Woggle Posted April 11, 2007 Share Posted April 11, 2007 You are still going to get divorced. Once a woman has it in her mind that she wants to leave you it is over. I hate to be mr negative but she is just biding her time so she can make the best escape she can so don't get your hopes up. Link to post Share on other sites
quiet1one1 Posted April 11, 2007 Share Posted April 11, 2007 You are still going to get divorced. Once a woman has it in her mind that she wants to leave you it is over. I hate to be mr negative but she is just biding her time so she can make the best escape she can so don't get your hopes up. There's no "biding" necessary. She has access to everything she needs to live alone right now. Don't get me wrong...odds are you're right. I don't need a reality check believe me. I'm still not giving up, as long as she's trying I will too. Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted April 11, 2007 Share Posted April 11, 2007 Woggle.. it's one thing to post your story on here and how your marriage is in trouble due to your insecurity but to drag in into someone else's post and basically tell them they have no chance is VERY wrong. You have a one-sided view of things and though you said you are working on your 'issues' it doesn't show it by your posts here. For the OP, I'm very happy to see that progress is being made. By you giving her the opportunity to get her own CC, Checking Acct. etc.. is ACTIONS and not just words. It allows her to feel 'grown up' and gives her the ability to make her own choices. I believe that is what she wants when she talks about space. Not the physical distance but the opportunity to be given what she deserves, so she can make her own choices about things.. I use this analogy alot. I work with dogs (german shepherds) and with them, they have an unique bond with the owner. Very few breeds will become 'one' with their master. GSDs are one of them. They have the unnatural ability to become part of you and actually live for it. Often when I train puppies you want to create that bond from the start. I often will hold the puppy back while the owner runs out about 100 feet and call it's name. The puppy squirms with excitement and when I release it, it'll run full speed at the owner. I then tell the owner to run away, calling it's name. Now you have an environment where to a dog, everything is magical and mysterious. It is curious about so many things. Trees, flowers, sounds, objects, smells.. However it's focused on you only and continues running towards you instead of away from you. This is what you want from your wife in certain ways. If the owner were to run at the puppy good chance the puppy would either run the opposite way or cower down and put it's tail between it's legs. This puppy, much like your wife needs to be given the chance to 'want'. To know within' themselves that yes they have the options to do whatever they wish in life, however she CHOSE to be with you because mainly you allow her to. Think of it as giving her a gift when you do these things. Continue IC and MC and I am sure it will all work out. The things she said about not loving you, I think was said in frustration and not truly from her heart. If she didn't love you, she wouldn't even be trying. This is an issue for BOTH of you. You are not the only one who has made mistakes here, she has as well. Glad you two are working it out. Link to post Share on other sites
quiet1one1 Posted April 12, 2007 Share Posted April 12, 2007 Woggle.. it's one thing to post your story on here and how your marriage is in trouble due to your insecurity but to drag in into someone else's post and basically tell them they have no chance is VERY wrong. You have a one-sided view of things and though you said you are working on your 'issues' it doesn't show it by your posts here. quote] Thanks jmargel but I need to hear that negative stuff. I realize too that these forums will always lean heavily to the negative - it's just the nature of people. As I said, it could be that I'm being played but until my W proves otherwise, I will continue to trust her. In 23+ years she has never given me any reason not to believe her. If it turns out I shouldn't have, I'll be proud of myself that I did plus the realization of who she really is/has become will be good confirmation that I'm leaving nothing behind, that the person I knew is gone. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted April 12, 2007 Share Posted April 12, 2007 It is not a one sided view. Once a woman thinks of divorce it is over. If she really wanted to be with him and loved him she wouldn't even think of this and even if she decides to stay this time the issue will arise again. He issittinmg around like a puppy dog just waiting for her and it will only bring him heartbreak. Link to post Share on other sites
El-Producto Posted April 12, 2007 Share Posted April 12, 2007 Friend, please be careful. I am going through hell right now, and you can read all about it here http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t114972/ When one spouse wants a separation, and/or needs some time to "think" about things, it usually means they are having an A. I found out the hard way. When my STBXW demanded a separation, I asked her OUTRIGHT to her face on 2 separate ocassions if she was having an affair. I even asked about a specific co-worker that I had a suspician about. She denied it both times, and I thought that I had no choice but to believe her. Then I found out how wrong I was. She was leading me on, thinking that we could work on things, all the time she was having sex with the OM. Just be careful, because the truth hurts. You need to start preparing yourself. If your wife comes back, and wants to work things out, consider yourself lucky, and do EVERYTHING to work it out. Good luck, and keep posting. Link to post Share on other sites
PWSX3 Posted April 12, 2007 Share Posted April 12, 2007 You are still going to get divorced. Once a woman has it in her mind that she wants to leave you it is over. I hate to be mr negative but she is just biding her time so she can make the best escape she can so don't get your hopes up. I know the odds of couples getting back together aren't that high, but I don't think it's time to throw in the towel just yet. If you have read my thread my wife moved out & now she is back home. I feel if your W is still living at home she is also making sure that she has given your marriage her best shot. She might also be waiting to see if you are serious about wanting the relationship, you have talked the talk, but she wants to know if you can walk the walk. I am learning that a separation is a hard thing to go through, but getting back together is also just as hard and I feel like you do, that you are walking on egg shells, but the more you start talking things out & letting the other person know your feelings the easier it gets. Everyone has there own ideas & thought about a subject & we have learned that I see something one way & she will see it another and so it helps to talk things out & it sounds like you are doing that. As for the checking account you are correct, she isn't hiding it from you and it gives her that feeling of being responsible for herself. Since my W moved out she has her own account & our MC even suggested that once we are back together for sure that we keep it that way. Not because we can hide something but because it gives us both a feeling of being in charge of ourselves. On one of your other posts you said exactly what you need to be doing, making yourself a better person & fixing the things you can.... Once you do that then you are a better person & you are able to bring a better person to the marriage. I for one wish you the best, I hope you are one of the lucky ones that come out the end of the tunnel with your DW in hand and you will both be happy!!! Link to post Share on other sites
quiet1one1 Posted April 13, 2007 Share Posted April 13, 2007 Thanks PSXW3 and thanks to everyone. It's amazing how reading the responses and other threads on here can be so therapeutic! The feeling like "I'm trying out for the team" again is the worst for me. I've known my W for probably close to 30 years and have been a very good husband and father and I simply do not deserve to have to justify my worth again. It's the top thing in all this that really eats at me and in fact, would probably be what makes ME walk away if there's no substantial progress soon. Last week I saw a lawyer and know that my divorce will be "as simple and cheap as they come" since we really have nothing to fight about as everything will be split equally. I stand to walk away in nice financial position for a newly single man - life could be fun!? I'm happy we're working on our M and there are positive results but my feet are getting a little tired from all the dancing. Maybe that's what my W is hoping for? That I wear out and make the move she doesn't have the courage to make? I've decided to set a date for when I "poop or get off the pot" so I guess time will tell. Link to post Share on other sites
El-Producto Posted April 13, 2007 Share Posted April 13, 2007 Thanks PSXW3 and thanks to everyone. It's amazing how reading the responses and other threads on here can be so therapeutic! The feeling like "I'm trying out for the team" again is the worst for me. I've known my W for probably close to 30 years and have been a very good husband and father and I simply do not deserve to have to justify my worth again. It's the top thing in all this that really eats at me and in fact, would probably be what makes ME walk away if there's no substantial progress soon. Last week I saw a lawyer and know that my divorce will be "as simple and cheap as they come" since we really have nothing to fight about as everything will be split equally. I stand to walk away in nice financial position for a newly single man - life could be fun!? I'm happy we're working on our M and there are positive results but my feet are getting a little tired from all the dancing. Maybe that's what my W is hoping for? That I wear out and make the move she doesn't have the courage to make? I've decided to set a date for when I "poop or get off the pot" so I guess time will tell. I know that in my situation I have always paid ALL of the bills, and have had 90 percent of the income. My STBXW's business is only starting to make her money. She is not asking for spousal, and we are doing shared custody, so I actually stand to come out of this somewhat financially better. I know that spousal debt is divided 50/50, but I've taken some concessions and we've divided the debt up at about 70/30. But now I've only got 1 car to pay for, 1/2 the groceries, and her business stuff like cell phone, etc. is her problem now. I stand to be about 500 bucks plus a month richer as a result from this. And the best part is when my STBXW finally moves out of the house, I can claim it back. She's always been a messy, cluttered person which has always stressed me up. Bottom line is, I'm starting to learn that I will PROBABLY come out of this a better, happier person. Good Luck Link to post Share on other sites
hurting_in_nw Posted April 13, 2007 Share Posted April 13, 2007 Good for you EP. Glad to see you're starting to turn the corner. Link to post Share on other sites
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