My Parents Hate Him!

[Alva]

I started dating a guy I knew from high school when I moved back home after college. He is a great guy and we have a really happy, stable, and even boring relationship (according to some of our friends) now, but in the beginning we were both trying to make that transition from college lifestyle to adulthood. We were still going out a lot and getting dragged into very unnessessary drama.

 

We hit a few bumps along the way. The major one being that he has a child with another girl from a previous relationship that he didnt tell me about until about a month into our realtionship. His baby is so sweet and I would love to have her in our lives but the baby's mother and my fiancee have issues with eachother that prevent that from happening a lot. On top of that, I know she isn't comfortable with another woman being involved in her child's life and I really do understand that. For the record, however, he has always stepped up 100% financially and always will.

 

Here is where my parents come in...they are very old fashioned and think anyone who gets someone pregnant should marry them period. They make it very well known that he is not wanted but still invited to our family functions. When my fiancee and I stared talking about gettng married, I kept warning my family that it might be coming soon to prepare them. Apparently they ignored me. When I told my mother we were engaged she literally stared balling and begging me not to tell my father because he had had chest pains the night before and it might give him a hart attack! (my sister later told me he had indigestion because they ate Mexican).

 

My mother also said that a wedding would kill them financially right now and probably kill my father as well, bear in mind my father makes $400,000 a year and my mother drives a new jaguar (the big one). She went on to say things like "this is so unfair to me" and "how can you do this to us?" When I told her I had been trying to prepare her for months she said she thought I was just being stupid and that she never expected someone with his level of integrety to propose. It makes me laugh just thinking about how dramatic is was.

 

My sister and mother hate him and make it known every chance they get so now my father, who has been around him for all of a couple hours max, dislikes him too. I don't know what to do??? At this point, we don't care if they pay for a wedding or not but I know this is one of those defining moments in my relationship with my family. I've tried talking to them several times but they are just so rude and I end up getting upset. What can I do?

[chryssy83]

My thoughts:

 

1. If your mom and sister hate him, maybe there is a reason he hasn't won them over. It could just be the having a kid thing, but maybe it's something else. Have you tried asking them about ALL of their concerns rather than just assuming it's that one thing? It could mean that they see something unhealthy that you don't see and you should work on it.

 

2. If thought one doesn't ring true...remember that you're an adult and you don't need their consent or money. Support would be nice, though. Tell them that you want them involved and how important it is to you rather than trying to defend him. Sounds like your mother is playing some guilt games. Maybe if you have a pastor or someone to talk to with your family members it would help you to have a calm discussion about what's important to everyone. If they won't support you, then get married without the big wedding. You'll still be just as married in the end.

[Aloros]

First off, understand that your parents want the best for you. Knowing this, repeating this to myself in my head, has helped me keep a level head when dealing with my own parents. What they're doing is only because you are their daughter, they want the best for you, and seeing you hurt hurts them. Of course, parents are also sometimes blind to the hurt they themselves cause.

 

Having said that, you have to do what makes you happy. You aren't around to please your parents or to fulfill their desires. When you get married, you are forming your own family, and that family comes first. Are you ready for that step?

 

It's quite possible that your parents will come 'round when they see you and him together and the way he treats you. Give them a chance to get to know him.

 

Your mother reminds me of my mother. She's being manipulative. Don't give in to this. She's at that panicking, say anything stage. Just tell her that he makes you happy, and your happiness should be important to her. Then tell her that you ARE marrying him, and you hope she can accept that. Hopefully, after she stews for a bit, she'll come to the acceptance phase.

 

Hope that helps and good luck!

[Salam For Ever]

Sins of Idealism

Hello father, hello mother

There is so much i don't get

Please don't be mad at me,I will try harder

I'll really do the best I can

That's not enough,suffer the cause of my domestic captivity

And I will close my eyes,and fantasize of a world that's not so cold

That's how it will be,suffer the causes of my personal misery,I've sacrificed

My beauty,my freedom,my dreams

the independent me

'Times New Roman']Hello father,hello mother

don't blame me for things I didn't do

Yes,I will go now,and I'll be silent

please stop your screaming,and love me!

That's all you can see,speak of love while you've ruined what's meant to be

And then I'll close my eyes,to fantasize of a world where I can be free

And free to be

Sinner or righteous,the line is so thin

Can you condemn it?

Can you be the one to judge it all,or accuse yourself if the sentence is your life

Hello father,hello mother,forgive me for standing in your way

I just wanted someone who'd hold me and listen

are these illusions,are they

Only fantasies?

Imagine how our lives could've been

I would still have

My beauty,my freedom,my dreams

the independent me

Our course in life is a path we must take alone no one can choose what to do,only you

so the sins we commit are the struggles within

there's nog judge to decide what is right

what is wrong

Tell me,can you live in freedom,knowing that your choice hurt someone?

Once,we had a life,and now we have you,the saviour of love is a catastrophe

I'll leave you both if I must give up my dreams

My chances aren't here with you

[I won't be chained because of

The sins of all,the sinner in me

I follow my dreams,you call it blasphemy

If my ideals are sins

To me,they are the strength within

Then I shall stay a sinner

I can be free,and free to be

Sinner or righteous,the line is so thin

Can you condemn it?

can you be the one to judge it all

or accuse yourself,if the sentence is your life

[Salam For Ever]

Dear Elva I hope you are fine, and please don’t be sad and pessimistic ….

Please I hope to stay in peace with your self

I will show three points to you and you can chose on of them or no one.

1- You should know your parents wanted what the best for you and nothing else …

I have the same story in the past … form 2 years a go I know a nice girl and I love her and she love me we stay in love for 5 month and after this here mother know the relation between me and her so, here mother say to her you should leave this man or he come to get engaged to you of course my love call me and tell me what s happened, and I say to my parents I want to get engaged to this girl.

As usually says to me no. and the problems start in my family and her family and after this we re separated ……………. But in fact so lately I discover that my parents in straight way and if I am marrying her I will be failure ….. Thank to god that I am not stay with this girl until now ….. Cause she is a crazy and has psychological problems

And not able to be good wife

2 – If you have the ability to marry him? Do that and don’t matter to your parent’s opinion …… and step by step you and he can make this life beauty

3- You should answer me about those questions:

What’s the point of life? And what's the meaning if we all die in the end just for one we love him/her?

And you shouldn’t throw your life away by cheating love.

When the beautiful unreality holds out its hand its better not to lose your self in blind faith with love. Please don’t lose your self in blind love.

Some time you thought your beliefs right and the others are wrong and a always you are in the straight way ….this is an important point.

When you love someone - you'll do anything

you'll do all the crazy things that you can't explain

you'll shoot the moon - put out the sun

you'll deny the truth - believe a lie

there'll be times that you'll believe you can really fly

but your lonely nights - have just begun

When you love someone - you'll feel it deep inside

and nothing else can ever change your mind

when you want someone - when you need someone

When you love someone - you'll sacrifice

you'd give it everything you got and you won't think twice

you'd risk it all - no matter what my come

when you love someone

take care about that??!!

Any thing more I am ready to help have a good day.

Take care, a about your self ….just be relax …

Ok kiss

Regards

Salam For Ever

[Island Girl]

When you love someone - you'll do anything

you'll do all the crazy things that you can't explain

you'll shoot the moon - put out the sun

you'll deny the truth - believe a lie

there'll be times that you'll believe you can really fly

but your lonely nights - have just begun

When you love someone - you'll feel it deep inside

and nothing else can ever change your mind

when you want someone - when you need someone

When you love someone - you'll sacrifice

you'd give it everything you got and you won't think twice

you'd risk it all - no matter what my come

when you love someone

 

Quoting song lyrics? Okay...

[pricillia]

Dear Elva I hope you are fine, and please don’t be sad and pessimistic ….

Please I hope to stay in peace with your self

I will show three points to you and you can chose on of them or no one.

1- You should know your parents wanted what the best for you and nothing else …

I have the same story in the past … form 2 years a go I know a nice girl and I love her and she love me we stay in love for 5 month and after this here mother know the relation between me and her so, here mother say to her you should leave this man or he come to get engaged to you of course my love call me and tell me what s happened, and I say to my parents I want to get engaged to this girl.

As usually says to me no. and the problems start in my family and her family and after this we re separated ……………. But in fact so lately I discover that my parents in straight way and if I am marrying her I will be failure ….. Thank to god that I am not stay with this girl until now ….. Cause she is a crazy and has psychological problems

And not able to be good wife

2 – If you have the ability to marry him? Do that and don’t matter to your parent’s opinion …… and step by step you and he can make this life beauty

3- You should answer me about those questions:

What’s the point of life? And what's the meaning if we all die in the end just for one we love him/her?

And you shouldn’t throw your life away by cheating love.

When the beautiful unreality holds out its hand its better not to lose your self in blind faith with love. Please don’t lose your self in blind love.

Some time you thought your beliefs right and the others are wrong and a always you are in the straight way ….this is an important point.

When you love someone - you'll do anything

you'll do all the crazy things that you can't explain

you'll shoot the moon - put out the sun

you'll deny the truth - believe a lie

there'll be times that you'll believe you can really fly

but your lonely nights - have just begun

When you love someone - you'll feel it deep inside

and nothing else can ever change your mind

when you want someone - when you need someone

When you love someone - you'll sacrifice

you'd give it everything you got and you won't think twice

you'd risk it all - no matter what my come

when you love someone

take care about that??!!

Any thing more I am ready to help have a good day.

Take care, a about your self ….just be relax …

Ok kiss

Regards

Salam For Ever

 

 

 

Um her name is Alva... not Elva

[pricillia]

anyway...Alva

 

I agree with you that your family is being dramatic, and your mom seems to be pouring on the guilt, I love the part about your dad having chest pains and all it was, was eating Mexican the night before. That is a classic.

 

Does your finance know that your family is struggling with the situation?

 

And may I ask what is your sisters status, is she married and is he accepted by your parents?

[pricillia]

Dear Elva I hope you are fine, and please don’t be sad and pessimistic ….

Please I hope to stay in peace with your self

I will show three points to you and you can chose on of them or no one.

1- You should know your parents wanted what the best for you and nothing else …

I have the same story in the past … form 2 years a go I know a nice girl and I love her and she love me we stay in love for 5 month and after this here mother know the relation between me and her so, here mother say to her you should leave this man or he come to get engaged to you of course my love call me and tell me what s happened, and I say to my parents I want to get engaged to this girl.

As usually says to me no. and the problems start in my family and her family and after this we re separated ……………. But in fact so lately I discover that my parents in straight way and if I am marrying her I will be failure ….. Thank to god that I am not stay with this girl until now ….. Cause she is a crazy and has psychological problems

And not able to be good wife

2 – If you have the ability to marry him? Do that and don’t matter to your parent’s opinion …… and step by step you and he can make this life beauty

3- You should answer me about those questions:

What’s the point of life? And what's the meaning if we all die in the end just for one we love him/her?

And you shouldn’t throw your life away by cheating love.

When the beautiful unreality holds out its hand its better not to lose your self in blind faith with love. Please don’t lose your self in blind love.

Some time you thought your beliefs right and the others are wrong and a always you are in the straight way ….this is an important point.

When you love someone - you'll do anything

you'll do all the crazy things that you can't explain

you'll shoot the moon - put out the sun

you'll deny the truth - believe a lie

there'll be times that you'll believe you can really fly

but your lonely nights - have just begun

When you love someone - you'll feel it deep inside

and nothing else can ever change your mind

when you want someone - when you need someone

When you love someone - you'll sacrifice

you'd give it everything you got and you won't think twice

you'd risk it all - no matter what my come

when you love someone

take care about that??!!

Any thing more I am ready to help have a good day.

Take care, a about your self ….just be relax …

Ok kiss

Regards

Salam For Ever

 

 

maybe this girl has phycological problems because the man she loved threw her away becuase of what mommy and daddy said.

 

plus then you go on to contradict your self.

 

just sayin here

[Salam For Ever]

Quoting song lyrics? Okay...

 

 

Yes I agree with you it song lyrics for Bryan Adams and if I quote from him that band or not allowed for me?

That so crazy Island girl

All in all thank you in next time I will explain that .

[Salam For Ever]

Um her name is Alva... not Elva

 

 

Pricillia yes I do this mistake so please forgive me. Really I am so sorry.

Of course Alva not Elva

[Salam For Ever]

anyway...Alva

 

I agree with you that your family is being dramatic, and your mom seems to be pouring on the guilt, I love the part about your dad having chest pains and all it was, was eating Mexican the night before. That is a classic.

 

Does your finance know that your family is struggling with the situation?

 

And may I ask what is your sisters status, is she married and is he accepted by your parents?

 

:mad: :mad:

I think you should give here some advices that better.

Alva here to help here and give here some advices. And

I want to say Chance doesn't exist

But the path of life is not totally so predestined

and time and chronology show us how all should be

in the ways of existence

to find out why we are here

We are here for help people in honorable may not to attack the others.

We are here as brothers as friend.

But I don’t know what you consider that?

I am pity on her?

Dear pricillia

You should know last day I am visited my girlfriend she is psychoanalyst and ask her about the problem... And she promised me to help me??

Finally I like your name.

[Salam For Ever]

maybe this girl has phycological problems because the man she loved threw her away becuase of what mommy and daddy said.

 

plus then you go on to contradict your self.

 

just sayin here

 

 

No no

First you must know the girl have I loved here she is Muslim and I am Christian.

This is a big problem in medal east. It s not common

I am threw her away because of what mommy and daddy said.

No after this story I am leave my parents and I am live alone with my self

I am an independent member in my family and I am mutinous traditions in my society.

Cause my parents attack my with this girl.

But, she give up and I am tried to hold things together and convince myself that she was not crazy

Let me tell you more and more

Last week my friend calls me and says to me Salam For Ever your love with me?

What what you say? Yes and I would to leave here.

I ask him why?

He answer me this girl has physiological problems

So I am contradicting my self?

Or you mean I have physiological problem?