend" Julia came over to his place and the 2 slept together. I was absolutely crushed seeing as this happened a month after my brother attempted suicide. The next relationship I tried taking it slow and we were together for 3 months. He had a kid on the way with his ex gf so both of us were working alot to be able to get an apartment together and raise the baby. Therefore we hardly ever got to see eachother. We didnt talk for 2 weeks so i tried calling him and his number was disconnected. I called a friend of his to see what was going on and he said that John (my bf at the time) got married to his ex gf and they were gonna raise the baby. Again, i was absolutely heartbroken. Now with this new bf Sean (we've been together for 6 months) i'm having trouble with trusting him to not cheat or do something else like that. What can i do to just forget about the past and be able to move on with my life?? Link to post Share on other sites
unsafe Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 The past can really ruin us. I think if you love this guy and you want love you have to open yourself up again to the chance of getting hurt. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger right? It sucks, people can be cruel and selfish. If he is a good guy so far, doesn't make you worry like going out all night, not calling you, acting like a pig. Then I would just be patient with yourself and take one day at a time. When you think he could be cheating talk yourself out of it. Remember he's with you and if he cheats you'll find out and you'll find someone better. Maybe if you feel comfortable talking to him about it. Talk to him and tell him how you are feeling. Maybe if he is the one he will comfort you and do what it takes to make you comfortable and able to open up again. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
1deadgirl Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 You just made me spill my tea all over the place. Men are such pigs. Give him the benefit of the doubt. Hopefully, this time love will win out and you will be able to trust this one. Good Luck Link to post Share on other sites
radionovice9696 Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 sometimes you have to take time and work onurself...really, GOOD things come to ppl who can wait...its just not ur time yet..and somehow u HAVE to work on not reliving ur past Link to post Share on other sites
Swingwithyou71 Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 Yes don't make this guy do time for what others have done for you. Guys hate that!!! Link to post Share on other sites
1DeadB Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 I think you should talk to him. Have sex first. That will give you the upper hand. Link to post Share on other sites
radionovice9696 Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 I DONT KNOW THIS MAY BE A LIL DRASTIC..( sorry about the caps)..but my sister...she went thru something like this...she went on a tear with men...sleeping with ( safely) many men...she took control..empowerment...shes alot stronger now because of it...shes much happier...like i said...its drastic...but she is NOW a woman in control Link to post Share on other sites
Plokette Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 You are certainly not alone. Men cheat. Women cheat. Just how long is it that you can be with someone and be safe from cheating? 3months? A year? Married for 10 years? People get cheated on under all of the above circumstances, usually they never see it coming. Move on, don't let one jerk ruin the rest of your life. Try to find someone who makes making you happy their priority. But keep your eyes open, because there is no "sure thing". Link to post Share on other sites
radionovice9696 Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 You are certainly not alone. Men cheat. Women cheat. Just how long is it that you can be with someone and be safe from cheating? 3months? A year? Married for 10 years? People get cheated on under all of the above circumstances, usually they never see it coming. Move on, don't let one jerk ruin the rest of your life. Try to find someone who makes making you happy their priority. But keep your eyes open, because there is no "sure thing". well said...i believe this person may have sound advice...but like i said in my past post...take freaking control....be the ALPHA male.... Link to post Share on other sites
Plokette Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 well said...i believe this person may have sound advice...but like i said in my past post...take freaking control....be the ALPHA male.... While I don't advocate indiscriminate sex, you do make a good point. Getting out and having relationship experience - meaning dating a number of people- will make you far stronger and able to recognize relationships more acutely for what they are. There is rarely a good substitute for experience in so many aspects of life. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 What I found was that the best way of getting rid of baggage that a cheater has given you is to let it go and surprisingly forgive (this was learned from LS because I can guarantee you I would never have considered it in a million years). It doesn't mean that you can't be cautious about it but try not to allow it to affect a worthwhile relationship. Right now I'm not ready because I'm waiting for the final divorce papers but when that's done, I can fully move on. Link to post Share on other sites
woodyman Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 Now with this new bf Sean (we've been together for 6 months) i'm having trouble with trusting him to not cheat or do something else like that. What can i do to just forget about the past and be able to move on with my life?? Take it as being lucky number 3. I have been with my gf for almost a year and a half, I, have never had a gf before her (I am 20 btw), she was my first kiss, my first to have sex with...I have opened my whole life on to her, she has my heart. I am super paranoid, but I dont let on to her, I trust her, but it is an insecurity on my behalf, something I am working with a counselor on. If I was to ever be cheated on, it would damn well crush me, everything I have, my life is in her heart...but I have thrown myself off that cliff because I trust she is that lifelong net that will catch me, we both arent the 'type' to play around. I hope nothing bad does come of this new man, but, however hard it is, you have to take that jump... Link to post Share on other sites
wamulover Posted March 23, 2007 Share Posted March 23, 2007 well said...i believe this person may have sound advice...but like i said in my past post...take freaking control....be the ALPHA male.... I think you mean the alpha female, sweetie Link to post Share on other sites
wamulover Posted March 23, 2007 Share Posted March 23, 2007 Take it as being lucky number 3. I have been with my gf for almost a year and a half, I, have never had a gf before her (I am 20 btw), she was my first kiss, my first to have sex with...I have opened my whole life on to her, she has my heart. I am super paranoid, but I dont let on to her, I trust her, but it is an insecurity on my behalf, something I am working with a counselor on. If I was to ever be cheated on, it would damn well crush me, everything I have, my life is in her heart...but I have thrown myself off that cliff because I trust she is that lifelong net that will catch me, we both arent the 'type' to play around. I hope nothing bad does come of this new man, but, however hard it is, you have to take that jump... Hey, Woody, I heard the English don't go down on girls. Is that true? Link to post Share on other sites
AnneB49 Posted March 23, 2007 Share Posted March 23, 2007 You are certainly not alone. Men cheat. Women cheat. Just how long is it that you can be with someone and be safe from cheating? 3months? A year? Married for 10 years? People get cheated on under all of the above circumstances, usually they never see it coming. Move on, don't let one jerk ruin the rest of your life. Try to find someone who makes making you happy their priority. But keep your eyes open, because there is no "sure thing". I read a statistic somewhere recently... 56% of married women cheat 52% of married men cheat If only I could remember where I read it... It made me think...maybe the boys have a different definition of cheating... as I have noticed some of you girls think it is cheating to look at a girl in a strip club...whereas I am sure most boys do not think they are cheating until the achieve physical contact..or more... Link to post Share on other sites
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