For all you Nice Guys Out there

[Mary3]

Wow. You know your stuff.

 

I suggest that one should go ahead and slip a finger in there. A gentle, circular motion should give you all the answers you are looking for.

 

Its true most P***S don't even bother being nice. At least you know what you are getting in the beginning....

[Trialbyfire]

I thoroughly agree. To compensate for my earlier impolite behaviour on this thread, here are a couple of cartoons.

 

http://www.somethingpositive.net/sp02142004.shtml

 

The last balloon caption did it for me. Thanks for the laugh.

 

Wow. You know your stuff.

No, I know myself and aren't afraid to admit that I have a dominant inner arsehole, same as when I'm moved by some of the threads on LS and want to help.

[mental_traveller]

As for "nice guys" finishing last, I don't agree. I'd say I'm a nice guy overall, and I don't have any problem getting women.

 

Also, what is this whole jerk thing anyway? I don't actually know any jerks, it's not like there are loads of them around. The vast majority of guys I know are fairly pleasant and have girlfriends. According to the vitriol and whining on this thread, they should all be celibate dateless virgins, and a handful of unemployed drug addicts would be banging their girlfriends. I suspect that said women would find it hilarious that people on this thread think they'd prefer a violent dropout loser over a friendly and polite guy with a good job.

[pelagicsands]

No, I know myself and aren't afraid to admit that I have a dominant inner arsehole, same as when I'm moved by some of the threads on LS

Yes, LS is a great way to keep regular.

, and I don't have any problem getting women.

Actually, it's the keeping part that jerks excel at.

[lindya]

As for "nice guys" finishing last, I don't agree. I'd say I'm a nice guy overall, and I don't have any problem getting women.

 

Also, what is this whole jerk thing anyway? I don't actually know any jerks, it's not like there are loads of them around.

 

You're evidently not seeing things blackly and whitely enough.

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Splitting_(psychology)

 

The link doesn't work.

 

Splitting can be explained as thinking purely in extremes, e.g. good versus bad, powerful versus defenceless and so on. A two-year-old child cannot see a person, who does something unpleasant to the child (e.g. not feeding him when he is hungry), as possessing just one or a few bad characteristic(s). This is too complicated for the not yet fully developed brain. The other can only been seen as all bad at that moment in time. However, when this person gratifies the child, he will be perceived as all good again. Splitting can be seen as a developmental stage and as a defence mechanism.

[pelagicsands]

The vast majority of guys I know are fairly pleasant and have girlfriends.

And that's the key - fairly pleasant. Their girlfriends are hanging around because they are not afraid to show some unpleasantness. Being a jerk all the time is hard work. It's best dealt out in small doses. Keeps them interested, you see.

[lindya]

The last balloon caption did it for me. Thanks for the laugh.

 

My favourite is his solo moment of abject self pity in the second last caption. I really feel that at that point in the cartoon he should break into song. Mr Cellophane from Chicago would be a good one.

[Trialbyfire]

My favourite is his solo moment of abject self pity in the second last caption. I really feel that at that point in the cartoon he should break into song. Mr Cellophane from Chicago would be a good one.

Hahahaha...

 

Transparent...unimpressive, undistinguished...

[Salicious Crumb]

In defense of niceness, the majority of people are decent, hardworking individuals who care about a limited circle of others that they interact with.

 

I use to be one of those until about 8 months ago. If my wife wanted a bad boy...she sure as hell has one now...and I guarantee you one thing...she wishes she had that loving husband back that would sneak up behind her and nibble on her earlobe almost every day....among alot of other things.

[Trialbyfire]

I use to be one of those until about 8 months ago. If my wife wanted a bad boy...she sure as hell has one now...and I guarantee you one thing...she wishes she had that loving husband back that would sneak up behind her and nibble on her earlobe almost every day....among alot of other things.

I can understand your cynicism. I was once a romantic too but...I won't let it make me bitter. There's someone out there for me and for you too.

[Salicious Crumb]

I can understand your cynicism. I was once a romantic too but...I won't let it make me bitter. There's someone out there for me and for you too.

 

Well..even though its getting closer to me getting lawyer and filing for divorce...even if that does happen...I'm 38 and I won't be committing to anyone else from here out.

Probably won't even date...and if I do....absolutely NO emotional attachments. That is shi!t I don't need in my life any longer.

 

I admire your optimism Trial....you sound like a wonderful woman.

Me on the other hand...I just won't be getting walked all over ever again.

[Trialbyfire]

Well..even though its getting closer to me getting lawyer and filing for divorce...even if that does happen...I'm 38 and I won't be committing to anyone else from here out.

Probably won't even date...and if I do....absolutely NO emotional attachments. That is shi!t I don't need in my life any longer.

 

I admire your optimism Trial....you sound like a wonderful woman.

Me on the other hand...I just won't be getting walked all over ever again.

The legal hassles are no fun, especially when one party has been dragging their heels continuously. 38 isn't old. You're just not ready and haven't found the right person. Take your time. It's what I'm doing. This is my time for me to get my head on straight.

 

Thanks SC. I think I've got a few things to offer.

[JCD]

I have never met a woman that would find me being a gentleman a turn off. In fact a good woman friend of mine is giving me hugs and likes when I open car door for her. She actually got me started on hugs because before I didn't do them as where I come from they're not a custom.

 

I only have experience with women in my workplace and most of them are very nice and are looking for a nice guy. I'm a nice guy with a backbone and I've been asked out a lot of times by these women. It's funny, they will go thru a check list with me, I guess they are tired of playing games. Most women prefer a guy that has a backbone but is mature and won't treat them bad. Granted, these woman are in their 30's and up but even the younger ones are fed up with bad boys. A nice girl that is into me now, just threw out a bad guy because he was being physically abusive to her. I don't think most guys are bad and I've noticed that those who are, they are with an equally bad woman. Misery loves company and all that.

 

So if you had your heart ripped off and stomped on then don't give up the chase. It simply means that you found the wrong girl and need to keep on looking. I know, it's heartbreaking and you want to avoid the pain of going thru that again but I felt like that and now I have a new prospect so things are looking up again. I think this one might be a better choice for me and that's good because I'm learning to avoid the bad girls. One thing I've noticed is that I now branch off from my initial view of the perfect woman for me, mainly in looks and I find that it's not the looks that count but the girl's personality and maturity that counts.

[what?]

I have never met a woman that would find me being a gentleman a turn off. In fact a good woman friend of mine is giving me hugs and likes when I open car door for her. She actually got me started on hugs because before I didn't do them as where I come from they're not a custom.

 

So if you had your heart ripped off and stomped on then don't give up the chase. It simply means that you found the wrong girl and need to keep on looking. I One thing I've noticed is that I now branch off from my initial view of the perfect woman for me, mainly in looks and I find that it's not the looks that count but the girl's personality and maturity that counts.

 

_________________________________________________________________

 

JCD,

 

This is what I've been wanting to hear from a live human. Excellent attitude! As long as I know there is another lady out there that still appreciates this kind of thing, I am not a lost cause! A leopard cannot change his spots. I will continue to be me, and one day I will get there! It worked before, and it will work again! It's refreshing to hear positive things for once! Thanks for your feedback!

[RedneckRomeo]

Here's my 2 cents (might be 4 cents - its kinda long)

 

The kind of guy a woman really goes for varies by the era. Before, it used to be that women really loved 'Nice Guys' that were polite and opened doors and did everything to please them. However - those of you who say you're a nice guy and that nice guys finish last must be stuck in an outdated era.

 

We - as nice guys - must change with the times. Go out and party on weekends. Look at other girls. Dance with them too. Joke around. Have a rude comment every once in a while when around friends. have fun.

 

but when you are with her - show her (not tell her) that you care for her. Make her feel like the only lady out there who is right for you. Don't constantly buy her gifts - that might feel more like a bribe. But do give her things when it is really special and the timing is right. (Friend of mine lost earrings. I found them and they were broken. I bought a new pair without her knowing, and gave them to her. It wasn't much - but it was really sweet in her eyes. Extra points for the thoughtfulness).

 

Have fun with her, but allow her to be her own woman, and show her that you can be your own man too. I don't think women these days want someone who needs them all the time. I don't think men want that either. We want some level of independence - to live our lives as individuals as well as a couple. If we are kind, caring, thoughful when the time is right - we, as nice guys, will prevail in woo-ing the girl of our dreams.

[BlueSoul]

My sister's boyfriend is a complete jerk. I hope they break up soon.

[fassaction]

Let me say this. After being married for 20+ years I went through a brief separation. During that time I didn't date but I did go out with friends.

 

I was amazed. Guys had like a script. EVERY MAN would come up to you and say the exact same thing. Your beautiful, your special, your H must be an idiot, and (my favorite - atleast a bit unique-) what is he gay?

 

These things after a woman has heard them become like lines. After that I told my single guy friends - "don't ever tell a woman she is beautiful". That said, women want to feel that a man is attracted to them. The answer is to SHOW her by your actions and how you respond to her.

 

I cannot however answer for a dating relationship as I wasn't dating.

 

I couldnt have said it better myself. Unfortunately, the men in this world who are overly nice RUIN their own chances with women. Its not that being a nice guy doesnt get you anywhere, but a lot of women see overly nice men as spinless wussbags.

 

Take me....i am nice, BUT.....i dont play the overly nice game. I like to joke around, i bust on girls and play with their heads a little. Poke fun at them. All in the same, i walk around with a good feeling about myself. I am confident...but not cocky.

 

Women like a man who is confident and one that doesnt portray a role of an ass kisser. Kissing a womans ass never gets you where you want to be.

 

again, this is just my personal opinion...

[IpAncA]

If that works for you then do it.

[luvtoto]

Men want quick affection, sex, and security with a woman. And THEN they want the space and relaxed distance.

 

Women want space and relaxed distance. And THEN they want affection, sex, and a build-up of trust and security.

 

 

If you come on too strong with a woman in a new relationship, it will backfire.

[che_jesse]

Women want space and relaxed distance. And THEN they want affection, sex, and a build-up of trust and security.

 

 

If you come on too strong with a woman in a new relationship, it will backfire.

 

What?

 

What the hell is that even supposed to mean?

[knaveman]

why does everyone always equate being a nice guy with also being spineless. We all have our moments, some more than others, but nice does not mean wimp. It only means I am not an a-hole.

[lindya]

why does everyone always equate being a nice guy with also being spineless. We all have our moments, some more than others, but nice does not mean wimp. It only means I am not an a-hole.

 

 

I think it's just because a lot of very venting, misogynistic, bitter posts are placed on this board by guys who claim to be "nice guys". For me, the drip, drip effect takes place and I start to feel a knee-jerk, negative reaction against the phrase "nice guy" because I associate it with men who adopt a pious air while nurturing all kinds of destructive hostility against my gender.

 

That's the effect of this board for you. Out in the real world I think of nice guys as being men who have appealing personalities and manners, and who are pleasant and fun to be around. Having sexual and romantic chemistry with a genuinely nice, down to earth guy is the best thing that can happen to a woman - and the drama, games and seduction manuals that embittered "former nice guys" get addicted to reading about (and attempting to put into practice) are no substitute whatsoever.

[luvtoto]

I think it's just because a lot of very venting, misogynistic, bitter posts are placed on this board by guys who claim to be "nice guys". For me, the drip, drip effect takes place and I start to feel a knee-jerk, negative reaction against the phrase "nice guy" because I associate it with men who adopt a pious air while nurturing all kinds of destructive hostility against my gender.

 

That's the effect of this board for you. Out in the real world I think of nice guys as being men who have appealing personalities and manners, and who are pleasant and fun to be around. Having sexual and romantic chemistry with a genuinely nice, down to earth guy is the best thing that can happen to a woman - and the drama, games and seduction manuals that embittered "former nice guys" get addicted to reading about (and attempting to put into practice) are no substitute whatsoever.

I agree, Lindya. 'Nice guys' have a way of shooting themselves in the foot while getting to know a woman.

 

If I am trying to get to know a guy and he starts, right out the gate, with how he is tired of always getting rejected by women and has no clue why, I lose interest and fast. Talking that way is not an attractive trait.

 

I've seen it time and time again though. A guy is not going to appear interesting/attractive to a woman by playing on our sympathy.

[garnet]

For most of my life I have always been attracted to so-called "bad boys." I stopped dating altogether for a few years to focus on getting my life together and making myself happy, which I've done. About six months ago I met a new guy, and the chemistry between us is HOT. He is not, in any way, a bad boy. He is sweet, considerate, well-mannered, and yes, NICE...but he does not kiss my ass in any way. He has a great life/career and does his own thing. But he lets me know I am special to him.

 

There has been no game-playing whatsoever, and it feels SO refreshing and healthy. I feel like the luckiest woman on earth to have met this incredible man, so I'm praying that it lasts and that I'll never go back to "bad boys" ever again!

[Topper]

Let me say this. After being married for 20+ years I went through a brief separation. During that time I didn't date but I did go out with friends.

 

I was amazed. Guys had like a script. EVERY MAN would come up to you and say the exact same thing. Your beautiful, your special, your H must be an idiot, and (my favorite - atleast a bit unique-) what is he gay?

 

These things after a woman has heard them become like lines. After that I told my single guy friends - "don't ever tell a woman she is beautiful". That said, women want to feel that a man is attracted to them. The answer is to SHOW her by your actions and how you respond to her.

 

I cannot however answer for a dating relationship as I wasn't dating.

 

The OP was saying he was treating the woman in an old fashion way. Opening doors and doing the small courtesies . That I would think shows woman that you think she is special.

I'll remember to never tell a woman she is beautiful. next time I meet a woman who i am attracted to , Ill just say, Yeah you'll . At least i won't have to put a bag over your head. Just gone by the time I wake up. that should be a surefire line to make her fall in love:rolleyes:

You woman seem to be speaking the same language. It sound the same. but never seems to mean the same thing.