iwantherback Posted March 20, 2007 Share Posted March 20, 2007 My ex dumped me about a month ago after 2.5 yrs. Yes i begged, and pleaded, cried and it didnt work. So i went No-Contact for 2 weeks before talking to her. After two weeks of NC, we started talking again about what weve been doing. We started talking on the phone, on occasion, she'd call me at 3 am in the morning to say goodnight, and even call me randomly to ask me how my day is. She asked me out last friday for dinner and i agreed. I haven't been acting needy around her, i basicaly pretended i was ok with the break up, acting confident, funny, charming when really... i was dying inside. She would say things like "if we got back together, wed do this, wed do that..." and "we have a chance..." But there are some days where she gets to my head. Shed say things like "I dont like you anymore", or "the feelings just arent there", and "i dont want to be with you". She always confirms her reason for leaving, stays rock solid on her decision not to come back. If this is so, why the HELL is she still calling and acting like everythings ok. She still smiles, laughs, and says sorry. She told me she misses me, and she said shes just confused. but if shes confused, then why is she so solid on her decision to leave me? I know most of you are going to say NC for the rest of my life, but be realistic. Ex's dont go away... by doing NC, im just postponing future heartbreak so i might as well deal with it now. i guess my questions is, do i try to win her back with the "i dont care attitude" or should i just turn my back and walk away? I was leaning towards the "i dont care" attitude, and slowly, win her heart back so that she likes me again. She says she has no feelings as of now... and she doesnt like me anymore... by putting on this new and confident attitude... is there hope that she will love/like me again? Help guys, thnks a lot. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 20, 2007 Share Posted March 20, 2007 get the f*** out asap! go no contact and ignore her my ex of 3 years did the same thing to me for like 5 months. shes just using u as security until she finds someone else also its just a comfort thing now she still is talking to u but its not the same man. once the words i think we need a break or even worse in your case i dont have feelings for u pop up its over! just go no contact not to get her back but to get yourself moving on cause its gonna hurt for a while. im still hurting and its been like 7 months my girl has a new boyfriend and still txts even after i asked her no more communication... Link to post Share on other sites
2ndIINone Posted March 21, 2007 Share Posted March 21, 2007 "I dont like you anymore", or "the feelings just arent there", and "i dont want to be with you". She always confirms her reason for leaving, stays rock solid on her decision not to come back. pssst... hey buddy? If she says this and that... why are you answering her phonecalls? I haven't been acting needy around her, i basicaly pretended i was ok with the break up, acting confident, funny, charming when really... i was dying inside.2.5 years together?? She's a woman! Women can sniff fear, insecurity and neediness. I don't care how cool and confident you act. Don't forget, cause she hasn't forgotten how you begged, pleaded and cried. No offense, but the "Wuss" scared her off in the first place. It's ok, we all have it in us... just have to learn how to control it. Confident, funny, charming... AND I'd be willing to bet... ALWAYS AVAILABLE??? Answer all her phonecalls on the first ring? Call her back at first chance? Never make her wait for other incoming cell phone calls? Agree to dinner on her terms? Guess what? They all wash out your confident and charming "I don't care" attitude. My advice ~ don't be so readily available. She doesn't have feelings for you? Then why should she know about your feelings for her? Got me? Distant yourself... let her wonder what it's like to miss you. G'luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted March 21, 2007 Share Posted March 21, 2007 I think she's being unfair by holding onto you like this. The "if we got back" scenarios and then the "I don't like you anymore" are blatantly insensitive. If for any reason you still want to be with her, don't take any of this disrespect from her. Shut her down the next time she does this. Link to post Share on other sites
stace79 Posted March 21, 2007 Share Posted March 21, 2007 I kinda have to agree with the other posters....I think she is just keeping you around so she has a guy to be with until she meets someone new. She's probably afraid to be totally alone too even though she knows she doesn't want to be with you anymore. So it's easy to keep you hanging around like a little lost puppy starved for attention than for her to be totally alone with no dates or anyone longing for her. Selfish and sick, but hey, such are people sometimes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author iwantherback Posted March 21, 2007 Author Share Posted March 21, 2007 Well, a lot of you have been saying that she's just keeping around as a security blanket or as a plan b. Im not sure if im in denial, but im certain that she isnt doing that. Thats because, she told me repeatedly that shed rather be alone right now. She said that she doesnt even want to start any relationships. And ever since we broke up, she hasnt left the house.... literally. Shed stay home and watch tv, with the exception of going to school/work. I guess what im trying to say is, if she wanted me as plan b, she would seem a lot more interested in keeping me around, since i have been seeing a lot of other girls right now. But she's giving me the "i dont care, it doesnt matter that you're here" attitude. Although she has a LOT of fun when we talk and go out. Keep in mind that i smothered this girl. We saw each other 24/7, txt's 24 hrs a day, msg'ing, more talking for hours.... I guess she needed space to get away from me. She has admitted that she is confused, but she misses me. She said that she doesnt want to be with me, and if we do get back together, i quote her saying "Now isnt the time". No contact would confirm her decision to leave me. Im thinking that by going out with her, talking to her, not seeming needy, clingy and desperate will make her realize what i mean to her. In addition, giving her space and time to be alone, while casually going out and talking to her will make her decision to come back a lot easier. Seeing as there is no pressure. Am i hallucaniting? Or could this actually work...? Advice? Link to post Share on other sites
Erik Posted March 21, 2007 Share Posted March 21, 2007 No. I could never work. She will always feel your need. The only chance is permanent, total NC. Then, if she felt she made a mistake she MAY come back, even if it is an outside chance. Seeing her will make things worse. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 21, 2007 Share Posted March 21, 2007 its no good your mind is one track thinking it. take the advise be mean even chicks dig the challenge tell her to f off then go no contact and if she does come back do not be easy play her game for awhile and if u do want it play a little hard to get but if she dosnt want u now if u do get back together the underlying problems she has with u will resurface after she has gotten u back and realizes she really didnt want it. go start fresh no baggage Link to post Share on other sites
Author iwantherback Posted March 22, 2007 Author Share Posted March 22, 2007 Hey, I did attempt to go NC for good. We broke up about a month ago. I went NC for two weeks before talking to her again. After she shut me down, a second time after two weeks, i decided i had enough. I took all her packed stuff, put it in a box, and went to her house. I then decided to tell her never to call me again, never to email me, dont even text me, and dont think about me. I then proceeded to say that she was dead to me, as i left pissed off. What happened? Within half an hour i get 3 missed calls and a text msg saying "Please let me explain, id really appreciate it, blah blah" After that, she went from "we have no chance" to "we have a chance". Which leads me to my current situation. QUOTE:"take the advise be mean even chicks dig the challenge tell her to f off then go no contact and if she does come back do not be easy play her game for awhile and if u do want it play a little hard to get" She did come back, and now im playing hard to get. I can tell that shes still interested, seeing as shes not as pissed off as before. Shes actually asking me about other girls im seeing, what im doing, etc. So what now? Tips on "winning" her back anybody? Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 just keep doing what your doing if you want to play that game dont be available dont pick up her first call let her know your busy things like that dont be a wussy shes interested now because she wants what she cant have but once she gets u to let down your guard u will probably hang out for a few more weeks then she will be back to where it is. usually once it goes bad thats it man just let it go and tell her u respect her decision to be broken up and she has to respect your decision to not want contact because it is not being childish but its too difficult for u to hear from her and thats the only way u can really let her go which is what she wants. Link to post Share on other sites
2ndIINone Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 She did come back, and now im playing hard to get. I can tell that shes still interested, seeing as shes not as pissed off as before. Shes actually asking me about other girls im seeing, what im doing, etc. Even this gets old after awhile.... been through it myself. Back and forth... she didn't want me... I'd beg.... I'd walk.... she'd come around crying.... back together.... then she'd leave... same cycle over and over.... sucks. Using the 'game' to win her back.... is only temporary. Long term.... it never really works out. IMO. Link to post Share on other sites
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