Young&Sexy21 Posted March 20, 2007 Share Posted March 20, 2007 I noticed a few different posts about dumpers doing NC---but my dumper has gone NC after stating she'd like to be friends. Do dumpers say they want to be friends to help them get through getting over the dumpee and then once they're over, who cares about the friendship??? It kinda hurts. She dumped me 2 almost 3 months ago saying she didn't like me in that kind of way anymore, and there was nothing left for her, but can we still be friends? I was upset: how can you say there's nothing left and still want to be friends??? If you couldn't find anything you liked with me in a relationship, how do you expect to find it in friendship??? But she insisted we could make a friendship work, and that she wanted to stay friends with me. I'm sure she's busy---hey, I'm busy too. But when we walk past each other and she struggles to aknowledge me--she's akward and even tries to be evasive--I mean--a smile and a "hey" is fine. But--nothing. No answer to my text message...I just get the sense she feels whatever she feels and is trying to avoid dealing with it and bury it. In my message to her, some 2 weeks ago, I said I miss your friendship--will you continue to share it with me--not like before, obviously--if no, I'll leave in peace, just please let me know I'm good though. Working on moving on...meeting girls, getting dates, getting shot down too...it's all part of it! But I can't help but feel like this could end on better terms---or that it doesn't have to end Link to post Share on other sites
Yamaha Posted March 20, 2007 Share Posted March 20, 2007 Many people say "let's stay friends" because it's nicer than just cutting it off cold turkey. In your case she didn't mean she wanted to stay friends. She really is doing you a favor because it will help you to get over it quicker in that she wants NC as well. I would just follow her lead and if she ever decides to speak to you then you can be acquaintances to each other. Link to post Share on other sites
2ndIINone Posted March 20, 2007 Share Posted March 20, 2007 I said I miss your friendship--will you continue to share it with me--not like before, obviously--if no, I'll leave in peace, just please let me know in her eyes, this translates to NEEDY. Sorry. And in every relationship, good or bad, beginning or end.... there is a time a place for emotions. AFTER the relationship has broken... a text message like yours comes across as needy in the dumpers ears and eyes. One would hope and think they can find just the right words to get their ex talking to them, but unfortunately, first instincts are ALWAYS wrong during this stage of the game. Perfectly normal, everyone has done it hoping for the best, and always get returned the worst. Most likely, "I miss your friendship" makes her, the dumper think to herself... I don't want to be responsible for his unhappiness. It puts major pressure on them... in turn, driving them away further. Never talk about emotions and feelings. You can contact, sure, but contact with a different attitude... an "I don't care" attitude would work much better. The attitude that you have your life... things goin' on. A simple "Hey you..." in passing would work much better... IF you keep walking. There's a good argument going on currently on this subject matter... Advice from a dumper. She's gettin' beat up pretty bad for her advice, but she does bring up a few good points. WHICH ARE TRUE! 100% True! Remember, your ex said she no longer wanted the relationship, only wants friendship and hasn't 'acted' on her words. Fraud, if you ask me. So why would you want her friendship? Don't mistake what is, for what once was. You're in a situation, where 2-3 months from now, you'll be out on a date, or out with your buddy's... and *ring ring* comes a text or phonecall when you least expect. How you handle that call is up to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest XYZ Posted March 20, 2007 Share Posted March 20, 2007 I think this has happened to almost everyone who has been dumped. I can see why a dumper says let's be friends. Can you imagine saying I not only don't want to be in a relationship with you but I don't want you in my life at all? OUCH. How many have noticed how busy they(dumpers) all seem to be if we make contact? Let's face it as a dumpee we are fishing. We are looking for some reason to hang onto hope under the umbrella of maintaining a friendship. As hard and as painful as it is its best for the dumpee to go and stay NC for their own well-being until they can only be friends. Link to post Share on other sites
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