Slammer Posted December 6, 2002 Share Posted December 6, 2002 I have a really really big problem and would like to share it with someone. I dont have alot of people to chat to so here goes.... My girfriend of 6 yrs off and on,Yes i cheated lied and was a terrible boyfriend,but during the years she helped make me a way better person today.. TO bring u current with what is going on 5months ago the CUPID SHOT ME threw my heart and dropped me to my knees for the girl. I then changed my whole life to be around her,she had a boyfriend and she left him and came back to me,Then she missed him and left me again for him. To quote her she "MISSED" there friendship they had.. I played this out for a bit then all the sudden we meet up due to me asking her cause i am really down the the dumps when she is not around..Now that we are back together she still "misses" him and we talk about this and she tells me that shes is NOT all the way happy with me... I am doing all the right things she tells me this from flowers, to get all my attn when she is around to doing half of the household duties. To just being a great friend,But still she has her moods where she doesnt want to be with me and wants to see him.. My family lives about 20 miles from me and My X stays with my grandparents the girl is emailing the one im with and causing alot of problems between us.. I am fighting with all i can to keep the peace but eventully i fell that my gfriend will get tired of my family and leave me and go back to her other guy she was seeing. I have no clue on what to do or how i can make this ALL better.... If u could plz post some advise for me her and any questions u have all glady answer for u.. Link to post Share on other sites
Debster Posted December 6, 2002 Share Posted December 6, 2002 Why do you want to be with her. Remember, love is not enough of an answer. You need to like the person, have the same goals, want the same type of lifestyle and genuinely care for and want the best for them. Is this how you feel about her and vice versa? From what I read, it seems you two enjoy yanking each other's chain more than being together. Also, why is your ex living with your grandparents? Link to post Share on other sites
CityGyrl Posted December 6, 2002 Share Posted December 6, 2002 I was just thinking the same thing...........Why is your ex living with your grandparents? Sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. But anyway, back to you..................... I think your girlfriend is afraid of being hurt again. So to kind of soften the blow if something were to happen again, she keeps her ex on standby just in case. Right now, he is her reserve in case you start acting a fool again. She probably has been through an emotional roller coaster with you and does not want to be hurt like that again. Us women hurt very deeply in relationships especially those ones we feel like we have invested the most. We love hard and we hurt hard. Now I'm not saying that you should be eternally condemned for your past indiscretions for life, but you will have to make up in a sense and put a lot of work in and do a lot of reassuring if your relationship is to work. You said that you have been doing all the "right things." If so this will have to continue.......both verbally and in action. She will need assurances that you are not going to hurt her again. And another reason for her feeling that way is because of your ex still living with your grandparents and sending her threatening e-mails. You definitely need to check that. If you have your other ex still in the mix than that creates further problems and the appearance is that she still has her foot (at least partly) in the door. Heck, she's living with Grandma/Grandpa. If you don't put her in her place than she will always think she can get involved in your relationships. Nip it in the bud now before it really rears it's ugly head. And tell Gramps that he needs to do a little house cleaning of the human kind. Why does she have to borrow your grandparents? Does she not have a family of her own? I guess that's probably another story......Dr. Phil send help! And if you are truly a changed man, you should not continue to be condemned for the past. Tell her what it is you want. But at the same time, don't let her play yo-yo with you and the ex-boyfriend either. She will have to choose you or him. She can't have you both. I think you and your girlfriend need to seriously talk about what you want, what you need from each other and any fears you might have in getting back to a serious relationship. If it was meant to be, love will rule the day. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Slammer Posted December 7, 2002 Author Share Posted December 7, 2002 The reason my ex is living with my grandparents is My 3yr old almost 4yr old son..They love him and keep her there so they can see him..I dont opprove of this at all and they dont respect me enough to kick her out. I pay 400 month childsupport and she works and could make it on her own.. My x has even gone far enough to say that as long as im MY gfriend that lives with me I cant bring my son home and see him on the weekends this REALLY sucks and is really building up in me..But i dont know what to do about this..Me and my gfriend due talk about this and how it effects us..I try very hard every day of my life to show my gfriend that she is my world and how much i love her.. Link to post Share on other sites
ChooChooCharlie Posted December 7, 2002 Share Posted December 7, 2002 It sounds like your gf can't "forgive and forget". If that is the case, there is nothing you are going to be able to do to fix things. She'll always make you pay. She'll always have one foot out the door. That's nice that you are a better person today because of her, but maybe that's all that she was meant to do. That's why she came into your life. And now her time is done. The attitude is shining through. She'll make you pay now. So there is no point. Now it is time for you to start over with someone else and be the better person you are with a new person. At least you won't have to pay. Link to post Share on other sites
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