brunette4u Posted December 6, 2002 Share Posted December 6, 2002 some of you might remember, but about 6 months ago, me and my boyfriend broke up after being together for a year. he cheated on me, b/c i was being a bitch to him and we had been fighting, he was angry with me and how i had been acting. So, he messed around with some chick. I honestly believe his intentions were not that to cheat on me, it just happened...and i forgave him after many long talks and waited days. Our relationship has been going great now, we are talking about marriage and we are serious. THe other night, we went out, and we saw this chick at a bar. I felt very uncomfortable, but i didn't say anything, i was just acting rude to him. he was being extremely nice, and i'm sure he saw her. I didn't say anything about how it made me feel weird. Should I say something, he is wondering what is wrong, why i was rude and short with him after we left the bar. do i get over it, and not bring it up any more, or what? Editor's Note: meganu refers to the following thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=17423 Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted December 6, 2002 Share Posted December 6, 2002 If you're relationship is going to be successful, you've got to totally forget and forgive his indiscretion...that includes not being bothered when you see this woman. What useful purpose does it serve you to be upset? The lady has a right to live and be places. And what purpose would it be to tell your guy? What can he do about it except feel bad? Saying something to him dredges up the whole issue and that's something you have to work VERY HARD not to do. Leave it alone!!! Work on yourself a bit and just realize that this is in the past. If you see the lady in the future, just ignore her and move right along. Again, there is nothing to be gained by being upset. This cheating is going on no longer and that episode is long in the past. I think you will open up a can of worms if you make an issue of this and there's nothing in the universe your guy can do...he has no control of where she goes...and he certainly has no control of the past. Prepare yourself for seeing her here and there again and just don't let it affect you. Move on down the road and be happy in your relationship. Remember, the ONLY way you will make it is to erase the past from your mind totally and dedicate yourself to a new world of future happiness with your guy. If you win the lottery, give this lady some money to move out of town if you like...but that's not necessary. Link to post Share on other sites
Author brunette4u Posted December 7, 2002 Author Share Posted December 7, 2002 I am not quite sure what I want to do, need some advice...i wrote the other day about my boyfriend of a year cheating on me about 5 months ago...and i saw the chick he messed around with at the bar several nights ago. It made me angry once again, to see her...I have never cheated on him, even when we broke up after he did to me, I have never even touched a guy since I met him...however, last night, I was very very drunk and ended up kissing a guy who i am infatuated with...and he likes me too. I just kissed him, nothing else. Should I tell my boyfriend, I dont' want to b/c i think he will say we are through. IS it wrong to want to feel "even"? I feel very guilty, but is there any reason I should tell him, or just let it be? I am in love with my boyfriend, but infatuated with another guy..should I break up with him? Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted December 8, 2002 Share Posted December 8, 2002 1. "IS it wrong to want to feel "even"?" Feelings are never wrong, they are just your feelings. But these grudge things are very immature and hopefully in time you will grow out of the urge to get even with people. It's a big waste of time and with all the terrorists running around our world could end any minute. 2. "I feel very guilty, but is there any reason I should tell him, or just let it be?" This is really junior high school stuff. If you tell him, the relationship will be over. No man wants a woman who can't just forgive and move on. What you did was clearly a grudge thing...you got your jollies...so move on. There is no reason to tell him unless you want to create a lot of chaos and drama in your life. 3. " I am in love with my boyfriend, but infatuated with another guy..should I break up with him?" Say, what? You are asking if you should break up with the man you love in favor of some new dude you are infatuated with. Well, my gut feeling is that you are not ready for a long term relationship. I think you've got a lot of dating, experimenting, exploring to do before you make a committment to anybody. I really don't think a person who is truly in love would ask a question like this. That's why I seriously doubt you are indeed in love with your boyfriend. I don't know what it is you're feeling but in-love people don't even consider a break up to see where they might go with some other dude who pops up on their radar screen. Yes, if you would ask a question like that...if you would think about leaving someone you're in love with for another person who strikes your fancy, you owe it to your boyfriend to set him free to find a honey who is more loyal-minded, more dedicated, more into a relationship with him that heals whenever there are transgressions. I think you're a very sweet lady who should be free and enjoy the world and the people in it for a long time before you think about settling down with one guy. Go out and have some fun!!! Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted December 8, 2002 Share Posted December 8, 2002 of whether one can be in love with more than one person at once. I agree that if u'r in love with someone, u won't think about breaking up with them. But I also think that it is possible to be in love with two people at once - perhaps differently, perhaps on different levels. In our monogamous society, you have to choose one of them; but I don't see why people always feel guilty for having feelings for someone other than their SO. -yes Link to post Share on other sites
Kat Posted December 8, 2002 Share Posted December 8, 2002 Originally posted by yes but I don't see why people always feel guilty for having feelings for someone other than their SO. -yes Because it is a level of cheating? I as a g/f have no desire to perve, chat up, or do anything with a guy who isn't my man. Guys apparently perve, Well good for them. But for me personally I have no desire in myself to even look at another man sexually on ANY level. It feels wrong and yes I feel guilty. As for kissing someone else? There is the whole "Do I tell debate" No one wants to know because it would hurt them, but they would want to know because they want to know the truth. If you can live with it and not have it ruin your relationship do not tell him. If you can't and you feel as if you will burst if you don't tell him, then tell him. Good luck which ever you choose. "Cheating" is a mess business Link to post Share on other sites
Auntie Posted December 8, 2002 Share Posted December 8, 2002 Hey- I agree with Tony somewhat, but I also agree that if he is wanting to know why you were not exactly happy tht night, I believe I would tell him! I see that you have forgiven him, and he should too! The way I see it is, if you guys are expecting on spending your lives together, then it shouldn't hurt the realtionshipfor you to be honest with him about your feelings! He has a right to know when your hurting, as well as you having a right to know the same! This is a serious relationship here, my suggestion is to be very open, and let him know that is upset you some to see her, that is a normal response if you ask me! It would kill me inside to see that someone that my BF cheated on me with, whatever the circumstances! Just don't dwell on it, let him know what you feeling, and then tell him that you love him, and that is why it hurt, but that you are not mad at him, I feel that things will be ok! Good Luck girl! Link to post Share on other sites
Debster Posted December 9, 2002 Share Posted December 9, 2002 I'm sorry, I don't remember your earlier post. But you're saying that your boyfriend cheated on you because you were being mean to him? Link to post Share on other sites
pinkroses Posted December 9, 2002 Share Posted December 9, 2002 he would understand why you'd be uncomfortable. Why couldn't you just be honest with him that being around this other woman was upsetting? Unless he was purposely wanting to hang around her or "rub her in your face", I don't see any reason for you to be rude and snappy with your boyfriend. If you've forgiven him and your relationship has grown stronger since, then this is a good test to show whether you really can move on or not. Link to post Share on other sites
pinkroses Posted December 9, 2002 Share Posted December 9, 2002 with someone else makes you question a long-term relationship? My advice would be not to tell your boyfriend, and not to break up with him---over something so fleeting, anyway. Perhaps you need to look at where this is going. Either you're not really in love with your boyfriend or you are trying to get back at him. You're probably fantasizing about telling him so he can feel the same pain and betrayal you once did. Even if he does, it's not going to improve anything in the relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
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