I'm being replaced

[polywog]

Hi All,

For those of you who haven't read my threads, the summary:

SO ends 9yr LTR beaks up with me in Jan., I have lived with him in his home (which I made into a real home after his years here as a batchelor with roomates, kind of a party house crash pad) for 8 years, and am devastated and am doing my best to move out and on, holding onto hope more than I realize until the very end. Plan to be out of here soon, leaving the house (most of the furniture etc is mine) has been hard for me. Emotionally and finacially, etc. It's the biggest test of my life, really.

 

My ex's reason for being unhappy & breaking it up is that I am "too fat": I weigh 120 and am 5'4", yes... it's bizzare and warped. An am attractive by anyone's standards but his. Yes, I should see that he's not good enough for me, but I loved him and it's not so simple.

 

Found out last week that he is seeing someone else and was surprised, and that she's sort of a sweet, simple childlike woman with lots of bagage, that people who know her think it won't last, etc. She's a flakey, lost-soul type, they say, but I would like to think she's an OK person Nevertheless, he seems to have been living with her in her rooming house while I'm still in the home and reports are that he's "smitten". Fair enough, he's moved on. Yucky news for me, though.

 

He told me, when I asked him, his what will happen here, that after I move out he plans to have room mates, probably people who work for him (he has a cab company).

 

OK, this morning I went into the garage to find something and found loads of bags and luggage in there. Of course I peeked in, and they are hers. Clothes, make-up, etc. It gave me a picture that she's thinner than me, probably the reason the SO is with her, and also that he obviously plans to have her move in. I heard he started seeing her right after he broke up with me, BTW.

 

Well, geez, it's just such a blow. I made this place a wonderful home for us, and now some other lover is just waiting for my stuff to be gone so she can move in. I don't blame her, or even him because he's moving on, but what an awful discovery, that I can just be repalced here in his life and home that I made for us. After less than 3 months.

 

The bigger part of me just thinks, well fine... that's life, I truly loved him and would like to see him happy in his new life. Maybe it's the "real thing" for him and a chance at a new good life for her (sounds like she deserves that after hard times). But the idea that I could be replaced in his home so quickly is just harder than hard to fathom.

 

Plus, that I am just so pushed-out so soon, when I am still trying to come to terms with losing something I thought was forever. Can't believe that he found someone he wants to live/be with so quickly.

 

Geez, does it hurt.

[a4a]

poly that sucks. sorry.

 

maybe you should have peed all over her luggage?

 

Actually I think you are still in shock - if I spent 8 years fixing up a house I think I would expect a bit more then just him putting me out.

 

Not sure about the $ you invested in that house but I certainly would not be so apt to just walk out with my tail between my legs.

 

thats me though.

[AHIWON]

Sounds like you would be much better off without him. Pathetic that he would insult your looks after 8 years into a LTR. You don't sound "fat" by any means. The real knife in the back is replacing you so fast. You have not even left yet and some of the other womans stuff is already there. Perhaps they have a longer history than you know about. Forget him and start thinking about yourself. You will find someone you deserve that will treat you much better when you are ready.

 

Laws are different all over the place but here there are components of the law called "constructive trust" and "unjust enrichment" which would entitle you to a share of his house even if it's only in his name. If you have contributed financially or put your own blood sweat and tears into the house then you may be entitled to a percentage of the value of the house. I'd get a lawyer and see if there is anything available to you. Some lawyers offer free consultation for say an hour. Thats enough time to figure out if you have any claim and if you can pursue this.

 

Good luck and stay strong.

[dropdeadlegs]

Being the protective community that LS is, I'm really starting to get pissed at this guy.

 

Fat? OMG, he sounds so shallow. What did you weigh at the beginning? 95 lbs. or something? Your weight is considered perfect for your height. Not too skinny (eewww) and certainly not overweight, even if you have the smallest of bone structures.

 

I have a mind to bring my 138 lb. fat a$$ over there and sit on him until he submits.

 

Make sure you take something valuable of his with you when you go. Assuming he has anything of value.

 

I hope skinny girl has some furniture....not!

 

I just love my polywog!

[shockandawed]

Polywog,

 

That is absolutely pathetic. I agree with DDL, this guy is ticking me off....5'4" and 120 is definitely not fat, and even if it was, so what? My ex fiance probably gained at least 30 lbs during the 3 years we were together. Never bothered me a bit, nor did I notice, because I loved her. In fact, during the breakup, she actually said that I didn't motivate her to lose weight. Because I accepted her the way she was, I was the bad guy???

 

While I never had to move away from my residence so the other guy could move in, I do know the feeling of being replaced immediately. It sucks..... You have that and then some.

 

Only you can decide if you want to examine legal options. I understand the desire, but it may just delay your healing process.

 

Best wishes Polywog, we are here..

[KittenMoon]

Hey Poly-

 

Get pissed off!

 

This guy is being a major douche bag. I think you should let yourself get angry, after all, it's a step in the grieving process.

 

If this guy wants a super-skinny girl, there's probably some major control issue he has. But who cares?- you won't be subjected to it any more!

 

I am very sorry though- the loss of a longstanding life is traumatizing at the very least.

[polywog]

Thanks, all of you, for replying on this very ****ty morning.

 

Can't express my gratitude enough.

 

At least this sh*t is motivating me to move on, tho I see you all know how hard this must be for me after 9 years minus 2 beak-up months and 8 years of living here with no permanent home to go to.

 

a4a, yes it did occur ot me to pee on her clothes! But it's not her fault so I've resisted. She seems kind of pathetic, and I just hope she gains wieght so he starts being a prick to her.

 

Anyhow, time to start seriously packing, and leave him to this mess.

 

love to you's all,

polywog

[a4a]

Hey post his pic so others can avoid him .... skinny girl will probably fatten up and get dumped soon enough. Then he will be out on the prowl again for stick chicks.

 

At least poop in his shoes on the way out the door!

[climbergirl]

Poly, in spite of all this crap-you have an amazingly great attitude.

 

His loss completely. What an idiot.

 

My hope is that you get over this quickly and be very happy.

[Motor35]

GAWD! I am floored! Poly-don't put up with this. Go pour bleach all over her stuff right NOW!

 

I am so sorry you are suffering.

[dropdeadlegs]

Poly, in spite of all this crap-you have an amazingly great attitude.

 

His loss completely. What an idiot.

 

My hope is that you get over this quickly and be very happy.

I couldn't agree more with climbergirl. Your time on LS has been full of positive posts at a time when you have been hurting deeply. I can't imagine living with someone who broke up with me for two months and then finding another woman's belongings in the garage. Ouch! That really stings.

 

Your attitude is so healthy considering the circumstances. I know you are going to be just fine, and you will definitely find happiness soon. This is his loss, for sure.

 

I wish I could drop by and see your new "crib." I bet it's outstanding. I'd help you pack, too. I'm an excellent packer and mover, although I loathe moving.

[RichC]

That's a low down dirty thing to do to you. But....and I hope you don't mind....but...

 

5'4" and 120

 

WOW!!!.....Just right.

[jaycie724]

Well, geez, it's just such a blow. I made this place a wonderful home for us, and now some other lover is just waiting for my stuff to be gone so she can move in. I don't blame her, or even him because he's moving on, but what an awful discovery, that I can just be repalced here in his life and home that I made for us. After less than 3 months.

 

I understand what you're going through to a degree. My fiancee, someone I've been with for 6.5 years, has already replaced me. I guess he began seeing her in November and now not only has be broken up with me, but he's planning on moving out of his and my apartment into a new apartment with her and her child. Its so hurtful because I'm strong, successful and loving. I had everything to offer him in a realtionship but he just replaced me with her. The kicker is that he STILL will not admit it (even after I found a love note from her in his nightstand drawer).

 

I've been going through similar pain with packing and moving on. I'm only leaving an apartment so I cannot imagine how much more difficult it is to leave not only the relationship but the home and garden you put so much time into. I'm not sure what to say to make you feel better, but I wanted to tell you that I do understand, in my own way. I've just been trying to tell myself that he won't be able to replace me - no matter who he moves in with.

 

You are capable of creating a new home - even in an apartment. You can plant your garden either in a community area or on your patio or front porch in nice pots. You can make a new home for yourself - remember that there's a whole lot more to "home" than bricks, drywall, and paint. I have faith that you and I will both be able to make our own homes where we are welcome and happy. Once you've done so, you'll be confident in yourself and will belive that you can't ever be replaced. At least - that's my plan.

[KittenMoon]

Polywog, I think you are right in not defacing her clothing, or even his. You don't want to get in trouble for dstruction of property, right?

 

I would, however, suggest (not jokingly at all) finding a few out of the way places to hide some raw meat or fish cuts, preferably someplace hard to get to. (under floorboards, in vents, etc)

 

I mean, you want to leave their new lovenest in proper fashion, right?

[dropdeadlegs]

Polywog, I think you are right in not defacing her clothing, or even his. You don't want to get in trouble for dstruction of property, right?

 

I would, however, suggest (not jokingly at all) finding a few out of the way places to hide some raw meat or fish cuts, preferably someplace hard to get to. (under floorboards, in vents, etc)

 

I mean, you want to leave their new lovenest in proper fashion, right?

Oh, KittenMoon, you ARE my girl! That's the best I've heard. polywog, please don't heed my advice to take a few valuable items. It's a much better idea to leave some.

 

*Disclaimer - I did not mean to imply that thievery is acceptable in my previous post and retract my statement to the contrary.*

[Storyrider]

So sorry Poly. You are really cool and I like you a lot. I hope this doesn't weigh on you for long.

 

Maybe you can get some pleasure out of the idea that she has to deal with his BS now, not you.

 

And I'm thinking of revenge ideas too.

 

Maybe call some companies and refer him as someone interested in their products--gym equipment, triple pane windows and aluminum siding. He'll be fielding sales calls all month long.

[a4a]

So sorry Poly. You are really cool and I like you a lot. I hope this doesn't weigh on you for long.

Maybe you can get some pleasure out of the idea that she has to deal with his BS now, not you.

 

And I'm thinking of revenge ideas too.

 

Maybe call some companies and refer him as someone interested in their products--gym equipment, triple pane windows and aluminum siding. He'll be fielding sales calls all month long.

 

Is that some sort of a dig? :p

[Storyrider]

Is that some sort of a dig? :p

 

No...Do you sell things over the phone a4a?

 

I just thought of it as a way for her to annoy him.

[Storyrider]

No...Do you sell things over the phone a4a?

 

I just thought of it as a way for her to annoy him.

 

 

Oh, never mind. I get it now. I must need more coffee.

 

NOoooo. She is the perfect weight. In fact, I am an inch taller and five pounds heavier.

[dropdeadlegs]

Oh, never mind. I get it now. I must need more coffee.

 

NOoooo. She is the perfect weight. In fact, I am an inch taller and five pounds heavier.

Then YOU are the perfect weight, too!

 

I had a friend that called and turned off all his utilities. Electric, gas, phone, cable, internet....It wasn't too evil, but made for a major inconvenience for him!

[AHIWON]

Polywog, I think you are right in not defacing her clothing, or even his. You don't want to get in trouble for dstruction of property, right?

 

I would, however, suggest (not jokingly at all) finding a few out of the way places to hide some raw meat or fish cuts, preferably someplace hard to get to. (under floorboards, in vents, etc)

 

I mean, you want to leave their new lovenest in proper fashion, right?

 

LMAO! Pure distilled evil you are and top notch in my books! I did just that to a classroom of a teacher that gave me an extremely hard time in HS. Drop down ceiling tiles in that case. I'm not sure if I could carry out any kind of revenge tactic now but it sure is fun to think about it.

[KittenMoon]

Just to amend my prior post-

 

Experience (my ex's kitchen sink, specifically) that things rotting stink..... but things rotting in water smell MUCH worse.

[Ssheena]

I'm watching the Justin Timberlake music video - what goes around comes around....

 

Don't stoop to his level. Remember and repeat, I deserve so much more and he will get his yet.

 

It does hurt. Really bad. People handle things so differently. Bouncing from one relationship to another with no time for introspection - hmm...that's a red flag for me.

 

Continue to pack and look towards the future.

 

What goes around comes back around.

 

I hope you have some good friends that are there for you in person as well as all of us here on LS that are here for you in virtual reality.

 

It WILL GET BETTER.

[polywog]

You all are the best:love: I can't thank you enough for you support and revenge ideas.

 

I think I just haven't gotten truly angry, nor have I had a real cry over this...can you believe that? All this grief and I can't let go and cry. I've had a few tears while talking to my pals, mostly of gratitude for their support and love, but not over this devastating break up.

 

I have been practicing NC/LC this entire time which hasn't been hard because he moved out of his house almost immediately after the break-up, on his own, despite my not asking him to. Plus any contact at all has been initiated by me, he hasn't sought me out to talk, or said anything about what he wants or expects. So I haven't even had a real talk with him about all this (aside from practical stuff, and my moving plans) nor am I sure that it's useful. It's over, he wants it to be, what would be the point in it for me? Any thoughts?

 

This being said, I have so much I want to say to him. About how he is an awful communicator, about my anguish over being replaced so quickly (I don't think he was messing around with this woman, but he might have wanted to and it precipitated the break up), and about something prickish that he did last week that that I posted on an earlier thread of mine (a recap):

 

He had told me to stay as long as I needed to because he knows how hard it is to find a place in this town. He also knows that I was taken off guard and did not have my finances in place for a move. I mentioned over and over that I was looking for a place and he said, "no rush" until last week, when he suddenly decided to move all my stuff out of the bedroom without asking me to do it, telling me that he didn't bother to tell me because "I'd never get around to it anyway". Bullsh*t! A very hostile gesture. evidently some neanderthal cronies of his have been telling him that "I'm taking advantage of him" by still being here! For two months, After all these years! He listened to them! Talk about difsunctional, people (including him, I guess) who live in another universe!

 

I want to say something to him, but how? What? Why? To express all my anger? Is it worth doing that?

 

As for the moving part, while it's awful to leave this home it's also scary becasuse it is very, very hard for a single person to afford to live in this town. It's a real issue here and a big concern in the community at large.

 

It's a summer resort being bought up by rich people, and housing is scarce.

If I'd known I was going to need a place to live, I'd have lived my life differently saving money, etc. A dear friend has offered me a place to live rent free for a few months, with the understanding that it is temporary, but after that? Yikes. I want to stay in this town because of my friends, my career, and because I am an active contributing member of the community, on town boards, etc. I don't want to leave.

 

I'm scared sh*tless of being homeless and poor. It's a fear of the unknown, I guess, because in my guts I feel I'll make it somehow. But the break up is so hard to process at the moment that all this other stuff is really incredibly scary to comprehend. Bleak, I guess.

 

Thanks for listening, and sorry to go on so long. Just needed to talk more about it.

[polywog]

While I was typing away my woes, you all have come up with a brilliant discourse on revenge which made me laugh!