I think my bestfriend's husband is cheating on her. Should I tell her?

[Guest123]

My best friend recently found an empty condom wrapper in her husband's dirty laundry. The husband just came back from a weeklong business trip. She confronted him and he denied it was his.

 

His excuse? The housekeeper had two laundry bags and he grabbed one of them (in a hurry), and that he'd had "the worst luck" to have ever picked up the bag with the condom in it. He said he would never dare cheat on her.

 

I asked if she believed him. She (naively) said yes. I couldn't say much. All I could say was that she knows him more than anybody and if her gut tells her there's nothing wrong, then there's nothing wrong.

 

Somehow, in the back of my head, something's definitely not right. I know it's none of my business. But she's my best friend. I feel like I should warn her or something (like, to look for other clues). But I don't want to give that thought in her head.

 

Now I don't even look at her husband the same way anymore.

 

 

P.S. They are newlyweds (4 months and counting).

[Not_That_Innocent]

Stay out of it! If he's cheating he will eventually get caught. I could see if you had solid proof, but you have nothing more to go on than she does. If she says that she believes him, support her in that.! JMO.

[Trialbyfire]

Unless you have hard proof, don't get between them.

[whichwayisup]

I think

 

Number one reason NOT to say anything. You don't know 100% for sure.

 

Just tell her to keep an eye on him. Don't get involved in their marriage, if you have your own trust issues, that's your problem, but don't push her or freak her out because YOU think he is cheating on her.

[Guest123]

Number one reason NOT to say anything. You don't know 100% for sure.

 

Just tell her to keep an eye on him. Don't get involved in their marriage, if you have your own trust issues, that's your problem, but don't push her or freak her out because YOU think he is cheating on her.

 

 

 

I have not said anything and will not say anything unless she brings it up and asks for my opinion.

 

I don't have trust issues. But from what I've been seeing, everything just kind of fits into place now (him spending a lot of time with co-workers all of a sudden, spending more time with his friends, etc. etc).

 

Anyways, like I said, it's none of my business. But I am sad that it's happening to her.

[whichwayisup]

If you want to help your bestfriend out, offer to babysit her kids (if they have any) so she and her husband can go out for an evening, have a nice dinner and catch a movie.

 

Does she not see the same issues that you are seeing? I assume you're in her daily life, enough for you to notice that he's out alot...Or does she tell you this? You just seem SO sure he's cheating by how you are wording your posts.

 

Does she feel the marriage is having problems?

[lrae]

She's your best friend and you don't want her to be hurt. But, because you don't know for sure - you CANNOT tell her that her husband is having an affair!

 

But...if you are having genuine and unselfish (be honest - cause this can open up a world of hurt!!) suspicions, encourage her to make an effort to be more "aware" of her relationship. Consider it an opportunity; for her to "up" her personal awareness; or a wake up call before the marriage is beyond repair or at the very least a chance to prepare for an emotional hell.

 

 

She ABSOLUTELY needs to take stock of her relationship. This includes a greater awareness of his coming's and going's; thier communication; thier intimacy and both her and his current levels of fulfillment in thier marriage).

 

As the woman who found out about my husband's affair on her own, YES, I absolutely wish someone (that I cared about and someone who cared for me) would have said something, anything!!

 

If he is having an affair - there WILL be other clues. Working late, drinks with the guys, private phone calls, text messages, receipts, better hygiene, new sexual skills/ideas, etc. She needs to watch these and not pass them all off as harmless. However it is important for her to be more aware without being paranoid!! He is her husband, she loves him - and as such she needs to be able to trust him. But I think we should trust and take care of ourselves even more.

 

AND don't make him suspicious - if anything is going on he will just do his best to hide it better!!

[Guest123]

If you want to help your bestfriend out, offer to babysit her kids (if they have any) so she and her husband can go out for an evening, have a nice dinner and catch a movie.

 

Does she not see the same issues that you are seeing? I assume you're in her daily life, enough for you to notice that he's out alot...Or does she tell you this? You just seem SO sure he's cheating by how you are wording your posts.

 

Does she feel the marriage is having problems?

 

 

No they don't have any kids yet. And yes, I am a big part of her life. She is my bestfriend for a long time now. We are very close to a point that she tells me (almost) everything --- if/when he goes out, who he goes out with, etc. As newlyweds, I was surprised that all of a sudden, he starts doing these (he wasn't when they were still dating). In fact, she even complained to me not that long ago that they're not spending more quality time together.

 

Anyways, at this point, I cannot say for sure if they're having problems. Probably not. Yet.

 

My antenna is up. I know something's not right. I just don't have a solid proof. In the meantime, I'll stay out of it, for the sake of our friendship.

 

 

 

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention. They had A REALLY BIG FIGHT on their wedding night. On their wedding night of all nights. I saw it happened. I was there. I knew why. He was in the wrong.... So if that's not a sign, I don't know...

 

Anyways, I guess I was just looking for some feedback to see if I am overreacting or being paranoid or something. :-)

[Guest123]

She's your best friend and you don't want her to be hurt. But, because you don't know for sure - you CANNOT tell her that her husband is having an affair!

 

But...if you are having genuine and unselfish (be honest - cause this can open up a world of hurt!!) suspicions, encourage her to make an effort to be more "aware" of her relationship. Consider it an opportunity; for her to "up" her personal awareness; or a wake up call before the marriage is beyond repair or at the very least a chance to prepare for an emotional hell.

 

 

She ABSOLUTELY needs to take stock of her relationship. This includes a greater awareness of his coming's and going's; thier communication; thier intimacy and both her and his current levels of fulfillment in thier marriage).

 

As the woman who found out about my husband's affair on her own, YES, I absolutely wish someone (that I cared about and someone who cared for me) would have said something, anything!!

 

If he is having an affair - there WILL be other clues. Working late, drinks with the guys, private phone calls, text messages, receipts, better hygiene, new sexual skills/ideas, etc. She needs to watch these and not pass them all off as harmless. However it is important for her to be more aware without being paranoid!! He is her husband, she loves him - and as such she needs to be able to trust him. But I think we should trust and take care of ourselves even more.

 

AND don't make him suspicious - if anything is going on he will just do his best to hide it better!!

 

 

 

Thanks, Irae.

 

You know, she and I had talked about something like this. She told me that if I were to see him with another woman, that I should tell her no doubt.

 

Like I said, I don't have a proof, so I cannot say anything.

 

I don't have any ulterior motives whatsoever. I genuinely want her to be happy. When she told me about this, I was shocked as I didn't see him doing stuff like that. But then again, what do I know?

 

How can I encourage her to be more aware of her surroundings without making it look like I am suspicious of her husband?

 

How would you want it to be told to you?