Do Female Dumpers Ever Come Back?

[CaliGuy]

My girlfriend dumped me after about 2.5 years... Never really got a good reason why... That was over a month ago. I've been taking the advice of others, and doing no contact... I've done it successfully for 27 days... I know it's over. I know I need to move on. But the question still remains... When your girlfriend dumps you, do they ever come back?

 

Very rarely do women come back. If you think back to the last 3 months of the relationship you could tell she was pulling away. Women take their time to come to the decision to leave a man. They have the support of other women as well encouraging them that they've made the right decision. By the time they call it quits they have been checked out of the relationship for some time.

 

Men, on the other hand, tend to make more irrational decisions when ending a relationship and are more likely to regret the decision.

 

So the answer in a nutshell is no.

[Ireallyhatecheating]

Very rarely do women come back. If you think back to the last 3 months of the relationship you could tell she was pulling away. Women take their time to come to the decision to leave a man. They have the support of other women as well encouraging them that they've made the right decision. By the time they call it quits they have been checked out of the relationship for some time.

 

Men, on the other hand, tend to make more irrational decisions when ending a relationship and are more likely to regret the decision.

 

So the answer in a nutshell is no.

 

Refer to my post above in handling the end of relationships and remaing "friends" friends meaning when she feels horny she will call YOU to get hammered. So they DO come back, just not in the form you knew them before.

[CaliGuy]

Refer to my post above in handling the end of relationships and remaing "friends" friends meaning when she feels horny she will call YOU to get hammered. So they DO come back, just not in the form you knew them before.

 

That wasn't what he was asking and no, you're wrong. That is not in all cases.

[Ireallyhatecheating]

That wasn't what he was asking and no, you're wrong. That is not in all cases.

 

I have a MINIMUM 90% "hit ratio" with ex's.

 

If they come back and he learns how to nail them properly, maybe he will get the relationship he hopes for, unless you're flat broke or a drug addict, got caught cheating or an ******* it's usually about sex.

[CaliGuy]

I have a MINIMUM 90% "hit ratio" with ex's.

 

If they come back and he learns how to nail them properly, maybe he will get the relationship he hopes for, unless you're flat broke or a drug addict, got caught cheating or an ******* it's usually about sex.

 

If it's about sex then a second chance won't work.

 

Why buy the cow when you can have the milk for free?

[Poboy]

mine did come back after a looong NC ... i said yes to getting back together and then dumped her 5 mins later , the look on her face was priceless

[jusified]

lol.... how long was long

[Poboy]

8 months ... she made me wait that long to do that

[jusified]

hahha, girls, see now I'm single and I am in a mood to meet someone new. It feels weird having to approach a girl I like and having to ask her out on dates etc.

 

haha, so.... well i see it as if you like someone and see them as a potential you should give it a go and get to knwo them, if they dont feel the same way its their lose and you gave it a shot.

 

off topic, but anyways, girls usually dont come back

[2ndIINone]

girls usually dont come back

I still have to disagree... to an extent.

If it's inevitable.. the relationship was doomed from the start, because the two just can't get along, cheating was involved, or some kind of abuse, then dumpers usually walk and don't look back.

 

However, if the dumpee knows in his/her heart of hearts that the 'dump' was unjustified... that they did nothing to provoke it, or they were blindsided by the 'dump'... it is 'these' types of relationships I have seen the dumper both male/female come back.

 

Maybe the dumper 'had their eye on someone new? Thought the grass was greener? Was scared? Confused? Was moving out of state? Insecure with themselves? Was only use to bad relationships and couldn't handle a healthy one? So he/she ran for the hills. It is 'these' types of dumpers that will stop at nothing to get their ex back 3,4 5 months down the road.

 

That's why I think not contacting them is crucial. Not only to get healthy and to regain their self asteem, their strength and confidence, but to give the dumper space to realize they were wrong. If the dumpee was a truly 'good' person, then the space will give the dumper something to "Miss"... If they don't realize it, then they weren't worth it in the first place and the dumpee didn't waste more time begging, pleading and whining about the break. The dumpee should never ever chase... especially right at the break up, cause that will only justify the dumpers reason for leaving. Period.

[thecount]

I still have to disagree... to an extent.

If it's inevitable.. the relationship was doomed from the start, because the two just can't get along, cheating was involved, or some kind of abuse, then dumpers usually walk and don't look back.

 

However, if the dumpee knows in his/her heart of hearts that the 'dump' was unjustified... that they did nothing to provoke it, or they were blindsided by the 'dump'... it is 'these' types of relationships I have seen the dumper both male/female come back.

 

Maybe the dumper 'had their eye on someone new? Thought the grass was greener? Was scared? Confused? Was moving out of state? Insecure with themselves? Was only use to bad relationships and couldn't handle a healthy one? So he/she ran for the hills. It is 'these' types of dumpers that will stop at nothing to get their ex back 3,4 5 months down the road.

 

That's why I think not contacting them is crucial. Not only to get healthy and to regain their self asteem, their strength and confidence, but to give the dumper space to realize they were wrong. If the dumpee was a truly 'good' person, then the space will give the dumper something to "Miss"... If they don't realize it, then they weren't worth it in the first place and the dumpee didn't waste more time begging, pleading and whining about the break. The dumpee should never ever chase... especially right at the break up, cause that will only justify the dumpers reason for leaving. Period.

2nd11none, what you just said is so true. When they dump you, leave them alone to think. If you were truley good to them they will come back. Like mine has tried. I just wont budge because she hasn't shown any improvments on her behavior. I think she's just getting worse. I find what she says and does is just childish and annoying. At times I just can't wait to get off the phone with her.

 

But leaving them alone is the best bet for you. Maybe in the end it's you don't wont want her back.

[CaliGuy]

I still have to disagree... to an extent.

If it's inevitable.. the relationship was doomed from the start, because the two just can't get along, cheating was involved, or some kind of abuse, then dumpers usually walk and don't look back.

 

However, if the dumpee knows in his/her heart of hearts that the 'dump' was unjustified... that they did nothing to provoke it, or they were blindsided by the 'dump'... it is 'these' types of relationships I have seen the dumper both male/female come back.

 

Maybe the dumper 'had their eye on someone new? Thought the grass was greener? Was scared? Confused? Was moving out of state? Insecure with themselves? Was only use to bad relationships and couldn't handle a healthy one? So he/she ran for the hills. It is 'these' types of dumpers that will stop at nothing to get their ex back 3,4 5 months down the road.

 

Actually I have to respectfully disagree on a couple of points.

 

If she left because she was used to an abusive/unhealthy relationship, odds are that is the kind of relationship he/she will see as normal.

 

If they are insecure and feel you are too good for them, they have a huge amount of self-esteem to regain before they feel they are worthy of you. Men and women in these cases tend to date people who are otherwise unattractive because it makes them feel more attractive.

 

If you treated her well but had self-respect and confidence then maybe she comes back. If you acted like a door mat, then only strict NC would have them re-thinking their position. In fact, I could go so far as to say you need to start dating other people and be happy. It's right around that time when dumpers start to feel regret. They don't want you, but they don't want other people to have you as well. The ultimate in selfishness.

 

That's why I think not contacting them is crucial. Not only to get healthy and to regain their self asteem, their strength and confidence, but to give the dumper space to realize they were wrong. If the dumpee was a truly 'good' person, then the space will give the dumper something to "Miss"... If they don't realize it, then they weren't worth it in the first place and the dumpee didn't waste more time begging, pleading and whining about the break. The dumpee should never ever chase... especially right at the break up, cause that will only justify the dumpers reason for leaving. Period.

 

I agree with this. The #1 priority with NC is to get yourself healed, rebuild confidence and self-esteem and to get your life back. If you are using NC as a way to manipulate them back to you, you're doing yourself and your ex a disservice. You haven't focused on any self-improvement and even if they do come back to you the relationship is doomed to failure.

 

Unless something drastic changes (you, them or the situation) I can not ever envision a second chance working out.

[2ndIINone]

If she left because she was used to an abusive/unhealthy relationship, odds are that is the kind of relationship he/she will see as normal.

 

I think you took what I was trying to say... the wrong way.

 

If every other relationship of hers has been turmoil... drama filled BS... emotional abuse.. etc.... and THEN she finds herself in a normal healthy relationship... it is my opinion that she will love it at first, but later on see the healthy relationship as abnormal... in other words... "where the drama?" so he/she creates it.... causing problems. They don't know any better because they've never had a healthy relationship. So a normal relationship to you and me looks abnormal to them.... and they split.

[CaliGuy]

I think you took what I was trying to say... the wrong way.

 

If every other relationship of hers has been turmoil... drama filled BS... emotional abuse.. etc.... and THEN she finds herself in a normal healthy relationship... it is my opinion that she will love it at first, but later on see the healthy relationship as abnormal... in other words... "where the drama?" so he/she creates it.... causing problems. They don't know any better because they've never had a healthy relationship. So a normal relationship to you and me looks abnormal to them.... and they split.

 

Then I have been agreeing with you. He/she will not see a drama-free relationship as healthy for they will seek out the drama. It's exciting to them. I once spoke to a woman that said she craved the drama. While men who were good to her were attractive, she just craved the drama to add excitement to their life.

 

Normal, steady, healthy relationships are overall not attractive (or seen as normal) to those who are used to and crave drama.

[2ndIINone]

2nd11none, what you just said is so true

well, this is only formed from my experiences. True or not... it kinda makes sense to me.

 

My ex has me a bit confused lately. Shes been coming in and out of my life for years. Most recently, a few months back we talked... got no where... she asked to end the friendship. I agreed. 3 short weeks later, her son started calling me on a weekly basis.... but not her. Kinda weird if you ask me. Also kinda wrong to do that to me. I answered his calls and talked everytime. Great kid and I miss him dearly... but I know it was just a cruel selfish 'test' on her part. The calls have ended, but still till' this day, I don't have a clue why the calls came from him and not her.

[CaliGuy]

well, this is only formed from my experiences. True or not... it kinda makes sense to me.

 

My ex has me a bit confused lately. Shes been coming in and out of my life for years. Most recently, a few months back we talked... got no where... she asked to end the friendship. I agreed. 3 short weeks later, her son started calling me on a weekly basis.... but not her. Kinda weird if you ask me. Also kinda wrong to do that to me. I answered his calls and talked everytime. Great kid and I miss him dearly... but I know it was just a cruel selfish 'test' on her part. The calls have ended, but still till' this day, I don't have a clue why the calls came from him and not her.

 

She might have been talking about you and that provoked him to call you. If she is dating someone else, that is why the calls stopped.

 

I sympathize with you. It's one of the reaons I fear dating someone with kids. I might get attached to them and it would cause a lot of pain to have to break up with her and her kids at the same time.

 

Rough stuff.

[2ndIINone]

Normal, steady, healthy relationships are overall not attractive (or seen as normal) to those who are used to and crave drama.

 

I'm not sure if I wanna blame this on their childhood? OR just piss poor taste in SO's.

[2ndIINone]

She might have been talking about you and that provoked him to call you. If she is dating someone else, that is why the calls stopped.

 

Who knows... maybe she is... feel bad already for her next victim. Feel even worse for her poor son.

She likes to use him against me cause it would always 'get to me' (felt good)

 

I had called him last week to see how he was doing... no answer, so I text'd her to ask if she cut his contact off with me...

"No, why do you ask that?"

"Well, I had a dream about him the other night, it got me thinkin' bout' him so I called to see how he was..."

"Funny, he just mentioned you last night before going to bed."

"Really? So how is he?"

 

been a week... no answer...

BLAH!

[amaysngrace]

I don't have a clue why the calls came from him and not her.

 

Because she's a mental. She put her child in the middle of her relationship?

 

Who does that??

[2ndIINone]

She put her child in the middle of her relationship?

 

Honestly, that was kinda my feeling too, but I wasn't sure. Believe me, I was torn whether or not to answer his calls... I'd be a 'jerk' if I didn't, and apparently I still am a 'jerk' cause I did. But I think I did the right thing... he was my lil' buddy. Damned if you do, damned if you don't situation.

[thecount]

Honestly, that was kinda my feeling too, but I wasn't sure. Believe me, I was torn whether or not to answer his calls... I'd be a 'jerk' if I didn't, and apparently I still am a 'jerk' cause I did. But I think I did the right thing... he was my lil' buddy. Damned if you do, damned if you don't situation.

I have the out most respect for you. answering the kids calls is a great thing to do cheers to you. Never blame. if you and the kid had a great relationship and he's calling you. That should show the mother what a mistake she made for leaving you.

 

You did the right thing. There's nothing jerky about that.

[2ndIINone]

I have the out most respect for you. answering the kids calls is a great thing to do cheers to you.

I appreciate that... and I do think I did the right thing. But I can't help but think it's pretty low of her to use him to call me. She was very use to me calling on her often... with simple 'hellos', her son, her ill father. (We had a very long history) When I stopped, is when the sons calls started. Now, I believe she cut his contact off. He hasn't called in awhile or anwered his phone. Maybe the guilt got the best of her in realizing what she did was wrong. Sad.

[andy5128]

if it makes you feel any better.... my last 3 gf's came back. Usually 3-4 months is the magic number. That's a couple weeks of begging/pleading... then 2-3 months of NC. Then they call... *Ring Ring* "Can we talk?" NO!

 

Of course, I'm a little different. I can't break up with someone... don't have the heart. So I make sure I do all things a guy ISN'T suppose to do. Flowers weekly.... cuddling... surprises.... cards... a million "I love you's" ... Poetry....

All the stuff a guy can do to push a girl away. This way, I get out... smelling like roses. Always beg and plead for added effect.... this insures the swelling of her head... knowing she hurt you. PS. It took years, but I realized I'm a sure fire magnet for nutcases and rebounds. Unfortunately, it usually takes 6 months + for their true colors to show.

 

All of the above = truth. Any symptoms of "Wuss" will end any relationship for sure.

 

 

Great post 2nd11none, I like the 2-3 months of NC then they call RingRing, I found that hilarious. Well early stages of NC so hope to get the RingRing in the near future!!! lol