Not_That_Innocent Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 You may have read my other post about my FWB relationship with a guy I work with. I posted about how he is sometimes mean to me, always wants $$ from me, is using me, etc., etc. Well, last week I decided I wasn't going to contact him anymore because of being sick of the way he treats me. Not contacting him worked well because I don't think he could stand the fact that I wasn't pining over him like usual. The other night we talked on the phone for two hours when normally our conversations are more like two minutes. Then, last night HE asked ME if we could get together after work tonight. I thought for sure he would cancel (like usual) but he still didn't. I suggested that we just watch a movie, nothing physical and he said that he would like that. I went to his house, we talked for a bit and started to watch the movie. Then, all of a sudden he couldn't keep his hands off of me. Long story short, we did the deed, which I wanted to do but didn't dare tell him that. He hinted around about how he wanted me to spend the night, but I didn't know how to take the hints because he is moody sometimes and I didn't want to read too much into it. After the deed, we started watching the movie again then I told him that I was ready to leave - before the movie ended. He got really quiet, and I took that as he really did want me to leave. Once I was ready to go he made the comment "I can't believe you're leaving me." He walked me to the door, still really quiet and said that we would get together soon. Keep in mind, the whole time I was thinking that he was happy to see me go. I figured I would leave and not talk to him for a few days. (We work together, but not in the same office.) He just called me a few minutes ago. Like I said, I figured I wouldn't hear from him for a few days because that's just the way he is. He started the conversation by saying that he just finished the movie. Then he said that the next time he puts an offer out there for me to stay that I need to take it. I explained to him how I thought he was tired, etc., etc. He told me that I shouldn't try and think for him and that he feels rejected because I left and that he really wanted to sleep next to me. It totally shocked the heck out of me, one because he called to tell me that, two because if you read my other posts he tends to blow me off and hurt my feelings a lot. I'm sure that a lot of what he is feeling is just an ego thing, but I don't care. I'm just happy that finally, finally, I made him feel like he makes me feel - and I wasn't even trying to do it! Score one for me! I am so happy right now. Perhaps I shouldn't be since he feels rejected - but I feel so good that he knows what it feels like to be me! Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 I'm still on a high from his phone call last night. So much so that I thought about not calling him at all today because I know it will drive him nuts. Is that bad? Okay, I can answer that for myself. I shouldn't play games, but damn it feels so good to be on the other side of things. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Not_That_Innocent Posted March 22, 2007 Author Share Posted March 22, 2007 Sorry if this ends up being posted twice. I was somehow signed in as a guest so it will take 24-48 hrs for my most recent post to appear. Basically what I said is that I am still on a high from his phone call last night. As a result of that I thought about not calling him at all today because it will probably drive him nuts. I shouldn't play games, but he deserves to feel bad considering all the times he hurt me w/o regard to my feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Not_That_Innocent Posted March 23, 2007 Author Share Posted March 23, 2007 Here's the latest - I did call him yesterday before work. He was in a really good mood and actually thanked me for calling. The conversation was short but he said that he would call me later at work. I thought, yeah right, but he did call - four or five times in fact. He said the reason he kept calling is because he was thinking about me. We didn't talk after work and I was strong and didn't call him, but I did send him a short text saying "Sweet dreams" He didn't text me back, but I'm not disappointed. Haven't heard from him yet today and don't plan to call or text him this weekend. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Not_That_Innocent Posted March 24, 2007 Author Share Posted March 24, 2007 Okay - here's the latest. Keep in mind the reason I continue to give updates on this situation because it makes me feel good. Besides, someday I will be able to look back at this and laugh. He called me shortly after the above post. We talked for a few minutes and he was sweet as pie. He said that he would call me later at work, but he never did. No big deal because afterall, we were at work and he was probably busy because I know I was. I had to drive over to his office after work to drop off paperwork, which is what I am responsible for every Friday night. He drove right by me, didn't wave, or beep, or anything. The good thing is neither did I!! Thought maybe he would call me a few minutes later but he didn't - but I didn't call him either and I won't! The last time we talked the ball was in his court so I'm not going to call him. I realize how much of a game I'm playing, but I don't care! The way he has treated me at times, he's just playing games with me, too. For anyone that cares - I will keep you posted! Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted March 24, 2007 Share Posted March 24, 2007 Sounds like he just got a taste of his own dinner...he dished out to you... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Not_That_Innocent Posted March 25, 2007 Author Share Posted March 25, 2007 I still haven't heard from him and I was weak and broke down and called him yesterday afternoon and he hasn't called back. Perhaps he will call later tonight but I'm not going to answer. Otherwise, he will think that I've been waiting for his call ... which I have been ... but he will never know that! Ah, the games we play. Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted March 26, 2007 Share Posted March 26, 2007 I still haven't heard from him and I was weak and broke down and called him yesterday afternoon and he hasn't called back. Perhaps he will call later tonight but I'm not going to answer. Otherwise, he will think that I've been waiting for his call ... which I have been ... but he will never know that! Ah, the games we play. Shut your phone off until you decide you don't need to play games to keep him interested. If this is too much * work * then you need to forget this guy. If he LIKES you he will SHOW it. If not , his loss and MOVE on ! Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted March 26, 2007 Share Posted March 26, 2007 I'll agree. He's aware he's got you back on the hook and has decided to play you some more. The boy (no man would do that) is poison. Walk away. Link to post Share on other sites
bridget_jones Posted March 26, 2007 Share Posted March 26, 2007 I guess I'm asking myself what is the problem here? There isn't one because it is an FWB thing and with those there are absolutely no expectations. So if you are getting hurt and upset over it, then you'd better just get out of it. He's not exhibiting the behavior of a man in love, just a man who wants his sex. Newsflash: Not calling a man is not playing games. A man who cares about you and wants to talk to you calls everyday anyway because hearing your voice is the highlight of his day. I'm not getting the impression from this guy. Link to post Share on other sites
bridget_jones Posted March 26, 2007 Share Posted March 26, 2007 Besides, someday I will be able to look back at this and laugh. Laugh about what, that you let a guy use you for sex? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Not_That_Innocent Posted March 26, 2007 Author Share Posted March 26, 2007 Laugh about what, that you let a guy use you for sex? Why is it that only men can use women for sex and not the other way around? Afterall, it's a FWB relationship, so we are using each other. What I meant about looking back on this and laughing is that someday none of this will matter because we will have moved on. What's tough about this situation is that we agreed upfront to be just friends, which is what I want - but for some women it starts to become difficult to separate the feelings from the sex. Once I realized that I was becoming too emotionally involved I began to pull back, which is why I started the NC. I honestly only want to be friends with him- friends with benefits that is. He's not the type of man I would want to have a relationship with beyond anything sexual. But again, my emotions were starting to get wrapped up in the sex and that is where the problem came in because I think he started to notice. The original point of this thread was to say that I was shocked because he finally showed some emotion when he said that I rejected him. It made me feel good to know that he was somewhat wrapped up in the emotion of it, too. I continue to give updates on the situation because it's better for me to document my feelings than to lay it all on him or give him the impression I want to move beyond friends. I can't help the fact the emotion was starting to come through and I desparately want to change that. But at the same time, I'm not ready to give up on the sex right now so I have to play these games to stay sane. Sorry if that offends anyone, but that is what I have decided to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Groovy Posted March 26, 2007 Share Posted March 26, 2007 There is nothing wrong with you using him for sex, like you said men do it all the time. Just keep in mind some people get hurt when they do the FWB, men and women. I know I have tried it and prefer just to be alone because I get hurt. Not to say he does, but it sounds like he may care and has a hard time expressing himself. May I ask his age, as younger men do that more often and even older men? Part of the problem is that he may have an issue getting close to people, it's always easier to have a meaningless relationship with nothing at stake. Neither one has to show their insides and open up to anyone. I lay all my cards on the table with people and sometimes I scare people away with what I have to say, but I'm really not up for putting acts on for anyone and being someone I'm not. When I am with someone who has a hard time sharing, I encourage them to be real. You are encouraging someone to not be so real. If they don't reciprocate back they weren't worth your time or right for you but with games you never stand a chance of finding out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Not_That_Innocent Posted March 27, 2007 Author Share Posted March 27, 2007 There is nothing wrong with you using him for sex, like you said men do it all the time. Just keep in mind some people get hurt when they do the FWB, men and women. I know I have tried it and prefer just to be alone because I get hurt. Not to say he does, but it sounds like he may care and has a hard time expressing himself. May I ask his age, as younger men do that more often and even older men? Part of the problem is that he may have an issue getting close to people, it's always easier to have a meaningless relationship with nothing at stake. Neither one has to show their insides and open up to anyone. I lay all my cards on the table with people and sometimes I scare people away with what I have to say, but I'm really not up for putting acts on for anyone and being someone I'm not. When I am with someone who has a hard time sharing, I encourage them to be real. You are encouraging someone to not be so real. If they don't reciprocate back they weren't worth your time or right for you but with games you never stand a chance of finding out. You know, you're right. I am encouraging him to not be real. But it seems like once I started to pull away he started to show more of himself and allowed himself to be vulnerable. He is 35, never married. I think he probably has problems with intimacy. Perhaps he is a real life Jerry McGuire. (ha ha - that's one of my favorite movies.) He called me this afternoon and said that he had been thinking about me all day. I didn't even ask why he never called me back over the weekend, but he made some comment about watching the minutes on his phone. We only talked for a short time, but he called me at work. He again made the statement that he had been thinking about me all day - then he quickly said, well - just a little bit. As though he has a problem being vulnerable. He even said let's get together twice this week and watch a couple more movies. I said okay, then he asked if I heard him when he said "twice." Oh, and when we got off the phone earlier today he said "I miss you" - totally different than his usual self ... but I like it! However, I will be careful as to not get too caught up in what he says,'cause afterall, words are only words. I will know if he means what he said by his actions. Link to post Share on other sites
bridget_jones Posted March 27, 2007 Share Posted March 27, 2007 He's saying sweet and nice things not out of showing emotion, but because he wants to get laid, hon. Guys who are really into a woman don't go a whole weekend without calling, and coming over to hang out, watch movies, and have sex is not emotions, either, it's him wantin' his sex. the being "sweet" and "emotional" as you call it is him keeping you on the line to keep giving him sex. When he buys you roses and asks you out for dinner and calls you daily and wants to date you without it always involving sex, then let us know. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Not_That_Innocent Posted March 27, 2007 Author Share Posted March 27, 2007 He's saying sweet and nice things not out of showing emotion, but because he wants to get laid, hon. Guys who are really into a woman don't go a whole weekend without calling, and coming over to hang out, watch movies, and have sex is not emotions, either, it's him wantin' his sex. the being "sweet" and "emotional" as you call it is him keeping you on the line to keep giving him sex. When he buys you roses and asks you out for dinner and calls you daily and wants to date you without it always involving sex, then let us know. He doesn't have to do all that to have sex with me ... obviously. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Not_That_Innocent Posted March 28, 2007 Author Share Posted March 28, 2007 We got together last night and had the best time! We made a lot of progress in understanding one another. He opened up to me a lot, told me some very private things about himself and even said that he has to be careful not to fall in love with me. The other day I sent him a "Thinking of You" card in the mail, nothing mushy but it really touched him. He said it was the nicest thing anyone has done for him in a long time. When I went to his apt. I was surprised to see the card sitting out on a shelf on display. He said that he keeps reading it over and over again and described how when he saw it in the mail his heart started pounding really fast in a good way. I spent the night and once we went to bed he snuggled with me the whole time. I tried to pull away several times and he grabbed me and held me tighter. Don't get me wrong, I still think it's all about the sex, but I think he has realized I am in his corner and how much he needs that right now and that beyond the sex I am a true friend. Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted March 28, 2007 Share Posted March 28, 2007 We got together last night and had the best time! We made a lot of progress in understanding one another. He opened up to me a lot, told me some very private things about himself and even said that he has to be careful not to fall in love with me. The other day I sent him a "Thinking of You" card in the mail, nothing mushy but it really touched him. He said it was the nicest thing anyone has done for him in a long time. When I went to his apt. I was surprised to see the card sitting out on a shelf on display. He said that he keeps reading it over and over again and described how when he saw it in the mail his heart started pounding really fast in a good way. I spent the night and once we went to bed he snuggled with me the whole time. I tried to pull away several times and he grabbed me and held me tighter. Don't get me wrong, I still think it's all about the sex, but I think he has realized I am in his corner and how much he needs that right now and that beyond the sex I am a true friend. I heard this the other day from a friend : " In a relationship everyone wants something " Its true , he may want sex , you may want someone to cuddle with . I admit I love the sex but look for someone who is going to treat me well . Link to post Share on other sites
Author Not_That_Innocent Posted March 29, 2007 Author Share Posted March 29, 2007 I heard this the other day from a friend : " In a relationship everyone wants something " Its true , he may want sex , you may want someone to cuddle with . I admit I love the sex but look for someone who is going to treat me well . Thanks, Mary. I appreciate the way your posts are honest but never rude. Link to post Share on other sites
bridget_jones Posted March 29, 2007 Share Posted March 29, 2007 He doesn't have to do all that to have sex with me ... obviously. It's really sad that you'll accept less than that for yourself. Even after reading that above....you're settling. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Not_That_Innocent Posted March 29, 2007 Author Share Posted March 29, 2007 It's really sad that you'll accept less than that for yourself. Even after reading that above....you're settling. What we have is FWB, he's not my boyfriend and we're not dating so I can't expect him to bring me flowers, take me out to dinner, call me every day, etc. Those things would be nice, but can't be expected in the type of relationship we have. So I guess you're right, I am setttling ... for what I agreed to in the beginning. Link to post Share on other sites
sunshinegirl Posted March 29, 2007 Share Posted March 29, 2007 If you really only want sex from this guy, why are you sending him "Thinking of You" cards? From the way you describe the situation, it sounds like you are leading him on. I don't really get what you want out of this. Link to post Share on other sites
mike7070 Posted March 29, 2007 Share Posted March 29, 2007 In a FWB relationship both parties get a benefit.....usually sex... In some FWB's.... one partner gets money and presents.......another term for this is prostitution. So if a=b and b=c then a must equal c.... Therefore your friend is a hooker.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Not_That_Innocent Posted March 29, 2007 Author Share Posted March 29, 2007 If you really only want sex from this guy, why are you sending him "Thinking of You" cards? From the way you describe the situation, it sounds like you are leading him on. I don't really get what you want out of this. I sent him the card because I was thinking of him. I don't know if you have ever been in this type of relationship, but it's hard to continually have sex with someone without caring about them as a person. Well, maybe it is for men, but not for most women. I sent him the card because I figured it would surprise him and make him feel good. I don't know about you, but all I ever get in the mail is bills and junk mail. If someone were to send me a card it would make me feel good, and that is what I was trying to do. As far as what I want out of this - I guess I want cake and I want to eat it, too. Going into the relationship my only desire was sex. The sexual chemistry between us is crazy hot!! But the more I am with him the more I care about him as a person, even though I don't want to be exclusive with him. It's hard to explain. I want the sex, I want his attention, I guess I want it all w/o actually being in a relationship. I suppose it's a head game I am playing because as long as I keep telling myself he's not mine it makes it easier to continue to be physical with him. It's twisted I know, but everything about FWB is twisted. I'm not intentionally trying to lead him on but I see how it could seem that way. But if that's the case, he's leading me on, too. It's twisted, but it's also very exciting. And thanks Mike, your point is a good one. We both get the sex, he gets sex, $$ and presents. Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted March 29, 2007 Share Posted March 29, 2007 FWB's are put there for a * reason *. They offer great sex and maybe dinner but they make awful boyfriends. They don't do the things a great bf does do so we put them in the * rock my world in bed * category. Its fully understandable . I am not as free with the FWB scene as I used to be but rather FWM thats : Friends With Myself , because eventually you get tired of being used and its nice to just come home to yourself , lol Link to post Share on other sites
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