For all you Nice Guys Out there

[goodbrother]

Jerks? Bad boys? Good guys? Nice guys? After they have beat each other to death over the woman and get nothing guess what. Fuggeddaboutit! in strolls with wiseguy. Women love the wiseguy. They shrug off the conflict and trump all the others.

[Trialbyfire]

Jerks? Bad boys? Good guys? Nice guys? After they have beat each other to death over the woman and get nothing guess what. Fuggeddaboutit! in strolls with wiseguy. Women love the wiseguy. They shrug off the conflict and trump all the others.

How true is this, but only if you define a nice guy as a doormat and a bad boy as a jerk.

[Member3]

Jerks? Bad boys? Good guys? Nice guys? After they have beat each other to death over the woman and get nothing guess what. Fuggeddaboutit! in strolls with wiseguy. Women love the wiseguy. They shrug off the conflict and trump all the others.

 

Yep. Chicks dig their myrrh.

[Mary3]

You're an idiot. You can't spell, you can't think and you've obviously got a completely skewed outlook on life where "guy on my level who is comfortable to be around and good fun" equals "violent partner-beater."

 

The more I read comments here from self-professed nice guys, the more I see that this "nice guy" is nothing more than a woman-hating little prick who whines about not being able to get a girlfriend then goes home to wank over violent gang-bang porn.

 

I fell out of my chair reading this ! .........

[Mary3]

Jerks? Bad boys? Good guys? Nice guys? After they have beat each other to death over the woman and get nothing guess what. Fuggeddaboutit! in strolls with wiseguy. Women love the wiseguy. They shrug off the conflict and trump all the others.

 

Jerks = Stay home

Bad Boys = Lets talk some..mix it up.

Good Guys = Right Balance and give me a call...

Nice Guys = Uh ,I have to wash my hair tonite because you are boring me..

[lindya]

we both know girls prefer the jerk over the guy who pampers her. let's leave it like that.

 

Your litmus test for a jerk is "do women like him? Then he must be a jerk." Same deal as women who glare at teenage girls in shorts skirt and angrily hiss about "semi-dressed sluts".

 

This is the mentality that makes you a loser. You have the power to halt your own progress down that spiral staircase of failure...but you won't, because you're too busy wasting energy trying to persuade other people round to your own negative, bitter outlook on life. There's a lot of that behaviour in these parts.

[burning 4 revenge]

These guys say the same things all the time Lindya. I don't know why you waste your time responding, but I thoroughly enjoyed your posts.

[burning 4 revenge]

The problem with nice guys is that they idealize women. There are just as many female players and no good women as there are no good men but nice guys think that all women are being mistreated and they think they will be the one knight in shining that will show a woman what love is. This strategy almost never works. I can be a nice guy and I have a woman that appeciates that side of me but she has to be worth it. Nice guys will let a woman see this side no matter how badly she treats him and that is why keep getting hurt every time.

That's a pretty good post and one of your best IMO but it shows that many of these so called nice guys don't have a good critical faculty regarding women.

 

I also think that many of these so called nice guys only pine for women who are out of their league and are shocked and astounded to find that women can be equally superficial. What they fail to see is their own superficiality and that's what makes them chumps in my book.

[pelagicsands]

next time, go trolling on other forums please. you know, forums like neopets and maple story. that's where you belong.

:lmao:

 

Actually, I haven't got the slightest idea what any of this means. But I laughed my arse off!? I wonder why.

[lindya]

I don't know why you waste your time responding, but I thoroughly enjoyed your posts.

 

Then it's not time wasted!

[Mary3]

Women are attracted to whatever floats their boat ; Jerks , geeks , fairys, metrosexuals , total azz holes , rich arrogant guys , poor humble guys , big strong muscular guys... whatever....[I][/i]

 

The point is for the 10,000 th time for all you guys reading books ~ thinking you have to be rich , smart , educated , successful, or wimpy, weak , spineless nicey nice but unless you have figured out by age say age ~ 25 * what * it takes to be the right MAN for the woman , then you remain clueless and continue to buy books and act like the bad guy ( still lame ) because you don't know any different .This TELLS you that you will likely turn 40 and still be dateless and clueless.

 

Did you ever notice the guy who had the girl ~ ? He was pretty normal and so was she and they had a pretty decent life ? Did you wonder and wish how YOU could get that kind of life ? If by 25 you haven't figured it out I suspect you need a TOTAL revamp of your approach , your wardrobe, your colonge and your confidance .

[lindya]

 

Who knows? Maybe you've just been receiving a bit too much anal lately.

[pelagicsands]

The point is for the 10,000 th time for

We should all celebrate. That sounds like some sort of milestone.

[pelagicsands]

Maybe you've just been receiving a bit too much anal lately.

In my dreams.

[what?]

And you consider that a good thing?

 

However I do agree that "nice guys" should be given a chance. And yes I'm sure some women feel the same way.

 

 

 

 

I know what your saying and agree.

 

So would you consider "nice" and "balanced" to be separate?

 

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Hey VinaAmez,

That is why I left the "to an extent" disclaimer! No, I am not a pushover to just any woman and have pride in myself. BUT, when I meet a woman I am genuinely interseted in and express my feelings as such to her, DOING things for her just backs up how I am really feeling. It has been my experience that a woman thinks you are up to something or are being untruthful when I do this, probably because of her past experiences.

 

I am not complicated at all and don't understand why it can't be as easy is it should be. If I like the girl, and she likes me, there should be no reason to distrust one another unless there is physical evidence between us to come to that conclusion.

 

This is why I feel the nice guy gets stung. It has nothing to do with the money we make, social status and the like. Anyone that judges me that way deserves the jerk and everything he dishes out, and am better off without her. To me, women should be able to tell right away (within a few dates)whether or not a guy is sincere or not, they have that intuition. What I ask is that they do not overthink the situation, because I deeply feel that that is what gets in the way of an otherwise flawless relationship with a nice guy.

 

A nice guy is unwavering in the way he truly feels about a woman, no matter HER insecurities. It almost comes off as aggressive, but in a way that women are afraid of because it is real and maybe hard to believe for the reasons discussed earlier. God forbid a guy actually likes you for all you are, imperfections and all.

 

The nice guy has imperfections too. Love is not hard when it is right, at least I don't think it should be. Yeah, at one time when I got burned, I was a woman-hating gang bang-wanker, but I'm sure there are several women out there that felt the same way about the guy who did her wrong, minus the gang bang wanking. I no longer hate women, I just want to be able to trust and love ONE that isn't my mother.

 

This nice guy has the capacity to do just that. Nice guys shouldn't be chastized for risking vulnerability in persuit of true love. Society dictates men should not do this, but it falls into game playing, which I hate with a passion.

 

I am off the Budweiser Soap Box.... Good luck to everyone and thanks for all your input, I'm learning more everyday!

[Mary3]

We should all celebrate. That sounds like some sort of milestone.

 

Yes let me get a truck to haul all the candles we will need for the cake

[Woggle]

Many nice guys are wimps and most women don't want that. Sure there are some women who want some doormat they can treat like crap and that is exactly who most of these nice guys end up with but does a man really want that anyway? I find that even most strong and independent type of women want an equal and not a man under their thumb. My wife is a lot like that and she felt like in the past she always had men who wanted her to control them or wanted to control her but with me she found the right balance. They are in the drivers seat all day so sometimes they want to come home and get in the passenger seat once in a while. If a man is incapable of sometimes getting in the drivers seat sometimes she will feel like she is his mother instead of his partner and that is a big turnoff. It doesn't mean that you need to treat her like crap or be controlling but you need to have your own identity and have a backbone. If you become clay to be molded to her liking you bring nothing of your own to the relationship. On the other hand there are women who are addicted to drama and get a sick rush from it and I advise any man to stay away from them.

[VinaAmez]

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Hey VinaAmez,

That is why I left the "to an extent" disclaimer! No, I am not a pushover to just any woman and have pride in myself. BUT, when I meet a woman I am genuinely interseted in and express my feelings as such to her, DOING things for her just backs up how I am really feeling. It has been my experience that a woman thinks you are up to something or are being untruthful when I do this, probably because of her past experiences.

 

I am not complicated at all and don't understand why it can't be as easy is it should be. If I like the girl, and she likes me, there should be no reason to distrust one another unless there is physical evidence between us to come to that conclusion.

 

This is why I feel the nice guy gets stung. It has nothing to do with the money we make, social status and the like. Anyone that judges me that way deserves the jerk and everything he dishes out, and am better off without her. To me, women should be able to tell right away (within a few dates)whether or not a guy is sincere or not, they have that intuition. What I ask is that they do not overthink the situation, because I deeply feel that that is what gets in the way of an otherwise flawless relationship with a nice guy.

 

A nice guy is unwavering in the way he truly feels about a woman, no matter HER insecurities. It almost comes off as aggressive, but in a way that women are afraid of because it is real and maybe hard to believe for the reasons discussed earlier. God forbid a guy actually likes you for all you are, imperfections and all.

 

The nice guy has imperfections too. Love is not hard when it is right, at least I don't think it should be. Yeah, at one time when I got burned, I was a woman-hating gang bang-wanker, but I'm sure there are several women out there that felt the same way about the guy who did her wrong, minus the gang bang wanking. I no longer hate women, I just want to be able to trust and love ONE that isn't my mother.

 

This nice guy has the capacity to do just that. Nice guys shouldn't be chastized for risking vulnerability in persuit of true love. Society dictates men should not do this, but it falls into game playing, which I hate with a passion.

 

I am off the Budweiser Soap Box.... Good luck to everyone and thanks for all your input, I'm learning more everyday!

 

IMO it comes down to the way "nice" is perceived and whether or not people witness/experience what is perceived.

 

But I'm still standing by with "balance" is what works the best.

 

I do think that some people are confusing balance as jerk mixed with nice and that's not what balanced is. You can be balanced and not a jerk.

[princessa]

This whole thread is too long to read.. I'll give my opinion regardless of whether this point was previously mentioned...

 

Personally, I appreciate small "genetelmanly" gestures that men might direct towards me.. I welcome them with a warm smile and a genuine thank you.

 

I think that it is all well for a man to be nice to women. However, I think that what most women are looking for on top of that, is the ability to also know when to throw those "rules" that you've been raised with out the window, and venture onto the bold and aggressive side. I think that most guys who label themselves as "nice", are stuck with this image of themselves where they only see themselves as being only good enough to kiss their women's feet. No amount of kind gestures towards us will make you attractive if you're not able to show some kind of uniqueness that sets you apart from the traditional guidelines of what a gentleman is upposed to be. Guidelines are nice, but only to a certain point. If there's no equilibrium between manners and excitement, life with a nice guy becomes boring.

[what?]

No amount of kind gestures towards us will make you attractive if you're not able to show some kind of uniqueness that sets you apart from the traditional guidelines of what a gentleman is upposed to be. Guidelines are nice, but only to a certain point. If there's no equilibrium between manners and excitement, life with a nice guy becomes boring.

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Ugh! This is what I'm trying to get at. Early on in the dating, you know how you're in the "feeling out" stage, just trying to establish compatibility? For this nice guy, I am willing to show "the exciting" part of me, but not at first. I don't want to scare anybody away. I go to the manners stage first, to establish a level of sincere interest (if that feeling is there). I can roll with the "bad boys" any day of the year. In the early stages if I'm really into a woman, I want her to know that I will be there for her when she needs me, cause that's what I want too.

 

When a woman shows a level of interest I feel comfortable with, I feed off of her. My "nice guy" qualities shine through and my actions are unique. I have never used the same line twice or did the same romantic things repeatedly to any two women because in my mind I want each woman to feel special. When it is true, it is not hard to think of new ways to woo a woman, it comes natural and cannot be forced. I think a level of comfortability needs to be established, but as you say never to the level of boring. I just think sometimes either a woman isn't ready or thinks I am full of s&*t when in fact I am not. Hard to tell.

[mental_traveller]

Well, I can explain it all with 2 simple points.

 

Someone who is not ever going to be your soulmate will be put off if you come on strong, but will be intrigued if you represent a challenge and withdraw a bit after getting her interest.

 

Someone who could well be a soulmate will just love interest from you, no matter how strong or overbearing, and will reciprocate.

 

So, if you want successful dating with a string of women you will never want to settle down with (which is the case for many men), then you have to play some games to maximise your chances. But if you just want to meet a soulmate, then forget the games, just be yourself, and view all this confusing behaviour as simply a great way to weed out the also-rans.

 

Be aware though that it can take years to find a soulmate, they don't exactly grow on trees.

[AHIWON]

Good words MT. Watch for red flags. There are lots so ya gotta research to figure the whole friggin' thing out.

[Trialbyfire]

Forgive the cynicism but there aren't too many true nice guys or girls out there. There are many people who want to appear nice but when it comes down to it, it's not real altruism. Everyone has an inner arsehole, some people with dominant inner arseholes, others with smaller ones.

 

In defense of niceness, the majority of people are decent, hardworking individuals who care about a limited circle of others that they interact with.

[lindya]

Forgive the cynicism but there aren't too many true nice guys or girls out there. There are many people who want to appear nice but when it comes down to it, it's not real altruism. Everyone has an inner arsehole, some people with dominant inner arseholes, others with smaller ones.

 

In defense of niceness, the majority of people are decent, hardworking individuals who care about a limited circle of others that they interact with.

 

I thoroughly agree. To compensate for my earlier impolite behaviour on this thread, here are a couple of cartoons.

 

http://www.big-big-truck.com/comics/sensitiveguy/sensitiveguy2.gif

 

http://www.somethingpositive.net/sp02142004.shtml

[pelagicsands]

There are many people who want to appear nice but when it comes down to it, it's not real altruism. Everyone has an inner arsehole, some people with dominant inner arseholes, others with smaller ones.

Wow. You know your stuff.

It has two anal sphincters, one internal, the other external.

I suggest that one should go ahead and slip a finger in there. A gentle, circular motion should give you all the answers you are looking for.