Crushed and don't know how to feel anymore

[Gunny376]

Sure, go for it!

 

Invest another freaking 5, 10 years of time, effort, energy and money just to have the wife throw your azz under the bus with the old "I really am gay afterall, and I'm leaving you for another woman!"

 

I don't share my "pudding" with anyone!

 

She's got problems with all of this? That's what they are ~ Her problems!

 

Go find you someone who's going to put into the relationship as much as you are.

 

Don't be going! Be gone!

 

Forget this crazy borad.

 

Even if you got back with her ~ I suspect sooner or later she's going to hit you up with her having a FWB gal on the side. Are you "up" with that? I wouldn't be.

 

Its like your Mama told you when you were little ~ "Don't put that in your mouth ~ you don't know where its been?!"

[wife_left_me]

Thanks Gunny your always good for a laugh and a smack of reality.

 

"Don't be going! Be gone!"

 

I'm gone and I gotta keep telling myself there is nothing that can bring me back.

[whichwayisup]

She needs look after herself, get some therapy to cope with her anxiety and depression. If anything, encourage her to do that so SHE can be a better mom.

 

She's now reacting because she is afraid of being alone. Problem is, this is her doing either knowingly or not. Plus, she's not straight so that's unfair to you.

 

Hang in there, enjoy your good days and accept the bad days as just that.

[wife_left_me]

AAAAAAAAAAHHhhhhhhhh.........

 

My soon to be EX-wife is driving me crazy!!!!!! First of all I've had the boys since Thursday afternoon and was supposed to drop them off with their mother today (Sunday) @ 1pm. She calls me about 11am and says she has to work today so she is going to pick them up tomorrow morning (Monday) before I have to leave for work @ 6am. Ok, fine... last minute I had no plans besides watching the MLB opening game but whatever, so I agree.

 

She just called me wasted (Drunk) asking me if I can just drive them to daycare tomorrow morning because she is tired. What an F***** lier. If shes got enough energy to go out drinking after work she better have enough energy to pick her kids up in the morning. She hasn't seen them since Thursday morning for gods sake and my oldest son is really upset. I really feel like shes taking advantage of my love for my children and making me look like a fool. I really don't care if she is seeing someone else, since I am also anyways but when she starts putting her new life before our children I am really starting to worry. I tried to talk with her but she just attacked me like i'm an enemy or something. What a bitch....... I would try to get full custody of the boys but am a 2 time felon and my lawyer told me there was no way I could win (how I regret my younger days now). F***!!!!!!!!

[whichwayisup]

Get all this down in writing, keep track of it all.

 

Your younger days and past really shouldn't have anything to do with how you are now - Especially since you sound like a real good dad and putting your kids needs first.

Right now if your soon-to-be-ex is showing signs of being an unfit parent, or doesn't want to have the responsibility of her children, then YOU should be getting full custody and she can have visitation rights.

 

Keep a tape recorder handy, so when she flies off on you, YOU have it recorded.

Sounds like to me she's just really confused and messed up, doesn't know what she is doing and you're the easy target for her to take her anger out on. Don't let her get away with treating you like that! Be firm, and tough, and definately detached - Make sure SHE understands her behaviour is affecting the kids.

[wife_left_me]

Today is Easter and it is my first holiday without my wife.

 

It's been going well for me, I've moved on and even started dating another woman but today just triggered some old memories which are making me very sad right now. My wife used to do so many things which made the holidays special for me and the kids, there just seems to be such a big hole in my life right now it is very hard to deal with. No decorations around the house, no easter baskets, no egg painting, that was her department and now she is gone. I used to take it all for granted now I miss it more than anything. I know we are done and I have let go but it is hard not to be sentimental on a family oriented day like this. I know it is going to take some getting used to but I just can shake the sinking feeling in my heart right now.

[whichwayisup]

Next year you can do the egg painting with your kids, do little easter egg and jelly bean hunts with your kids, remake your own special day with them... And, you get the kids to make the decorations and help you put it up throughout the house!

 

It's okay to grieve and miss that stuff...

 

PS Take it real slow with that woman you're dating.

[ilmw]

Today is Easter and it is my first holiday without my wife.

 

It's been going well for me, I've moved on and even started dating another woman but today just triggered some old memories which are making me very sad right now. My wife used to do so many things which made the holidays special for me and the kids, there just seems to be such a big hole in my life right now it is very hard to deal with. No decorations around the house, no easter baskets, no egg painting, that was her department and now she is gone. I used to take it all for granted now I miss it more than anything. I know we are done and I have let go but it is hard not to be sentimental on a family oriented day like this. I know it is going to take some getting used to but I just can shake the sinking feeling in my heart right now.

 

Yeah... I know the feeling bud.. Been going through the same stuff.. It has happened each significant day.... those days that were special for the family... or as a couple. It is hard not to dwell on things.. when you are not busy. So.. get busy the best you can...

 

I totally agree with WWU... great idea for next year with the kids.. and regarding your new lady friend... take it very slow....

 

Remind me again.. how long have you and you wife been apart?

[Gunny376]

Today is Easter and it is my first holiday without my wife.

 

It's been going well for me, I've moved on and even started dating another woman but today just triggered some old memories which are making me very sad right now. My wife used to do so many things which made the holidays special for me and the kids, there just seems to be such a big hole in my life right now it is very hard to deal with. No decorations around the house, no easter baskets, no egg painting, that was her department and now she is gone. I used to take it all for granted now I miss it more than anything. I know we are done and I have let go but it is hard not to be sentimental on a family oriented day like this. I know it is going to take some getting used to but I just can shake the sinking feeling in my heart right now.

 

Sorry! Uh-uh! Ain't going to do it! Not going to enable you in your sitting around digging up bones, over something that long dead and gone. You need to hold a funeral for your marriage or something. You keep sitting around digging up bones you're never going to heal yourself and move forward with your life. You've got to quit dragging this dead horse around.

 

Life is short, Dude, too short for this. From cradel to grave you've only got about 70 years or so, 840 months, 25,550 days!

 

Do you know what yesterday, today, and tomorrow have in common? There all just a couple of day in April. That's it ~ nothing more! Nothing less!

 

You're allowed one and only one pity party per marriage/divorce.

 

Get busy healing yourself, moving forward, and actually living your lfe.

 

Talking about it dosen't get it done!

[wife_left_me]

Thanks everyone for the replies.

 

Today actually went pretty well, I picked the boys up from my STBXW mothers house and went to my aunts house for a family gathering. I was able to tell everyone we were getting divorced before they could even ask where she is this year so that was really a relief. I was really dreading all the questions from everyone but I think everyone understood my situation and left me alone for the most part. I've been fine moving on until today and starting feeling that helplessness I was trying so hard to get rid of. I guess this is really a roller coaster like everyone has stated but until you experience it you have no idea how hard it is, that's why I appreciate all the advice and comments from this discussion board.

 

ilmw,

We've been separated for one month now.

[wife_left_me]

Well, the divorce paper are just about completed and I am going to bring them to my lawyers office tomorrow. Good news is my STBXW finally cracked and is going to give me residential custody of the boys :laugh:.

 

I didn't pressure her but knowing how emotionally fragile she is and her lack of patience I knew she would eventually crack and give them up when she realized she cannot handle them on her own. She has a hard enough time taking care of herself, let alone 2 little boys. I think if I would have asked her for custody she would have done everything in her power not to give them to me just out of spite.

 

Man, the thing that is so sad is she has really pulled a 180 from the loving mother I remember when our first son was born. I cannot believe she would put anything above her own children. I know our marriage was over a long time ago but I always thought she would take care of the boys no matter what. Well, I guess the woman who didn't want to be married also doesn't want her children for the same selfish reasons. She has started a new life as a single woman and there is no place for the boys. How pathetic she really has become.

[Chrome Barracuda]

That's f-ed up how can any parent just up an abandon their children like nothing? Is she really gay or is she just messed up in the head. I'm surprised your strong enough to weather this storm. Let me ask you did you tell your new woman about what went on between you and your ex?

 

How is the woman your ex left for? is she still in her marriage?

 

Now that your about to be a single father will you go for full child support?

[wife_left_me]

Well, I'm doing my best to keep it all together. I have my good days and there are some bad ones when something triggers some sad an anxious feelings. The good thing is the bad days are starting to be more infrequent. Most days I feel fine but do find myself logging into this site and browsing these threads. Not sure if I'm still looking for some answers or I have nothing better to do but it is addicting.

 

Not sure about the other woman. I've done my best to stay out of my STBXW life since it just would make me sad or angry or both anyways. I've gone NC and it has worked out pretty well. I do have to see her a couple time a week for the kids but I've been very good at keeping it short.

 

Thanks for the reply!

[wife_left_me]

Well everyone I did all the work moved on started the divorce and I really F'd up and now I'm back at square one . My STBXW called me crying a couple of weeks ago saying how she wanted to give the marriage one more try. Against my better judgement I agreed and started going to marriage counseling and telling her I love you and other things of that manner. What really pisses me off is that she called me wanting to work on things but then doesn't make any changes to make things work, she expected me to give into her and make her happy, which goes to show she still believes I was at fault for all our marriage problems. I know I have made some mistakes and was willing to work on them but she was not after all. Now I feel like I have lost her again....... Next time I know better, or at least I hope I am stronger.

[Melovator]

Well everyone I did all the work moved on started the divorce and I really F'd up and now I'm back at square one . My STBXW called me crying a couple of weeks ago saying how she wanted to give the marriage one more try. Against my better judgement I agreed and started going to marriage counseling and telling her I love you and other things of that manner. What really pisses me off is that she called me wanting to work on things but then doesn't make any changes to make things work, she expected me to give into her and make her happy, which goes to show she still believes I was at fault for all our marriage problems. I know I have made some mistakes and was willing to work on them but she was not after all. Now I feel like I have lost her again....... Next time I know better, or at least I hope I am stronger.

 

This totally sucks for you. But you did your best, more than what most people would do, more than anyone should expect themselves to do, when you agreed to try once more.

 

You didn't lose her, you lost your idea of her, your mental picture of your wife, lover and mother of your children. She will still be in your life because you have kids but she doesn't have to a part of your life anymore.

 

You are stronger already because you know that things can get really bad and you'll do your best, you'll keep going. But now you also know that you have boundaries and you'll be better prepared to maintain them in the future so no-one can mess with you like that again.

 

Take care of yourself and your boys.