markfromark Posted March 21, 2007 Share Posted March 21, 2007 Does your MM/MW still sleep (as in having sex) with their partner? Do you consider that as acceptable? After all they are still married. If your MM/MW told you initially that he/she is not having sex with their partner anymore but now they started again, would you consider that as cheating? I read a couple of posts where the MM is still having sex with his wife and it does not seem to be a big issue with the OW. I guess a MM has to have sex with his wife, otherwise she will get suspicious, right? Link to post Share on other sites
lrae Posted March 21, 2007 Share Posted March 21, 2007 Other Men and Other Women don't fool yourselves - of course the married affair partner is still "sleeping" with thier spouse! How else could they keep the normalcy pretense up? Having your cake and eating it too, ring a bell? Link to post Share on other sites
noxnoctisangela Posted March 21, 2007 Share Posted March 21, 2007 wait for the mm/mw to be sleeping together isnt cheating....for the other person sleeping with them is.... Link to post Share on other sites
Jinxx Posted March 21, 2007 Share Posted March 21, 2007 XMM gets the once a week pity f*ck. My STBEXH and I were no longer sleeping together so I guess you could say, yes I cheated on my husband but not my XMM. Link to post Share on other sites
bigblueeyes Posted March 21, 2007 Share Posted March 21, 2007 He sleeps with her, but thinks of me No, seriously, I think it is very human to want to avoid even thinking about that. It is just part of the big pretence that comes along with being involved with MM/MW. I think that if you are really in love with someone, you don't want physical intimacy with anyone else. And that goes for both sexes. This is why some marriages really suffer when a spouse has an affair, because the intimacy breaks down. In other cases, the intimacy between H and W was already missing, had already broken down when the affair started. What I mean is that in some cases the affair is to blame for a marriage breaking down, in others it is just a symptom of something gone wrong. Does that make sense?? Link to post Share on other sites
sadbuttrue Posted March 21, 2007 Share Posted March 21, 2007 my MM still has sex with his W. he never told me any different. i am not happy about it, but i guess i do accept it in a way. they are married. i am the outsider. Link to post Share on other sites
bigblueeyes Posted March 21, 2007 Share Posted March 21, 2007 Just to add that if MM told me he was sleeping with his W, I would freak out (and don't say he is, I don't want to know) Link to post Share on other sites
NearlyThere Posted March 21, 2007 Share Posted March 21, 2007 Does your MM/MW still sleep (as in having sex) with their partner? Do you consider that as acceptable? After all they are still married. If your MM/MW told you initially that he/she is not having sex with their partner anymore but now they started again, would you consider that as cheating? I read a couple of posts where the MM is still having sex with his wife and it does not seem to be a big issue with the OW. I guess a MM has to have sex with his wife, otherwise she will get suspicious, right? Do they or dont they still sleep with their partners, this is a much talked about point on here. Some people on LS who have an active sexlife with their partner find it difficult to grasp the concept that there are people who don't. If they tell you they are not there is no 100% that this is true or not, with mine he says not and I believe him, for various reasons I have stated before and as below. 1. You only have to read posts on other boards on this site about H's and partners saying that their wives do not have sex with them, a couple of posters spring straight to mind but am not going to name them. Plus I can give you the name of of at least one other website dedicated purely to men and women who are not having sex OR intimacy in their relationship. Go to the Marriage and Life Partnerships board on LS, check it out, see how many people are in a sexless or virtually sexless relationship, I think nearly all on there are faithful to their partners but they find it a great strain, not from the Sex point itself but missing the intimacy, I'm sure there are many that dont post on there that find themselves in an A. 2. I did not have sex with my partner for 4 years, YES, 4 years. It got to the point where I did not want him to touch me, therefore if he had gone out and had an affair and said I am not getting sex at home, he would have been being completely truthful. So by logic, it is perfectly conceivable that MM are being truthful on this point as well. 3. I'm not going to post again the physical evidence as to why I am as sure as I can be what he is telling me true but there is some. However if a MM is still having sex with his wife it would equally be as unsurprising to me as not having sex. It would be one of those things I suppose you would accept. If he started to have sex with his wife well would not consider it cheating on me however in my particular case if he was to do so then I would probably ask why. NT Link to post Share on other sites
Babybird Posted March 21, 2007 Share Posted March 21, 2007 I asked him about a month back if they were still intimate. He said the last time was at the end of October. I haven't asked since then. I don't think that they are anymore. We work together at my families company and a lot of us hang out at the same bar. I've been at the bar and he has noticed I'm there yet and watched the two of them. It's actually quite pathetic. They rarely talk, never touch, and the oddest thing is he doesn't look her in the eye at all. Probably out of guilt. I've been with him over a year and have only seen them kiss twice. Just things like that. Where you can tell, other people notice too, that he would rather be anywhere than with her. There isn't any intimacy there. As far as the cheating thing goes: I know that I shouldn't but yes I absolutely would feel betrayed and cheated. Like someone mentioned above if you love someone then you wouldn't want to be intimate with anyone else. His anniversary is on my birthday. Last year they went away. He tried to tell me that he wouldn't do anything and I said it was none of my business if he did. When I saw him when they got back I never asked and he never mentioned....until about a month back when I asked if they still were. As far as I know the last time they had sex was on my birthday. That really sucks. That was a triple whammy. Link to post Share on other sites
NearlyThere Posted March 21, 2007 Share Posted March 21, 2007 Other Men and Other Women don't fool yourselves - of course the married affair partner is still "sleeping" with thier spouse! How else could they keep the normalcy pretense up? Having your cake and eating it too, ring a bell? Go and have a look at the Marriage and Life Partnerships board on LS and see how many threads/posts on there about being in a sexless marriage then maybe you will see it is possible and does happen. So therefore there would be nothing normal to pretend about to their partner with regards to sex. In fact it is considered a "sign" of an A if a MM who has not been having sex suddenly starts again. Link to post Share on other sites
Babybird Posted March 21, 2007 Share Posted March 21, 2007 Go and have a look at the Marriage and Life Partnerships board on LS and see how many threads/posts on there about being in a sexless marriage then maybe you will see it is possible and does happen. So therefore there would be nothing normal to pretend about to their partner with regards to sex. In fact it is considered a "sign" of an A if a MM who has not been having sex suddenly starts again. My MM has said that she doesn't want him. She doesn't want to have sex, cuddle, or even sleep in the same bed. She actually kicked him out of their bedroom(his sister verified that info). Honestly, I think he was hurt pretty deep when she started to refuse him. He didn't understand why she didn't want him when he still wanted her. I think that was where/when the M started to go downhill. Link to post Share on other sites
stillhere Posted March 21, 2007 Share Posted March 21, 2007 Yes, my MM does sleep with his W. He has told me and he also said it was about once every 2 months or so. Even thinking about it sends that chill through my body. Am i happy about it? No, but i deal with it. Occassionally i will mention something about it.......like when the kids were gone one night on a weekend (that's always her excuse, kids are home), i asked him if he "got some" that night. First thing that came to my mind was them together. It was a last minute thing for the kids to spend the night away, so he was not able to tell me that day. Apparently, that upset him, because he had slept on the couch that night. We're very open and honest with each other (except that part, i don't want to know when they do it) and i had no problem asking him. I know that he does sleep on the couch VERY often, he always goes through his day with me, and the night before. So, yes they do, and no i don't like it. I don't consider it cheating on me, but i do remind him that i'm 100% faithful to him, he can't say the same for me. If i do find another man, i have to leave my MM first........i can't have the best of both worlds. In that sense, it's pretty unfair to me. Link to post Share on other sites
lrae Posted March 21, 2007 Share Posted March 21, 2007 C'mon, If the cheater was unable to be honest in thier marriage, how could you expect them to be honest in the affair? The belief that your affair partner is no longer sleeping with thier spouse or that they are trapped in a sexless marriage or that she constantly rejects and denies him is ludicrous. "He sleeps with her but thinks of me". Sorry Bigblueeyes, you sound kinda nice but that is the most delusional thing I've ever heard. Ultimately he or she is thinking only of themselves!! Link to post Share on other sites
NearlyThere Posted March 21, 2007 Share Posted March 21, 2007 C'mon, If the cheater was unable to be honest in thier marriage, how could you expect them to be honest in the affair? The belief that your affair partner is no longer sleeping with thier spouse or that they are trapped in a sexless marriage or that she constantly rejects and denies him is ludicrous. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t101000/ http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t114655/ http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t111779/ http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t114835/ http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t114694/ All about people in sexless or virtually sexless marriages. And thats just on the first 3 pages on the Marriages and Infidelity forum. Link to post Share on other sites
pricillia Posted March 21, 2007 Share Posted March 21, 2007 I did not even want to post on this thread... ugh I won't I feel like punching a wall right now. Link to post Share on other sites
IpAncA Posted March 21, 2007 Share Posted March 21, 2007 Do you consider that as acceptable? After all they are still married. Not sure what to say on this wopper of a question. If your MM/MW told you initially that he/she is not having sex with their partner anymore but now they started again, would you consider that as cheating? Oh man. Link to post Share on other sites
Babybird Posted March 21, 2007 Share Posted March 21, 2007 The belief that your affair partner is no longer sleeping with thier spouse or that they are trapped in a sexless marriage or that she constantly rejects and denies him is ludicrous. Why is that ludicrous? I constantly turned down my ex-H.I think we had sex twice in two years.Then he cheated and we got divorced. I hated having him touch me. My BF has sex with her H once every 2/3 months, and turns him down in between. I work with a woman that hasn't had sex with her H for 6 years. Yes, he still tries. Two of the guys that I work with have been married for 20+ years. They have said they're lucky to get it once a year. I can go on and on. Because we are involved in an A doesn't mean this can't be happening to our MM. It happens to men all the time. Not all MM are complete and total liars regardless of what anyone believes. The belief that NO man having an A can be trapped in a sexless marriage where he is denied is ludicrous. Link to post Share on other sites
woe_is_me Posted March 21, 2007 Share Posted March 21, 2007 Why is that ludicrous? I constantly turned down my ex-H.I think we had sex twice in two years.Then he cheated and we got divorced. I hated having him touch me. My BF has sex with her H once every 2/3 months, and turns him down in between. I work with a woman that hasn't had sex with her H for 6 years. Yes, he still tries. Two of the guys that I work with have been married for 20+ years. They have said they're lucky to get it once a year. I can go on and on. Because we are involved in an A doesn't mean this can't be happening to our MM. It happens to men all the time. Not all MM are complete and total liars regardless of what anyone believes. The belief that NO man having an A can be trapped in a sexless marriage where he is denied is ludicrous. Agreed.. i may have considered not believing him.. but i know for a fact that when he started A with me it had been around 10 months since he'd slept with his wife...and that was 15+ years of marriage Link to post Share on other sites
Motor35 Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 Do you consider that as acceptable? Of course it is. They are married. Link to post Share on other sites
puddleofmud Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 Is sex what matters? Or could this be some romantic notion that one woman has something another does not? This seems to harken to the old adage that one wouldn't cheat they were getting what they needed at home...(too often not at all the case). It is merely my personal opinion that whether sex does or does not occur; the more important issue is the aspect of geniune intimacy from which an R is derived. This is why emotional affairs are so damaging and why merely passion and/ or excitement based R's, alone, does not usually make an R "work" even for single people. Sex / passion can be isolational (more so for men) where as intimacy is a wide emotional net (especially for women). It is so very easy for one to confuse passion and sex w/ genuine emotional intimacy (we've all been there)....and this seems to become even more murky when one is with an attached partner. I suppose it would depend on how one values or perceives each: "sex" and "intimacy" and how one would categorize or internalize, both or separate? Link to post Share on other sites
casoria99 Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 My MM could not get a hard-on when we first started. And then once he learned how to get one, he couldn't keep it hard. It was quite pitiful. But he was not having sex with his wife. He wasn't becasue she had been really hateful for about 10 years. He crumbles whenever he is around her, he doesn't deal with confrontation and he says that she nagged him incessantly and always have to win an argument, which is why he started looking for love outside of the marriage. But I can say that if he did have sex wtih her during our 3 year period, it might have only been 3 times at the most. His sex drive is low as it is and we didn't make love except two times a week at that. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 Of course my husband still sleeps with me. And I know for a fact that he isn't thinking of the other woman. It's my name he's crying out in complete bliss, it's just that some men are dogs and can't turn down bi**ches in heat like some OW. Don't delude yourself, you are nothing more than a passing whim and I'll be with him long after you are tossed aside. Link to post Share on other sites
Meaplus3 Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 He sleeps with her, but thinks of me No, seriously, I think it is very human to want to avoid even thinking about that. It is just part of the big pretence that comes along with being involved with MM/MW. I think that if you are really in love with someone, you don't want physical intimacy with anyone else. And that goes for both sexes. This is why some marriages really suffer when a spouse has an affair, because the intimacy breaks down. In other cases, the intimacy between H and W was already missing, had already broken down when the affair started. What I mean is that in some cases the affair is to blame for a marriage breaking down, in others it is just a symptom of something gone wrong. Does that make sense?? I think that if you are really in love with someone, you don't want physical intimacy with anyone else. And that goes for both sexes. This is why some marriages really suffer when a spouse has an affair, because the intimacy breaks down. Very Good Point! AP Link to post Share on other sites
Confused27 Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 mine doesnt. he actually says he cringes when his bf touches him..but that was going on before me Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 There are different situations. In mine, in the role of betrayed spouse, we engaged either every night or every second night, sometimes more than once on lazy weekends. Not all spouses don't put out. We also cuddled a lot and sometimes we would have intimate chats for hours afterwards with both participating and enjoying them. Welcome to life with a serial cheater. Link to post Share on other sites
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