I want her back in my life

[low_fat-al]

This is the short version. My ex-girlfriend of 1 year and 8 months split up with me on November the 8th. It was her terms not mine. She decided she needed to be alone. I believe the fear of marriage and her age scared her (she is 22). We no longer talk and it kills me. She was my best friend and we had a very special relationship. She still hangs out with one of my best friends and some of his friends. I find it really hard to get over her and move when she is still in the picture some where. I haven't gone a day without thinking about her and how much I miss her. I do know she isn't dating anyone and doesn't want to. I am so wanting her back in my life it makes me very ill. I told my best friend that see's her on occasion that I can't talk to him for a while. It kills me to hear about her when I can't be around her anymore. I basically want her to know that I would be willing to wait for her if you she wanted me back. I know that is silly but I feel so incomplete without her. I will probably meet someone else but I will do the automatic camparison and never be happy. I could never replace what I had with her. Do I sound stupid and hopless or what?

 

low-fat-al

[Tony T]

In my life, I've had to get over a number of ladies I thought I just couldn't live without but time has a way of healing and the universe has a way of presenting more and more ladies we just can't live without...and each time the situations get better and better if we open ourselves up to it.

 

Right now, you are going through the loss of someone you loved dearly and what you're feeling is normal. But what you have to learn is that love is as much about timing as anything and you can't force it. Waiting around for her to come around is wrong, wrong, wrong. There's a good chance that when it's time for her to commit to somebody, she won't be seeing you. It could take years and years if indeed she has the fear you describe.

 

Then again, if the right circumstances present themselves, maybe she won't have that fear. Don't screw your mind up thinking about it. Just celebrate the fact that, for whatever reason, she has chosen to terminate the relationship rather than jerk you around for a period of time. People who are sane, have all their marbles intact, don't normally terminate a relationship if they are happy...not even if they are fearful. It would be real easy for her to stay in the relationship and just keep it at its current level...and let you know.

 

She may very well have been unhappy with herself and, yes, the fear could have been getting to her. But for whatever reason, she ended the relationship because it was wrong for her at the time. When you finally realize the biggest display of true love is letting the beloved go, you will live a truly happy life and move forward to find someone else you can love in deeper, richer ways and who will be ready to accept it graciously and be glad in it.

 

Take your time getting over this but realize it just wasn't the right timing. You'll be fine in time.

 

If you have a best friend who you have to avoid because he would talk about your ex, you ought to write him off too. A friend who can't keep his mouth shut as a kindness to you is totally worthless. Pick your friends better.

[Froggie]

You said you have not talked to her. Your words in your post seem like you don't know 100% what happened in your relationship.

 

Why don't you call her and ask her (as a favor for old times' sake) to really let you know what happened. No pressure. Let her tell you exactly what caused the breakup. And then you can let her know that you are still open to a relationship, if she wanted.

 

She may tell you that she is through with you. For whatever reasons she stated earlier. The only reason I am suggesting this is that unless you know exactly what it is that caused her to want to break up with you, you can't really make a decision or tell her that you would wait if she changed her mind.

 

This will be a painful process, but at least you will know for sure.

 

But you need to talk to her DIRECTLY. No friends, no intermediaries, etc. Otherwise she'll think you have no guts.

 

And if she is anything like me, she won't respect you otherwise.