What? Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 Ok, I was RAISED old fashioned like, moms taught me. I am getting so sick and tired of meeting women who hate getting complimented, don't want you to open a door for them and being put on a pedestal. None of this in excess, but enough to realize sincerety. I am beginning to draw a theory that some women are so used to being treated in a way not so genuine and become afraid when they meet a guy who does. If I had a dollar for everytime I've heard "I'm not used to hearing that" or "I don't know how to react", I could hang with Bill Gates. I usually have a pretty good rapport with a woman before I date her first. She knows by that point (I hope) what my deal is, and that I wouldn't say what I mean. I know it must be tough for a woman to distinguish between a guy being sincere or a guy trying to get in her pants, but come on, take a shot at some time. The last couple of ladies that were gf material have displayed this behavior and bugged out for absolutely no reason (even after 6 or 7 dates plus???). I need to get in Doc's DeLorean and head back to the 1950's because I firmly believe this is how it should be done. All the games I read about in this site with the NC and what not just seem so stupid. Whatever happened to saying what's on your mind? Guess that doesn't bode well for me... I have also had the opposite experiences when I wasn't interested in a lady and kind of snubbed them, they would eat out of your hand. Any ladies that could shed some light on this here would be appreciated. I just don't operate well as an a**hole! Quick BG: Have had a couple of LTRs more than 4 years, 1 my loss (when I was young and unready), 1 hers. Took the last 5 off. Ready to get back in, but being me seems to this point not working out with this stance, at least not lately. Have I been passed by? I will never understand why the nice guy finishes last. Link to post Share on other sites
knaveman Posted March 24, 2007 Share Posted March 24, 2007 I understand completely. All the women I see seem to date the biggest a-holes. Every woman I have met says they want a nice guy then proceed to date some loser that treats them like sh**. Then they complain about being treated like sh**. I have given up and learned that I will finish last and am now just waiting for the end of the race. Link to post Share on other sites
IfWishesWereHorses Posted March 24, 2007 Share Posted March 24, 2007 Let me say this. After being married for 20+ years I went through a brief separation. During that time I didn't date but I did go out with friends. I was amazed. Guys had like a script. EVERY MAN would come up to you and say the exact same thing. Your beautiful, your special, your H must be an idiot, and (my favorite - atleast a bit unique-) what is he gay? These things after a woman has heard them become like lines. After that I told my single guy friends - "don't ever tell a woman she is beautiful". That said, women want to feel that a man is attracted to them. The answer is to SHOW her by your actions and how you respond to her. I cannot however answer for a dating relationship as I wasn't dating. Link to post Share on other sites
lindya Posted March 24, 2007 Share Posted March 24, 2007 I will never understand why the nice guy finishes last. I can sympathise. I will never understand why I keep responding to these endless "nice guy" threads with my various half-baked theories. Here's the latest one. Self-fulfilling prophecy. You've got a "I'm a nice guy, therefore I will finish last" script that underpins your interactions with women. Meeting a guy who is keen to impress upon you his Niceness can elicit feelings of dread and encourage a sort of "guilt in advance of causing disappointment" state of mind. Like walking along the street on a pleasant summer's day, and suddenly having your path blocked by an abandoned puppy that wears an expression of heart-wrenching pathos in its melting chocolate eyes. "I want you to take me home, keep my injections up to date, ensure I have regular walks whatever the weather, clean water at all times, a mixture of dry food (good for my teeth) and wet food, lots of cuddles, smile patiently as I wee and crap in your home, exercise dog-whispering methods when it comes to training me etc etc etc...." Big brown eyes fill with tears... "But you're not going to do it are you?" Link to post Share on other sites
konfuzd Posted March 24, 2007 Share Posted March 24, 2007 Lame guys, or guys who are too predictible are the ones who finish last. You know the rich kids in school who had parents who would buy them anything they wanted, and they had no appriciation for it? Well, it's the same with relationships. If you shower a girl with compliments all the time, yes, it's great, but if she doesn't have to work for it or earn it, it becomes a little tedious. I dated a guy like this. The compliments were so generic and overdone. For example, he would say I looked nice every time we went out, even if I was just lounging in my pj's. I loved it at first, thought it was fantastic, but soon I just ended up rolling my eyes, because it really lost it's meaning, and was just expected. On the other hand, when I've gone for the bad boy types, who seem a lot more aloof about the relationship, but spontaneously do something really nice, or give me compliments sporatically, when I feel that I've earned it means a lot more and just melts my heart. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted March 24, 2007 Share Posted March 24, 2007 If those women are saying they don't know how to react, then I think you're going after the wrong women. There are plenty of women out there who appreciate the genuinely nice guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted March 24, 2007 Share Posted March 24, 2007 One of the nice guys here, or so I like to believe. I, too, was raised to be a gentleman in the "old school" manner and quite frankly, I have no regrets. I wouldn't change my ways. As far as I'm concerned, any woman who can't appreciate the little attentions and considerations isn't someone I'd want to spend a lot of time with anyway. Clearly she hasn't been raised to be a lady as much as I was raised to be a gentleman. I don't over use compliments and give them only when they're truly due. That's very different from periodic expressions of appreciation, however. Link to post Share on other sites
lindya Posted March 24, 2007 Share Posted March 24, 2007 If those women are saying they don't know how to react, then I think you're going after the wrong women. There are plenty of women out there who appreciate the genuinely nice guy. But, but, but... ...when I wasn't interested in a lady and kind of snubbed them... We all want a genuinely nice guy, but the task involves sifting him out from all the guys who are only nice to women they want to shag. Link to post Share on other sites
alextop30 Posted March 24, 2007 Share Posted March 24, 2007 I cannot believe that to be true but I am amazed just because it is the same feedback with me too. I am constantly nice I would never swear in front of a girl that I consider to be potential gf. I try to give compliments but lately they have been very limited to the one - You look nice today. Or that outfit is really nice. I think those should be tips that I like her but apparently it doesnt work out that way. When ever I get really lucky and engage in conversation and they open up I actually listen and give suggestions and try to help, and I do get this too "I dont know what to say" what the hekk is that. You can always say you are kind, you are nice. Maybe some aknoledgement that you like me too would be nice. Ahhhhh. So it is frustrating for me to be myself and still trying to find a girl friend. And by the way too my mom raised me - my dad never bothered with that part so that is why I am so nice. I wish I knew what to do . one last question is Do girls really want to be treated like crap? My evidence is the same. When ever I am really not interested and I just feel bugged they think they are in love with me !!!! talk about wierd. Link to post Share on other sites
VirtualInsanity Posted March 24, 2007 Share Posted March 24, 2007 Good. You shouldn't want to and sound like a decent guy. I like dating nice guys but to an extent. I can only take so much niceness. Need nice guy and bad boy type mixed into one person. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted March 24, 2007 Share Posted March 24, 2007 But, but, but... We all want a genuinely nice guy, but the task involves sifting him out from all the guys who are only nice to women they want to shag. *nods* Very good point, very, very true. Link to post Share on other sites
alextop30 Posted March 24, 2007 Share Posted March 24, 2007 Good. You shouldn't want to and sound like a decent guy. I like dating nice guys but to an extent. I can only take so much niceness. Need nice guy and bad boy type mixed into one person. Can I plz ask for an example where men tend to cross the line into too nice Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted March 24, 2007 Share Posted March 24, 2007 I like dating nice guys but to an extent. I can only take so much niceness. Need nice guy and bad boy type mixed into one person. Word. The current girl I'm seeing stopped seeing the guy before me partially because, in her words, "He had no masculine qualities." She then went on to say that, "All girls want the ahole who will be nice to her." And this isn't some club slut either, this is a good, wholesome (well, sort of ) girl from the Midwest. Link to post Share on other sites
Yamaha Posted March 24, 2007 Share Posted March 24, 2007 Women see niceness as weakness in a guy. They want a guy to make them feel safe and protected and the bad boy type of guy fits their model of man. A jerk guy comes across as confident and this sends a message to a girl that he can take care of her. The typical nice guy is more shy and not as confident so he gets overlooked for a date but makes a great friend. You need to get a balance of being nice but showing your masculinity. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted March 24, 2007 Share Posted March 24, 2007 Women see niceness as weakness in a guy. . Ha ha.....six weeks ago I meet new girl. On 1st date I tell her "I don't do friends thing with women". She replies "Oh, Alpha...its too soon to know where this is headed.." Tonite I will be having sex with her. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted March 24, 2007 Share Posted March 24, 2007 As far as I'm concerned, any woman who can't appreciate the little attentions and considerations isn't someone I'd want to spend a lot of time with anyway. I don't over use compliments and give them only when they're truly due. That's very different from periodic expressions of appreciation, however. Good post. Link to post Share on other sites
Salicious Crumb Posted March 24, 2007 Share Posted March 24, 2007 I understand completely. All the women I see seem to date the biggest a-holes. Every woman I have met says they want a nice guy then proceed to date some loser that treats them like sh**. Then they complain about being treated like sh**. Amen..I was going to say the same thing until I saw you beat me to the punch. Well said. The saying is true...nice guys finish last. Link to post Share on other sites
Storyrider Posted March 24, 2007 Share Posted March 24, 2007 --Compliments work when they are true, personal, and obviously not fabricated but based on something specific about me. --Kindness and attentiveness are good, but he also needs to stand up to me and not take any BS from me. I appreciate his strength much more than I want him to do my bidding. I want him to be independent and even dominant at times. --I want him to like me for good reason, not just kiss my ass, whether it is to get into my pants or just to get my attention romantically. Nobody wants a toady, submissive boyfriend or husband. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted March 24, 2007 Share Posted March 24, 2007 Amen..I was going to say the same thing until I saw you beat me to the punch. Well said. The saying is true...nice guys finish last. The nice guys and jerks finish last and the balanced guy will finish first. Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted March 24, 2007 Share Posted March 24, 2007 Kindness and attentiveness should NEVER take the place of being real, independent, strong and capable. They can all very easily go hand-in-hand, and should. Anygthing else is disingenuous. Trying to impress solely for purposes of getting laid or getting romantic attention is not really being true to yourself or the other person. Are they still going to find you attractive when you're not in character and on stage? That's the acid test! Link to post Share on other sites
2ndIINone Posted March 24, 2007 Share Posted March 24, 2007 All girls want the aŠŠhole who will be nice to her well that's a different way of putting it.... very true. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted March 24, 2007 Share Posted March 24, 2007 well that's a different way of putting it.... very true. I hope that is not the case. Otherwise my GF is playing me for a fool. Link to post Share on other sites
VirtualInsanity Posted March 24, 2007 Share Posted March 24, 2007 well that's a different way of putting it.... very true. Agreed. Can I plz ask for an example where men tend to cross the line into too nice Hard to narrow down to specifics. Doing the nice things but sticking to that only. Over doing it. Link to post Share on other sites
monkey00 Posted March 24, 2007 Share Posted March 24, 2007 When women say they want a 'nice guy' they're making an understatement. And for the guys who misunderstand this are the ones that get burned...and when they do they come out the ashes as a better man, hopefully for their sake anyway. And when women say they want a 'bad boy' they're making an overstatement. But it is true, when the term nice guy comes to mind people automatically equate that with stability and boredom. and the badboy stereotype will usually equate spontaneity and rebel. A true man will incorporate the 2 characteristics and make it who he is. It happens naturally through life's trials and tribulations which is a sum of his personality, character, and flaws. Link to post Share on other sites
VirtualInsanity Posted March 24, 2007 Share Posted March 24, 2007 A true man will incorporate the 2 characteristics and make it who he is. It happens naturally through life's trials and tribulations which is a sum of his personality, character, and flaws. Important to have balance and not have it on one side. Link to post Share on other sites
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